It Must Be Christmas

by Jennifer Crusie

  He crossed his ankle over his knee. “Charlie, it’s a big thing taking on a newborn. There’s a reason why women take maternity leave.”

  “Is his being here a problem?”

  Josh’s face softened. “Of course not. The practice isn’t that busy, and I don’t mind covering a little bit. It’s a good thing you’re doing.”

  “Thanks, Josh.” She let out a breath of relief. “I appreciate the support. You’ve been really understanding.”

  Josh smiled. “Hey, I’m not a scrooge. Besides, I know it’s only temporary.”

  The words left a gaping hole in her heart. “I don’t want to give him back,” she confessed. Every maternal instinct she’d tamped down for the last few days came roaring back. She did want this. She wanted a family of her own, to love and to be loved. To be needed. She swallowed as she rubbed her hand over Daniel’s tiny back.

  Boy, Dave was right about one thing. Life didn’t come with a perfect blueprint for happiness.

  “Are you planning on adopting him?”

  She swallowed. Was she? “I don’t know. I want a family, but one thing I’ve learned is that being a single parent is really hard. I’m just enjoying him while I have him and trying not to worry too much about the future.”

  She sat back, surprised at the words that came out of her mouth. Her, the super planner, who had everything mapped out and on schedule. She was living in the here and now. Wouldn’t Dave have something to say about that?

  She wished she hadn’t thought of Dave at this moment … Dave, who already had a child of his own. She wanted him to have a relationship with Nora, but she wondered how much room there was for her in that scenario. It had been nice spending time with him over the weekend. Wonderful, in fact. She wasn’t a fast mover but she’d definitely let her mind wander to certain places, wondering if they were headed in that direction.

  But the reality was that the weekend was a little like a vacation. They’d shopped and ate pizza and kissed and flirted, but it was an anomaly. A nice memory. This, right here, was who she was. Anything else was just …

  Vacation.

  Josh tapped his chin, and she could tell he was considering his next words. Her stomach twisted with nerves. He was her boss, after all. And she knew she’d been juggling trying to care for Daniel and still see all her patients. She didn’t want to let him down. And this morning she was just so tired …

  “I was thinking,” he said, his voice soft but firm, letting her know what was coming next wasn’t exactly a suggestion. “Maybe you could find someone to help with Daniel while you’re working, if you’re so determined to not take time off.”

  Leave him home? With a sitter? At his age?

  “He’s bottle fed, which makes things much more convenient. You could use your office, set up a playpen, bring in a comfy chair. I even have the perfect candidate.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded. “My mom. She’s going crazy, waiting for more grandkids.”

  “Josh, I don’t know what to say. You’ve asked her already, haven’t you?”

  He smiled. “I might have put a bug in her ear. You’re not superwoman, Charlie. Just think about it and let me know. And after your last appointment this morning, go home. I’ll cover walk-ins today.”

  “But it’s my shift…”

  “Consider it a Christmas present. Or an order from your boss, if that doesn’t work.”

  She was touched. Josh wasn’t always touchy-feely but his gesture was so thoughtful. After he left her office, Charlie grabbed the chart for her next patient.

  She found herself wondering about Daniel’s mother. In her job, she tried to keep an open mind, because she was generally shown time and again that unless you walked in someone else’s shoes, you just didn’t know what they had been through. But still, even if leaving him in the manger had been planned as they suspected, it was dangerous. Desperate.

  Clearly, she wasn’t entirely objective about this situation. But that was what she loved about this job too. When she’d first moved here, she’d been so professional, able to distance herself from her patients. But slowly she’d started caring about them in more than just an empathetic way. They weren’t family, but they were community.

  The thought was comforting somehow. Maybe Josh was so good at it because he’d been here all his life. Maybe, just maybe, this was starting to be her home too.

  Shortly after eleven Dave texted to ask if she wanted to meet for lunch. She waited until her current appointment was finished, and then considered. Did she want to see him again? Hell yes. She was dying to know what had happened between him and Janice.

  When she caught her next break, she called him instead of texting, and asked if he was busy for dinner. When he said he wasn’t, she offered to bring dinner to his place after work. She’d grab some takeout Chinese and meet him at the cottage.

  She was afraid she might be falling for him, and how stupid was that? He wasn’t even sure if he was staying in Jewell Cove, and she called herself ten times the fool for letting her imagination get the best of her.

  Chapter Ten

  Charlie sat back in her chair and put her hand on her stomach. “Oh my God. I’m so stuffed I think I’m going to blow up.” Dave was still polishing off his mountain of cashew chicken and fried rice, but Charlie was so full of lo mein that she couldn’t think of eating another bite. “That was good.”

  It was extra nice to have a night out without the baby … in some ways, this felt like more of a date than their official date had. Tonight Meggie Collins was at Charlie’s house, getting to know Daniel and crocheting something pretty out of pink yarn. Josh’s idea had been a good one. Charlie loved looking after Daniel, but the break was lovely too.

  Dave nodded. “I haven’t had takeout like that in ages. When I was stationed at Little Creek, there was this place we used to go to that had the best hot-and-spicy beef thing. It was perfect with a cold beer.” He grinned at her. “Or two.”

  “Do you miss that life?” she asked. “Being in the Navy?”

  “I wasn’t just in the Navy, Charlie. I was a SEAL.”

  His smile had faded. “I know,” she answered quietly. Just as she knew there was a difference. She’d never asked him what he’d done or seen or anything more about his job. She figured a man couldn’t do a job like that without facing a few ugly truths about the world.

  They sat in silence for a few more moments and then Charlie couldn’t stand it. She got up and started clearing away the mess. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. Dave didn’t seem his usual happy-go-lucky self. He was … broody.

  She rinsed the plates and started running water in the sink to wash the few dishes they’d dirtied. His chair scraped against the floor as he pushed it back and stood, and her heartbeat quickened a little when he came up behind her and reached around for the drying cloth.

  “You didn’t ask me about yesterday,” he said. “It must be killing you.”

  Annoyance flared. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

  He gave a little laugh at her sharp reply. “Easy, tiger. I just meant that you aren’t always patient when it comes to wanting answers. I figure you’re either not interested in what happened or you’re too afraid to ask.”

  She hoped her expression portrayed calm and perhaps a touch of ennui. “Why on earth would I be afraid?”

  “Charlie,” he said quietly, and her heart knocked against her ribs.

  “Don’t say my name in that kind of voice. I’ve been an idiot, okay? We can just go back to being friends, like we said.”

  She scrubbed at a plate and put it in the drying rack. He instantly picked it up and dried it. “Whoever said we were just friends?”

  She didn’t reply. Damn, he was patient. More patient than she was. They continued washing the dishes until there was nothing left to wash, and then Charlie finally said what had been on the tip of her tongue ever since she walked in the door.

  “You promised you’d call.”

 
; He put down the towel. “Okay…”

  “When I left. You promised to call to let me know how it went. And then you didn’t.” She looked up at him.

  “Charlie…”

  She waved the rest of whatever he was going to say away.

  “I know I’m being stupid. But you were right, I was jealous. You were talking about your family, and I kept thinking about you and Janice talking, bonding. And it’s stupid, but when you didn’t call…”

  His lips curved the slightest bit. “Charlie, sweetheart.” There was such warmth in his voice that it cut into Charlie. “Janice is pregnant again.”

  The words made Charlie look up at him quickly. To her surprise, he didn’t look upset by the information. “She and her husband?” Charlie asked, then realized it was a stupid question. Dave and Janice had been over for a long time, right?

  He nodded. “Yep. She’s happy. Far happier than she was with me.”

  “And that bothers you?”

  “That she’s happy? Of course not. I’m happy for her, and happy for them. I guess if I was looking for a sign that Janice and I were wrong for each other, this is really it.”

  Charlie didn’t even realize she’d been holding her breath until she let it out again in a long, measured exhale.

  “I’m going to take a few days before Christmas and drive down. Take Nora her gifts and spend some time with her. That’s what Janice wanted to talk about.”

  “Are you thinking of moving closer? It’s not a huge drive from here to there, but it’s long enough.”

  “Would it bother you if I did?” he asked, and silence fell in the room. What was he asking?

  “Why would it bother me?” Why couldn’t she come right out and ask what she wanted to ask? Say what she wanted to say? She didn’t usually have a hard time speaking her mind. Maybe it was because she was afraid to hear the answer. “I’ve seen you with Daniel.” She met his gaze. “I would never want to do anything to stand in the way of your relationship with your daughter.”

  She smiled up at him, feeling completely false. She wasn’t cheerful. Wasn’t happy. She was let down. Mad at herself for getting her hopes up. For pretending that it didn’t matter that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. “Anyway, I should go.”

  “So soon?” He came closer, close enough she had trouble breathing. “But I haven’t decorated the tree yet. I thought we could do that together. It looks so naked, sitting in the stand with nothing on it.”

  She took a step back. “And then what? I don’t think I can do this.” Her insides trembled. Why was it so hard to say the truth? To verbalize her own needs? She would do it this time. She would.

  “Do what?”

  “This!” She gestured with her finger, moving it between the two of them. “I know what you said from the beginning. About seeing where all this goes, no pressure or anything. I know all this in my head, Dave. My head is not the problem.”

  “Then what the hell is?” he asked, his voice brittle. “I thought we were just going to enjoy being together, no strings, no demands.”

  “The problem,” she said, her throat tight, “is that I’m not built that way. I want to be. I want to be that carefree, easy kind of person who can accept something at face value, who can live in the moment and enjoy it. And I’ve tried but it doesn’t work, because that’s not who I am. When you smile at me … when you kiss me…”

  “You want more?”

  “I want more. I want all of you and I know all of you isn’t available.”

  He cursed. His dark gaze heated as they stared at each other, both breathing heavily as the tension closed in on them.

  “You know I want you, right?”

  God, how could he make his voice so smooth, so deep and sexy and filled with promise? This was what she was fighting against. Fighting and losing. When they were apart, she could be rational. But when he was close, the moment he said or did something like this, she lost all perspective.

  “Don’t,” she whispered. And wished the word had come out stronger.

  “We’ve been doing this dance,” he said, ignoring her plea. “Keeping things easy. You think your voice of reason is giving you trouble?” He was so close now she could almost feel the heat of his body against hers. “I find myself calling or texting and wanting to be with you and then when I’m with you, I just want to touch you. Damn it, Charlie, it’s been killing me to leave it at a few kisses and then walking away.”

  She swallowed. Hard. He was right before her now. Big, strong, former SEAL confessing to wanting her. Her, little Charlene Yang who always stayed in the background and never caused any trouble. Charlene Yang, who had found it so difficult to make friends here that up until a few weeks ago she’d made do with watching him from a restaurant window and the most illuminating conversation she’d had was with a doll at the church nativity scene.

  He wanted her. And she wanted him so badly she was nearly dying with it. The only thing holding her back was knowing that she would be giving him the power to really and truly hurt her. If she took one step in his direction, she’d be taking responsibility for that.

  “Charlie,” he murmured. “Look at me.”

  His eyes were so intense she stopped breathing for a second.

  The anticipation was so strong that she would swear she could already feel him touching her even though they were inches apart.

  “I used to see you working on the docks and wondered who you were,” she admitted, her voice soft. She swallowed against a lump of nervousness in her throat. “I would imagine that you would show up somewhere and … and … and sweep me off my feet.”

  It should have sounded stupid but instead the words fanned the flames of attraction, ramping up the tension between them. “I just…” She bit down on her lip, realizing she was probably doing this badly, but stumbling along anyway. “I just want you to sweep me away. Can you do that?”

  His breath came out in a rush and he reached down and clasped her hand, gripping it tightly. “You’re sure? I’m asking because you’d better be damned sure you know what you’re doing.”

  “Yes,” she answered meekly. “Please.”

  He muttered something incomprehensible, stared at her for a long moment. The air snapped and sizzled between them and she licked her lips, watched his pupils widen, felt her muscles tighten with delicious anticipation. No one had ever looked at her that way. Not ever. Not with such desire and intent and all it did was fuel her own longings.

  For once in her life she was not going to think or dissect or weigh the ramifications. She was going to feel and she’d let the cards fall where they may.

  He reached over and pulled her straight into his arms. His mouth fused to hers, fierce in its intent, all-consuming and wonderful, his tongue sweeping into her mouth as his strong arms lifted her against his body, hard in all the right places. She loved his sheer physicality, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him tight.

  His hands circled around and cupped her bottom, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Dave made a raw sound in his throat and took a single step backward, which put her hips up against the kitchen counter, and she pressed her core against him, letting the pleasure of the moment soak in.

  He backed off, breaking the kiss, running his tongue over his lower lip as if tasting her there. Her body was feeling jacked up and liquidy all at once. He reached for the neck of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing a muscled body that up to this moment, she’d only seen in pictures. For the first time in her life, any thoughts of anything beyond the next few minutes didn’t exist. He’d succeeded in wiping them all away.

  This time he took a little more time with her. He dropped the shirt on the floor and stepped back into the V of her legs, kissing her again, slowly and persuasively. She slid her hands over the hard curves of his shoulders, loving the feel of his warm skin beneath her fingertips. Encouraged, she reached down and slid her hand along the curve of his ass, pulling him closer against her.

&n
bsp; His breathing grew ragged, all from her simple touch. It amazed her that she had that sort of effect on him, and it fed her female vanity.

  “You drive me crazy,” he said, sliding his lips over her cheek and pulling her earlobe into his mouth. When making out in the kitchen was no longer enough, he wrenched his mouth from hers and picked her up in his arms as if she weighed nothing.

  Swoon-worthy. The guy had gone into total alpha mode and she loved it. She linked her arms around his neck and let him carry her down the hall to his bedroom.

  “You took the ‘sweep me away’ thing seriously,” she said softly, looking up at him as he laid her gently on the bed.

  “I’m just getting started,” he answered, flicking on the bedside lamp, reaching into the night table drawer for a condom.

  Oh God. They were really doing this. And she was going to get to enjoy that body, have it all to herself. What a giddy thought.

  Dave sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her. She sat up and moved into his arms, losing herself in the feeling of having him surround her. He gently pulled the elastic from her hair and sank his hands into the heavy mass of it, pulling her head back as he undid the braid, the weight of it falling over her shoulders. With her head tipped back, he took full advantage and dipped his head, running his tongue over the sensitive flesh of her neck. When his fingers slid from her hair and traced a gentle path down the side of her face, goose bumps broke out over her skin.

  “You’re sure?” he asked, and she loved the way his gaze searched her face. Hungry, but not reckless. She was hungry too. Hungry for him.

  “I’m sure.” Slowly, she reached for the buttons of her shirt. One by one she undid them, slipping them from the buttonholes, pulling the tails out of her trousers. Dave took over then, pushing the soft fabric off her shoulders until she was sitting before him in her bra. She was doubly glad she’d worn the black one today, with the scalloped lace around the edges. Right now she realized the push-up padding wasn’t necessary. Her breasts strained against the material, the peaks hard and pointed in anticipation of his touch.