How To Save A Life

by Andria Large

  +

  FERRIS

  Ezra finally stops throwing up, giving me the chance to strip him out of his clothes. Once he’s down to his underwear, and I can tear my eyes away from the sculpted body that he has, I finagle him to the top of the bed and pull the covers up over him.

  “Ferris,” Ezra slurs, barely able to drag his eyes open.

  “Yeah, Ezra?”

  “You’re sexy as fuck,” he declares with a small grin.

  I chuckle and shake my head. “Okay,” I say, placating my drunken friend.

  “That kiss was hot and I want to do it again,” Ezra murmurs, flopping his arm halfway off the bed so his fingers can touch mine.

  I sigh. I liked it, too, and would love to do it again, but I'm not sure how he's going to feel about it when he wakes up tomorrow and realizes what happened.

  “Me, too. Go to sleep, I’ll call you tomorrow,” I say.

  Ezra closes his eyes and nods. “M’kay.”

  I lean over, smoothing the dark hair back from his forehead before placing a gentle kiss there. He hums softly, which is then followed by light snores. I smile to myself. So Ezra is bi? I’m not sure what to think about that at the moment, and it’s not like I can talk to him about it right now.

  I take care of the trashcan in the ensuite bathroom then put it next to the side of the bed that Ezra is on, just in case. I then go downstairs to check on Spencer and his friend. I find them sitting in the living room watching a movie. I suddenly don’t feel comfortable leaving while Ezra is so out of it. What if something happens? What if the house catches on fire or something and Ezra is in too much of a deep sleep to get out? Spencer couldn’t possible lift his father’s dead weight. And what if something happens to Spencer and his dad isn’t there to help him? I have to stay.

  “Hey, Spence. Listen, your dad is in bed, he got sick but is now passed out. I don’t feel right leaving, so I’m going to crash on the floor in his room just in case he has to get sick again. I’m afraid he’s too drunk to get up and might choke.”

  Spencer nods fervently. “I would feel better if you stayed, too. I’ve never seen him like that,” he says, his tone giving away his worry.

  “Yeah, he doesn’t seem like the type to get drunk too often. He’s gonna be hurting tomorrow,” I reply. “Is your friend staying the night?”

  “Uh, no, my dad is on his way over to pick me up,” the boy says.

  “Okay, sounds good. I’m going back upstairs. Spencer, make sure to lock up after your friend leaves,” I instruct.

  “I will.”

  I make my way back up to Ezra’s room, close myself inside, and walk closer to the bed to check on him. I had left the bathroom light on in case Ezra woke up and needed the bathroom, so there is a soft glow cast over him; just enough light for me to see his sleeping face. I peer down at his handsome face and curse my heart for feeling things for him. Ezra was drunk tonight and not thinking straight. He may think that the kiss was a mistake come morning. He may be attracted to men, but that doesn't mean he wants to be in a relationship with me.

  I go over to the opposite side of the large king-sized bed and kick off my shoes. I told Spencer I was sleeping on the floor, but the bed is big enough that we can sleep together and never touch. I lie down on top of the covers and close my eyes. I fall asleep a few minutes later, my last conscience thought being about what’s going to happen tomorrow when Ezra wakes up.

  CHAPTER

  FIVE+

  EZRA

  I feel like there is a bunch of baby elephants tap dancing on my head. What the fuck happened last night? I crack an eye open only to groan and immediately shut it. The little bit of light coming from the bathroom is too much for my head to handle right now. Oh God, how much did I drink? I can’t remember ever being so drunk that I had this bad of a hangover, not even in college. Usually, I don’t drink enough to get hung over.

  I really have to get up and use the bathroom; my bladder is about to explode. I force myself to crack open my eye again then roll onto my stomach so that I can put my feet on the floor. My leg bumps against something. When I look down with my one cracked eye, I see my trashcan next to the bed. How did that get there?

  Come to think of it, I can’t even remember what happened most of the night. I remember drinking and talking at the bar with Ferris and Krista, doing some shots, and…maybe I danced? I don’t know. I shuffle into the bathroom and over to the toilet. That’s when I realize that I’m in my underwear. Did I undress myself? That’s highly doubtful with how trashed I was. Ferris must have done it. Poor guy must hate me now for having to take care of me like a fucking baby.

  After taking an hour long piss…or at least it feels like it to me…I go over to the sink and run the cold water. I splash some of the cold water on my face, before opening up the medicine cabinet behind the mirror to try and find some kill-me-now-drugs.

  “Need some help?”

  I jump, knocking a bunch of stuff out of the cabinet. I glance over my shoulder to see Ferris standing in the bathroom doorway, his hands hanging onto the sides of the doorframe as he leans in.

  “Holy fuck, where did you come from?!” I exclaim, my eyes wide open now, as my heart tries to pound its way out of my chest.

  “I was sleeping on the other side of your bed.” Ferris chuckles.

  “What?” I frown in confusion.

  “You were wasted. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving, so I spent the night on the other side of your very large, super comfy bed,” he replies with a wry grin.

  I groan and drop my throbbing head into my hands. “I can’t remember anything.”

  “Like I said, wasted.”

  “Why didn’t you stop me from drinking so much?” I whine.

  “I didn’t know you couldn’t handle your liquor.” He laughs.

  “I’m dying!”

  Ferris laughs some more but moves into the bathroom to help me. As he comes up behind me, he places his warm hand on the small of my back, while he rummages around in the cabinet for the ibuprofen. He has to remove his hand to open the bottle, and I pray that he puts it back when he’s done. It felt so good to have him touch me, even if it was an innocent touch. He hands me the pills, and I fill the cup on the counter with water and take them. Ferris then helps me back into bed and covers me up.

  “Stay in bed today. You need more sleep to get rid of a monster hangover like this. Don’t worry about Spencer, I’ll play daddy for the day.”

  “You’re the best, Ferris. I swear I’ll make it up to you,” I murmur, already starting to doze back off.

  “Hey, what are friends for?” Ferris murmurs softly.

  I’m not sure if the next part is real or a dream, but I’m fairly certain that Ferris smooths my hair back and kisses my forehead.

  +

  FERRIS

  “Alright, Bud, your dad is out for the count,” I say as I walk into the kitchen where Spencer is looking through the fridge for something to eat.

  I come up behind him and take a look.

  “Damn, you guys need to go food shopping,” I blurt.

  “Yeah, my dad usually goes today, but I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Spencer quips.

  “Ah, no,” I concur. “How about you and me go?”

  Spencer smiles and nods. “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Cool, we just have to walk to my house so I can change my clothes and get my car.”

  “Okay,” Spencer agrees.

  So after a short walk to my house, I quickly change into a T-shirt and jeans. We then hop in my car and head to the supermarket. We grab a cart and walk inside; first up are fruits and veggies. Spencer tells me what he and his dad do and don’t eat. He also talks about the kid, Jesse, that he likes. It was the same kid that was over their house last night. I listen and try to give him the best advice possible. I enjoy Spencer’s company; he’s a good kid and is smart and funny.

  We move on to the milk aisle, then on to the cheese and yogurt section. The cart slowly f
ills up as we move through the store.

  “So, did my dad meet any women last night?” Spencer asks, but his tone is cautious and hesitant, making me think that he wants to know, but doesn’t want to know at the same time.

  “No. Some girl tried to dance with him, but he wanted nothing to do with her. She was a little young for him anyway,” I answer.

  Spencer blows out a breath that he was apparently holding. “Oh, good.”

  I look over at the kid who is almost as tall as I am and cock my head. “You don’t want your dad to be with anyone else?” I ask curiously.

  “It’s not that I want him to be alone forever,” he starts with a sigh. “I just…some women can be nasty, and I don’t want him to find someone like that. I don’t want an evil stepmother.”

  Apparently, he doesn't know that his dad also likes men.

  “Spencer, I don’t think your dad would ever be with someone who doesn’t treat both of you right.”

  “I told him last night that I wished he’d go out with you, like for real, on a date,” Spencer confesses, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

  My eyes almost bug out of my head. “What? Why?” I choke out.

  “Because I like you, and I think you fit into our family really well,” he says bashfully.

  I can’t help but smile. “Well, I like you too, Stretch,” I reply and give Spencer a one-armed hug and kiss the top of his head.

  Oh, if he only knew about what his father said and did last night.

  We turn the corner to go into the chip aisle. Spencer asks if we can get Doritos, and after what he just said, I can’t say no.

  “Ferris?” a familiar voice says from a few feet in front of us.

  I lift my gaze and stare like a deer caught in headlights at a man I haven’t seen in three years. My brother, Miles, is standing there staring at me with a bag of chips in his hand. His other hand is holding a little boy’s hand, who looks to be about two years old. I gape at the little boy who looks exactly like my brother. Holy shit, that’s his son! I have a nephew!

  “Miles,” I croak, my throat suddenly tight. I turn my gaze to him once again. “What are you doing here?

  He doesn’t live around here, so it’s out of the ordinary that he’s in this neighborhood. I can’t tell what my brother is thinking; it’s like he’s shocked, sad, elated, and disgusted all at once.

  “I’m visiting a friend in the area. Thought I’d stop and grab a couple of snacks.” Miles eyes dart to Spencer. “Who’s this?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow in question.

  “This is my buddy’s son, Spencer. Spencer, this is my brother, Miles,” I introduce.

  Miles gives Spencer a nod before looking back to me. “Is ‘buddy’ a code word for boyfriend?” he questions, an odd tone to his voice.

  “No,” I snap, my anger flaring up quickly at the jab.

  Miles nods again, eyeing me up and down, as if he’s not sure whether to believe me or not.

  “Is this your son?” I ask, motioning toward the little boy.

  “Yes,” is all Miles says in reply. He doesn’t even have the decency to tell me his name or introduce me to my nephew.

  I swallow hard as I fight off the tears that threaten to blur my vision. My family is continuing with their lives, growing, loving each other, and I’m not included. The pain steals my breath away. Damn, I thought I had blocked out these feelings when it came to my family; apparently, not.

  “Are you still gay?” my brother asks, a hint of disgust in his voice.

  “Of course I am, it doesn’t just go away, Miles. It’s not a disease that can be cured,” I utter in exasperation.

  Miles shakes his head sadly. “Why can’t you just be normal like everyone else?”

  My eyebrows furrow. Before I can reply, Spencer boldly asks, “Why do you care?”

  My head whips around to look at the young man with the fierce expression on his face, who is standing up for me.

  Miles frowns at Spencer. “Because it’s not right. Men aren’t supposed to sleep with other men. It’s against nature. Men can’t procreate with other men, that’s why it’s supposed to be a man and a woman.”

  Spencer jerks his chin back incredulously. “Against nature? There are studies that show that not only humans, but also many animal species look for comfort, love, affection, and even sex from the same sex. Chimps, lions, dolphins, dogs, and cats are just a few on the list.”

  I bite back a smile. Gotta love cold hard facts coming from a fourteen year old.

  Miles sputters, unable to come up with a response, so Spencer continues, “If you truly loved your brother, it wouldn’t matter who the hell he is sleeping with because it’s none of your damn business. He’s still your brother, your family, your blood, no matter who he chooses to love.”

  Miles blinks at Spencer in utter shock. Spencer, who has been pushing the shopping cart, turns it around and starts out of the aisle. “Come on, Ferris, I’m done talking to your jerk brother and his lame excuses for being a douchebag.”

  Miles’ mouth drops open and he gapes at Spencer’s back. I can only shrug and follow my hero out of the aisle. How in the world did a thirty-five year old man just have his ass handed to him by a high school kid? It was an incredible sight to be seen, that’s for sure.

  Spencer stomps down to the next aisle and turns angrily into it. He stops the cart and spins around to glare at me, his light blue eyes blazing furiously.

  “I didn’t know your family was a bunch of dickheads,” he snaps.

  I shake my head and pull Spencer into a hug. “Thank you.”

  Spencer hugs me back and I can feel that he’s shaking, most likely from anger and adrenaline. “For what?”

  “For sticking up for me. That took some serious balls.”

  “I didn’t like the way he was talking to you, like there’s something wrong with you,” Spencer murmurs quietly.

  I sigh and let him go. “I haven’t seen or spoken to him, or the rest of my family, in three years. They disowned me when I told them I was gay. That’s why I always tell you how lucky you are to have a father that loves you so freaking much.”

  Spencer’s jaw clenches and he rakes a hand through his dark hair. “That’s so messed up.”

  “Hey, that’s life, my friend. Not everyone is as accepting as your dad. You just got to see first hand what some of the kids in group have gone through, or are still going through.”

  “It’s not fair,” Spencer bites out.

  “Life is not fair, Spence. It never was, and it never will be,” I murmur, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

  We finish our shopping in silence. I can tell that Spencer is lost in his own head. When we get back to the house, he helps me put most of the food away then says he’s going to his room. I believe that today is going to be something that sticks with Spencer for the rest of his life. I finish putting away the last couple of things then go upstairs to check on Ezra.

  +

  EZRA

  I wake when I hear the door to my bedroom open and close. My head is no longer pounding, but my stomach feels queasy now. Groaning, I scrub my hands hard over my scruffy face.

  “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  That voice. Now my stomach does something else; it flutters nervously because of that low, soothing voice. I lift my head to look at Ferris, who has come to a stop at the end of my bed. He looks good in a form fitting, blue T-shirt and worn jeans. His scruff is a little longer than he normally has it, but it looks sexy that way. Did I just think that Ferris looked sexy? Yes, yes I did.

  “Like shit,” I respond, answering Ferris’ question.

  “I’ll bet,” he replies with a knowing smirk.

  I drop my head back onto my pillow and rub my eyes some more. “What happened last night?”

  “Besides you getting wasted?” Ferris snickers.

  I let my hands flop down onto the bed. “Yes, besides that.”

  “You don’t remember anything?”

  I notice a hint of…cautio
usness or something, in his tone.

  I frown and push myself up to lean on my elbows so I can look at him. “Not really. I remember dancing a little bit and talking before that, but everything else is kinda fuzzy.”

  Ferris looks like he’s warring with himself over something. His gray eyes are searching my face as he chews on his bottom lip. Dread has my stomach bottoming out. Oh God, what did I do?

  “What? What did I do?” I ask nervously.

  Ferris curses and rakes a hand through his dirty blond hair. “Look, it’s not that big of a deal, so don’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything bad or illegal.”

  I shoot up into a sitting position. “But I did something?” I squawk.

  “Something happened,” Ferris says slowly. “But you were drunk and not thinking straight, it’s nothing to worry about.”

  I rack my brain for whatever it is that I’m forgetting. What happened? What did I do? My stomach lurches and I know I’m going to be sick soon, but I need to know what I did more then I need to throw up.

  “You need to tell me,” I demand.

  Ferris sighs and walks over to my side of the bed and sits down next to my hip, facing me slightly. “Fine,” he huffs. “You told me that you wanted me when we were dancing together, and when I said I thought you were straight, you said, ‘I never said I was completely straight.’ Then you pushed me up against the wall next to the bathroom and kissed me.”

  Horrified. That’s the only emotion I can feel right now, beside the fact that my stomach will no longer hold back its contents. I slap a hand over my mouth and scramble out of the bed, pushing Ferris aside and racing to the bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet in time before heaving my guts up.

  A moment later, I hear Ferris say bitterly, “Wow, I had no idea kissing me was repulsive enough to make you puke. I’m gonna get outta here, nice knowing ya, Ezra.”