Conflict of Interest

by A. M. Kusi

  Tears streaked down her cheeks. She had given herself the weekend to cry over Jax and then she promised she would be done. Isa had brought over ice cream and a few movies when she’d called.

  But her tears were for far more than Jax. Her tears were for a life that had just been flipped upside down.

  Chapter 26

  Harper took the next few days off at work. The email had said that she wasn’t feeling well, but Jax knew she was trying to avoid him. Was she out drinking and letting other random men take her home? The thought made bile rise in his throat.

  Jax had felt like something was missing ever since they parted ways. There was a gaping hole where his heart used to be.

  He picked up his phone to send her a text several times over those few days, but the words never seemed right, and he always put it back into his pocket. He’d ordered an extra cake pop when he got his morning coffee, but ended up throwing it in the trash. She’d asked him to leave her alone, and it was for the best. Where could their relationship go anyway?

  It had begun in lies, and that was all his fault. His father would never accept him bringing her home. River would probably punch him in the face if he knew how he had treated Harper.

  Jax hated himself for letting things go this far. He was older; he was supposed to protect her. He was in the position of teacher and mentor at work. It was no wonder David chose Natasha over him.

  He had a lot to work on. He had not shown integrity when it had really mattered. He had never chosen Harper over his own ambitions. In the end, he had put all the blame on her.

  She was better off without him. She would be safer without him. It was better for him to let her go now. There was no future for them with everything they had stacked against them.

  Harper returned to work on Thursday, keeping to her own office or working with Simon. Jax made a point to avoid her as much as possible, because whenever their eyes met, he could see the broken shattered pieces reflecting his failure in hers. The smile on her face was forced and fake. Did her father notice? A part of him wanted her to tell David so that he could face all the consequences of his actions. But Jax knew it might make things worse for her too, so he would keep their secret until the day he died.

  He had soccer practice that evening and put all his energy into the game, losing himself for ninety minutes. In the end, he played worse than he ever had, but he would continue to push and punish himself; someone needed to.

  Ethan came up to him after practice while the guys packed up their stuff. “Hey, man. You don’t look so good.”

  Jax took a long drink from his water bottle before answering, “I don’t feel so good.”

  Ethan sat on the metal bench by him. “How do you Americans say it? Trouble in paradise?”

  “Paradise is temporary. That’s where people go to vacation; it can’t last forever. Our vacation is over.”

  Ethan turned to face him. “Things didn’t work out?”

  “Does that surprise you?”

  His friend looked confused. “Yeah, it does. What did you do to mess it up?”

  “Why do you think it was me?” Jax asked, honestly wanting to know the answer.

  Ethan took a moment to look him over before venturing, “Because you never think you deserve good things.”

  “What?”

  “I saw the way that girl looked at you. I saw the way you looked like you wanted to tear Simon’s head off when he danced with her that night. You are deeply in love, brother. I see that same look in my daddy’s eyes when he looks at my momma.”

  “I’m not in love. I can’t be in love with River’s…with Harper.” Even saying her name brought a stab of pain to his heart. “I didn’t treat her right.”

  “So, become a better man. Don’t make the same mistake again. Treat her like your queen.”

  “My goddess,” Jax said, instantly feeling the regret over the memories that the endearment dredged up. “She told me to leave her alone so she could get over me.”

  “Ouch. Well, the good news is she hasn’t yet. She still loves you.”

  “I hurt her. I said horrible things. My father would never accept her.”

  “I get the parent thing, man. My mom has hopes of me marrying a Ghanaian so that her future grandchildren will speak our language and continue our culture.”

  “Your future children?” Jax laughed.

  “I just meant, our parents have their own dreams and expectations for us. It’s up to us to figure out what that means for ourselves. I’m still working on that myself.”

  “I feel like we should hug after a talk like this,” Jax joked.

  “I’ll settle for a beer?” Ethan laughed.

  “Exactly what the doctor prescribed,” Jax said, standing up and gathering his gear.

  “I want to go to your doctor. Mine likes to give me shots in the ass,” Ethan joked, and they both chuckled again.

  After a quick trip home to shower, Jax met Ethan at the same bar where they had gone with the team and Harper. The room was busy and smelled of pizza and beer. Patrons laughed and talked loudly at the different tables. A few guys yelled at the television, watching a game. Music played, and a few couples moved together on the dance floor. He wished Harper was here.

  Ethan checked his phone for what seemed like the tenth time in the fifteen minutes they had been at the bar.

  “You got a girl or something?” Jax asked, pointing to his device.

  “Nah, man. You’re the only woman in my life.” He scoffed. “So, what are you going to do about Harper?”

  “I don’t know, man. I don’t think I am ready to give her everything she needs. My career is important to me. Once I get that part worked out, I can make it all better. I’ll have something to offer her, you know?”

  Ethan smiled. “If she walked into this bar right now, you wouldn’t try to win her back?”

  He felt a tap on his shoulder and his heart seized in his chest. It couldn’t be.

  He turned, a bubble of hope building inside him.

  “Fancy seeing you here,” she said.

  “Natasha.” Disappointment burst through his features, leaving him more hollow than before.

  “Come here often?” She laughed, and took a seat at the bar next to him.

  “This is my friend Ethan.” Jax introduced Ethan, looking for a distraction.

  “Hey,” Ethan said, offering a friendly nod.

  “Nice to meet you. Where is your accent from?” she asked, waving over the bartender.

  “Ghana.”

  “Nice. I’ve been there once. Beautiful country. Very peaceful.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  Natasha ordered a martini as a slow melody pumped over the speakers. “I love this song. Dance with me, Jaxton.”

  Jax was at an impasse. He didn’t want to dance with her, but he worked with her and didn’t want to be rude and say no either. It was just a dance.

  Ethan stood. “I’ll dance with you.”

  Jax looked at him, relieved.

  “Don’t worry, I brought my dancing shoes tonight. My son is having a sleepover tonight. I have time to dance with each of you.” She smiled, pulling Jax onto the dance floor.

  Ethan seemed nervous. Maybe he should try to set them up together.

  Of course she’d picked a slower song to dance to. He wrapped his arms around her waist as his friend reclaimed his seat at the bar. She smelled like perfume. It wasn’t overly powerful. It was nice, but it wasn’t roses.

  She wasn’t Harper.

  Having her in his arms felt wrong. He needed a new plan. He would prove himself and get promoted, take over River’s position, and then ask her out for real. They wouldn’t have to keep their relationship a secret. He would find a way to deal with his father—a seemingly impossible task. Ethan was right though; he loved Harper.

  Jax
turned around on the dance floor. Natasha pulled him closer, and he looked to Ethan, prepared to give him the signal to step in. Instead of finding Ethan, he met Harper’s eyes.

  What is she doing here?

  Ethan.

  He was trying to set them back up.

  Harper looked like she was going to be sick. She turned and Ethan held her arm, saying something to her. Harper pulled away and ran out the door.

  “Fuck,” Jax said, as he left Natasha and ran after her. He passed Ethan, who gave him a remorseful look as he quickly stepped in with Natasha.

  ***

  Harper ran down the dark street, tears streaming down her face. Whatever was left of her battered heart was now laying back in that bar where Jax had ripped it out and stomped all over it. How could he move on so quickly? I don’t do relationships. His words came back to haunt her. She really was nothing more to him than a friend with benefits. How could her intuition have been so wrong? He was already sleeping with other women just days later, and with Natasha of all people. How could he?

  Because he never loved me. He lied to everyone else; why would she have been any different? How could she have been so wrong about who Jax was?

  Harper had gone into that bar expecting to meet Ethan. He’d said he needed her help with something for Jax and River. Stupid, Harper. Ethan wanted you to see with your own eyes what kind of man Jax was.

  “Harper!” Jax called after her.

  Instead of slowing her pace, she ran faster. He quickly caught up to her and grabbed her.

  “Let me go!” she yelled.

  He released her, looking over his shoulder as if to assure any passersby he was not harming her.

  “Let me explain,” he pleaded, as the tears clouded her vision obscuring his face.

  “I think you have made yourself very clear. Have fun with your date,” she said, walking away.

  “I’m not on a date!” he yelled.

  “Oh, that’s right. How could I forget? You don’t date.”

  “That’s not what I meant!” he said, sounding closer.

  She spun around to face him, and he nearly bumped into her. “Jaxton, I want you to leave me alone. Don’t even talk to me at work unless you have to. Go chase after everything you wanted so badly and leave me the hell alone.”

  “Is that what you really want?” he asked.

  “Yes.” The word came out broken from the shards of glass in her throat. If she couldn’t have all of him, she wanted none of him.

  This was the last thing Harper needed to deal with right now. She had medical decisions to make, and he’d made it evident that she was too needy for him. She was too much of a distraction. Let him live his life. She would go on with what pieces she had left.

  “As you wish,” he said, hovering dangerously close to her mouth. She knew he wanted to kiss her. She could almost taste his goodbye. Her body screamed to feel his mouth pressed against hers one more time. She wanted him to dive into her neck, kissing and sucking, replacing the scent of another woman’s perfume with hers. To go back to a time when he had whispered those words to her while fulfilling her fantasy.

  She couldn’t afford to risk weakness. Not anymore.

  She stepped back. Jax’s eyes clouded before he turned and walked away.

  It was truly over.

  Chapter 27

  Jax had leaned in as a last attempt at trying to connect with her. He’d waited, hoping she would meet him the rest of the way and kiss him. He craved her so much it hurt. Then, she’d stepped away. Maybe he had damaged what they had beyond repair after all.

  He couldn’t believe she had thought he was seeing Natasha. He’d figured she had to know how much she meant to him. She obviously didn’t. And if he was truly honest with himself, he couldn’t blame her.

  He’d realized that night that he truly loved Harper, only to find he had already lost her. He wanted to tell her. But she wouldn’t hear his words, and there was nothing he could do about it now anyway. She’d made it clear she needed him to give her space.

  He would put her needs first this time. He needed to figure out what he really wanted to do with his career now that everything had changed.

  Rather than face Ethan and Natasha in the bar, Jax had gone home to find the bottom of a bottle of whiskey instead.

  The next day at the office, he did as Harper had asked. He left her alone. She worked with Simon, going over the data for a hotel chain in Boston.

  After lunch, Natasha knocked on the door to his office and let herself in.

  “Hey,” he said, looking up from the computer screen he had been staring blankly at for the past thirty minutes.

  “Hello. Your friend said you had to deal with an emergency last night. I hope anyone involved was okay?” she asked, sitting down in the seat opposite his desk and crossing her legs.

  “Uh, yeah. Sorry about running off like that.”

  “You can make it up to me. Maybe we can do it again sometime.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. We work together.”

  “And that’s why it is such a good idea. We are both professionals. We understand each other’s demanding careers. We understand there isn’t time for much else besides work and well, play.” She smiled and winked.

  He knew exactly what she meant. Six months ago, he would have jumped at the chance to be casual with Natasha. She was the type of woman who was focused, career driven, and organized—everything he was. Everything he’d thought he wanted. Now, he wanted spontaneous, sometimes organized. He wanted Harper—his goddess.

  “I really am flattered. Whoever takes you up on that offer is going to be one lucky guy, but it isn’t going to be me.”

  “Who is she?” Natasha asked, her smile never faltering.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What red-blooded American man wouldn’t jump at the chance for no-strings-attached sex with a beautiful, confident, strong woman? A man who is head over heels in love, or gay. You, my friend, have taken written all over your face.”

  Jax sat back in his chair, stunned. “She’s too good for me, that’s who.”

  “Well, she is one lucky woman.”

  Jax looked down at his hands.

  “Oh? Was that the emergency last night? I hope she didn’t think we were…”

  Jax didn’t answer. He picked up a pen off his desk and clicked the end a few times, anxiously.

  “I hope I didn’t ruin it for you,” she said, sounding genuine.

  “I did that on my own.”

  “Well, man up and make it better.”

  “How?” He couldn’t believe he was sitting there talking to Natasha about the state of his relationship, and asking her advice.

  “Prove to her that you love her. What did you do to break her heart? Figure it out and do the opposite. Meet her needs. Support her. Every woman wants to feel like they are the most important thing in the world to their man. Women want love, support, respect, and loyalty. We want to feel safe. We want to be chosen, every single day.”

  Natasha’s words were like a punch in the gut. He did need to fix this. He just needed to figure out how.

  “I’ll leave you to your work,” Natasha said, standing up. “Good luck.”

  “Thanks, Tasha.”

  “You can call me Executive Tasha.” She winked.

  It still stung. She was the best at what she did, and she deserved the position. She handled everything with grace, and someday, some other lucky guy would be by her side.

  Jax got to work, deciding to solve his issue with Harper like he would the rest of his job—head on. He would go over every detail of their relationship. Where had he gone wrong, and what could he do to make it all up to her?

  He spent most of the weekend remembering everything. He wrote down every argument, and every time they’d seemed to feel like th
ey were on top of the world. One thing was evident: their relationship had been a roller-coaster.

  A knock sounded at his door early Sunday morning, and he shut his laptop on the coffee table before going to see who it was.

  “Mom.”

  “Jax, you look horrible,” Olive said, walking into her son’s apartment. She glanced around, at the takeout containers that were strewn along his counters. He rubbed his jaw where he could tell his once-short beard really needed a trim. He was probably due for a haircut too. Empty whiskey bottles filled his recycling bin, and he hadn’t showered in days.

  “Did you lose your job?” she asked worriedly, as he shut the door behind her.

  “What? No. Why would you think that?”

  “Your apartment is a mess, and you don’t look any better,” she said, placing her hand on the scruff of his beard.

  “I’ve been working on something. I’ve been busy.” Jax started putting the containers of empty takeout into the trash bin.

  “Did you lose the promotion?” she asked, still probing.

  “Yes,” he said, turning to face her.

  “And the girl?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t even try it. You know I can read you like the back of my hand. You are my son. I know the look in your eyes. I saw it on both of your faces when you brought her to the house.”

  “Well, it’s over now.”

  “Why?” Olive asked, not showing if she was pleased with the news.

  “What do you mean? Don’t pretend you’re not happy about it. I know how you and Dad feel about mixed relationships.”

  “You think you do,” she corrected.

  “Explain it to me then.”

  Olive took a seat on his couch and motioned him over to sit next to her. “You have to understand what it was like growing up in the time we did. Interracial marriage wasn’t even legal in every state until the Loving V. Virginia decision in 1967. We grew up in a time when we had to drink from a separate water fountain to that of our white counterparts. We were treated as less than, and still are in many ways. The country has done a lot of changing since then, but we have our own experiences that have shaped our fears.”