London Lodgings

by Claire Rayner

  Dorcas thought for a moment and then smiled slowly. ‘Not too much, I think. He seemed to be more resigned than surprised. He said he expected that you had had some hand in letting me know of my good fortune,’

  ‘Of your bereavement,’ Tilly said a touch sharply. ‘I thought telling you of your mother’s death more important than speaking of any legacy,’

  ‘Oh, yes, of course,’ Dorcas said perfunctorily. ‘Yes. And then of course we got down to business. I was sharp with him, I do promise you.’ She laughed reminiscently. ‘He expected me to say only, “Oh, thank you, Sir,” and go away. But I did not. I insisted I see the books he had kept since the beginning,’ She shook her head. ‘I do not believe he told me the truth even so, but I did make it clear to him that I was not a stupid person to be gulled of my rights,’

  ‘In what way gulled?’ In spite of herself Tilly was interested and she looked across the drawing-room briefly to be sure the children were happy and then concentrated her attention on Dorcas again.

  ‘Oh, I suspect he had been using the money to invest, thinking that my mother would never be found. I told him I did not believe he had not made some return on my money for himself and managed to make him agree, even though I could not prove the matter, that I should receive the entire sum your father left, without any deductions for advertising and so forth, which he claimed to have spent. So I have the full fifteen thousand. But for such a man of business as your father had been, it wasn’t what I would have expected.’

  ‘Perhaps not,’ Tilly bent her head to her sewing again. She was making a shirt for Duff and she could concentrate on the collar without seeming too ill-mannered, but it was also an excellent way to disguise the anger she was feeling.

  Not once had Dorcas thanked her for her efforts, not on old Trooper Adams’s doorstep in Fulham when she had blurted everything out, about her mother’s death and the inheritance and the search she, Tilly, had made to ensure Dorcas got it; not even when she had insisted on packing up and removing herself forthwith, bag and baggage, from the Waterford Street house (despite Trooper Adams’s almost pitiful inability to understand what was going on) so that she could go to a hotel; and now sitting in Tilly’s drawing-room, to celebrate Christmas-tide. She and Sophie had enjoyed an excellent dinner, in the company of the Misses K and F as well as Duff and Tilly, while Eliza bustled between them all in a seventh heaven of happiness at having so many people for whom to cook. But Dorcas had taken it all for granted and said nothing in appreciation.

  Tilly’s fingers moved swiftly and neatly as she turned the seam of the collar at the awkward corners. Dorcas was humming softly beneath her breath as she leafed through a magazine she had found, and everything was peaceful, though she was aware of Duff’s rather sullen silence. Usually it was he who did all the chattering and made all the decisions about what was to happen in his favourite corner of the drawing-room; now it was Sophie who talked and pushed herself forwards, and suddenly Tilly was angry again.

  ‘Well, now,’ she said. ‘What is to happen with Trooper Adams?’

  ‘What?’ Dorcas did not lift her eyes from her magazine.

  ‘Trooper Adams. The man with whom you were living. Were you his lodger? As the Misses K. and F are with me?’

  ‘His lodger?’ Dorcas laughed. She was looking very beautiful, Tilly realized suddenly. Her skin had the rich creaminess that Tilly had forgotten about and her eyes were dark and lively and seemed not to have changed in all the years Tilly had known her. She must be now – she worked it out quickly – twenty-eight years old. Well past the first flush of youth. Yet she looked as delicious as she had at eighteen when young Tilly had found her so terrifying and fascinating in equal measure. Such a contrast to Tilly’s own appearance, she thought dolefully. I am muddy of complexion and have shadows of fatigue under my eyes and I am far too thin; Dorcas’s rich ripeness made her feel quite dowdy. But she must not diminish herself, she decided, and instead repeated her question.

  ‘Well, are you?’

  ‘No, of course not. Do you not think that if I could afford lodgings I would have gone somewhere better than that? I would not pay to live in such a place – as it was, I took the post as his housekeeper only because I had no other choice. After Walter died –’ Her face darkened suddenly and for a brief moment a glimpse of misery was there. But it was gone so fast, Tilly could not be sure she’d seen it at all. ‘After he died I had so many debts, for I had expected him to return from Afghan – they had told me it was a most safe posting – and was awaiting his pay to settle my debts. But when he did not come and I received no money, for he was not due for any army pension, I had to take what I could and the Barracks told me of this old pensioner of theirs who needed care.’ She shrugged. ‘I went there because he did not object to a child. I could not have gone to other places where they certainly did. And no matter what –’ she lifted her chin to look across to her daughter, ‘Sophie and I remain together, do we not, my dearest one?’

  Sophie did not look at her. She simply pushed her bricks into another pattern and sang out as though she had rehearsed it, ‘Yes, Mamma! Always together, Mamma and Sophie, yes, Mamma!’

  Dorcas laughed fondly. ‘You see, Tilly? I have taught her well. No, we must always be together. I could not send her away to any other person, as I was so often advised, in order that I might be employed as a servent elsewhere. At least with the Trooper I was housekeeper and not kitchen maid.’ Her mouth twisted with disgust suddenly. ‘I will never again be kitchen maid to anyone.’

  ‘How long had you been his housekeeper?’ Tilly asked.

  ‘Oh, perhaps six months or so, I cannot quite recall. Nor do I wish to. It is enough to be out of there.’

  ‘But how will he manage? He seemed a pleasant enough old man, if a trifle confused.’

  ‘A trifle? A disgusting randy old – well, let be! I will shock you if I speak my mind. Let it be enough that for the last many months I have been able to feed Sophie and me on his pension, and could do well enough for us all with small effort. He will have to manage alone now, and that is the end of it. I am not his keeper.’

  ‘But he seemed fond of you,’ Tilly said. ‘He was fit to weep when you were ready to go.’

  Dorcas shrugged. ‘So be it. I cannot worry for others. I have enough problems of my own. Do you not quiz me, Tilly! It is, after all, not your concern. Anyway, I dare say the Barracks will discover soon enough he is in need of another housekeeper. They pay his pension, lucky creature, after all.’

  With a private resolution to send a message – unsigned perhaps, she thought a little guiltily – about Trooper Adams to his old Barracks, Tilly changed the subject. There was, after all, plenty to speak about.

  ‘Those clothes you were wearing,’ she said, ‘The day I found you – they looked –’

  ‘Bought on tick,’ Dorcas said pithily and then laughed as she saw Tilly’s face. ‘My dear, you do not think I paid ready cash for them, do you? Of course not. It was indeed strange for I had decided that very morning I had had enough of the misery and the general lowness of that house. I went out with Sophie to some warehouses in Oxford Street and I opened an account. I did not lie precisely, but I was not entirely truthful either! But I am good at being believed, you know, and they let me take these items away with me and arranged that I should return for others soon. That is a shopkeeper’s downfall, you know. He is greedy and open to flattery and believes a person who announces she will buy a great deal in future – so he lets her take what he regards as a little in advance. Do this in two or three shops or warehouses and in no time you have an excellent wardrobe at small personal expense. They are just the same in Oxford Street as anywhere else and very happy with so many large orders!’ She laughed. ‘Well, in future I shall be able to do even better. These clothes I found here in Knightsbridge. I will pay for these, I think, for I liked the emporium so well I wish to return to it.’

  Tilly was quite horrified at such deviousness. ‘So you mean that –’


  ‘That I shan’t pay the Oxford Street bills? My dear Tilly, you are such a good sweet soul.’ And she leaned over and kissed Tilly’s cheek soundly. And Tilly subsided, aware that her face was red with disapproval.

  There was another silence between them though the children were noisy enough now with their heads close together and talking with great animation, and Tilly bit her lip and tried to find the right words for what she wanted to say. And then decided it was best just to blurt it out.

  ‘You cannot afford to live in a hotel all the time, I imagine. Even so much as fifteen thousand pounds will vanish swiftly. Will you – what will you do?’

  Dorcas leaned back in her chair and looked at Tilly thoughtfully and then smiled, a long slow smile that Tilly remembered very well. So well that her heart seemed to thump harder in her breast in agitation. Dorcas always looked so when she planned mischief.

  ‘I too have been thinking about that. I think I should like to come home, dear Tilly.’

  ‘Home?’ Tilly said carefully. ‘But you have no –’

  ‘This house was home to me for many a long year.’ Dorcas sounded quite dreamy. ‘I was only twelve when I came here, after all, and you were just a tiny thing, not much above Sophie in size – though she is, you must agree, much livelier than you were!’

  ‘As to that, I cannot say,’ Tilly said with a touch of asperity. ‘I do not remember what I looked like then. And I do believe that all children are beautiful, for they are God’s innocents.’

  ‘Well, yes,’ Dorcas said, clearly dismissing such notions. ‘But as I said, this is home to me. I shall take your upper rooms, Tilly. I have been looking about the house today and though I would prefer the rooms the Misses K and F have, I can see it would cause too much upheaval were I to fuss and demand them, so I shall not.’ She was clearly pleased with her own magnanimity. ‘The two rooms at the top of the house will do nicely enough for us. I shall take the one at the front and Sophie the small one next to Duff. They will need painting in the spring, of course, but this will not be a problem. The remaining room up there will make an excellent sitting room for us. We will take our meals in the diningroom, of course. We don’t mind sharing with you and Duff and the Misses K and F.’

  Tilly stared at her, bewildered. ‘But you cannot be – Dorcas, this is not at all – no, Dorcas!’

  Dorcas gazed at her with brows raised and a look of amazement on her face, but Tilly was not deceived. Dorcas had expected this reaction.

  ‘What makes you protest, Tilly? You know it is necessary for you. You have let only one set of your rooms so far and you need more money; I have seen the way the house is. It is, to be honest, dreadfully shabby. This drawing-room sorely needs the attention of the painters and you should have new sheets and other household linen. I have been looking most closely. The kitchen – well, there is your precious Eliza, and I must say she really does not know her place, does she? That needs some attention, but you do not help her to be good at her work with so antiquated a set of cooking arrangements. She should have a proper stove, not that open fire. I have seen some excellent examples of good stoves that provide several ovens of different heats and quite remove the need for the open spit for roasting, which makes all in the kitchen so grimy with grease. When meat is roasted in a closed oven, then it cooks just as well with half the trouble,’

  ‘But I cannot pay for such things! And anyway, none of this is your concern! This is my house and remains so. It was left to me in trust through my mother and my father could not touch it and nor can you. He was able to leave your mother only the cash and that is all you have. Now take it away and leave me be. I wished only to do the – the honourable thing by finding you so that you would have what is your entitlement, even though in all decency – well, if the world were run justly you know as well as I do that the money would be mine. Mine and Duff’s –’ and she looked across the room to the children. ‘He will need more and more and –’

  ‘And,’ Dorcas said triumphantly, ‘that is why I must come here to live. I do not wish to have the trouble of my own house. I should hate to do what you are doing, which I would have to if I spent my money on an establishment. After I had bought a house and set up the furniture and so forth – and indeed I did consider it – then I would need some income, would I not? You own this house, but without income – well, I prefer to be one of those who owns nothing but who is waited upon and cooked for rather than the reverse. And I prefer also to live where I am comfortable. It will be very comfortable to be here,’

  Slowly her lips curved. ‘To be a lady of leisure in a house where once I worked as a maid – can you not see the charm of it for me, Tilly? I am quite determined, you know. And you will be a fool if you do not agree. I am willing, you see, to spend some of my money – your father’s money – to improve my comfort here in a manner that will benefit you and your son. He will not, as you said, always be a small child of small needs. One day he will be a large young man with large expenses. Surely to have money coming in from my rent in his growing years will be of use to you and him. You know I am right, Tilly. You cannot refuse me.’

  Tilly stared at her, knowing that however much she argued, she was defeated. And not only because of money, and Duff’s special needs. There was too much history between Dorcas and herself, too much shared memory. Dorcas had bullied the small Tilly, had frightened her half out of her wits, but she had also enchanted her and filled her life with drama. Tilly could never say she had affection for Dorcas, could never claim true friendship, yet there was something there, almost a sisterly link; not that Tilly had experience of having a sister, of course, but she imagined it would be something like the way she and Dorcas had been. And still were. So, once again Dorcas was absolutely right. It was not possible for Tilly to refuse her.

  Dorcas and Sophie left at five thirty, by which time it was dark but the evening was not so far advanced that they did not feel safe to go out. Standing in the hall wrapped in her handsome blue coat, Sophie looked bewitching and Tilly smiled at the child almost against her will; it was such a pleasure to look at her. But Sophie stared back without a glimmer of response, and Tilly looked away to where Dorcas was standing before the mirror on the hatstand setting her bonnet precisely in place, and then caught sight of her small Duff. He was standing on the bottom step with his new Christmas hobby horse dangling from one hand and staring fixedly at Sophie. His eyes were wide and seemed a little anxious in his pale face and Tilly’s heart contracted for a moment. Was he ill? But then he caught her eyes on him and smiled broadly at her, and at once he was her own Duff again. But now he was looking back at Sophie and she thought, almost wonderingly; why, he is as bewitched by her as I almost was; and frowned a little as she tried to understand how she felt about this. What was it about this child that had this effect on both adults and other children? She was just a pretty little thing with abundant red hair and very dark eyes, after all; but there was more to it than that, she felt at some deep level, and as she caught that unsmiling glance again she was a little chilled.

  But then, just as Dorcas turned away from the mirror and announced that she was ready too, Sophie turned her head and looked at Duff and this time she smiled; and it was as though someone had lit a gas jet inside her. Her eyes crinkled into wicked little slits of merriment, and Tilly saw Duff redden and then smile back adoringly. And she thought – I have to let them live here. He needs someone to be his friend and clearly he loves this child already. I cannot part them.

  ‘I shall send a message to you when I am ready to come,’ Dorcas announced. ‘In the meantime I would beg you to arrange for the decent furnishing of the rooms. I will perhaps come to see you in a day or so and we will make some choices together, shall we? We could perhaps go into London to Shoolbread’s – Tottenham Court Road, you know. They have some excellent sofas and chairs and so forth. Don’t worry about the cost, dear Tilly, I will see to that – you may pay me back later when you are ready.’

  Tilly opened her mouth to say, �
�When you return my spoons perhaps?’ But the words did not come; although she was aware of a pang as she recalled, for the first time for some years now, her mother’s adored possession. No, she could not speak of them now, though she knew one day she would. Instead, she contented herself by saying sharply, ‘I will never enter into heavy debt.’

  Dorcas laughed. ‘Silly one! It will not be heavy. How can it be heavy when it is I you are dealing with? Anyway, money is for spending, so spend it we shall! Good-night, my dear. Come along, Sophie. Good-night Duff!’ And they disappeared out into the street to find a cab to take them to the hotel in which they were staying in Kensington Gore.

  Tilly watched her go with mixed feelings, as Duff came to stand beside her on the top step and slipped his warm, somewhat sticky little hand into hers.

  ‘Is Sophie coming here to live, Mamma?’ he said after a while and she looked at the way his eyes gleamed in the light thrown from the front door and at the faint tendrils of breath escaping from his lips.

  ‘Why do you ask?’

  He shook his head crossly. ‘You must not think me silly, Mamma. I listened to all you said, you and Sophie’s Mamma. Is she coming here to live, Mamma? Is she?’

  ‘Would you like her to?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Duff said fervently. ‘Oh, yes.’ And then he thought for a while and added, ‘I think –’

  Tilly had already begun to take him inside the house again but now she stopped and looked at him sharply. ‘You are not sure, my darling? You must tell me. I will listen, you know.’

  ‘She does meddle in my games,’ he said doubtfully, but then smiling widely at her. ‘But she does so in such a funny way I don’t really mind. Mamma, when will she come? Do tell me, Mamma. Will it be tomorrow? Will it?’

  ‘Not quite tomorrow, darling, but soon, I expect. Now you must be away to bed. Eliza will be up soon to help you but you must start to get ready. No, no argument. I will speak to Eliza and then she will come up to you. Scoot now –’ And she patted his rump affectionately and he went padding upstairs as she made her way to the green baize door that led to the kitchen.