A SEAL's Courage

by JM Stewart

  He confirmed the thought when he diverted his gaze, his fingers busy stroking her skin. The curve of her ear. Along her jawline.

  “I’m bound to disappoint you, Lauren. It’s better for both of us if this stays short-lived. I’m not sure I could handle it if you hated me when this was over.”

  She drew a breath and released it. “Going back to being just friends won’t be easy, Trent. I’m not sure I’ll be able to turn all of this off just because you want me to.”

  His fingers stilled and his gaze jerked to hers, eyes widened slightly. As if what she’d said hadn’t ever occurred to him. “Would you rather end this now?”

  She had to be honest with him here, too. “No. I’m not sorry for this. When I signed up with Military Match, I wanted to lose my virginity to a nice guy. Someone who’d make it something I’d remember with fondness. And that’s you.”

  The tension in his body drained, relief washing across his features. His hands caressed her back again, soft, soothing. “I think you’re wrong. We were friends before this. We’ll be friends after. That was the whole idea.”

  She sincerely hoped he was right.

  “As for where we do this…” She glanced down, tracing her fingers along his bottom lip. “Where would you be more comfortable? My place or yours?”

  “Yours. I hate this apartment.” His fingers resumed their torment of her skin, skimming her spine, leaving tingles in his wake. A sudden smile bloomed in his face. “How ’bout we go out tonight?”

  She drew her brows together. He’d rarely left his apartment since he’d come home unless it was to go to work. She was pretty sure their first date was his first social outing. “Out where?”

  One shoulder hitched, his eyes following his fingers as he reached up to tuck her hair back out of her face. “A bar? Club maybe? I don’t know. Something fun.”

  She pursed her lips, worry tightening her stomach. “Can you handle a place like that? It’ll be noisy and crowded…”

  He let out a sardonic laugh. “I haven’t a clue. I’ll probably get overwhelmed. But I promised myself when I came home that I’d do everything they couldn’t.” He turned his head, peering across the room in the direction of his closet. “AJ would’ve turned twenty-one this month.”

  Her heart clenched for the grief he clearly hadn’t let go of yet. She stroked her fingers over his chest, offering him what she hoped was a pleasant smile. “Then we should go have a drink in his honor.”

  His gaze returned to her, warmth and something that looked a lot like relief shining in his eyes. “Exactly. I’m hoping you being there will help.”

  She brushed her mouth over his. “I shall do my best to keep you distracted, then.”

  * * *

  As it turned out, Lauren kept her promise. They ended up in a jazz club. The place hosted a local live band every night, and you could order food and drinks while you watched them play. Okay, so he preferred eighties hard rock, but while the place was full, the space didn’t give him the sensation of being closed in. The music wasn’t thundering through his head or setting off a flashback, but was mellow and soothing.

  Seated in a booth at the back of the club, Trent was nursing a beer. Lauren had chosen some fruity, icy mix. Being here amazed him. He hadn’t been in a bar since before he’d come home. Or hell, a restaurant for that matter. Normally, he couldn’t handle crowded, noisy spaces. Tonight, though, Lauren’s presence beside him soothed whatever raw nerves he might have had.

  She turned to smile at him, a soft, self-pleased light in her eyes. “You’re enjoying yourself.”

  “I actually am.” So much so he couldn’t wait to get her home. When he’d agree to their new arrangement, he’d had all kinds of lofty plans. He’d make her wait until tomorrow night, and he’d do it right. Take his time. Seduce her with wine and dinner. Hell, she deserved it. And more.

  Now? Now he ached to feel her supple skin against his. To bury himself inside of her and make her a part of him. She was right. If all they had was another two weeks, he wanted as much of her as he could get. He wanted to make love to her until they were exhausted and spent. Then fall asleep wrapped around her. Since their conversation earlier, he couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said. He’d pondered continuing what they had only to come to the same conclusion. The thought of losing her still scared the crap out of him. Eventually he’d push her beyond her tolerance. He’d fail her, the way he had AJ and Cooper and, hell, even Wendy. And then she’d hate him.

  He ought to be letting her go. Let her find someone else who could give her everything he couldn’t. Continuing even for the next two weeks was selfish and he damn well knew it. But he couldn’t make himself end it.

  He wanted this time with her. Memories to take with him when it ended, to keep him warm in the dark loneliness of night. But he had no desire to wait until tomorrow to make love to her.

  He blindly groped for her hand, threading their fingers once he found it, and leaned his mouth beside her ear so she’d hear him over the music, and because he meant the words only for her. He prayed she understood. “Tonight.”

  She nodded, shivering against his side. Her eyes drooped to half-mast, burning through him. She shifted their combined hands, sliding hers over his thigh beneath the table and inching upward. In two seconds flat, he was hard, his cock swelling and thickening behind his zipper.

  He halted the movement of her hand before she managed to reach her destination, and shook his head, then turned back to the band. She made him feel…human. Normal. She’d taken him places he didn’t think he could have gotten to on his own. And he wanted to hold on to it for just a while longer.

  They spent the next hour sipping drinks and sharing a basket of fries. Needing the physical connection, he kept hold of one of her hands, idly stroking the delicate inner skin of her wrist. Her awareness of him prickled in the air between them, creating a delicious but relaxed tension.

  When the band took a small break, Lauren leaned toward him, her warm breath whispering over his cheek. “Time to go home.”

  The husky tone of her voice had his cock swelling to life all over again. He nodded, because he couldn’t have refused if he tried.

  She stood, pulling him up with her, and he took a moment to drop a tip for the waitress on the table before letting Lauren pull him outside. They’d agreed before leaving to take a cab home. Waiting on the cool, darkened Seattle street, he stood behind her, arms wrapped around her. She leaned her head back on his shoulder, but her hands were restless, sliding up and down his thighs.

  The cab ride itself had to be the most torturous drive he’d ever endured and seemed to take forever. They rode in unbearable silence, the tension prickling in the air between them. Antsy with anticipation, he couldn’t keep his knee from bouncing. His erection pressed painfully against his zipper, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it because they weren’t alone.

  Lauren seemed to enjoy his torture. One glance at her had him swallowing a groan. Mischief and amusement danced in those gorgeous eyes, mixing with a heat that only added fuel to the blaze in his belly. “Restless?”

  The minx.

  He rolled his eyes, but damned if he could stop his smile all the same. “You’re enjoying my torture far too much, doll.”

  She squeezed his thigh. “Going out was your idea.”

  He shot her a sideways glare, resisting the nearly overwhelming urge to take that hand burning through his jeans and curl it around him just to ease the ache. “So it was.”

  Twenty minutes later, the cab finally stopped in front of her house. Lauren released his knee and climbed from the car. Trent took a moment to pull his wallet from his back pocket. He got out two twenties and tossed them at the driver, but didn’t wait for change.

  By the time he’d jogged up the front walk and made it onto the porch, Lauren had the front door unlocked and was pushing it open. Striding up behind her, he grabbed her around the waist, sweeping her inside and shoving the door closed with his foot.
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  She squealed, then let out a giggle that made his heart pound with a giddy sense of euphoria. He was already shaking, his desire so keen he wasn’t sure he’d actually make it to the sex.

  Fuck. It had been too damn long since he’d felt this…free. And it was all her fault.

  He yanked her against him and sealed his mouth over hers. Her happy giggling became a quiet moan that set his blood on fire. Lauren plastered her lithe body against his, pushing her breasts into his chest, and reached down. When she popped the button free on his jeans, he groaned into her mouth.

  The energy between them exploded. Piece by piece, clothing got ripped off and tossed aside, littering the floor as they made their way to the bedroom. He lost his shirt on their way past the sofa. She lost her bra outside the hallway bathroom. His jeans made it all the way to the bedroom doorway before she sank to her knees and yanked them down.

  Once over the threshold to the room, she released his mouth and backed away enough to peel her panties off—a lovely red satin pair. After stepping out of them, she pressed along his length and claimed his mouth again. She was beautiful like this, sure of herself, taking what she wanted. Just that much, the luscious slide of her warm, satiny skin against his, nearly made him lose what little control he had.

  It didn’t help that her hands were doing exactly what his were—roaming. Over his chest. Down his abdomen. She slipped them beneath the waistband of his shorts, pushing them down his thighs. The fabric barely hit the floor before she was wrapping herself around him again.

  Another groan ripped out of him. God, she felt good. Her taut nipples rubbed his chest with her every subtle movement. Her hands were warm, her skin smooth and creamy. His aching erection became caught against the softness of her belly. It was all he could do not to grab her waist and rub himself all over her, for the glorious freedom of his cock sliding against her warm, satiny skin.

  He needed to be inside her more, though, and tumbled her to the bed, settling himself over her. Her quiet demand this afternoon had cracked his shell. He needed this. To feel her body beneath him and to bury himself so damn deep inside her he might never see the light of day again.

  What he needed the most…was to be a part of her and, in turn, to make her a part of him. The intensity of that need scared the living shit out of him, but he couldn’t deny it either.

  All sense of play faded as he settled between her thighs. Lauren stared up at him, her body trembling beneath him, big brown eyes liquid and tender. He stroked the hair back off her face, enjoying the simplicity of its softness sifting through his fingers. He needed to take this slow. Lauren was a virgin, and if he sank deep, he’d hurt her.

  She slid her hands up his back, thighs bending to cradle his hips. “You’re shaking.”

  “Because I need you.” He brushed a kiss across her mouth and moved off her long enough to retrieve the condom from his pants pocket. After putting it on, he settled himself over her again. His nerves got the best of him then. His stomach twisted. “There’s no easy way about this, doll.”

  “Then don’t think about it.” Lauren claimed his mouth, slid her hands down his back to his cup his ass, and arched against him. He slid home in one slick, deliciously slow thrust, her body wrapping around him like a warm, wet glove.

  Lauren winced and squeezed her eyes shut, trembling beneath him for all the wrong reasons. A sick sensation rolled through his stomach. Fuck he hated this. Sex wasn’t supposed to cause pain. Damn it.

  “I’m sorry. I promise it’ll get better from here on out.” Desperate to make up for hurting her, he rained kisses over her cheeks, her nose, her mouth. “Open your eyes, doll. Look at me.”

  She did as he asked, but instead of tenderness or need, her eyes searched his in apprehension.

  So as he moved slowly within her, he leaned on an elbow, using one hand to caress any part of her he could reach. Down her side and over her hip. Her breast and nipple. All the while watching her eyes and hoping his touches would slowly ease her anxiety.

  “Touch me.” He brushed a tender kiss across her mouth. “Forget the pain and touch me.”

  Her eyes searched his, still full of too much nervousness, body still a little too stiff beneath him. “Where?”

  “Wherever you want.” He sipped at her mouth, determined to make that fear—because that’s exactly what it was—leave her eyes. “Nothing’s changed. It’s still just me. Focus on me.”

  She nodded, her hands finally beginning to move over him. Up his back to his shoulders. Back down to cup his ass. The more she touched, the more she relaxed beneath him.

  “That’s it.” Every muscle in his body tensed with the effort it took to go slow. She was so hot and so fucking tight. If he moved any quicker, he wouldn’t last. He reached down and pulled one leg over his hip, changing the angle and easing in deeper. “Move with me.”

  Lauren nodded and rolled her hips, thrusting against him. Her pelvis glided against his, and she moaned, this one full of pleasure. Her eyes rolled back and closed. “Oh, that’s nice.”

  He let out a breathless laugh. His ego wanted “phenomenal” and “unbelievable” and “sex God,” but that one small sound was a salve on his soul. The knots in his shoulders finally unraveled. That sound meant she’d begun to enjoy herself.

  So he bent his head to her neck, suckling any part of her he could reach. “Want to know what you feel like for me?”

  He rocked against her, pushing in deeper, and she moaned again, this one tortured and full of sweet agony. “Y-yes.”

  “Hot. You’re hot, doll. And so fucking tight.” Another thrust as they rocked against each other pulled a deep groan out of him. A ripple of pleasure moved through him, and his control slipped another notch. “You feel incredible.”

  Slowly but surely she relaxed, no longer nervous but rising to meet him with an ever-increasing tempo. With every thrust, she urged him on with soft moans of “Oh God” and “Sooo good.”

  “Fuck.” He dropped his head into the crook of her shoulder, losing himself in…her. Her soft scent, her body beneath him, around him. Her pleasure was the ultimate turn-on. Every sigh and moan only ramped up the need burning through him like wildfire. Like he was a kid all over again, with no ability to control himself.

  No. If he was going, he was taking her with him.

  He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him, and pushed her legs flat. Then he slid his hands to her ass, gripping her tight, and thrust up into her, showing her what he wanted. This position would be better for her.

  “Circles, doll.” He lifted his head, nipped, licked, and kissed her neck, her shoulders, her jaw. “Roll your hips. Grind against me.”

  He showed her a few times what he meant, causing her clit to rub his pelvis and him to slide inside her in slow, delicious increments. She went limp on top of him, dropped her forehead onto his shoulder, and moaned into his throat.

  He turned his head, murmuring into her hair, “Let it go. Come with me, Lauren. Come with me.”

  The moan she let out next sounded torn from deep within her and filled his whole being until there was nothing but her. With every thrust, she rolled her hips, panting and mewling into his throat, and with every one, he pushed deeper, moving faster. The need to somehow fuse with her pounded around inside his chest.

  She let out a quiet, indrawn gasp, and her hips gained a jerky rhythm, her inner muscles clamping around him with the start of her orgasm. Trent lost his hold on what little self-control he’d ever had and came, blinding and hot. All he could do was hold on to her as she took his careful world and spun it beyond his imagination.

  When the spasms ended, Lauren dropped onto his chest, body limp, breathing as jagged as his. She slid her hands beneath him, hugging him hard, and pressed her face into his neck.

  “Don’t let go.” Her voice came as a bare murmur into his throat, filled with a vulnerability that pulled at the deepest part of him. “Please don’t let go. Not yet.”

  “I won’t.” Trent w
rapped his arms around her in turn and hugged her just as hard, his chest aching. How the hell could he ever let her go after this?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lauren woke several hours later to soft lips nuzzling her earlobe and a large, calloused palm sliding into the curls between her thighs. Trent lay against her side, his skin lusciously warm. His erection lay hot and hard against her hip, and just that fast, moisture gathered between her thighs. She didn’t bother to open her eyes but moaned softly and reached out blindly to touch him. Upon finding his soft belly, she caressed down, curling her fingers around his length, and stroked him gently.

  He groaned low in his throat and nipped at her shoulder. “Are you sore?”

  The husky rumble of his voice sent a wave of heat bursting along her skin. Despite his question, his deft fingers caressed her, sliding over sensitive skin. When the tip of his finger caressed her clit, fire erupted through her. She was a bit sore, as she’d been told she might be after her first time. She’d secretly hoped Trent would be right, that she’d be so turned on it wouldn’t hurt the first time. When it had, she’d become overwhelmed. Feeling pain in a moment that was supposed to be all about pleasure had left her floundering. Uncertain.

  Trent had calmed it all. So despite her soreness, she couldn’t resist the need he sent burning through her.

  She slid her hand over his, pressing him more firmly into her. “Don’t stop.”

  He groaned low in her ear, his lips moving over her. Skimming her jaw. Nipping at her shoulder. Sending showers of sparks erupting over the surface of her skin.

  “I wanted to let you sleep, thought you might be too sore, but…” He arched his hips, his impressive length sliding against her palm, and groaned again. “God, I want you.”