East of the Sun, West of the Moon

by John Ringo

  "Oh, yeah," Shanea said and hiccupped. "He's hung like a...like a...one of them things you ride...pulls a cart..."

  "Horse," Mirta said.

  "Yeah," Shanea said. "One of them." She leaned over onto Herzer's leg, slapping him on the upper thigh. "He's my buddy. He pulled me out! Killed the scorpion! Thass wha' it was. SCORPION! Big, horrible, SCORPION an Herzer beat it to death with his giant COCK!"

  "Thank you," Herzer said, prying her hand off of his leg. "But I killed it with a sword."

  "And what a sword it was!" Meredith said and giggled again, slapping her hand over her mouth. "Whoops. Nice sword. And a very nice club, too!"

  "And all mine," Megan said, leaning over and pulling his mouth down on hers, her other hand sliding up his leg.

  "Meanie," Shanea said, pouting. "Shared Paul!"

  "Mine," Megan repeated when she'd drawn back from the long kiss. "Come on, Herzer you big stud," she said, using his shoulder to get to her feet. "We were just about to find out if you fit or not."

  "Megan," Herzer said, shaking his head but getting to his feet. "You're a little drunk."

  "I'm a lot drunk," Megan said, nodding her head sharply. "S'why I'm gonna jump your bones. Come on."

  She dragged him out of the room as the other three watched sadly.

  "There's all these guards and things, around," Shanea said, thoughtfully.

  "You go ahead," Meredith replied, lying down on the couch. "If I can't get Herzer, I'm just going to lie here and pass out."

  "S'good idea," Mirta said, slumping in her chair.

  "Wimps," Shanea muttered, clambering to her feet. "There's a whole platoon of guards here. Making me do all the work. Just like always."

  "You go right ahead," Meredith repeated, closing her eyes and then opening them. "Mirta?"

  "Yeah?" the woman asked.

  "Why's the room spinning?"

  "Because you're about to throw up."

  * * *

  Sergeant Sirous came to attention as the door to the Council Woman's chambers opened and stopped himself from shaking his head at the sight of the Keyholder's extremely drunk maid.

  "Miss Shanea," he said, formally. "Given the circumstances, all of you should remain in the council woman's chambers."

  " 'M goin' to my room," Shanea said, holding onto the doorframe for support. "S'right there," she added, pointing in the general direction. "There's s' big SCORPION in it. But iss dead."

  "And we removed the carcass, ma'am," the sergeant said, sighing. "But we would prefer not to disperse out guards. Please stay in the council woman's chambers."

  " 'M goin' to my room," Shanea said, lunging forward and grasping the neck of his armor. "An' you're going with me."

  "If you insist on going I'll detach a team to ensure your safety," Sirous said, reaching up and gently prying at her hand.

  "You don't understan', soldier boy," Shanea said, yanking him forward. "I'm talking about you! Going with me. To my room. Come on. S' an order. Bring some more guards. Gonna need lots a guards..."

  * * *

  "Megan," Herzer said, lowering her onto the bed. "Are you sure about this?"

  "You bet," she said, pulling off her shirt. "Will you look at these?"

  "They're lovely," Herzer said, smiling. He was barely buzzed and he was afraid that if he actually took her in this condition it would screw things up royally.

  "Suck 'em," Megan said, lunging up and grabbing him by the hair to drag him down. "I want you to suck on 'em! I know you want to. I'm going to give you everything you want, Herzer. Everything."

  Herzer slid his hand under her breast to cup it and sank down on the bed next to her.

  "I love you," he said.

  "You'd better," Megan said. "Or I'll turn you into a newt," she added with a giggle. "A well hung newt. Keep you in a pot."

  "Well, as long as I'm your newt," Herzer said, unbuttoning her pants and lowering his lips to her small, pink aureoles just as there was a knock on the bedroom door.

  "WHAT?" he shouted, gritting his teeth.

  "Herzer," Cruz said. "We have a...bit of a situation..."

  "I'll be right back," Herzer said, slipping off the bed. "I promise."

  "you'd better be," Megan said, pouting. "Turn you into a newt."

  Cruz led him out into the corridor where Herzer nodded at the sight of the reinforced guard force. He noticed that the guards were...unusually wooden.

  "Miss Shanea insisted that Sergeant Sirous accompany her back to her room," Cruz said in a low tone. "And now she's in there, crying."

  "Why?" Herzer asked.

  "Because he won't have sex with her," Cruz said, bluntly.

  "Is he gay?" Herzer asked, puzzled.

  "No," Cruz ground out. "He's on duty. And she's the council woman's friend. And she keeps asking where the rest of her guards are!"

  "He doesn't want to be turned into a newt?" Herzer asked. "Cruz, listen to me very carefully. Get...four more guards. Have them ensure her safety from inside her room. In...plain clothes or no clothes as the case may be. Tell them to screw the ever living daylights out of her."

  "What?"

  "Screw her," Herzer said. "Bang her. Fisk her pretty little ass off. Whatever she wants. Just get the girl laid for the Bull God's sake. If one of them gets tired, switch them off until she gets tired or passes out or whatever. Call for another platoon if you have to but don't bother me again unless the world is ending. Clear?"

  Cruz looked at him befuddled for a second and then grinned.

  "Clear," he said, trying not to laugh. "Combat reaction?"

  "Worst case of it I've ever seen and the girl is a nymphomaniac," Herzer said. "And she hasn't been getting any. So...whatever it takes."

  "I wasn't actually talking about her," Cruz said with a grin. "Do you mind if I...take a short break from duty?"

  "If you've got an able assistant," Herzer ground out.

  "I do," Cruz said, still grinning. "Night."

  "Good night."

  When Herzer got back to the bedroom, Megan was snoring softly.

  Chapter Ten

  When Herzer walked into the kitchen the next morning, Megan was sitting in the breakfast nook, her elbows on the table and her head clutched in her hands. Shanea was lying back in her chair, eyes closed, mouth open, breathing slowly. She'd apparently taken time to do her hair and makeup so she looked like a very pretty corpse.

  Herzer tiptoed across the room to the percolator and started to get out the makings.

  "Is there any coffee?" Shanea said, softly, smacking her lips. "I have this...really familiar taste in my mouth."

  Megan groaned, softly, and shook her head.

  "GOOD morning, troops!" Duke Edmund said, striding through the door.

  "I do not need this," Megan muttered, clutching her head. "I can't turn you into a newt."

  "I think I can take one more soldier," Shanea muttered.

  "Have a fine time last night?" Edmund asked, jovially.

  "No," Megan said. "Ashley is dead."

  "And everyone else is alive," Edmund replied, sharply. "That is a very good thing."

  "Except for the nearly getting killed part, I had a good time last night," Shanea said. "What I remember of it."

  "And I've never seen a group of more satisfied guards," Edmund admitted.

  "What, all of them?" Herzer asked.

  "According to reports," Edmund said with a nod.

  "Good lord," Herzer said, shaking his head.

  "All of them sounds about right," Shanea said. "Is the coffee ready yet? I mean, it tastes good at first but the aftertaste...yick."

  "Shanea," Megan muttered. "You didn't."

  "She did indeed," Edmund replied. "But it's okay. The guards are quite...discreet."

  "Closed mouthed," Herzer said. "Unlike some around here."

  "Herzer," Megan said, threateningly. "We were nearly killed. Don't be..." She stopped and looked up at him. "What did we do last night?"

  "You slept," Herzer said, evenly,
finally getting the coffee going. "I put blankets on Mirta and Meredith and then checked the guards. After that, I slept."

  "Oh, God," Megan muttered. "I'm sorry, Herzer."

  "It's okay," Herzer said, sitting down.

  "Hold it," she said, sharply. "What do you mean you checked the guards?"

  "Some of them," he snapped. "Not all of them."

  "Herzer wasn't there," Shanea said. "Herzer I'm sure I would have remembered." She frowned and wriggled a bit. "Yeah. Herzer definitely wasn't there."

  "Did you know that Daneh was raped right after the Fall?" Edmund asked Megan.

  "Yes," Megan replied, glancing at Herzer who was still looking, if anything, more pissed. Given that it was a rape he'd been unable to stop, it was not his favorite topic of conversation.

  "I'm not talking about Herzer's burdens in it," Edmund said. "I'm talking about Daneh. And me. She took...quite a while to get over it. And even after we were having conjugal relations, there were still problems. But she did get over it, as over it as any woman can. When you're done with this mission, if you're still having problems, or even not, I'd strongly recommend that you have a long talk with her. Or many. There are specialists around as well. But while she doesn't do it as a specialty, she's probably one of the best rape counselors in the world. And she's my wife so you can talk to her about things that you couldn't talk to with the vast majority of the counselors. And there are things that you cannot...understand, without talking to someone who knows. Including, among other things, irrational jabs of jealousy."

  "I'll keep it in mind," Megan said, dryly.

  "Don't 'keep it in mind,'" Edmund said, firmly. "Do it. End of discussion. Given the events of last night, and by that let me make plain that I'm discussing the attack, we're moving up the shift to the training facility. You should be out of here by tomorrow..."

  "I have meetings scheduled..." Megan snapped.

  "Cancel them," Edmund replied. "We've got the training facility surrounded by a fortified camp, now, with the whole Seventh Legion parked around it. If these things can get through six thousand legionnaires, we might as well throw in the towel now!"

  "Oooo," Shanea said. "More soldiers!" She paused and her pretty brow furrowed. "Six thousand...how long will that take...?"

  Herzer had already done the math.

  "Two hundred nights," he sighed.

  "Damn," Shanea muttered. "Not even a year!"

  "You could repeat," Herzer pointed out.

  "What's the fun in that?"

  Megan groaned and buried her face in her hands.

  * * *

  "Van Krief, Destrang," Herzer said as the lieutenants entered the apartment. "Good to see you again. The lieutenant's pips look good on you."

  "Commander," Lieutenant Van Krief replied, formally. Amosis Van Krief was a small, heavily muscled blonde female, her hair pulled back in a bun to reveal a face all made of angled plains. Small, sharp, nose, square jaw and high cheekbones.

  "Hey, Herzer," Destrang said, waving languidly. The lieutenant was tall as his counterpart was short, with light brown hair that was worn a tad long and long, rangy limbs that were covered with whipcord muscles. Where Van Krief seemed to march everywhere, her face pushed forward as if she were looking for a wall to smash, Destrang could stroll while marching in formation. "It's got to be bad if you've called us for help."

  "Actually, I just recalled that you'd never finished that paper on the Inchon Campaigns and I thought this would give you an opportunity," Herzer replied with a grin.

  At that, Destrang had the grace to look abashed at least.

  Herzer had been an instructor at the Officer Basic Course when he was drawn out to accompany Duke Edmund to New Fell Base. That was where the new fleet was being formed and as they approached their first real conflict Queen Sheida came to the conclusion that an unbiased and knowledgeable observer was in order. Edmund had tapped Herzer to accompany him and instructed him to pull three of the ensigns in the school as aides. Herzer had chosen Van Krief, Destrang and Tao.

  The trio had ended up doing far more than serving hor doerves. After the fleet commander showed to be disastrously inept, Edmund had been put in command of rebuilding the fleet and the follow-on battles that the victorious New Destiny pushed. Van Krief and Destrang had been unwilling participants in the Fleet battles while Tao, who had grown up with horses, rode over half the continent, arriving with the cavalry reinforcements to cap the victory over New Destiny's invading legions.

  "I've been tapped with another mission," Herzer said, letting him off the hook. "The information load is getting too heavy so I asked Edmund for some staff."

  "And what is the mission, sir?" Van Krief asked.

  "Come on in the living room," Herzer replied. "And I'll give you an initial brief."

  When he was done, Van Krief shook her head.

  "Is it just me, sir, or do I detect a lack of enthusiasm?"

  "No, it's not just you," Herzer said. "I don't see a good way to win this one. I know I can stalemate it, crash the ship in other words, but I don't see a good way to ensure we get the majority of the fuel and New Destiny gets virtually none. I've got an idea how we can get most of what comes down, but not a way to win. I don't like half victories. And we don't have enough in the way of intel."

  "That's hardly a new phenomenon," Destrang said, shaking his head.

  "And that's going to be your job," Herzer said, handing him a sealed envelope. "This is to be delivered to Colonel Torill at War Headquarters, Office of Special Operations. He's our liaison at Headquarters. He'll give you your access, including to UFS Intel Group. Get with their analysts. Look for any scrap of intel that might relate to this mission. You'll be staying in Washan, probably working out of this building."

  "Yes, sir," Destrang said, smiling faintly. "A capitol city tour sounds much preferable to being thrown into the breach in a burning space-ship."

  Herzer grinned at him, knowing that Destrang only half meant it. The lieutenant was one of the few officers he'd met who combined a dilettante's manner with a real feel for battle. He was as comfortable in the middle of a skirmish as he was at a dinner party. The latter was one of the reasons he'd given him this task, however.

  "I understand Tao is on the way as well, sir," Van Krief said.

  "He was up with Second Legion in Belmopan," Herzer said. "He should be here soon. You will be working on the operations order for the mission. Tao's going to be courier for the intel Destrang develops and working with the Council Woman's security detail. Among other things as an officer escort."

  "For the council woman?" Destrang asked. "Lucky chap."

  "No," Herzer said. "For her assistants. You might have noticed that things are a bit confused around here today. We had an attack on the building last night. I'm not sure if it was directed at Megan or because New Destiny got wind we were forming another team. Whichever it was, security has been increased. And that includes for the council woman's aides."

  "Ah," Destrang said. "Well, bully on Gerson."

  "Herzer?" Shanea asked from the door. "Do you want anything?" She had gotten over her hangover and was looking as perky as usual. If anything, more perky.

  "No, thank you, Shanea," Herzer said.

  "Was that one of the council woman's aides?" Destrang asked, raising an eyebrow.

  "Yes," Herzer said, grimacing.

  "Didn't mention that, did you, sir?" Destrang asked, grinning.

  "One of them will be staying here, as well," Herzer noted. "Meredith is Megan's political aide. She'll be staying here to keep an eye on some of the political actions Megan has been pushing." Herzer paused and frowned, trying to figure out how to put what he wanted to say into words. "You're aware, in general, of Megan's background?"

  "Yes, sir," Van Krief said, sharply. "We are."

  "Well, all of her...assistants came from the same source," Herzer said. "You'll both be meeting Meredith I'm sure." He looked at Destrang, frowning and shrugged. "I'd strongly advise against se
tting your lance, lieutenant. Strongly advise against it. Meredith can kill your career with a word and...she would do so if you gave her offense. Clear?"

  "Clear," Destrang said, quietly.

  "She can be rather...cold when you first get to know her," Herzer continued. "And generally stays that way."

  "Clear," Destrang repeated.

  "Just...use your best judgment," Herzer said. "And speaking of best judgment; you're both going to be exposed to some very high level information in this job. And Destrang, at least, is going to be moving around people who are not cleared for this information. Don't be a source, understand?"

  "Yes, sir," the lieutenants chorused.

  "Destrang, you've been working in intel for the last few months?"

  "I've been analyzing data from some of the activity in the southwest, sir," Destrang said. "It's all been low-level stuff and the position is only classified confidential."

  "Any training on how to avoid giving away information?" Herzer asked.

  "Oh, and in gathering it, sir," Destrang said with a chuckle. "Done a bit of it just to keep in training. You approach a person in a natural setting, give them a tidbit of information that indicates that you know all about what their doing then 'talk shop.' There are other techniques."

  "How do you guard against it?" Herzer asked. He realized as he asked the question that he had never had a class in information control. Generally, he just didn't talk about anything that might be useful information.

  "Never discuss your job with anyone you don't know is cleared, sir," Destrang answered. "When someone you don't know is cleared wants to talk shop, talk shop about their job or change the subject. Never admit that anything they say as an assumption is true."

  "Hmph," Herzer said, wondering how many times he'd been probed over the years. He also knew that one of the first rules of leadership is knowing when to admit ignorance and when not. "Good answer. Keep it in mind in this job. You, too, Van Krief."

  "Yes, sir," Destrang said.

  "How long have you been living here, sir?" Van Krief asked, changing the subject.

  "Four months," Herzer said. "I've been assigned to ops working on warplans for the upcoming invasion. And, of course, swaining Megan around to parties," he added, frowning. "But that's out the window for the time being. We'll be leaving sometime tomorrow. This afternoon, I'll brief in Van Krief on what we're looking at. This evening I've got meetings with command on preliminary plans."