If I Never Knew You Trilogy Bundle

by Aubrey Bailey

  By the time I pulled into my driveway, I was surprised that Orion was so relaxed. He told me that I did really well and I believe he meant it. Then Andy and Mom came out. During this time, Orion went and hid the one gift that I knew about. It was a weird day, to say the least. Orion ordered pizza for us to have for dinner and then there was some discussion of when he should move in and how he was going to get it done.

  That day was the first day in a very long time that Damian didn't call, which didn't surprise me, as he had said he would be busy for a while. Apart from the time that I mentioned driving his car, I pretty much forgot he existed that day.

  That was a bad move on my behalf.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  AFTER STUFFING OURSELVES on Hawaiian pizza, I was so full that I was about to crash on the sofa, or at least I would have if the doorbell hadn't rang.

  "Who could that be?" I asked, getting up.

  "Um, probably Warren," Andy said, popping up quickly to get the door.

  I was happy Andy was inviting his other friends over, too. Andy opened the door and we said our greetings to Warren, before they started playing video games.

  I went out front and sat on the steps, thinking about my life and my situation with Orion and Damian. I hadn't actually seen or talked to Damian for a week now. I did see Orion a lot, but when talk turned to his help and moving in, I changed the subject, so the topic hadn't really been spoken about for the last two days. The truth was that if I didn't do something soon, there would be a big mess.

  "God...I am so screwed," I muttered.

  "You can say that again!" I looked up at the sound of my boyfriend's voice.

  "What the hell?" I said, staring up at Damian.

  "I have a question for you, Madison," he said, standing with one foot on the lowest step.

  "Okay," I said, carefully.

  "What does your brother's friend really mean to you?" Damian asked me. "He's here an awful lot." He leaned down and grabbed my chin. "And, my dear, I see him with you quite a bit-like at the mall last week."

  "We were shopping for Andy's birthday present," I explained. "He needed help and asked if I'd go with him."

  "Aw, see Baby. That's what I like about you," Damian said. His hand tightened on my chin. "You're just so damn trustworthy." He let go of my chin roughly and I dropped my head and focused on his shoes. "And you are so terrible at lying." This time he put the heel of his hand on my forehead, and forced my head back up. "Now, I don't know what's going on between you and him, but end it. Believe it or not, babe, you need me. If I go, so does everything else." He removed his hand a second before the door opened.

  "Madison, is everything okay?" Andy asked. I took a deep breath, before turning around and looking at him with a forced smile.

  "Everything's fine," I lied.

  "Damian," Andy said, looking at my boyfriend with dislike written all over his face.

  "Everything's fine, kid," Damian said. "Go back and play your games."

  "Umm," Andy said.

  "Don't leave Warren alone, Andy," I told him. Mentioning his friend did the job. Reluctantly, Andy stepped back into the house and closed the door.

  "So," Damian said. I slowly turned back to look at him. "I'm seeing you tonight?"

  "Sorry, but I have to work," I explained.

  "What about after work, my dear?" Damian suggested. I closed my eyes, thinking about this. In his own way, he was right. I sighed and nodded. "Good," he replied. I watched him walk to his car. "Oh, and Madison," he raised an eyebrow, "take the bus."

  He got into his car and, as I watched him leave, I suddenly felt very sick. When I got to my room, I looked at my phone and at the number on the screen, before I pushed the talk button to call it.

  "Hey, Mad," Orion said, happily. I couldn't do this.

  "Orion, hi," I said.

  "What's up?" Orion asked. "I was just about to leave."

  "Don't worry about it," I said. "I was thinking I'd take the bus today."

  "Oh?" Orion asked. Oh boy, I could hear the questions coming before they even made it out of his mouth. "Well, you need me to pick you up tonight, don't you?"

  "Um, no," I said. "I'm doing a double shift."

  "Again?" Orion asked. I had done a few double shifts the last few days, but still managed to see Orion, Mom and Andy quite a bit.

  "Yeah, sorry."

  "Madison, I'm worried now."

  "Don't. Everything's fine."

  "Okay, are we still on tomorrow?"

  "Uh, no...I can't."

  "More work?" Orion exclaimed, starting to sound bitter. I was beginning to think he wasn't buying the work excuse.

  "Something along those lines."

  "Well, whatever," Orion said, now sounding defeated. I closed my eyes tightly to stop from crying. "Guess I'll talk to you later."

  "Yeah," I said. I hung up the phone and then agonized over what I had just done. Why was I such a wimp about Damian? I needed to tell him the truth and let the shit hit the fan. We would break up and then Orion and I could be together.

  It had been two weeks and I was back to being a workaholic. I worked all the time again and when I wasn't doing that, I was with Damian. I ignored all of Orion' calls and avoided him as much as possible. I was so glad that the restaurant was packed every time he came in.

  I rarely saw Andy, too. After the first few days, he stopped coming by the restaurant every day for lunch. My boss didn't really pick up on anything, but Jen sure did. She didn't know anything about what was going on, but she picked up on my mood change and the fact that my brother wasn't around as much. I did double shifts like crazy, working around twelve hours a day, every day. One day I actually went to work at seven in the morning and stayed until three the next morning. My mother, who usually stayed out of my work decisions, became worried and asked me what was going on. I didn't tell her the truth about my feelings towards Damian and Orion-she was fond of Orion and wanted him to move in-so I lied and said that the Wayside was short staffed.

  I tried to avoid Damian as much as I could, but one evening he decided that we should go to my uncle's club.

  Lo and behold, Orion's band was playing. And I had to sit through three songs perched on Damian's knee with his damn possessive arm wrapped tightly around me and my eyes watching the crowd rather than the band, just to be safe.

  "How's everyone tonight?" Orion asked into the microphone. A cheer erupted and I glanced up at him to see a forced smile on his face. "Well, here's another new song. I haven't written one in a while, but I've gotten the inspiration back." Another cheer broke out through the crowd. Orion continued, "She's been gone for a while now, and I can't get her out of my mind." Unlike last time, he didn't announce the name of the song, as it just started up.

  It was a slower song that started off with Orion singing. He sang about a girl who had grown distant from him and how sorry he was to see them drift apart. It didn't take long at all to figure out it was about me. When it ended, I was practically in tears. I just had to look at Orion, didn't I? I could have sworn I saw a tear rolling down his cheek as well. He looked at me, then he turned around to look at his band and there was some discussion.

  "Can we go, please?" I asked, turning around to look at Damian. He smiled, as if pleased or something. I guess I did something right. Was it the way I asked? Anyway, I got my wish and we left, but not before I caught Orion's eye once more.

  I walked backstage after watching Madison leave with Damian. Andy was also backstage, having watched the show from back there. I had decided not to move in with Madison and her family because Madison was never home now. Madison's mom, Barbara, agreed that I could pay for Andy's driving test, so I took him to the testing place and he passed with a perfect score. I know he was trying to be brave and act like it didn't bother him that his sister was oblivious to his achievement due to her crazy work schedule, but I knew it did.

  Andy complained about being alone so much at home sometimes. He had nightmares too, he had told me. Which was
why I thought it would be a good idea if he came down to the Knightsbridge Tavern that night. I spent as much time as I could with him, even altering my work schedule at the library, so that I could make up for the hole that Madison left in his life.

  I gave up calling Madison's phone after the first week. She didn't answer, anyway. I wanted to be eternally angry at her, especially when I saw her for the first time in two weeks this night. It took a few seconds to recognize her because she had dyed her hair red, but when I did, I had to sing the songs I wrote about her. I wasn't planning to sing them, but something just came over me when I saw her with Damian.

  She looked emotionally and physically worn out. I'd never seen her eyes look so hollow, so soulless. It was like she was a husk of her former self. I had spotted her a few times at Wayside, which I hadn't gone to in over a week now, and she seemed to be walking around like a zombie. I found out from Andy, who found out from one of the cooks named Jen, that Madison was working double shifts almost every day.

  I came to the conclusion that maybe there was something going on with Damian that we weren't aware of. Maybe extra work was her only escape from him, which would be why she had been pushing herself so hard with all the double shifts. And then there were the bruises. She seemed to always have bruises on her arms that Andy said she blamed on work. I was going to kill Damian if he was responsible for those!

  When we got back to the house, there was a note on the door with Andy's name on it.

  "It's Madison's writing!" Andy said, grabbing the note and tearing it open. This time he didn't try to hide it. As he read, tears sprang into his eyes. Finally he handed the note over to me and ran up the stairs to his room.

  Dear Andy,

  I am so sorry for everything. Please know that I'm not trying to avoid you. God, I've messed up so much, and there's no way to fix it now.

  Please know that I want to be with you. Like I said, I'm not trying to avoid you. I'm trying to keep Damian away. It's gotten worse. I can't tell you because I don't want you to worry more than you should. Please be brave for me, Andy. I'm so very sorry for missing your birthday and I hope you passed your test.

  My days are filled with work and my nights are filled with Damian. If I were to count the number of hours I slept these last two weeks, I don't think it would be half the amount I should have. There's so much more I want to tell you, but I don't want you to worry and I don't want you to risk getting hurt.

  Never forget that I love you and Mom so much. She's so sweet and gentle, and I don't want her to know anything ugly about my life, either. You're my baby brother and you mean the world to me.

  Love you,

  Madison

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  MY MOM WOULD always say, "You never appreciate what you have until it's gone." Well, in my case it's a little different. I knew what I had before it was gone. And now that it was gone, I was tearing myself apart.

  I saw Andy at the restaurant the day after I left him the note, but I refused to tell him anything else. I couldn't. Not with what Damian had declared. Andy did cry a bit, and I wanted to cry too, but I was all out of tears. I had become calloused and cold, and it almost didn't hurt to see him that way. He told me that Orion had been seeing him a lot since his birthday and that made me feel better. I took comfort in knowing that Orion was keeping him company and bonding with him when I couldn't and Mom was visiting Aunt Cheryl.

  For the next month, I saw Andy every other day at the restaurant. I made a couple of deals to get myself a forty-five minute break so that I could hang out with him. It just meant staying later, which really helped the staff, so there was no problem with that. And then, I started feeling sick quite a lot. That freaked me out a lot. Not because I had never been sick before or anything, but because it didn't feel like normal sickness. Then I looked at a calendar and that just made me feel worse.

  Like I expected, I was late. I didn't know what I was going to do. It was like High School all over again. It had happened a couple times before, but luckily, my periods started after a few days. However, this time, I was nauseated quite a few mornings and something just felt different.

  Work confirmed it. I knew what pregnancy brought on: an ultrasensitive sense of smell. I knew the kitchen smelled greasy, but I had gotten used to it. Now however, it was making me want to throw up. Jen came to my rescue, as usual. She bought me a pregnancy test and stood outside the bathroom door while I did it. And then, yet again, I cried. If this was pregnancy, I hated it.

  On top of it all, I had no clue who the father was. I mean, I thought it might be Damian, but it all depended on how far along I was. There was a chance that it could be Orion, right? Once again, Jen helped me out. She got me an appointment with the doctor at our local clinic and she somehow managed to convince our boss to let me have the morning off.

  "You're just about two months along," the doctor said, looking at me as if he were wondering what my reaction would be.

  Two months; that meant it was more than likely Orion's baby. I couldn't decide if that made things better or worse. I wanted it to be Orion's, but if it was, what was I going to do about Damian? He would assume that it was his baby.

  "You make sure she tells her parents," the doctor said, looking over at Jen.

  Once he left the room, I asked Jen, "What did you tell him?"

  "I said you were my niece. There is no way I would be able to pass as your mom. I'm too close to your age."

  "You're thirty," I said.

  "And you're eighteen. That would mean I'd have been twelve when you were born," Jen replied, with amusement.

  After stopping for fast food, we went back to Wayside. I thanked Jen again and started working, but all afternoon I could not get the thought of having a baby out of my mind. At first I thought I might get rid of it. But then I thought about Orion and me starting a family, getting married, and having our own place. There was only one real solution: Damian-not the baby-would have to go!

  That night, I arrived home to find Mom relaxing in the living room. I decided not to say anything to her, at least not until I had settled my relationships involving the two men in my life. After a quick chat, I took a shower and looked at myself in the mirror. Nothing seemed different, so far. I turned and looked at myself from the side. Besides a bit of fluid retention, there were no major differences. I would probably not start rounding until three months or something like that, which meant that I had a month to get my life in order.

  I made a list of things to do in terms of bills, household repairs, and purchases. I usually didn't make lists, but once I discussed the state of affairs regarding the house with Barbara, I realized there were so many things to do, as Madison's dad had neglected basic maintenance for so long. Barbara had gotten behind on the bills due to her sister, Cheryl's, illness. Not to mention Madison was barely home, so everything was pretty much falling to pieces.

  As for Andy-being sixteen, driving to see friends, discovering girls and becoming more active at school meant that he had very little time now. However, I really couldn't tell him what I wanted to. After that note, he visited Madison a lot at the restaurant and he told me all about the visits. I was glad to know that he was at least happier then. As I finished the list, Andy walked in the door.

  "Hey," I said, looking up.

  "Hey," Andy replied.

  "You alright?" I asked. Andy just nodded. "No, you're not."

  "Okay, I got in trouble at school." He turned so I could see his whole face. He had a black eye. I jumped up and went over to him.

  "What the hell did you do, bro?" I asked.

  "I hit some guy, then he hit me back and next thing I know-we're fighting," Andy reported.

  "Why did you hit him?"

  "Because," Andy said, "he was talking shit about Madison."

  "Ah, so how much trouble did you get into?"

  "I'm suspended for a week and after that I have detention for a week and a half."

  "Must have been a pretty good fight."

 
"He got the worst of it." Andy smiled, then shook his head and frowned slightly. "Are you gonna tell my mom or Madison?"

  "How?" I asked. I hadn't seen Barbara since last evening-she wasn't due home until the next day-and I hadn't seen Madison for a while, either. When she came home from work, I would often be out at Knightsbridge Tavern, because her Uncle Jack had signed us on for a regular gig. In the mornings, she would usually leave for work before me.

  "Good point," Andy said.

  Because it was my evening off and Andy said he was too tired to go to Warren's to work on another project, we decided to just stay at his house and play video games. When Andy got up to use the bathroom, he noticed a note lying on the table in the foyer. It was another note from Madison, this time asking Andy to meet her at the restaurant at lunchtime the following day. She wrote that she had something important to discuss with him.

  "What's wrong?" I asked.

  "I can't tell you-I don't know yet," Andy said.

  He was quiet the rest of the evening-even when he was doing homework. Usually he would ask for help, but I don't think he was really focused on it. He went to bed early and I walked around the house. I stood in front of Madison's room for a moment, wondering why she couldn't tell me what she was going to reveal to Andy and feeling hurt that she did not trust me enough to share her news, whatever it may be. Then I went down the stairs and left the house, making sure all of the lights were off first.

  "Madison!" I turned around after putting drinks down on a table, only to get attacked with a hug by my brother.

  "Andy, sit down and I'll get to you as soon as possible, okay?"

  "Yeah," Andy said. He went to his regular table and I went into the back to tell Jen that Andy was here. She started preparing his favorite lunch while I went back up front with Andy's drink and told the hostess not to put any more people into my section for a while. It took me a little under an hour to finish with my other customers. By then, Andy was finished eating so we went out the back door and stood in the alley behind the restaurant. I told Andy I was pregnant and he just looked at me in puzzlement.