Blinded by Grace

by Becky Lower

  “No, not really.” Her words came out soft as a whisper, and her eyes filled with tears. “Halwyn, I’m going to explain to you what happened, and why you don’t have the memories of our courtship. All I ask is not to judge me too harshly.”

  He brought his free hand up to capture her face and leaned in for a gentle kiss. “How could I possibly find anything to judge you harshly on? You’re the one I chose to wed.”

  Grace jumped up off the bed and moved to the opposite corner of the room, putting as much distance between them as she could. “No. You didn’t.” She turned to face him. “Don’t you see? That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I asked you for the first dance, not the other way around. I literally begged you to marry me. The reason you have no memories of our moments together is because there are none. And if our arranged marriage, arranged by me, not you, no less, wasn’t enough, I’m also the reason you were injured. This is all my fault, and I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down her face now, and she didn’t even try to check their fall. “I’ve been living a lie for the past week, and it’s weighed so heavily on my mind.” She sunk to her knees on the opposite side of the room as her tears overwhelmed her.

  She sensed Halwyn struggling to get his broken leg and the rest of his body out of bed, but didn’t jump up and assist as he grabbed the crutches. She couldn’t move. His footsteps were heavy as he crossed the room to where she was crouched on the floor with her skirts puddled around her. He reached out a hand to her.

  “Please, Grace, don’t cry. My heart breaks to see you so sad.”

  She finally rose with Halwyn’s help, but released his hand and took a step back as soon as possible. She didn’t dare let herself fall into his embrace, which was what her wayward body wanted to do. Her hands moved to her face, where she angrily scrubbed the tears away.

  “I don’t deserve your compassion, Halwyn, believe me. You’re much too nice.”

  “Grace, whatever has happened between us, or hasn’t happened, is in the past. Let’s start over. Why don’t you tell me why you came to see me at the bank? Whatever the reason, it must have been important—pivotal, even—for you to risk your reputation by meeting me alone.”

  “It was of upmost importance, and still is.” Her voice hiccupped as she attempted to calm her spiraling emotions.

  “Well, why don’t we call for a new pot of tea and you can sit with me and tell me everything. I keep seeing glimpses of things, isolated incidents that make no sense, but before I can unscramble it, the image is gone. I need you to fill in the blanks.”

  Grace helped him into a chair and then rang the bell for service. The two sat in silence until the upstairs maid arrived and took the request for a fresh pot of tea to the kitchen.

  Halwyn took Grace’s hand again and began massaging little circles around each knuckle. “Whatever you have to tell me, Grace, can’t be so bad as you’re letting yourself believe.”

  “Please reserve your judgment until after you hear the story. I want you to have all the facts.”

  The tea arrived, along with some toast and sweetbreads. Halwyn glanced over at her as she poured the tea. “All right, Grace. Shall we begin?”

  • • •

  Halwyn and Grace talked through one pot of tea, and another. Halwyn listened carefully to Grace’s story, and, one by one, the snippets of memory, which had been firing in his brain, finally lined up, as if they were pieces in an elaborate jigsaw puzzle.

  The time was well past noon, and his stomach was grumbling for something more substantial than a slice of lemon bread, but he was loath to let this conversation end. Nothing had been resolved, except Grace seemed lighter, as if pounds had been lifted from her shoulders by revealing her duplicity. Halwyn realized now how precarious her situation was, and how much she stood to lose if her inheritance were denied her due to a technicality. He longed to put her at ease.

  “Grace.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Her huge blue eyes blurred with unspent tears. His thumb brushed across her soft cheek. “Grace.” He had her full attention and hadn’t really needed to say her name a second time. He just enjoyed hearing the sound of it.

  “Remember I told you whatever happened was in the past and we should start over?”

  She nodded slightly, and her chin trembled.

  “Why don’t you help me downstairs to the dining room? We can sit in comfortable chairs, have a hot meal, and figure out what to do.”

  “You mean, you’re still willing to help me, after all I’ve done to you?”

  “Which part of what you’ve done to me are you referring to? The part where you’ve cared for my every need as I lay in bed in pain? Or the part where you’ve toted tea and food up four flights of stairs in order to feed me? You’ve done nothing wrong Grace, and everything right.”

  “Oh, Halwyn,” Tears escaped her eyes at his words. He leaned over and kissed the dampness from her cheeks before he captured her lips in a gentle kiss.

  “We’ll simply come up with a new plan, Grace. Start from the beginning. Come on now, help me navigate the stairs without taking a tumble.”

  He stood and positioned the crutches under his arms. She walked in front of him down the hall, and he enjoyed the view of her gently curved backside. When they got to the top of the steps, she stopped and turned toward him.

  “I think it might be best if I go down backwards and watch you. Then, if you begin to fall, I can catch you.”

  Halwyn grinned at her. “You may watch, and catch me all you want, dear Grace. But as for falling, I fear you’re too late. I am already under your spell.”

  He loved the way her cheeks blossomed with a faint pink tinge. She cleared her throat and became all business once again.

  “Now, do be careful. You haven’t done stairs on crutches before, so don’t get cocky and think you can glide down as you did when both your legs were sound. One step at a time, Mr. Fitzpatrick.” She gave him a stern gaze. “Place the crutches on the step first, then your cast leg, followed by your sound one.”

  “I love it when you boss me around, Miss Wagner.” She took a step down the stairs, holding onto the banister, ducking her head so she could gauge where to put her feet. But Halwyn caught the bloom of color in her cheeks as he teased her.

  Yes, he could have a great deal of fun with Grace. And not just until his cast was off.

  She waited with one hand on the banister and extended the other to him, holding his arm. He placed the crutches on the stair tread below him, as instructed, and waited. Grace glanced up at him.

  “I’d be a whole lot more secure about this if you’d put your hand on my waist.”

  She blushed again, but complied. “As you wish. Now swing your leg down one step.”

  They awkwardly made their way down the flight of stairs. By the time they got to the landing, Halwyn had broken out into a sweat. Grace removed her handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at his brow. He noticed the hankie was the one he had given her long ago, and only recently returned to her. He captured her wrist and placed a gentle kiss there.

  “Ah, thank you, Grace. Your ministrations rival those of Florence Nightingale.”

  He caught the small gasp of her breath when he kissed her sensitive flesh. She became very businesslike once again, and backed away slightly.

  “The, uh, dining room is this way.”

  Halwyn grinned. “I haven’t lost that much of my memory, Grace. I remember where the dining room is.”

  She was flustered. And he loved it.

  • • •

  “Well, I was wondering when you were going to join us once more, Halwyn.” His mother rose from the table and grazed his cheek with a kiss. “I thought possibly you were enjoying too much lying in bed, and having Grace at your beck and call all day. Have your needs been properly attended to?” She glanced from Halwyn to Grace and back again.

  “Yes, Mother. Grace has been most attentive.”

  Halwyn took a seat at the dining room table, and wiped the sweat from his brow be
fore he glanced at his mother again. “But then, I’m certain you already knew that.”

  Charlotte had the presence of mind to be a bit flustered, at least. As Halwyn had listened to Grace’s story about how she ended up being the one to play nursemaid to him, the mastermind behind her duplicity was clear as the sky on a cold winter’s night.

  “Whatever do you mean, Halwyn?”

  “Come now, Mother. You began the season by throwing women into my path. This effort of forcing Grace and me together was merely another of your matchmaking attempts.”

  Charlotte huffed, but remained silent.

  “Did you have so little faith in my ability to find my own mate?”

  Grace squirmed in her chair. “But you didn’t find me, Halwyn. I threw myself at you, just as your mother had done with the other ladies.”

  Charlotte cleared her throat and ran her hand down Halwyn’s arm. “I knew all you needed was some time away from the bank and in Grace’s company to see for yourself she was your perfect match. The accident was unfortunate, but perhaps Simon Huffman has done you two a huge favor by giving you this time together. What kind of mother would I be if I let such an opportunity slip through my fingers?”

  The midday meal was brought into the room, and each devoted a few quiet moments to savor the warm bread, roasted beef slices, and gravy, along with some string beans.

  Halwyn finally pushed his chair away from the table. “How is Father handling the extra workload in my absence?”

  Charlotte ceased her musing and gave a little shrug of her shoulders. “He was going to reduce your workload anyway this summer, so you could enjoy your season. I’d been after him for weeks to adjust things, but he kept stalling. Your accident forced him to make some changes. Feldon is helping to pick up the slack.”

  “Feldon?”

  “Don’t you remember him? Is your memory not completely recovered then?”

  “No, I’m well aware of who he is. I’m merely surprised Father would entrust him with some of the bank’s crucial business. He is just this little mouse.”

  “Perhaps he was only a mouse in front of you. You father thinks quite highly of him.”

  “Hummph.”

  “So, now we must discuss the two of you. What are your plans?”

  “We have no plans, Mrs. Fitzpatrick,” Grace replied with a bowed head.

  “Nonsense. You were to be married by next month. Surely nothing’s happened to alter the date?”

  “No, Mrs. Fitzpatrick, the date is fine. But my stepfather has already put Halwyn’s life in jeopardy once. I won’t allow him to be put in harm’s way again. And now that Halwyn’s on the mend both mentally and physically, there is no risk of people getting the wrong idea about his health if I break off our engagement. If Simon wants the trust money so badly, he should just kill me instead, not a potential husband. That would clear the way for him to inherit. I don’t understand his reasoning.”

  Charlotte reached across the table and placed her hand over Grace’s. “My dear child. I have been friends with your mother for years, and I am certain, despite the fact she’s allowing that despicable man to walk all over her now, if he were to cause you harm or death, she’d hate him forever. And despite his poor treatment of your mother, I believe, deep down, in some twisted way, he cares for her. His mind has just become more depraved at the thought of losing his source of income.”

  “Does he assume I’d leave my mother with no means of support? What kind of person does he think I am?”

  “He hasn’t taken the time to become familiar with you, since, from the day he married your mother, he’s seen you as his enemy. Gambling fever does strange things to the best of men. But enough of Simon. He still poses a threat to you, until you’re properly wed. You and Halwyn had an arrangement before the accident, and I see no reason why those plans should not go forward.”

  Grace straightened in her chair, but placed her hands on her hot cheeks. “Well, I do. Halwyn couldn’t recall any of our courtship for the simple reason we had none. I let him think we were a couple in every sense of the word. I was duplicitous, and I would not blame him if he wants nothing more to do with me.”

  Halwyn cleared his throat as he pinned both of the women beneath his stare. “Perhaps the two of you should not talk about me as if I was not present in the room. I’m perfectly capable of speaking my mind.”

  Halwyn took Grace’s hand in his as his mother fixed her gaze upon the couple.

  “I remember everything now, Grace, with perfect clarity. Our conversation upstairs put all the pieces back into place. You still need a marriage to protect what is rightfully yours. I’m willing to give you the protection you deserve. It would be incredibly awkward at this juncture for me to get down on one knee, so I’ll pass on the ritual. But the meaning is the same. Will you marry me, Grace?”

  • • •

  Halwyn enjoyed the startled expression on Grace’s face. He did so love keeping her off-balance. He figured such turnabout was only fair, since he’d been off-balance himself in this blasted leg cast.

  The round O of her mouth brought his focus to her lips. He waited for her to speak, so he could seal the deal by leaning in to kiss those lips. Her blue eyes were almost as round as her rosebud mouth and she didn’t speak at all, merely stared at him. Then, as if in slow motion, she raised a hand to cover her luscious mouth from his view.

  “Halwyn, no, you don’t need to do this. I don’t want to place you in jeopardy again.”

  “Nor will you. Everyone has his eye on Simon now, since we have all seen what he’s capable of. He won’t try anything again. And once your trust money is safely out of his reach, you can offer to put your mother up in a home separate from him, so she will no longer have to suffer at his hands either.”

  “I appreciate all you’ve done so far, and all you’re agreeing to do now. I have a feeling Simon will leave my mother voluntarily if there is no money for him to steal from us. Unfortunately, my mother got taken in by a fast-talking man who has no love for her, despite what you think, Mrs. Fitzpatrick. Our lives have suffered mightily since Father died.”

  Halwyn squeezed her hand gently. “Well, you needn’t suffer any more. But you do need to answer my question, Grace. Must I ask again?”

  She squirmed in her seat. “No, I understood you well enough the first time,” she breathed. “Are the terms of the marriage still the same? Separate quarters within your home and a divorce after one year?”

  “A year of marriage is the only way to safely assure the transfer of the trust to you.”

  Halwyn studied her as he answered her question. Those were the conditions she’d initially set up for this marriage. He may not approve of the terms anymore—especially now, since he’d feasted on her mouth for the past several days—but if it took a restatement of the original terms to make her feel safe, he would proceed as if nothing had changed. He could work on changing their agreement after the wedding.

  Her shoulders slumped ever so slightly, and she emitted a tiny sigh. She blinked at him with her beautiful blue eyes, but he didn’t believe she was attempting to flirt with him. Growing up with six sisters had made him aware of most feminine wiles. No, Grace wasn’t trying to entice him. She was attempting to hold back her tears. Her plight was a sad one, without even her mother in her corner. He’d do whatever he could, and try to keep her safe.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  He leaned in closer, well aware of his mother’s scrutiny. “Could you repeat your answer, Grace?”

  She turned her head to gaze directly at him, and a feeling of lightheadedness came over him. He was grateful he was sitting, since his knees were weak. “I said, yes, Halwyn. I will marry you.”

  Now this was a memory for him to lock into place. Only one thing was missing. He erased the distance between them and inhaled her lovely lilac perfume. Her eyelids fluttered shut as he captured her petal-soft lips with his own.

  Across the table, his mother finally clapped her hands together.r />
  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  The month of June was full of lazy days, as summer arrived in New York, and people began to slow themselves down. Halwyn learned to navigate the steps without Grace. He tossed the crutches aside after a week of use and clumped down the wooden halls and stairs of the house. Grace now was aware of how a mother’s heart ached as her baby took his first steps, eventually walking away from her and forming his own life.

  Which was what would happen soon. Halwyn was no longer reliant on her for his food and comfort, and her heart was breaking. He was going to eventually walk away from her and have his own life. He’d graciously offered to put his life on hold for a year to help her out of her dilemma. If she hadn’t loved him before, she would now. She worshiped the very ground he trod upon. Or clumped over, in this case.

  She put a smile on her face as she accompanied him and Mrs. Fitzpatrick into the carriage. Grace and Charlotte had been busy while Halwyn was convalescing. Days had been spent shopping as they selected the furnishings that would adorn the rooms of Halwyn’s new townhome. The last of the curtains had arrived and been hung and the ladies were eager to show off their good taste to him. His staff needs still must be discussed, and those people hired, but that conversation could wait for a few days.

  Grace’s stomach was churning as the carriage pulled up to the tasteful brownstone with its black trim. She had to admit, the house was handsome and manly, matching its owner. Halwyn was so good-looking it took her breath away. Always had. She could spend the remainder of her life staring at him and the giddy feeling she always got when he was near would never disappear.

  She quieted her thoughts and turned to help Halwyn from the carriage. He was getting around remarkably well without her help, but she sometimes thought he leaned on her or placed a hand on her arm when he really didn’t need to. Could her wildest dreams have some merit? Was there a spark of interest from him? When his memory had been absent and he’d thought they were truly a love match, he’d behaved accordingly, showering her with kisses and pulling her onto his lap countless times over. Since the recovery of his short-term memory and despite his proposal, though, he’d backed off to a behavior more appropriate for a marriage of convenience. A marriage in name only. One where no feelings came into play. She hated every moment. But she loved every moment she got to spend with him. Confusion was tantamount on a daily basis.