October Breezes

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  Maybe you realy don’t want to, but it’s too late. I see that in your eyes. Stil, we both know part of you keeps me at a safe distance.

  Why is that?”

  I stiffened and ran my finger around the mug's top rim.

  “Let’s just say I don’t often trust people. My dad didn’t exactly want me, and I don’t want to go through that again."

  He nodded. “Wow. Sounds like a chalenge. You think I'm up for it?”

  “Nope.”

  “We’l see about that.”

  I smiled and took a sip, thinking, Maybe you’ll prove me wrong. I hope you do. "Didn't Tyler tel you that he'd asked me out?" I chewed my lower lip.

  Kelin shrugged. "Nope. Then again, he hates being turned down." He traced the mug's rim. "It doesn't happen often, but when it does, he doesn't forget it."

  "Is that why he doesn't like me?"

  Kelin looked up sharply. "Okay, so his pride was wounded. He'l get over it. Besides, I think Becca's keeping him too occupied to think about us." He squeezed my hand. "I didn't come here to talk about Tyler. I came to enjoy the evening with you."

  Chapter Eleven

  When I stepped into the house, I heard the television droning. I touched my cheek, reveling in memories of his kiss. At the stair landing, I peeked down into the living room, and Mom smiled, muted the television, and waved for me to join her. Stil in her jeans and sweater, I guessed that Warren hadn’t left long ago.

  She patted the couch next to her. “Have a seat.”

  I started to take off Kelin’s coat, and I realized he hadn't asked for it back.

  “Nice coat. I don’t remember you wearing it to the restaurant.”

  “I didn’t.” I brushed the leather sleeves.

  “He must like you.”

  I shrugged. “I don't know.” I slowly took off the coat, wanting to savor wearing it as long as possible.

  “I was going to ask how the two of you hit it off, but that answered my question.”

  I sat next to her, the coat draped in my lap, the red “W”

  facing me. “He’s realy sweet, but I’m not sure it's going to work.”

  “He seems nice enough. Why wouldn’t it?” She pushed the power button to turn off the television.

  “He’s the head of the footbal team,” I said. “And I haven’t got a single cheerleader bone in my body.”

  “So?” Mom folded her arms across her chest. “Maybe that’s what made him notice you.”

  I traced the huge 'W' sewn to the jacket. “Maybe. But what happens when he loses interest?”

  “Maybe he won’t.”

  I leaned against the couch, cushions cradling my head.

  “That’s an awfuly big maybe.” Taking a deep breath, I started to tel the real problem. “Besides, Devin doesn’t like him.”

  “Ah,” she said. She frowned and tapped the remote.

  “Why is that?”

  “He doesn’t trust Kelin.”

  “Do you?” She picked up a mug of coffee from the end table and took a sip.

  “I don’t know. We haven’t dated long enough.” I crossed one ankle over the other.

  “Devin could be wrong, you know. He's probably not the most impartial person to judge your boyfriends, considering how he feels about you.”

  I looked at her sharply. “What are you talking about?”

  She arched one eyebrow. “Don’t you know? He’s in love with you—has been for years.” She took another drink.

  “No, he’s not!” I stood. Even as I denied it, I remembered Devin's flushed face, and the sad expression he’d worn when he told me he couldn’t watch me date Kelin. Could she be right?

  Setting the mug on the table, she stretched her arms over her head. “Believe what you want.” Seeing I was edging toward the doorway, she patted the couch next to her again. “Don’t rush off. I wasn’t done talking to you yet.”

  Reluctantly I sat down again and set my hands in my lap.

  Finaly after watching her open and close her mouth a few times, I said, “Okay, Mom, This is weirding me out. I feel like you’re about to drop a bomb.”

  Mom sat up. “What kind of a bomb?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you and Warren secretly got married.”

  She smiled. “Would that be so bad?”

  “Yes!” I snapped, shaking my head. “What are you thinking? That he's gonna stick around?”

  “I'm thinking of Las Vegas next month.”

  “What?”

  She touched my arm, squeezing gently. “Warren and I planned to go to Vegas in a couple of months.”

  “What?” I said louder as I jerked to face her.

  The smile dwindled away. “We bought plane tickets to go to Vegas and get married.”

  I jumped up and paced around the room. “You can’t actualy marry him! It's one thing to say you're going to but another to actualy do it!” I sputtered. Then I looked at the engagement ring on her left hand, a beautiful diamond. “How could you do this—

  without even talking to me?”

  “I am talking to you,” she said calmly, but her tone sounded contrived. Frowning, she slowly sat up, her right hand covering the left as if to hide the ring.

  “You’re talking now, after you’ve bought plane tickets?

  How could you do this?” I yeled. I was shaking so hard I couldn’t stop.

  My mother stood. “How could I do what, Skye? What horrible thing have I done?” She smacked the remote control down on the coffee table.

  “You know!”

  She nodded, her face flushed with anger. “Yes, it is horrible I’ve agreed to marry a man who makes me happy—a man who loves not only me but you as wel.”

  I clutched Kelin’s jacket to my chest. “How do you know that, Mom? He’s practicaly a stranger you’ve known for a few months.” I glared. “He’s just traveling through on his way to greener pastures.”

  Mom grabbed my chin. “No, he’s not. I know I only introduced you to him recently, but I’ve worked with him for years, Skye, and I know what kind of a man he is—”

  “Just like you knew what kind of a man Daddy was?”

  The color left her cheeks, and her jaw tightened. “Go upstairs, Skye. Maybe we can talk when you’re calmer.”

  “Don’t you get it!” I shouted. “I’m never going to be calmer. Never.” I rushed up the stairs and slammed the door, knocking my glass ornaments from their shadow-box shelves. A carousel horse I’d had for years crashed onto my headboard and shattered. Wordlessly, I picked up the pieces and tried to puzzle the ornament back to its original shape, but the fragments would never form a horse again. Besides, my hands shook too badly to fix anything. Even as I tried, one shard stuck me, and when I puled it free, blood bubbled to the surface. Grabbing the trash can, I threw the jagged remains away. I lay across the bed and burst into tears.

  “Don’t you make me love him. He’s going to leave us, just like Daddy,” I whispered. I spotted To Kill a Mockingbird and screamed, “I hate you!” as I hurled it across the room.

  Nothing was ever going to be the same.

  ***

  The next week Devin didn’t exactly go out of his way to avoid me, but he barely mumbled “hi” as he hurried to meet Bethany for lunch. More than once I thought about asking him if what my mother had said were true, but no good way to ask came to me. At best, I could ask, “By the way, I know you can’t stand me these days, but did you happen to be in love with me before I started dating Kelin?” I shook my head, trying to imagine us as a couple but couldn't. It’s not that Devin was unattractive. His dark hair feathered his face, highlighting his blunt chin and jaw. Midnight blue eyes had burned through me every time we'd looked at each other. Yeah, he was gorgeous. I'd just never thought of us as anything more than best friends.

  Mom had tried talking to me, but my grunting replies kept her at a distance. Between her and my anger, we couldn't resolve the sore spot between us. Warren didn’t come around much, but when I heard his voic
e as he chatted with mom, I made it a point to stay in my room.

  “Great,” I muttered, “maybe I can save my alowance for a smal fridge and live in this room until I turn 18.”

  The only person who even seemed remotely interested in how I felt about anything was Kelin. He met me at my locker before class every morning and drove me home in the afternoons.

  Although our kisses deepened, I knew I was hardly ready for the next step, and true to his word, Kelin didn’t pressure me—at least not about sex.

  More than once he had asked to make sure about Friday's party--the same party that something inside me wanted to say no to.

  Even though I had already agreed to go, something felt wrong about it, and I knew he could sense that. Thinking of al the cheerleaders and footbal players who would be there left a bad taste in my mouth.

  Finaly, o n Thursday afternoon as he drove me home, I asked, “Why is this party such a big deal?”

  “Don't you want to go?”

  No, I didn’t, but that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, and I didn't need to destroy a relationship with the one person stil on my side. “Yes, I do, but I don’t like lying.”

  “Can't your mom handle the truth?”

  I shook my head. “The last ‘party’ I attended was Brenda Myers' seventh birthday bash at McDonalds. I was eight.”

  He parked in my driveway and then turned to me, his arm propped on the seat. “There’s a good reason I want you to go, Skye. My friends haven’t given you a chance, including Tyler. I want them to see how wonderful you are. Then they'l accept you.”

  I puled out my house key. “I’m never going to fit into your world, Kelin, no matter what.” I chewed my lip.

  He took my hand, his fingers caressing mine. “I don’t believe that. Don't you want to be with me?” He leaned so close only inches separated our faces, and his breath teased my cheeks and lips. Nervously, I licked them.

  “Of course.”

  Our lips touched. Al thought vanished. A car turning into the driveway brought me back to reality as Warren puled up. He headed up the walk carrying a bouquet of red roses.

  “I should go,” I said.

  He smiled. “I’l see you tomorrow.” Then he kissed me again, and I walked to the door where Warren waited.

  “Would you mind unlocking the door so I can put these inside?”

  I shoved my key into the lock and turned it. “She’s already agreed to marry you. Why are you stil acting like Mr. Wonderful?

  You afraid she'l come to her senses?”

  Warren stiffened, but the smile never left his face. “I know you’re angry, Skye. You think this is a bad deal and that I’m just going to make your life worse, but you’re wrong. One day I’l prove it.”

  Shrugging, I opened the door. “I’l believe it when I see it.”

  Warren slipped into the dining room and set the vase on the table. I watched him, trying to interpret his smile as something evil, but couldn’t. He caught me staring and said, “I’m not the enemy.”

  Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he kept wiling me to meet his gaze, and I ignored him.

  I headed to my room as Warren slipped out the front door and drove away. Intent on focusing on anything besides him, I sorted through my clothes, searching for tomorrow evening's outfit.

  During the initial run-through, nothing caught my eye, frustrating me.

  After briefly knocking, Mom stroled into the room.

  “Did you see the flowers?” she asked, her face glowing with joy.

  “Yeah.” I jerked the hangers to one side.

  “How was school?” Mom, stil in her tan slacks and blue sweater, sat on the bed and crossed her legs.

  “Educational,” I replied, puling out a black lace shirt and a spaghetti-strapped camisole.

  “Nice," Mom said. "What’s the occasion?”

  My entire body tensed. My heart thundered in my chest.

  Sweat glossed my palms. “Kelin asked me to the footbal game tomorrow. Afterwards, we are going to eat at Denny’s.” Clutching the hanger as tightly as I could, I prayed Mom wouldn't notice me shaking.

  “Won’t that shirt be too chily?”

  “No. I’l have a coat.” I reached deeper and puled out black jeans and leather boots.

  “You’re realy over the moon with this guy.”

  “Kelin is a guy, Mom.” I hung the outfit on my door.

  “Maybe he thinks he’s special, but I think he’s just a guy.” I listened to myself speak, but those words weren’t mine. Where they came from I had no idea. “Unlike some people, I haven’t lost my mind.”

  Mom folded her arms across her chest. “Faling in love isn’t the same thing as losing your mind, Skye.”

  I glared. “You’re not in love!” I snapped. “You just want to feel secure. He’s an accountant. He’s used to making people feel secure! That doesn’t mean he’s going to stick around.” I picked up my jewelry box, searching for earrings and a necklace to complete the outfit.

  Mom, grabbing my hand, shook her head. “Don’t hate me, Skye. I know we’ve been alone together for years. I know you don’t think there is anyone who is going to be better than your father. You don’t want to give Warren a chance to hurt you. You think if you keep a shield up between you and the rest of the world, you won’t be hurt. But you’l never be happy, either. Never.”

  Slowly she stood and walked out, quietly closing my door.

  The anger at my father and Warren finaly boiled over as I threw the box down and watched the jewelry scatter across the carpet.

  Before, I'd thought putting my parents back together would fix the broken places in my heart. Now I knew better.

  Chapter Twelve

  The next morning I'd just finished eating breakfast when Mom slipped into the kitchen. One hand adjusted her pearl earring, and the other smoothed her skirt. “So tonight's the big night?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, rinsing my glass and putting it in the sink.

  She sat at the table. “How about we adjust your curfew?

  Normaly I would say 11, but tonight the game wil probably run late. I’l let you stay out until midnight. Sound fair?”

  I smiled and threw my arms around her neck. “More than fair.” Stil, I had that sinking sensation in my stomach; I hated lying to her. I’d made it a point never to lie to her because my father had done enough of that. He'd promised Mom he'd never love another woman. He told me he wouldn't leave.

  I looked at my watch and grabbed my books. “I’d best get to school.”

  “Where’s Devin been?” She unfolded the newspaper and pretended to read.

  I shrugged. “He’s got a new girlfriend.”

  She looked over the paper. “Don’t be too hard on him for not seeing things your way, Skye. He’s got his own troubles.”

  I snorted, wanting to ask, “Like what? His parents are stil together? He fits in in any situation, and even if he didn’t he couldn’t care less?” Instead, I slipped on my coat and shoved my books into my bag.

  Had I thrown away that friendship? I shivered as I strode down the walk and the sharp breeze cut through my coat and jeans.

  “Hey, Skye!” Kelin caled as he drove beside me.

  “What are you doing here?” I stopped walking, and he puled to the curb. He wore his footbal jersey and jeans.

  “I thought I'd see if my girl needs a ride. Looks like I was right.”

  I slid into the passenger seat. Kelin smiled. “You're beautiful.” He leaned close and kissed my lips. For a moment, we lingered where there was only the two of us. Then Kelin puled away. Opening my eyes, I found him studying my face as though memorizing my features.

  “Wow,” I whispered. “What a way to start the morning.”

  He stroked m y bangs behind my ears. “Like that, do you?”

  “Yes.” I laid my head on his shoulder.

  “Warm enough?” he asked, his hand reaching for the heater knob, anticipating my response.

  “Perfect.”
/>
  His palm settled on the gear stick. As he shifted out of park, I started to sit up, but he said, “It’s okay. You can stay there.

  It won’t bother me.” He kissed my forehead. "I like it."

  Once at school, Kelin slid his arm around me and walked me to my locker. I saw Devin to my left, without Bethany. He wore a grey and blue checked shirt over a white t-shirt, and he watched me, trying to get my attention. Instead, Kelin peered at him.

  Scowling, Devin finaly strode down the hal.

  Forcing myself not to think, I opened my locker and exchanged the books I carried for those I needed.

  “The game starts at 6:30. How 'bout I pick you up by 5:45?”

  I double-checked my reflection and nodded. “Sure. That would be wonderful.”

  He stood behind me, slipped his arms around me, and kissed my neck. “I’ve got to run and get my books. I’l see you soon.”

  I closed my eyes and savored his caress, imagining I stil felt his face next to mine. Then he disappeared, leaving me holding my books, dreaming about the next time I'd see him. Turning, I ran into Devin.

  “Tel me you aren’t going to Tyler’s party tonight.” He gripped my forearm, and desperation burned in his eyes. He waited, but I said nothing. He clenched his jaw and stepped back, releasing his grip one finger at a time. “You’re going, aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” I said softly.

  He closed his eyes as a painful frown consumed his features. When he reopened them, I thought I saw a glimmer of tears that he quickly blinked away. “God, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, do you?”

  “It’s a party, Devin. Nothing's going to happen.”

  “For God’s sake, don’t do this,” he warned. “You don’t hear guys talking, Skye.”

  I clutched my books against my chest. “Why does it matter? You're too preoccupied with Bethany to worry about me.”

  I nodded over my shoulder. “She’s waiting for you.”

  Swalowing hard, he said, “We’re friends, Skye. Just friends.”

  I held up my hand and shook my head as I took a step back. “You don’t owe me any explanations. You were the one who said you couldn’t watch the train-wreck my life had become.