A Man's Heart

by Lori Copeland

  Jules shook her head. “Cruz doesn’t want to hear from me.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do know that—I told you I asked Cruz to marry me and he refused.”

  “Outright refused?”

  “He wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea.”

  “What man would be with you two’s history? He’ll eventually come around.”

  “I wish I could be as certain.”

  “Nothing’s certain, Jules, but this moment.” She reached for Jules’s hand. “Try and trust that God’s in control, and both you and Cruz are exactly where he wants you to be right now.”

  “I wish I had your faith.”

  “It’s like riding a bike. You’ll take a few painful spills, but if you practice enough you’ll get good at it.” Reaching in her pocket, Crystal removed her cell phone. “I’m calling Adan.”

  “Fine.” Jules lay back, staring at the stars. “He’s always glad to hear from you.” Somewhere Cruz was under this brightly lit canopy. With Ms. Eye Candy? Trying to fall in love with her enough so that he could marry and provide both mother and father for Sophie’s kids? Envy rendered her silent.

  Crystal hit speed dial and in a minute she was talking to Adan. Jules only caught half of the conversation, but it sounded as though the two brothers were taking fatherhood in stride. Crystal chatted, telling about their day, the adventures they’d had, the perfect relaxation.

  Before she knew what was happening, Jules found the phone in her hand. She sat up straighter when Cruz’s voice came on the line.

  “Hi.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Fine, thank you. And you?”

  “Adan says you’re in Florida with Crystal.”

  “I am, and we’re having a lovely time. How are the children?”

  “They’re good. When are you coming home?”

  “Oh …” She leaned back, balancing one flip-flop on the end of her toe. “I haven’t decided. Joe says everything is going well with Blue Bayou, and it couldn’t be a more lovely time to be down here. The beach is great, the crowds have thinned.”

  “Sounds nice. When are you coming home?”

  “Do I have a deadline?”

  “No … but the kids keep asking where you are. You can’t just up and disappear.” A thin vein of neediness filtered through his tone.

  “The kids miss me?” She brightened. “Are they okay?”

  “They’re fine. They just want their Aunt Jube.”

  “Ah, that’s sweet. Can I talk to Ethan?”

  “He’s in bed.”

  “Can you wake him —”

  “Good grief, no! That would wake Livvy. Adan’s potty training her. It’s been a day I wouldn’t relive. I’ve been sidestepping crackers, chips, salty stuff to make her go — it’s been a nightmare, and we’re out of juice and milk again. She won’t go if we can’t get a lot of liquid in her.”

  “Potty training?” The picture of Adan and Cruz potty training flashed before her eyes. They wouldn’t know where to start! She sobered. She’d planned on training Livvy. Envy spilled over more. She glanced at her watch. “It’s pretty early for them to be in bed, isn’t it?”

  “Same time they go to bed every night.”

  “Okay — maybe I’ll call later in the week and talk to them.”

  “How long do you plan to be gone?”

  “I haven’t decided. Do I need to come home?”

  “No … unless you want to.”

  “Then I don’t know how long I’ll stay.”

  “Jules …” She recognized that tone. He wanted to say something but didn’t know how to phrase it. Did he miss her? Could he form the words to tell her so? If he couldn’t, she might as well stay here forever.

  “Yes?”

  “Nothing. It wasn’t important.” “I’ll call later in the week.” “Have a nice time.” “Thanks. I will.”

  She clicked off. The prior peace that filled her now bubbled like a cauldron. Why did she let this man upset her? Obviously he wanted her to come home, but why? Because he loved her, that he couldn’t live without her?

  Please, God, let that be the cause of his silent reserve.

  Chapter 46

  Okay.” Adan appeared after breakfast holding a sheaf of papers. “I’ve downloaded this off the web, so we’ll have a better grasp of the situation.”

  Cruz glanced up from the newspaper he was reading. “What is it?”

  “It’s that article on potty training. There’s all sorts of approaches on the Web.”

  Cruz’s attention pivoted back to the paper. Adan’s efforts to train Livvy were tantamount to bulls ramming heads. Useless. Livvy was more stubborn than any bull Adan had met. “I thought you could do it in three days.”

  “I can — I was going about it the wrong way. Hank Sites — you know him. Lives over near the Brown place? He and his wife had a baby a couple of years back, Hank says he trained his girl in nothing flat. I’ve downloaded the instructions, and it seems Hank left out a few steps. Starting today, we’ll see some progress.”

  “Fine.” Cruz perused the sports section. They’d gotten nowhere so far. The familiar diaper stench permeated the hallway.

  That day, Adan stuck with Livvy like glue. Every so often, Cruz heard the now familiar phrase, “Livvy, you tell me when you have to go potty.”

  All morning Livvy pretty much ignored the issue. The words “cookie,” “dolly,” and “go way!” came through clear enough. Adan didn’t press the issue, but said every half hour or so, “Livvy. Tell me when you have to go potty.”

  By noon, Livvy shoved the Tinkertoys aside and said, “Potty.”

  Cruz stuck his head around the kitchen doorway. “What’d she say?”

  “She said she has to go potty.” Adan beamed.

  That night, Livvy wet her diaper, soaked her bed, and everything including her blankie had to be washed.

  Day two, the accidents were less frequent. Cruz assumed full care of Ethan and Adan stuck to Livvy like honey to skin. The two sat in the middle of the living room floor, building Tinkertoys, playing dolls, reading books until it was time for the child to go to bed.

  “Livvy, tell me when you have to go potty.”

  The occasional nod sufficed.

  Cruz said a prayer of gratitude for Adan’s patience. The method was boring and taxing, but Livvy was starting to respond. Jules, I don’t think you’d be as patient as Adan. He grinned at the thought.

  By the third day, the child was not only telling Adan when she needed to go, but she was completing the process herself.

  Adan and Cruz bought a T-bone steak and grilled out in celebration.

  Twice during the meal, Livvy interrupted with, “I hafta go.”

  Moonlight glistened off the ocean water. Jules closed her eyes, picturing Cruz and Adan at home, with the children. She’d bet the two men were tearing their hair out with the new responsibilities. Potty train Livvy, indeed. They’d never have the patience. She’d helped Sophie train Ethan and it had taken months, months of frustration and wet clothing. By the time Jules returned home, Cruz would be only too happy to hand the child’s bathroom training over to her.

  Crystal slipped into the house, leaving Jules to stare at the ocean. The past few weeks had brought about an incredible change, one that she warmly welcomed. Jules was relaxed now, non-combative. Sophie’s untimely death had settled her down, made her look at life with a new perspective. Was that Sophie’s intent? Or was her request to bring Cruz and Jules together, to make them realize they were paired for life? She had no doubt that it was the latter. Was Cruz learning the same lesson? With Sophie’s passing, no one would ever know her full intent, but Crystal was grateful of the small role she now played in Jules’s life. For the first time ever, she had a sister.

  She reached for the cell phone and hit Adan’s button. His voice came on the line after the third ring.

  “Hi—I thought I’d get your voice mail.”

  His tone brightene
d. “I’m at The Grille. It took a minute to recognize your ring.”

  “I have a special ring?” She never bothered assigning fog horns, pin ball machines, old cars, or cyber beeps to friends. A simple ring found her.

  “Yeah, you’re the song that made Sonny and Cher a hit: ‘I Got You Babe.’”

  Laughing, Crystal walked into the privacy of her bedroom. She never knew when Jules would come in and find her talking to Adan. There had been numerous hushed talks over the past weeks and she was fortunate Jules hadn’t caught her in the act yet.

  “Hey, I think Jules is weakening.”

  “Yeah? So is Cruz. He’s a basket case. I don’t know if he’s angry with Jules for staying in Florida so long, or scared that she might not come back, or that she refuses to tell him when she’s coming home.”

  “She doesn’t know when she’s coming home.” She sat down on the side of her mattress. “One moment she talks about selling Blue Bayou and moving here, and the next she’s crying, wishing she was home with the children. If she thought for one moment that Cruz wanted her there, she would be on the next plane out.”

  “I can’t read him,” Adan confessed. “But he’s got a burr under his saddle about something.”

  “What we’re doing is best, isn’t it?”

  “It’s right.” Background music faded as he stepped to a quieter location. “I know how you’re feeling because I’m feeling the same way. I love the kids, but like we discussed, Jules and Cruz are the logical parents. Just let nature takes its course.”

  “I agree, but it’s hard.” Crystal missed the little imps, the board games, messy hands and peanut butter and jelly smiles.

  “Come-on, Cris.” He used her pet name. “We’re young; we can have all the children we want.”

  “So are Cruz and Jules. They’re not ancient.”

  “They’re not, but you don’t think for a minute that Sophie had anything other than Cruz and Jules in mind when she hatched up her plot. That’s Sophie, always thinking ahead.”

  “But she didn’t know how critical her situation was; how could she?”

  “She knew. From the moment she got the diagnosis she knew. And she turned a tragedy into a blessing.” Pride filled his voice. “That’s my big sis.”

  Crystal sighed. “Of course you’re right. Not for a moment did I believe that Sophie’s request wasn’t carefully planned, but suddenly there are logical options other than Jules and Cruz. The children might be better off with me, or the Parkers. Either of us could easily give them a life of luxury, while Cruz and Jules can only offer potatoes.”

  “And love. Don’t forget the main ingredient.”

  “You don’t think the Parkers or I would love them?”

  “Sure you would; and grandparents adore their grandchildren, but nature has a way of slowing us down. The Parkers would need a heap of energy, energy they don’t have in order to raise two small children, participate in school activities, gymnastics, dance, church activities. Then there’s the teen years, cars, dating —”

  Crystal closed her eyes, exhausted thinking about the hectic schedules. “Agreed; we’d all make good parents.”

  “Hey.” “Yes?”

  “Are you still okay with this? I thought we’d agreed a long time ago our part in this was to get Cruz and Jules back on track.”

  She touched a tissue to her eyes. “It’s just harder than I’d imagined.”

  “Yeah, when the heart’s involved, it is usually tough, but we’re doing the right thing. Cruz needed time to get over his hurt; the past few months have weakened his resistance toward Jules, and anyone can see that Jules is still in love with the guy.”

  “You think that Cruz is now able to move on?”

  “Getting close. Real close. Give him another week or two without her around and he’ll see the wisdom of swallowing his pride and facing the inevitable—”

  “I wish she would stay here—for purely selfish reasons.” Crystal had gotten used to waking up to the smell of Jules’s fresh brewed coffee, though she’d never drink a cup. She loved to hear her puttering around the house, in the bathroom, watching the early morning news, reading the newspaper. Their long walks on the beach, gathering shells. Loneliness settled around her, and the small living quarters suddenly felt very large and empty. Would she ever be as content here when Jules left?

  “Yeah? You two have gotten pretty close lately.”

  “We have, and that’s an added blessing that Sophie never thought about.”

  “I wouldn’t bet on it.”

  She frowned. “You don’t think —”

  “That Sophie knew how much Jules would need a sister once she passed on? I’d think that—in a New York minute.”

  Crystal shook her head, stunned by the woman’s perception.

  “Face it, Cris. There’s a mate for every one of us, and—”

  “Cruz and Jules are one whether they like it or not,” Crystal finished the thought.

  “He doesn’t like it,” Adan chuckled. “But he’s stuck with it.” Crystal smiled. “Ever thought about vacationing in Destin?”

  His tone sobered. “Every day.

  I miss you.” “I miss you too. So are you going to come and visit?”

  “You never know; one night you could look up and I’ll be standing on your doorstep. You can show me the sights.”

  “I’d love that, Adan.”

  “Then count on it,” he said. “You are coming home for the holidays?”

  Home. Crystal never thought of Washington State as home, but the past few months had altered her perception on a lot of things. She had a home, Blue Bayou. There were pleasant memories there as well as unpleasant ones. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

  “I’ll have the tree, presents and turkey. You bring dessert.”

  “Make sure it’s a live tree.” She missed the fragrance of a freshly cut tree, a fire burning in the fireplace. “What’s your favorite pie? Pecan? Pumpkin?”

  “I was thinking of you.”

  “Oh.” His implication registered: she was dessert.

  She giggled. Now that had to be the sweetest thing a man had ever said to her. “Jules wonders why Cruz doesn’t call.”

  “Cruz is wondering why she hasn’t called. He’s a coward; I don’t know about her. If he hears her voice, he worries that he’ll be on a plane to Florida to bring her home. Why don’t you call us in a few minutes?”

  “Better yet, give me half an hour and you phone us. Jules would like that.”

  “What are you doing in the meantime?”

  “Me? I’m about to advance to stage two of the plan.”

  Jules was still staring at the sky when Crystal returned. “Just look at this night.”

  Crystal paused in the doorway and closed her eyes. “Ah … salty air. Don’t you love it?” After a moment, she opened her eyes. “Have you ever made a sand angel?”

  “A what?”

  “Sand angel.” She reached for Jules’s hand. “Come on. The tide receded hours ago, and the sand is the perfect texture.”

  “Crystal! It’s —” Jules held her wrist to the doorway light checking the time. “It’s eleven o’clock.”

  “So what? We can catch the late church service in the morning and sleep in. Come on. It’ll be fun.”

  Fun. Until this trip, Jules had never particularly associated the word with Crystal. Fun was Sophie. Girl talks, shopping, movies. She and Crystal had done all that and more lately, and the emptiness she’d felt since Sophie’s death was starting to lift. Ever so slightly, but getting more comfortable with the idea that her best friend was gone. Was it possible that God would provide her a Sophie for every season of her life?

  Jules slowly crawled from the comfortable reclining chair. Sand angels. She could just imagine the grit they’d track in the house.

  Halfway down the beach, Crystal broke into a trot. The choppy waves were thigh to waist deep. Wind whipped her hair and she sang out with the joy of life. “Isn’t God’s handiwork divine?”


  Trudging through the sand, Jules focused on the night. Stars hung suspended overhead. A full moon bathed the swirling foam. Salty air incited her senses. It was the most beautiful sight she’d ever witnessed and she wished with all of her heart that Cruz was there, walking beside her. Indeed, God’s handiwork should be admired.

  She paused, tilting her face up to catch the soft breeze blowing off the waters. Fish and algae. Tide pools rushing in, and then out. The world was at peace with itself here, relishing its creation, the earth praising its Creator in the gentle white foam riding the crest of tranquil waves. Blue Bayou and all she held dear were thousands of miles away from Destin, and yet she relished these gifts, longing for the lives she loved so far away. Cruz. Ethan. Olivia.

  Casting her sandals aside, she broke into a run and tried to catch Crystal. Wind caught her hair as her bare feet flew over the damp sand. Maybe she could outrun her emotions, run so long and so hard that she would forget that Cruz ever existed.

  Ahead, Crystal dropped to the moist sand and began to move her arms, up and down, making a sand angel in the receding waves. When Jules approached, she dropped to her knees, then rolled to her back and engaged in the childhood antic. Above, a sky more beautiful than jewels twinkled.

  “Isn’t this the most peaceful experience?” Crystal reached out to take hold of Jules’s hand. Though Cruz was thousands of miles away, he was here, beneath this breathtaking canopy of stars. “If it’s meant to be, he’ll come around.”

  Only Sophie had known the true depths of Jules’s love, yet tonight Crystal unaccountably felt it. “I’ve lost him forever,” Jules whispered — or whimpered. She did that a lot lately.

  “Perhaps, but there is the matter of forgiveness.”

  Yes, there was that matter. Pop couldn’t forgive Mom and it led to a life of misery. Would the same happen to Cruz?

  “How many times can a man forgive a woman for walking away from him?”

  “Seven times seven?”

  “Your faith never falters.”

  “Didn’t Pop teach you the value of trust?”

  “I don’t think he knew it himself, but regardless, I don’t see that either one of us had much to trust in when we were children. I don’t know about you, but I lived in a world where I was certain that one or the other would leave us one day, and they did.”