A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4)

by Michelle Major

  “I’m fine,” she said, gripping her bag as if it was a life raft on the Titantic. “I should...go with Tanner and Austin.” Before he could answer, she hurried from the room.

  He started to follow, then turned and strode to the refrigerator, yanking open the freezer door and grabbing an ice pack. He pressed it to his forehead, flinching against the cold at the same time he welcomed the sting of it. Cooling off. That’s what Liam needed right now. A good cooling off.

  Chapter Seven

  No big deal.

  I don’t care what Liam Donovan thinks.

  She stood in front of the large mirror in the guest bathroom where Tanner had led her to change. It was only a powder room, a half bath near the rear of the house but it was bigger than any bathroom Natalie had seen in her life. And, unfortunately, better lit.

  Opening one eye, she glanced at herself and quickly turned away. The bathing suit she wore was modest, a tankini top and board shorts. She’d bought it several years ago when she was more concerned with being able to splash in the community pool with Austin than impress a guy. There was nothing impressive about this swimsuit. Only a bit of her belly and back showed between below the tankini’s hem, but it was enough to expose the faded crescents from the stretch marks she’d gotten during her pregnancy. Liam may have known her body once upon a time, but she wasn’t a teenager anymore and knew she was no competition for the women normally a part of his world.

  Then she sucked in a breath and gave herself a mental headshake. Her body was strong and reliable. The only reason she was in a bathing suit right now was to make her son happy. She wished she could give Austin a day like this every weekend. If he wanted her in the hot tub, that’s where she’d be.

  When she walked out onto the patio, she crossed her arms over her chest against the cold. It was a clear evening, the sun already dipping behind the mountain as darkness enveloped the property around the house. Darkness was good if she was going to be hanging out in her bathing suit. The sound of bubbling water and her son’s laughter drew her to the far corner to the patio.

  “Hey, Mom,” Austin called when he spotted her. “You’ve got to try this seat. The jets spray all over your back.”

  She paused as she caught sight of Liam, who was perched on the edge, his feet dangling in the water. The goose bumps that erupted on her skin suddenly had nothing to do with the cold air. They were because of him. All for him.

  He was broader now, more defined, more of a man. The hard planes and angles of his arms and chest made her breath lodge in her throat. He was totally masculine yet unaware of how perfect he was. She wondered if he’d honed his body at an expensive gym or with the extracurricular activities—deep-sea diving, rock climbing, skiing—that rich people seemed to gravitate toward.

  She wanted to run, to hide her own body, very much in need of a workout beyond lifting seniors in and out of bed. He swallowed as his gaze tangled with hers, as if he couldn’t quite catch his breath, either. That gave her a little more confidence, enough to keep her feet moving.

  “Mom, aren’t you cold?” Austin asked, breaking the spell between her and Liam.

  “Scoot over, bud,” Liam said, clearing his throat. “Give her some room.”

  Keeping her eyes on where she was going—no need to tumble headfirst into the hot tub—she placed one foot then the other into the water. It was hot, so hot it almost stung, but that didn’t stop her from sinking into the corner seat as quickly as she could. Her body shivered from the change in temperature.

  “I’ll fix the sprays,” Austin said, oblivious to the tension that seemed to crackle in the air between her and Liam. She couldn’t help but relax a little as the water jetted into the muscles of her back, working against the knots she carried. “This is even better than the hot springs. Right, Mom?”

  “It’s pretty good,” she agreed, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. Steam rose around her and she sank lower until the water almost touched her chin.

  “Do you mean the hot springs over in Grand Junction?” Liam asked.

  Austin nodded. “Mom and I went for a weekend when I was like seven. There’s a really good fudge place in town, too.”

  “Where’s the best place you’ve been on vacation?”

  “Um...” Her eyes tracked to her son as he thought about the question. “Maybe Colorado Springs,” he offered after a moment. “I thought Garden of the Gods was cool and they’ve got this North Pole place with rides. Everyone dresses like elves and Christmas music always plays. Back when I believed in Santa Claus, that’s where I thought he lived.”

  “Don’t let Ms. Ruth hear you say you don’t believe in Santa.” Liam bent forward to splash his arms, making them shine as the water dripped off again. “One year she banned me from Christmas cookies for the whole season because I told one of the girls at school there was no Santa.”

  “That’s harsh,” Austin agreed.

  “So Colorado Springs?” Liam asked, and Natalie felt her already warm face flush even hotter.

  Austin nodded. “We don’t travel too many places. Mom’s afraid to fly—”

  “I remember that.”

  “And she can’t get much time off work so it’s hard to go on a road trip.”

  “We might try Moab over spring break,” she offered quickly, shame bubbling like the tiny pockets of air she popped at the water’s surface.

  “Moab would be cool.”

  She couldn’t meet her son’s gaze right now, or Liam’s. She realized she’d done to Austin exactly what she’d resented her mother for, for so much of her youth. She’d insulated him, walled him off in this small town because of her fear. Her fear of losing control, of losing him to the big bad world outside of Crimson. But bad things could happen right here. She knew that better than most.

  She glanced up through her moist eyelashes to see Liam watching her. He knew. Her dirty little secret, her overwhelming fear. He could see past her excuses of money and time to where the truth was buried deep inside her. She’d hated her mother’s constant stream of ranting about how things were so different and dangerous outside of Crimson.

  Yet that belief had seeped into Natalie’s pores, become part of her DNA and had colored every choice she’d made in life. There was no use denying it, and as much as she wanted to, it made her almost physically ill to think that someday Austin would yearn for more and he’d leave her behind in her sad, lonely, box of a life.

  “Pizza’s here.” Tanner’s deep voice cut through her internal self-flagellation.

  She swiped the tips of her fingers under her eyes, hoping the sheen of moisture on her cheeks disguised the errant tears that escaped. Her life didn’t leave time for tears.

  She turned a bright smile on her son. “I bet you’re hungry after today.”

  “Starving,” Austin agreed, standing and shaking the water from his hair like a puppy.

  Liam’s oversize assistant stepped forward, placing a pile of fluffy towels on the wrought-iron table nearby, then handing one to Austin as he jumped out of the hot tub.

  “We’ll be right there,” Liam told Tanner. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the assistant nod and lead Austin away, telling him about the Xbox in the rec room downstairs.

  “It’s like he’s Willy Wonka,” Natalie said after a moment.

  “Tanner is a big kid at heart, but he’s like my right hand. I couldn’t manage without him.”

  She kept her gaze on the water, but lifted herself out a bit, afraid she might overheat otherwise. “You probably think I’m the worst mom in history.”

  “Is that a joke?” His gentle tone made her teeth hurt, as if she’d just taken a bite of too-sweet candy.

  “He’s nine years old and hasn’t even been out of the state.”

  “So what?” Liam hit a button on the control panel and the bubbles stopped,
leaving only a soft fizzing sound in their place. “I traveled all over with my parents as a kid. It meant they could spend money, not that they loved me. Ruth never took me any place beyond school, but she was the only adult I ever believed truly cared about me.”

  “It’s not about the money,” she said on an angry hiss of breath. “The money is a factor but not the whole story, so don’t bother pretending otherwise.” She lifted her gaze to his. “You know it’s my stupid, irrational fear. I’ve let it trap me here and if I’m not careful, I’m going to do the same thing to Austin.”

  She expected him to agree, to rehash how she’d ruined what they’d had with her ridiculous and seemingly insurmountable anxiety about the world beyond her hometown. Each time she tried to convince herself that her fears were unfounded, life tended to rear up and slap her down, tighten the chains that kept her tethered to Crimson.

  Instead his eyes were tender. “We both made mistakes, Natalie. I understood your fears and how much worse they got after Beth died. Her death in that car accident damaged more people than just Logan, Jake and Josh. It’s horrible that they lost their sister, but it wrecked all of us.”

  “It wasn’t your fault—”

  “I let it drive us apart, Nat. I knew your mom was trying to poison you against me and I pushed you too hard, too fast. I closed you and Ruth out because of my own guilt.”

  She shook her head, unwilling to hear these words from Liam after so long. It was as if he was trying to slip through the cracks in her hard shell, as if she still might have some warmth left at her center.

  It wasn’t true. There was no room for anything but Austin and her fierce need to keep him safe. From his father, from the pain of not being wanted by one of your parents that Natalie had grown up feeling. She’d made too many mistakes, and she couldn’t afford to show Liam or anyone how out of control her life had become. How alone she was, even in this town where she knew so many people by name.

  “You don’t have to say that, Liam. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  Another lie. It mattered to her as much as her next breath. As he continued to watch her, the energy between them shifted. The fact that they were alone and mostly undressed registered deep inside her. That pull, the connection that was always between them, gained strength and momentum. Natalie stood abruptly, the cold night air engulfing her, but she didn’t feel any cooler.

  She scrambled out of the hot tub and grabbed one of the plush towels, her fingers shaking as she wrapped it around her shoulders.

  Liam was behind her in an instant, his strong fingers tucking the towel around her, grazing the skin at her collarbone as he did.

  “I don’t want to be the enemy anymore,” he whispered against her ear. “The stupidest thing I ever did was walk away from you. Trust me, I’ve visited every damn continent and nothing compares to being with you. You were my whole world, and I was an idiot to let you go.”

  No! her mind screamed, his words wrecking her.

  Yes, her heart whispered, finally vindicated in its decadelong yearning for him.

  The moment, the emotion of it was too much. She couldn’t let him inside again, but her legs wouldn’t walk away. She whirled, ready to push and rail and ruin this second chance before he could break her heart again. But the vulnerability, the need in his eyes stopped her. Without thinking or worrying about the consequences, she lifted her face and pressed her mouth to his.

  * * *

  This kiss rocked Liam. He’d taken a big risk by saying what he did to Natalie. He knew she liked her life ordered and contained, and he’d thought she might run. Instead she kissed him with a fierceness he barely recognized.

  She claimed him with that kiss and he welcomed it, his hands pushing aside the towel to press her against his length as their tongues met. She bit at his bottom lip and raked her nails across his back, making him hiss in a combination of pain and pleasure. He ran his fingers over her bathing suit top, molding his hands around her waist. To that small band of skin that had tempted him from the moment she’d stepped into the light of the patio.

  He didn’t feel the frigid evening air. Every part of him was on fire. He heard her soft gasp when he cupped her bottom, pulling her tighter to the front of him, needing her to know how much he wanted her. He dipped his head to kiss the column of her neck, flipping her bathing suit strap off her shoulder. Moving lower, he licked at the swell of her breast, but just as he would have taken her nipple in his mouth, she jerked away. Bending to scoop the towel that had pooled at her feet, she took several steps toward the house.

  “Natalie,” he said, his voice hoarse with desire. “This isn’t over between us. What we had is nowhere near finished.”

  She adjusted her strap, then pulled the towel tighter around her shoulders. “I don’t know if I can do this again, Liam.” Now she met his gaze. “I’m not the same girl I was back then.”

  He walked toward her slowly, not wanting to frighten her off. She looked as skittish as a stray animal, just waiting to be kicked or shooed away. “I’m not the same, either. I want to know you now. Who you are. Who you’ve become.”

  “You can’t—”

  “I do, Natalie. Give me a chance.” He bent, his head level with hers until she looked him in the eye. “Give us another chance. Can you do that?”

  She bit down on her lip. “I don’t know.” She turned, took two more steps toward the house, then looked back at him over her shoulder. “Liam?”

  “Yeah?”

  “That question you asked the other night. Whether I missed you, if I thought about you?” She gave him a whisper of a smile. “I did. Every single day I did.”

  Then she disappeared into the house, and a shiver ran through him, his body finally registering the cold.

  Chapter Eight

  “Pancakes or waffles?” Natalie pulled a jar of flour out of the cabinet next to Ruth’s refrigerator.

  “Pancakes,” Austin answered immediately. He looked up from his Lego pieces to where Ruth sat next to him at the kitchen table. “Is that okay with you, Ms. Ruth?”

  Natalie’s heart burst with pride at her son’s sweetness.

  Ruth concentrated on fitting together two blue blocks. “I like pancakes,” she said. “Used to make them for little Liam every Saturday morning.”

  “Little Liam still likes pancakes,” a deep voice said from the doorway.

  The measuring cup Natalie held in her hand clattered to the counter, flour spilling everywhere. She quickly swept it up with her hand, then dumped the powder into the sink.

  “Did you do your chores this morning?” Ruth asked. “And wash your hands?”

  Natalie turned, meeting Liam’s gaze across the room. She saw him draw in a breath and wanted to reach out, to offer him some support. With her specialization in geriatric nursing, she was used to the slow mental decline of seniors, how the past often became more real to them than the present.

  “Liam can help me with breakfast,” she offered. “There’s a quart of strawberries to be washed and cut in the refrigerator.”

  “Great.” His relief was palpable and Ruth seemed satisfied, once again occupied with stacking Austin’s leftover Lego bricks.

  “She usually becomes more lucid as the day goes on,” Natalie told him quietly as he stepped close to open the refrigerator. He smelled like cold air and shampoo, the ends of his hair still damp. For a moment he paused, hand on the door and looked down at her, swayed closer for a moment. His gray eyes captured hers, and the memory of his hands on her body washed over her like the heat from a banked fire.

  “Did you have a good week?” he asked softly.

  “Busy,” she whispered. She’d been avoiding him since last weekend, since she’d practically attacked him on his patio. He’d told her he wanted a second chance and her reaction had been to maul him, like some crazy undersexed
spinster desperate for any physical contact. Which she might be, but still...she liked to believe she had some pride left.

  One eyebrow lifted in silent question. It took her a moment to track back to the conversation at hand. Nope, not crazy at all.

  “I took on an extra shift at the senior center and I’m trying to get a bunch of jewelry made before Winterfest.”

  “I’ve seen posters around town. That’s the carnival next weekend?”

  She nodded. “They have a craft fair on Saturday afternoon. I wasn’t going to participate, but my friend Olivia insisted.” She placed her fingers around the refrigerator handle, careful not to touch his hand and opened the door.

  He stepped back and she took out a carton of eggs and handed him the strawberries. “How was your week?”

  A ghost of a smile played across his lips. “The good people of Crimson are certainly rolling out the red carpet to entice me to bring LifeMap to town.”

  She cracked an egg into a bowl and added a half cup of buttermilk, whipping the mixture together. Her first instinct was a sarcastic comment about how much more at home he’d feel in the flashier Aspen. She stopped herself, remembering her conversation with Jase, thinking of what she owed her old friend.

  “Crimson is a vibrant community,” she answered instead. “A lot of younger people and families are moving into town. It’s changing the dynamic. The area has a lot to offer.”

  “Does the town council have you on retainer?”

  He gave a small laugh as she handed him a cutting board and pointed to the block of knives across the counter. “I’ve been here my whole life. Who better to promote Crimson’s finer points?”

  “I remember when you were determined to leave this place.”

  “It was more my determination to stay with you,” she said before she thought about her answer. That was what lack of sleep would do, produce unnecessary honesty. She adjusted the burner on the stove and dropped a pat of butter onto the pan warming there. “What about you? Are you really thinking of returning to Crimson for the long haul or is this just some game you’re playing?”