It Must Be Christmas

by Jennifer Crusie

  “Me too,” Robin piped up from across the table.

  “It’s not like that,” she answered, laughing tightly. “Besides, I can handle myself, I promise. Right now I just need something to eat. Like my sweet potato fries that are getting cold.”

  The topic was set aside as they finished their meal, even though Charlie was always aware of Dave back in the far corner, talking and laughing with his pals. Charlie actually thought she might be able to scoot out of the pub and tackle her shopping, and when Josh paid their bill for lunch, she stood and reached for her coat and scarf while Robin excused herself to go to the bathroom.

  Charlie’s hand was nearly in the second sleeve when the weight of her coat disappeared and the hole of her sleeve shifted into a more accessible position. Her tummy flipped over as she realized it had to be Dave, standing close behind her. She shrugged the coat over her shoulders and took a breath. She could do this. She could have a conversation with him without wanting to rip his clothes off.

  She turned around and realized she was wrong. He was just so … everything.

  “Hey,” he said quietly, and her tongue felt thick in her mouth as she struggled to find something cool to say.

  “Hi.”

  It could have been worse. What was it about him that turned her into an idiot?

  “How’ve you been?”

  “Fine. You?”

  “Not so great, as it happens.”

  “Oh?” She relaxed a little. “Did you get the cold that’s going around? I’ve been seeing people in the office all week.”

  “No,” he said quietly, his gaze locked on hers. “I’ve been wanting to call you since Tuesday, and keep convincing myself I shouldn’t.”

  Boom. Forget relaxed. All her senses went on high alert again.

  “Dave, I…”

  “And that’s why. I didn’t want to hear you turn me down or scramble to find an excuse to say no.”

  She wanted to explain, but it would sound so terribly juvenile to admit to him that she’d watched him for weeks during her lunch hour. That he’d been her guilty little pleasure, a kind of escape from the day-to-day real world. It would sound creepy. Neither was it possible to bring up the other reason—that she was looking for a husband and father to her as-yet unborn children and didn’t think he was that guy. Talk about putting the cart before the horse … That would be enough to send any man running for the hills.

  “Anyway, have a nice weekend, Charlie. It was good to see you.” He peeked into the stroller and a soft smile curved his lips. “You too, sprout,” he said quietly, and she melted all over again.

  And that should have been the end of it. Except she didn’t want him to walk away. What she wanted to do was break free for once from the only kind of existence she’d ever known. One based on pros and cons and logic and safety and security. The one that never took risks. She’d bought the requisite dollhouse cottage on the sea in an idyllic small town with the perfect job, putting all the pieces of the puzzle together to find the life she craved.

  Which, she was quickly realizing, was simply setting herself up for failure.

  “Dave?”

  He turned back.

  “Look, uh…” Wow, she sounded so eloquent and composed. She tried a weak smile. “Do you want to take a walk or something?”

  His gaze warmed. “I thought you’d never ask. Let me ditch the guys and grab my jacket.”

  Robin came from the bathroom. “Oh, you’re ready. Shall we go?”

  “You go ahead,” Charlie said. “Daniel and I are going to catch up on some shopping.”

  Which might have been a good excuse if Dave hadn’t returned in record time. “I’m back.”

  Robin’s grin was wide and her eyes twinkled. “Yes, you are. Well, Charlie, you have fun shopping.” To make matters worse, she winked at them. “I’ll see you Monday morning.”

  “I hate small towns,” Charlie muttered, and Dave chuckled behind her.

  “Oh, come on. They have a certain charm.”

  Charlie pulled on her gloves as they made their way to the door. She wasn’t quite prepared for the blast of cold air that smacked her in the face as they stepped outside, though, and she adjusted the blanket tucked around the baby. “It’s funny,” she said, huddling into her coat. “This is considered a mild day. And it really is so much better than earlier in the week. But you know what? It’s still damned cold.”

  Dave laughed beside her. “There’s a lot of winter left. You should get used to it. Personally, I can handle the cold if we still get sun, you know?”

  She did know. There was something about dull, gray, dreary days that made her want to sleep and eat carbs all day long. She was always glad when the time changed in spring.

  “So, was that a late lunch or early dinner?” she asked, as they started to stroll along the boardwalk.

  “We decided to knock off early today,” Dave said in reply. “Friday afternoon, and we had a good week. We brought Jim Williams’s boat into dock this afternoon, but there wasn’t much sense in starting anything until Monday morning.” His big body sheltered her from a bit of the wind. “Know what always amazes me? Lobstermen this time of year. What a thankless, cold job. You think it’s cold here, imagine being out on the water, checking traps. Brrr.”

  They wandered along the boardwalk for a minute. Finally Dave spoke again, his voice deeper than it had been only moments before. More private, intimate.

  “You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”

  “No!” The answer came out before she could consider what best to say. “I mean … damn. I just did some thinking after our lunch the other day.”

  “Did you sit down and make a checklist?”

  Her cheeks flamed, despite the cold. “Look, Dave, I’ve had relationships before. And they were…”

  She broke off the sentence and considered. What made this different? “They were people I already knew. That I had something in common with.”

  “Doctors and med students, then.”

  She nodded. “Well, yes.” She looked over at him and tried being as transparent as she could. “We already had something in common, so no shortage of things to talk about. We ran in the same circles, knew the same people.”

  “Wow, Charlie,” he said, shaking his head a little. “I totally didn’t have you pegged as a snob. I’m just a guy who works on the docks, right?”

  She stopped walking, shocked by his assumption, belatedly realizing how it sounded. “God no! That’s not it. It’s more…” She struggled to explain. “I guess it was more that we all had similar lives. Crazy schedules, goals, expectations for the future.”

  “Safe,” he supplied.

  “I suppose so,” she agreed, though she’d never considered that before. It made complete sense now that he’d said it, though. She’d dated within that sphere because it was comfortable. Expectations were managed. There was little ambiguity.

  “The thing you have to understand about me is that I don’t really know how to be … I don’t know, spontaneous. I’ve always based decisions on logic, common sense. There’s always a plan and a goal.”

  “Good God, that sounds terrible.”

  She couldn’t help it, she laughed, and he chuckled too. Their boots made scuffing noises on the boardwalk and gulls wheeled and cried above the harbor. The tension between her shoulders began to let go. Maybe this was what she’d needed too. Some fresh air and relaxation.

  “It isn’t as terrible as it sounds.” Not always, anyway. “It probably comes from having two very driven parents. We didn’t do anything on a whim or for sheer pleasure. It had to have a purpose. I don’t even remember them going out just for fun. Dinner dates and social events were for networking. Course selection was based on advancement. Medical school provided me with security…”

  “I’m getting the picture. Sounds like you had a very … productive upbringing.”

  That was it exactly.

  “I don’t really know how to do anything else. And I don
’t mean to scare you, but I’ve never looked at relationships as simply a way to pass the time. I know I said we should enjoy the now but honestly I don’t know how to do that. Everything fits into a bigger plan, you see.”

  He stopped walking and faced her. “Like a house with a white picket fence and a husband and dog and two-point-five kids?”

  Nailed it. She was afraid to admit it but she nodded anyway. “Yeah. Like that.”

  “And I’m not keeper material.”

  She let her silence answer. And yet there was this stupid, crazy physical attraction thing she felt whenever he was near. What the heck was that about, anyway?

  They were now standing in the middle of the sidewalk on Main Street. It wasn’t the best place to be having this kind of conversation. Her hands were shoved into her pockets, and his nose was red from the cold and she said what was on her mind anyway. “If I hadn’t taken a taxi to work that morning, would this have gone differently?”

  His gaze held hers. “I certainly hope so.”

  He had a way of saying things that sent a delicious shiver rippling through her body. She recognized it for what it was: anticipation. Pure, simple, in-the-moment desire and possibility.

  “Nothing’s changed for me, Charlie.” His gaze dropped to her lips. “I enjoy your company. I’d like to enjoy it more, but I can’t put a label on it or make it part of a bigger plan. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m going to be staying in Jewell Cove, you know that. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

  The ball was clearly in her court. She knew the rules, and the only question was if she could abide by them. Part of her balked and said to listen to reason. It cautioned her not to waste her time on something that was probably going nowhere. But a bigger part of her was tired of being reasonable, and safe, and predictable. Not once in her life had she done anything wild or risky. She never threw caution to the wind or acted in a way that was less than sensible. Daniel started to fuss a little, so she started walking again, Dave taking his cue and joining her. She hoped the movement of the stroller would soothe the baby for a little while longer.

  “By enjoy my company, you mean…” she asked the leading question, not sure how she wanted him to answer.

  “I don’t know. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was crazy attracted to you.”

  Zing went the arousal meter.

  “But I can see you’re not a ‘leap into it headfirst and deal with the consequences later’ kind of person.”

  No, she wasn’t.

  “A date,” he suggested. “A real date. Something casual that we can do together. No commitments, no pressure. Just a single date on a Saturday. What do you say?”

  A date. What would be the harm? Besides, with a date things were planned. There wasn’t as much chance of getting caught off guard, was there? A date had a basic itinerary. Dinner. A movie, something. “What did you have in mind?”

  He thought for a moment. “You said you had shopping to do,” he finally said, looking down at her. “But I think I kept you from it. The Evergreen Festival is tomorrow and I’ve never experienced one. We could go together, take Daniel too, of course. That’s pretty low-key and casual.”

  It certainly was. In fact, it didn’t sound very date-ish at all. She should be relieved, so why was she slightly disappointed?

  “You want to spend your day shopping?”

  He shrugged. “Why not? Besides, I was thinking about getting something for Nora for Christmas. I’m clueless when it comes to little girls. Maybe you could help me.”

  Oh, that was playing dirty.

  “We could have lunch and finish our shopping. The weather’s supposed to be fine. It’ll be a great day for it.”

  Wow. When he said low-key, he meant it. How on earth could she refuse? Never mind she was planning on attending the festival anyway.

  “It sounds like a nice day,” she agreed.

  “Then it’s a date.” He dropped his shoulders and looked supremely pleased with himself. “I can stop by your place and pick you up.”

  They’d wandered back along the dock now, nearly to the public lot where her car waited. Dave lifted a hand to George Adams at the boat works, then shoved his hands back in his coat. “He’s a good boss,” Dave said. “Fair. Good sense of humor.”

  “Do you think he’ll keep you on?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I spent a lot of years being told where I was going and what I was doing. It was all about the mission and my orders. Now that I’m a civilian, I get to figure all that out for myself. I don’t see any point in rushing into anything.”

  Charlie couldn’t imagine not having a firm plan. But she was starting to realize that maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. People could become slaves to plans. And then what happened when they didn’t work out?

  * * *

  Dave stared up at the ceiling, resisting the urge to flip and flop around in the bed. He’d awakened early and his thoughts ran to Charlie and what he was doing with her. He honestly hadn’t planned on staying in Jewell Cove that long—it was a temporary fix until he could make some decisions, a way to stay close to Nora in the meantime. But something about the good doctor had knocked him for a bit of a loop. Enough that he was losing sleep over it.

  He knew he was up for good now. Rather than toss and turn, he slipped out of bed, grabbed some clothes and his phone, and went out to revive the fire in the stove that had died overnight.

  He added a couple birch logs, hoping the papery bark would ignite from the coals and get things going again. He’d just checked the weather on his phone when it vibrated in his hand, indicating an incoming message.

  He exited and went to look, and his heart jumped up in his throat as the latest picture of Nora showed in a little block in the conversation. Janice had sent through another picture.

  He touched the image with his finger and his daughter’s face filled the screen, all light curls and brown eyes and bewitching smile. Lord, she was beautiful. The eyes were his, but everything else was her mother. It was disconcerting.

  His throat tightened.

  He closed the pic and went back to the conversation. Janice had typed something with the attachment.

  Latest of Nora, when we put up the Christmas tree. She’s asleep but looking forward to next weekend.

  His thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Finally, he typed in a reply.

  Me too. What are you doing up so early?

  The answer came back immediately.

  Nora has a cold. I’ve been up to give her medication and cuddles. Now I can’t sleep.

  You and me both, he thought, but in his case it was thinking about the woman he’d be spending the day with and there was no way in hell he’d type that message to his ex.

  There were days—a lot of them—that he felt badly he hadn’t given Nora a two-parent home. The truth was, he hadn’t really, truly been in love with Janice. He’d been trying to make a romance out of a friendship, and that just didn’t work. He thanked God that they were able to maintain an amicable relationship.

  I was thinking of getting Nora a Christmas present. Any suggestions?

  He didn’t even know his own kid well enough to shop for a Christmas gift.

  A few minutes later a reply came.

  She’s going through a puppy stage. DO NOT GET HER A PUPPY. The stuffed kind would be nice though.

  He gave a huff of laughter at the all-caps. Oh, wouldn’t that leave Janice fit to be tied, if he got a real dog? But he wouldn’t pull that kind of trick.

  Good to know, he typed. Do you need anything?

  This time the answer was quick to come back. Brian and I are managing fine, Dave. Don’t worry.

  Better go. See ya.

  He got out of the conversation and put the phone on the coffee table. He was glad she’d sent the picture. Glad they’d chatted—even if it was just texting back and forth.

  Then he thought about Charlie, and the way that she kissed, and his pulse leapt. Th
at was all it took. Just a thought and his body reacted. He wondered why. Wondered if it was just a symptom of his long dry spell, or if it was something more. Something that was distinctly Charlie that caused him to get the automatic sense of urgency and protectiveness. And how much he should act on it.

  Maybe first he should figure out if it was really real.

  He sat in the corner of the sofa until daylight began to filter through the windows, and then he got up and started making coffee.

  * * *

  The sun was out and the air was crisp and cool as they made their way down the hill to where the main shops were. Already crowds of people were milling about, carrying shopping bags, bundled up in winter clothes and sipping from paper cups of coffee or hot cider. Charlie nudged Dave’s elbow and grinned. “Every store has a themed Christmas tree, see?”

  They were at the far end of Main, where the shops began, and the first store was the bakery. A fat pine tree sat in the corner of the veranda, and it was decorated with ornaments shaped like cupcakes, cookies, loaves of bread, and kitchen utensils. Today, instead of wheeling the stroller through the crowds and packed stores, she had Daniel tucked into a Snugli carrier where he stayed warm and secure against her chest. The weight felt foreign but somehow nice too, and it left both hands free for shopping bags and browsing. Not to mention the baby seemed to love being snuggled as she carried him around.

  “Shortbread,” Charlie announced. “I’m fueling this shopping trip with shortbread.” She grabbed Dave’s hand and dragged him along, into the full shop that was noisy and squished and smelled like vanilla and fresh bread and cinnamon.

  Decisively she approached the counter and ordered a plastic container of two dozen shortbread nuggets. “We can share,” she said, paying for the cookies and tucking them into a cloth shopping bag. The cashier gave her a pamphlet and put a cookie-shaped stamp on a square next to the shop name. “Get all the stamps and you can enter to win a shopping spree,” the chirpy cashier said, and Charlie called out her thanks and tucked the paper into her purse.

  They stopped next door at the Shear Bliss salon, where the tree was decorated with sample bottles of hair products. Charlie was really getting into the spirit now, especially when people she recognized lifted a hand in a wave or stopped to say hello. Maybe she hadn’t realized it until lately, but she was finally starting to feel like a part of this community. But as she went outside and rejoined Dave, she held back a little too, not holding his hand or walking too closely. A part of her wanted to keep that part of her life private. She’d never much been into PDAs.