Ever (The Ever Trilogy)

by Jessa Russo

  Jessie and I were lounging in my patio chairs, enjoying the sunshine, looking through newspapers, magazines, and the Pennysaver. Since we had decided not to live on campus, we were trying to find the best apartment for the least amount of money—which could be a crapshoot in Los Angeles.

  Jessie paused to look at me, a question in her eyes.

  “What is it, Jess? I know that look.”

  “Well, you know, Ever”—she closed the Apartment Guide, briefly glancing over to the fence before turning her full attention to me—”you never really tell me anything about Toby.”

  “What? What do you mean? Of course I do.”

  “No, actually you don’t. I mean, sure, you talk about Toby all the time—which tells me how head over heels you are. And the way he stood up for me Sunday night shows how chivalrous he is, which totally makes me love him … but you never actually tell me anything about him. But he seems to be away a lot, and”—she paused, and I could tell she was trying not to sound too concerned, but I knew she wasn’t happy about how frequently Toby was absent from my life—”well, you know, you don’t tell me much. Like who he is, what he does, what he likes, et cetera.”

  An image of Toby standing over Frankie’s lifeless body flashed through my mind. I shuddered and pushed it aside. After how amazing he’d been on Jessie’s behalf Sunday night, I’d told myself I wasn’t going to dwell on my silly nightmare.

  So much blood. Frankie’s blood.

  I couldn’t possibly tell her that I didn’t actually know anything about Toby, so I tried to recall everything I did know.

  “He’s twenty-two.”

  “Wow, that’s really unique and shocking, Ev. You’ve overloaded me with information.”

  Okay, um … “He likes the Black Keys.”

  “Well, that’s easy enough. Doesn’t everybody like the Black Keys?”

  “Does Greg?” I already knew he didn’t from Jessie’s very first email about him. She had been shocked and traumatized that the one didn’t like her favorite band. That’s it, she’d typed, I can never see him again!

  She’d gotten over that real fast.

  “Well, well, touché Ever, you do have a point. Okay, so he has stellar taste in music, cars, and he likes black as much as you do. Maybe even more than you do.” She made a disgusted face and scrunched up her nose.

  “He works with his dad. That’s why he’s away so much.”

  “Oh geez, Ever, I know that. Tell me something I don’t know. I can’t imagine he’s as mysterious as he seems. That’s so cliché.”

  I looked down at my hands, trying to think of all the things I knew about Toby. I felt strange—unable to recall more than what was already common knowledge. How could I be so into someone I hardly knew?

  So much blood.

  “Dammit!”

  “What? Geez, Ev, relax.”

  I looked up at Jessie, realizing I’d cussed out loud and trying to figure out a way to explain why. Shoot. I didn’t know what to say.

  “Well then, it seems you need me. Don’t worry, Ev. That’s what best friends are for. I’ll investigate Toby, and you can investigate Greg! Ooh, this will be so much fun! And Greg totally wants to meet you!” She paused, looking off into the distance briefly. “Tonight. We’ll meet up tonight. Sound good?”

  “Wait, Jess, I don’t know what Toby has planned tonight so—”

  “Oh, Ever, call him, silly! Tell him that your very best friend in the whole wide world wants to hang out with him. I’m sure he’ll understand. And who knows, maybe he and Greg will hit it off and become best friends, too. Wouldn’t that be fantastic?”

  As she gathered her copies of our apartment hunting materials and was getting ready to leave, she added, “Meet us at the Block, at … Fridays? I could totally go for some Green Bean Fries. Say, what, like five o’clock?”

  She kissed me on the cheek and was out the door, clearly not waiting for an answer.

  I hadn’t even talked to Toby since he’d gotten back, so I had no idea what we were doing yet. I hoped he didn’t have anything planned because I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out of a double date with Jessie and Greg now that she’d set her mind to it.

  I headed inside to my room and picked up the phone on my desk to call his cell.

  “Hey, babe.”

  “Hey.” I felt myself blushing. I explained the situation to him, and he reminded me that our date was my choice tonight. That part out of the way, I figured I should give him a heads up about the best friend inquisition he was about to experience so he could mentally prepare himself.

  He just laughed. “Okay, sounds good.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, I can cancel—”

  “You make it sound like she’s going to attack me or something.”

  “Well … .”

  “Right. I can’t imagine someone who dresses like a cotton candy machine could pose much of a threat, but I’ll take my chances.”

  I was relieved he was so agreeable to the idea of a double date. I was looking forward to meeting the guy who finally got Jessie to commit to something serious. I assumed he must be pretty special. I looked at the clock and realized I was running out of time, so I jumped in the shower and got ready as quickly as possible.

  When I stepped outside that evening, I noticed that Toby wasn’t waiting for me as he usually was. Ha! I’m finally ready before him! A silly victory, yes, but I allowed myself to celebrate. Until I looked at my watch and realized that I was actually about twenty whole minutes early. What? How had I managed that? I made a mental note to check the clock in my bedroom for accuracy when I got back later.

  I crossed over our two yards with a cocky smile on my face. Ridiculously early or not, I was just happy I wasn’t late for once. I reached up to knock but stopped when I heard his father’s shouting coming from inside. My hand was suspended in the air, just inches away from the door. I knew I should either knock or go back to my own house and pretend I wasn’t twenty minutes early for our date, but I couldn’t help myself. I listened. I’m a terrible person.

  ”You are interfering, Tobias! You have a job to do! Or have you forgotten?”

  “I’m well aware of that fact, Ted, you don’t let me forget—”

  ”You are not some ridiculous lovesick boy, Tobias. You are wasting precious time. Can you even imagine the repercussions that could come of this little romance?”

  Romance? Are they talking about me?

  Curiosity killed the cat, I chided myself. Go home, Ever. This is none of your business. But my feet didn’t move, and I didn’t turn away.

  “She is getting in the way of our priorities.”

  “Our priorities, Ted? Or your priorities?”

  “It’s time to end it. I’ve allowed this silliness to go on for too long already. You were supposed to get yourself inside her house … .”

  My house? My questioning thoughts were cut off when he finished his sentence.

  “… not her pants.

  I’m sorry, what? Did he just say what I think he said? Fury bubbled up within me. My pants?

  “You know how badly I need this, Tobias.”

  “You’re right. I do know that. You’ve made it very clear on numerous occasions. What I don’t know is why. Why do you need this so badly? Why this family?”

  This family? This was just getting weirder by the second. It’s your own fault. I mean, who does this? I mentally chastised myself again for my eavesdropping.

  “I … I can’t tell you why. Just get the job done, Tobias.”

  “I just need a little more—”

  “A little more what, Tobias? More time? Oh, now I’ve heard everything! There is no more time!”

  His father was laughing at him now, and I couldn’t believe the menace in his voice. Maybe this was why Toby never wanted to hang out at his house or talk about his family. His dad sounded like a total jerk. And a crazy one at that. I mentally crossed inviting the two of them over for dinner off my list of things to do.

  �
��You have until the end of the week to get the information I need, or coming here will be a complete wash. Get rid of that child, Tobias.”

  Child? I had never even met his dad officially. Heck, I’d only even seen him that one time. How could he dislike me so much? If I was being honest, it hurt my feelings. I had never been so disliked by anyone—at least, anyone that I knew of. And knowing is half the battle.

  “Oh, and Tobias? One more thing. I’ve already called in Gregor.”

  Gregor? What’s a Gregor?

  I was startled out of my puzzled thoughts by the door opening and Toby almost running right into me in his haste to leave the house. He stopped in front of me, nose to nose, our toes almost touching. I smelled his familiar scent of Irish Spring soap and light cologne. His eyes blazed with anger, their dark blue shade intensified.

  “Ever. What are you doing here? What time is—?” He glanced at the time on the screen of his cell phone. “How long have you—?”

  As Toby swung the door shut behind him, I caught a quick glimpse of his father glaring out at me. Wow. If looks could kill. All the hairs on my body stood on end under that stare, relief pulsing through me when the door slammed shut between us.

  Toby saw the confusion on my face and must have assumed I’d heard part of their conversation, because he went right into trying to explain what he thought I’d most likely heard, grabbing me by the hand and leading me to the car. I got in and sat down, too stunned to say anything or even buckle up.

  What was that all about?

  I couldn’t shake the terrible feeling I’d gotten from his dad’s stare down.

  “See, Ever,” Toby began once he was settled in his seat, “you don’t understand Ted—I mean, my dad. You don’t understand my dad. He doesn’t see the point in me dating and spending so much time with a girl.”

  “Oh. I see. He wants you to date lots of girls.”

  Toby reached over and took my hand. “No, no. It’s not like that at all. He doesn’t want me to date any girl. Period.”

  “Oh,” I answered, not really knowing how to respond. And then it hit me. “Oh. Since your mother left?”

  He paused halfway through backing out of the driveway, his hand going slack in mine, and looked over at me. I realized my mistake—he’d never told me about his mother leaving. I had heard it via the neighborhood gossip mill, but he had never told me. In fact, it may or may not have even been what happened.

  Oh no.

  He considered me through slightly squinted eyes for a long few seconds before leaning over and kissing me, just a brief, tender sweep of his lips against mine. I admit that wasn’t what I had been expecting him to do. He lingered there, just inches away from my face.

  “Yeah. Since my mom left. He just doesn’t see the point anymore.”

  “I’m sorry, Toby. I shouldn’t have said anything. I know you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t have to. I get it. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry. I don’t like to talk about certain things either, like my sister, and—”

  Shit.

  His eyebrows rose slightly. I was rambling. I was feeling so awkward over what I’d just said about his life, that I almost went way too far into my own family history. I was about as eager to tell him about my dead sister as I was ready to tell him about Frankie.

  “You have a sister?”

  There it is. The question of all questions.

  “Had. I had a sister. She died before I was born.”

  Toby’s eyes widened ever so slightly. “Oh, I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t know.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t talk about her, so … .” I shrugged. No big deal. It’s not like I’d known her.

  He kissed me again and turned his attention back to driving, not pushing me further, as if knowing I didn’t want to go there. That’s the last either of us said about his dad or my sister. I guessed I’d have to wait for the details. I was okay with that. He’d tell me more when he was ready. And one day I’d tell him about my sister. If we’re still together in August, I thought to myself. Yeah, I’d tell him then. We celebrated her birthday every year.

  “So, tell me how to get to Friday’s from here. It’s off Katella, right?”

  “No, no, it’s off the 22 freeway.”

  I directed him to the Block, which was pretty crowded, being a Friday night. We had to walk a little ways to the restaurant from our parking spot. When we got there, we surpassed the large group of people waiting to be seated as Jess waved us over to a table in the corner where she and Greg sat waiting for us.

  Where Toby was tall and lean, Greg was bulky and muscular. He had the body of a football player, and he wore a college letterman’s jacket in those familiar rival colors. I knew instantly what had drawn Jessie to him and it wasn’t his massive chest, chiseled jaw, or cheesy Hummer … the letterman’s jacket sealed the deal. Who cared that his alma mater was USC instead of UCLA? A letter was a letter. His hair was dark brown and cut short. His eyes were hazel, and his nose was strong and chiseled like his jaw, with the telltale bend of a nose that had been broken once or twice—probably on the football field, I imagined. He was quite a few years older than us, and I assumed he was probably nothing like the boys Jessie had dated before. She must have been in heaven.

  Jessie made the necessary introductions as a frazzled looking waitress herded us into the booth so we’d get out of the walkway. She took our drink orders and quickly hurried off. I picked up a menu, opening it to see what I wanted to eat, and reached down for Toby’s hand. When I found it, I was surprised to find it balled into a tight fist at his side. I looked up at his face and noticed his jaw was rigid and tense, and he was staring hard at Greg. What the heck? Jessie was engulfed in her menu and hadn’t noticed the tension coming from Toby. I looked next to her at Greg who seemed to have the same intense look in his eyes, returning Toby’s heated stare.

  What the heck? Do they know each other? This was way too weird.

  I gently nudged Toby’s hand to get his attention. My touch seemed to snap him out of his funk, and he broke eye contact with Greg and turned his head in my direction. I shrunk back reflexively when the full heat of his stare was directed at me. Seeing the confused look on my face, he slightly shook his head and smiled at me, his playful side back again. He snatched my menu, breaking the tension.

  “Hey!”

  “Oh whoops! The waitress only gave us two for the whole table. Guess you don’t get one.” He held it just out of my reach and then whispered, “I’ll trade it for a kiss.” He nibbled my ear before pulling away, sending a happy feeling down into my toes.

  I gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, not being one for public displays of affection, and he frowned at me.

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  I knew, but I just smiled my biggest smile, and he gave in, holding the menu between us. Jessie pushed her menu between her and Greg, and we all sat in silence for the next few moments, the strange intensity between the two guys fading away.

  The strain of the fight with his dad had left Toby extra quiet, and without him to prompt me, I wasn’t incredibly talkative either. As if not having much to say wasn’t already bad enough, I occasionally caught something weird passing between Greg and Toby. I’d see a look from Greg that resulted in Toby’s body growing tense again. Or I’d see a tightening in Toby’s jaw, followed by a smirk from Greg. It was all very strange, and it made for a slightly uncomfortable evening, though somehow, Jessie remained completely oblivious to it. I wondered if I could possibly be imagining things.

  About halfway through the meal, Jessie apparently had enough of the strange silence and began talking up a storm, telling stories and asking questions. Before long, newscaster Jessie arrived, and we were all actively engaged in the conversation.

  ”So, Toby, how many girlfriends have you had before Ever?”

  “Oh my gosh! Jessie!”

  Eyes wide from shock, I looked over at Toby. He’d tensed up, and his jaw was tight again. I couldn’t believe
Jessie had asked him that. Wait. Yes I could. We’re talking about Jessie after all. Always the reporter.

  “What? It’s not that hard of a question, Ev. I mean, it’s not like I asked him boxers or briefs.” She looked at Toby expectantly and batted her long lashes.

  “I’ve only had one serious girlfriend before Ever.”

  Greg scoffed, and I looked up at him quickly, but he ducked his head. I felt Toby’s hand tighten ever so slightly on mine. What is up with these two?

  “Only one, huh? What was her name?”

  “Oh my god, Jessie! Stop!”

  “What? It’s not like we’d actually know her, right? I mean, he just moved here from Idaho. Let Toby answer the question.”

  “Montana, actually. And you wouldn’t know her.”

  Jessie finally caught on to his tense reaction to this line of questioning, and I watched her eyes glisten from the hint of a story.

  “Ooh, touchy subject. Was she a psycho?”

  I could have sworn Greg scoffed again at that.

  “Yeah,” Toby answered, “It’s probably pretty safe to say that.”

  “I’m sorry, Toby. I don’t know what’s come over my friend here.” Yes I do. It’s Jessie. She can’t even help herself. You’ll get used to it.

  PS. Your ex was a psycho?

  Toby leaned over and kissed me on the nose, and then whispered quietly so only I could hear him. “It’s cool, babe. Cotton candy, remember? I think I can handle it.”

  He leaned back, and I was pleased to see his familiar smirk was back in place on his face, and his eyes were less tense. He turned the conversation back to Jessie, and within minutes, she was talking to Greg and ignoring us completely. Toby and I were sitting back and watching quietly, relieved to no longer be in the spotlight.

  With Jessie’s prompting, I managed to learn a little bit about Greg, like where he went to school, where he worked—small stuff like that. He seemed like a good enough guy, but I was having trouble ignoring how strange Toby acted when he’d first seen Greg, and the uncomfortable tension that still slightly lingered between them.