Forever and Always

by E. L. Todd

  Sean met my gaze. “I don’t know,” he said. “I think I’ve always known. Even before you left, I started to realize how much I needed you—always. When we were apart, I thought about you constantly and realized how much I missed you. It was the morning after you left that I went to your apartment to try to work things out. I wanted to be with you then, but when I found that you were already gone, I knew how much I’d hurt you. Ryan and I thought it was best if I left you alone.”

  I nodded. “That makes sense. I was in a really dark place, but Ryan helped me out of it. I think I’m a stronger person from the experience.”

  “I can tell,” he said.

  “How are things at work?” I asked as I drank from my wine.

  “It’s fine,” he said.

  “Did you play racquetball with your boss?”

  “No.” Sean laughed. “After he realized you weren’t coming, he called it off and started to ignore me at work.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  Sean nodded. “There is a fine line between sex and politics.”

  “Was he actually expecting to sleep with me?” I asked. “That’s disturbing.”

  “No. He just likes to be around pretty women. It makes him look better—more powerful.”

  “Men,” I said in a disgusted voice. “And I can’t believe you tried to set me up with one.”

  “Brian isn’t like that,” he said. “He just acts weird around you.”

  “Are you going to tell him that I’m your girlfriend?”

  He nodded. “I’m going to tell anyone who will listen—twice.”

  I laughed and almost spilled my wine. “You’re sweet.”

  “Only for you,” he said.

  The memory of him sleeping with Janice came back to my mind, along with the hurt and the betrayal. I wondered if he continued to sleep with her after I left, but I decided not to ask.

  “Have you talked to Janice?” I asked.

  Sean looked uncomfortable at the mention of her. “Yes,” he said. “She’s really worried about you. She wanted me to tell you that she’s sorry and that she loves you. You are still her best friend.”

  I nodded. “Maybe I should call her.”

  “You should,” Sean said. “I know you’re mad at her, but she feels horrible about what happened. In her defense, you lied to her about your feelings for me. I think you should give her a chance.”

  I sighed. “I think you’re right.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “And Scarlet, I want you to know that I didn’t sleep with anyone when we were apart—that includes Janice.”

  The news made me happy, but I tried to hide my glee. It was obvious how much he loved me by staying faithful to me even though we weren’t together. Guilt flooded my mind when I thought about Cortland. I didn’t know if I should tell him. I didn’t respond to his words and Sean didn’t ask me if I had slept with anyone, thankfully. I wasn’t sure what my answer would have been.

  “Are you ready to go?” he asked. “It’s almost midnight—three in New York.”

  “Sure,” I said. “You must be tired.”

  Sean dropped the money on the table and we left, taking a taxi back to the apartment. Sean wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I placed my hand on his thigh. We were really a couple and it felt right—perfect.

  When we got back to the apartment, Ryan was already in his room sleeping. I walked towards my bedroom, but Sean moved into the living room.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Getting ready for bed,” he said.

  “You’re coming into my room with me,” I said. “You aren’t sleeping on the couch.”

  “I don’t mind,” he said.

  I walked over to him and grabbed his hand. “Don’t be annoying, Sean. Come to bed with me.”

  Sean didn’t move. “Scarlet, I don’t think I should.” I sat down beside him and rested my hand on top of his.

  “Why not?” I asked.

  Sean sighed. “I know if I sleep next to you, I’m going to make a move.”

  “I want you to.” I smiled.

  “I want to take this slow,” he said. “I don’t want to mess this up again. Besides, your brother is in the next room.”

  I rolled my eyes. “He’s had girls over before. And we’ve already slept together, Sean. I really want to do it again.” I ran my hand up his thigh and he closed his eyes.

  Sean stopped my hand. “I love you, Scarlet, and I respect you. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”

  “I am ready, Sean.”

  “Let’s give it some time.”

  “Are you afraid to be with me?” I asked sadly.

  He shook his head. “Absolutely not,” he said quickly. “Believe me, I want you, Scarlet. Seeing you wearing that dress tonight made me want to take you in the middle of that bar, but I can’t rush this because I love you. I don’t want to jump into something you aren’t ready for, even if you say you are. I know how much I hurt you, and I want make sure that you trust me before we begin a physical relationship.”

  “I do trust you, Sean. Stop being a prude.”

  Sean laughed. “You have no idea how much I don’t want to be,” he said. “I’ve thought about making love to you since the first time I had you. You never told me you were amazing in bed.”

  “Well, it never came up.” I smiled.

  Sean kissed my forehead. “Don’t doubt my desire for you. I just want to treat you right.”

  I sighed. “Fine,” I said.

  Sean smiled at me. “I love that you want me so much.”

  “Well, you know your way around the bedroom, too. And I love you, Sean. I want to make love to the man I’m in love with.”

  “You’ll get your chance,” he said as he patted my thigh.

  “Can I at least kiss you?”

  “If you can control yourself.” He smiled.

  “Look who’s conceited now,” I said.

  Sean grabbed my face and kissed me, moving my lips slowly with his own. His fingers glided through my hair as he parted my lips with his tongue, and I felt myself gasp involuntarily. I forgot how great of a kisser he was. My hands were running through his hair by their own will. Sean laid me back on the couch, spreading my legs with his hips. He glided his hand down my legs and massaged my calf then moved his hands back to my face. My fingers scratched his back as we kissed on the couch. I wanted more, but I knew he would never give it to me. Sean didn’t touch my breasts or the area between my legs as he caressed the rest of my body. Finally, he broke our kiss and stared at me.

  “You should go to bed. I don’t know if I can be a gentleman any longer.”

  “I don’t want you to be.”

  He pressed his forehead against mine and sighed. “Please don’t say that to me.”

  “Sean, I want you.”

  He growled and moved away from me. “Good night, Scar,” he said.

  I pulled down my dress and got to my feet. “I’ll grab you some blankets,” I said as I walked to the closet. I tossed him a sheet and an extra pillow then stood in front of him.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  I pushed him back and sat on his lap, straddling his hips.

  “It isn’t going to work,” he whispered.

  I sighed, annoyed that I wasn’t going to get any. I kissed him gently. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” he said as he cupped my face.

  “Good night,” I said as I got to my feet.

  “Good night, babe.”

  I smiled at him. “Babe?”

  “What?”

  “Why are you calling me that?”

  “You’re my girlfriend—I can call you whatever I want.”

  I turned around and walked toward the hallway. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Good night,” he said.

  2

  When I woke up the next morning, Sean was still asleep on the couch. Instead of walking into the living room in my pajamas with no makeup, I dolled mysel
f up for my new boyfriend, not wanting him to see me look so hideous. I had never been happier in my life, and even though I really wanted to sleep with Sean, knowing he was in the next room was enough.

  I sat at the kitchen table and ate my cereal quietly, letting Sean sleep as long as possible since he was still acclimating to the time difference. Ryan came in a moment later and spotted Sean on the couch. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat across from me, reading the newspaper like he did every morning. Ryan didn’t strike me as a guy that cared about local news in Seattle, but he read the paper every single day.

  I heard a loud yawn from the living room and knew Sean was awake. He got up and stretched, and I walked over to him, giving him a kiss.

  “Good morning,” I said.

  “Good morning.” He smiled. “Sorry I slept in so late.”

  “I’m glad you got some rest,” I said. “Would you like some breakfast?”

  “I’ll just have coffee.” Sean rose from the couch and entered the kitchen, pouring himself a mug of coffee. He sat at the table with us while I had breakfast. I was practically jumping in my seat because I was so happy. Ryan smiled at me from across the table.

  “I’m surprised you slept on the couch,” Ryan said.

  “I didn’t mind,” Sean said quickly.

  “I would have given you my bed,” Ryan said. “Guests should never sleep on the couch.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “But the couch is fine, really.”

  “I offered to let him sleep with me, but he refused,” I said.

  Ryan shook his head. “That’s because Sean has some class—unlike you.”

  I rolled my eyes at my brother.

  Ryan turned the page of the newspaper. “Do you want to play ball with Cortland and I?” he asked. “We are leaving in a few minutes.”

  “Sure,” Sean said before I could reject the offer. Now that Sean was there and only for a weekend, I wanted to spend all my time with him. “Do you have some clothes I can borrow?”

  “Yeah,” Ryan said.

  Cortland knocked on the door just then. “Come in,” Ryan said.

  Cortland came into the kitchen with the basketball in his hands. He smiled to me then nodded at Sean. “You guys coming?”

  “Yeah,” Sean said. “We can play teams.”

  “Yay,” I said sarcastically.

  Sean smiled at me. “I am yours for the rest of the day.”

  “You better be.”

  “I’m going to change,” Sean said as he got up.

  “I’ll grab you some clothes,” Ryan said as he followed him.

  Cortland sat down next to me. “Did you tell him?”

  “No.” I sighed. “And I don’t think I’m going to.”

  “Don’t you think he has the right to know?”

  “Well, we weren’t together—or even speaking—at the time. I don’t think it’s any of his business. Besides, it will just make it awkward between you two, and since nothing is ever going to happen between us again, he has no reason to feel threatened by you. I think it’s best if we don’t tell him.”

  “Well, Ryan might.”

  I shook my head. “No, he won’t.”

  “So, if he asks if you slept with anyone, you’re just going to lie?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “I’ll make up a fictitious person.”

  “If you think that’s best.” He sighed.

  “I do,” I said. “I don’t want to ruin my friendship with you. And that’s all we are—friends.”

  Cortland shrugged. “It’s up to you.”

  Ryan and Sean came back and we left the apartment, walking to the courts a few blocks away. Sean held my hand as we walked, and when we got to the basketball court, we started a game of two on two.

  “I pick Cortland,” Ryan said quickly. “I’m not going to be on my sister’s team—she sucks.”

  “Damn.” Sean sighed. “Now I’m stuck with her.”

  I hit him lightly on the shoulder, and he laughed at me. “You don’t want me on your team?”

  He wrapped his arms around me. “Not if I want to win.”

  “Come on, lovebirds. Let’s play,” Ryan shouted.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Well, what’s more important to you? Winning this game or having a girlfriend?” I asked.

  Sean stroked his chin like he was deep in thought, and I hit him again. “Okay,” he said quickly. “I’m happy that I’m on your team.”

  “Good.” I smiled. “That’s better.”

  We started the game, but I lagged behind the three men. Sean tried to keep me involved by stealing the ball from Ryan then tossing it to me. Then he would block the men from moving towards me so I could make a shot. The rest of the game went that way. Of course, we lost, but we had a lot of fun playing it. Sean and I were both sweaty when the game ended, so he grabbed my shirt and wiped his forehead on it.

  “You’re so gross,” I yelled as I pulled my shirt away.

  He grabbed my face and kissed me. “You are too,” he said as he licked his lips. “But I like it, so it’s okay.”

  “Mega-Shake?” Ryan asked.

  “Let’s do it,” Cortland said.

  We walked to the shop and ordered our food. We all washed our hands before we took a seat in the corner.

  “You guys come here a lot?” Sean asked.

  “Yes,” I answered. “Ryan and I used to come here almost every day as kids to get shakes.”

  “Yes, my sister would drag me here constantly,” Ryan said.

  I threw a fry at my brother. “You wanted to come here more than I did.”

  Most of the time, my brother and I would stay there and do our homework until we had to go home, wanting to be out of the house as much as possible. My father passed away, leaving us alone with a mother that hated us with every fiber of her being. My mother used to hit me when she was drunk, but Ryan would always intervene and take the beating himself, protecting me with his body. I looked up at Ryan and we shared the same thought. This place was our safe haven.

  Ryan finished his food and pushed it away. “Cortland and I are going to a comedy show tonight,” he said.

  Cortland nodded. “I got free tickets from work,” he said. “I would invite you guys, but I only have two tickets.”

  “What about Monnique?” I asked.

  “She has to work,” Cortland said sadly.

  “When are we going to meet her?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t want to scare her off, and meeting you might make her run for the hills.”

  “You are starting to act like Ryan,” I said. “You are spending too much time together.”

  “No,” Cortland said. “I think you are just becoming my annoying sister, too.”

  I looked at Sean. “You see what I have to put up with?”

  Sean smiled. “I feel bad for them, too.”

  I pinched his side gently and tickled him. “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

  He looked at me. “Well, if it makes you feel better, I definitely don’t think of you as my sister.”

  “I would hope not,” I said with a laugh.

  Sean finished his last fry. “I want to order one of these milkshakes now. See what the big deal is.”

  “You’ll love it,” I said excitedly.

  Sean stared at me for a moment. “I’m sure that I will.”

  “I’ll go order them,” I said as I stood up. Cortland was already on his feet.

  “So, three chocolates, and what flavor will you be getting, Sean?” Cortland asked.

  “Vanilla,” he said.

  Cortland walked away to order and pay for the shakes before I could even move. “That guy is such a snob,” I said as I sat down again.

  “He seems like a nice guy to me,” Sean said as he shrugged his shoulders.

  “And why did you get vanilla?” I asked him. “That is the lame flavor.”

  “Well, I didn’t want strawberry.”

  “You could have gotten ch
ocolate.”

  “But you guys all ordered that,” he said. “I wasn’t going to conform.”

  “You are so weird.” I sighed.

  “You’re the one that doesn’t share milk products, pours the cereal on top of the milk, and you eat hot dogs off the ground.” He laughed.

  “Don’t get me started on that,” Ryan said as he shook his head. “Who doesn’t share milk products? How is that any different than other products?”

  I shook my head as I thought for a moment. “It’s just gross.”

  Sean stared at me. “You’re the weirdo,” he said. “Sharing a glass of water is just as disgusting.”

  I made a gagging face. “But milk is thick and pasteurized—and—it’s just nasty.”

  “Okay,” Sean said sarcastically. “Now it totally makes sense.”

  Cortland walked back to the table with our shakes when Ryan said, “You really ate a hotdog off the ground?”

  Cortland stopped and stared at me. “Is that true?”

  I felt all their eyes fall on me, judging me for what I did. “Well, yeah, it was still good.”

  “When was this?” Cortland asked.

  “When she was in New York,” Sean said. “She dropped it on the ground after the vendor handed it to her, but she ate it anyway.”

  Ryan stared at Sean. Now he was judging him. “And you kiss her?”

  Sean smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “She’s gross, but I like it.”

  Cortland stared at me for a moment, and I knew he was grossed out because he had kissed me too. I couldn’t help it. I started laughing at the look of disgust on his face.

  Ryan turned to Cortland. “And she doesn’t share milk products,” he said. “Are you sure you want her to be your sister, too?”

  “I don’t get it,” he said. “Why are milk products different than other stuff?”

  Sean laughed. “Apparently it’s thicker and pasteurized—whatever the hell that means.”

  “You guys are all jerks,” I said as I sat back in my seat.

  Sean leaned forward towards Cortland. “And she has to pour her cereal on top of the milk. She won’t eat it if the milk goes on last. She claims that it’s too soggy.”

  Cortland started laughing. “So, let me get this straight. You will eat a nasty hotdog off the ground, but you refuse to eat a bowl of cereal because it’s too soggy? And you won’t share a milkshake with your boyfriend because of all the bacteria?” Ryan started laughing so hard that he was heaving with breaths, and Sean was wiping the tears from his eyes. “That makes absolutely no fucking sense, Scar.”