Meanwhile, Back in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 6)

by Ann Charles

“Jim.”

  “Jim who?”

  “Jim, the sucker who’s blowing his savings on a goddamned slot machine that won’t pay out. Who’s this?”

  I could hear the bells and dings of a casino in between Jim’s huffs. Whoever had called me must have used a payphone. “This is gambler’s anonymous, Jim. What casino are you in?”

  “I don’t know. The one with Gold in the name. Why? Did my wife call you?”

  Crap, it wasn’t Cornelius’s hotel. Who in the hell had called me? “No, your banker did. Go home to your wife, Jim, and take her some flowers while you’re at it.” I hung up the phone and tossed it back on my bed.

  Now what?

  I knew the answer to that—I was going to have to don my funeral attire Thursday night, including a hat and veil this time. Just the thought of that wall of one-way mirrors in Mudder Brothers made me shiver. Who would be watching me from the other side?

  “Your kids are in bed waiting for you to say goodnight,” Doc said from the hall. When I looked over at him, his expression sobered. He stepped into my room. “What’s wrong?”

  “Someone called me while you were with the kids.”

  “Who?”

  “I don’t know.” I gave him a quick replay, doing my best imitation of a deep, scary voice.

  “Violet, you’re not going to Mudder Brothers alone.”

  “I can’t take Nat or Harvey. People in town know who they are.” Not to mention I’d been there before with them. I dropped onto my bed, my legs feeling wobbly now that I’d accepted my fate.

  “True.” He sat down next to me, taking my clammy hand in his, warming it. “But I doubt anyone will know who I am.”

  “Doc, it’s a funeral parlor.” The potential for ghosts aplenty was huge.

  “I know.”

  “A waypoint for the dead. Possibly lots of them.”

  He squeezed my hand. “Right now, I’m more concerned about the living.”

  * * *

  Wednesday, October 24th

  The next morning, I woke to the sound of my phone ringing. Cooper’s name showed on the screen. I groaned and sent it to voicemail, in no mood to do any mental jousting before I’d downed some caffeine.

  Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. The pillow next to me was empty except for an indent. Doc had been lying on the bed next to me reading that damned book of Jerry’s last night when I’d fallen asleep. Where was he now?

  I climbed out of bed, heading for the window. His Camaro was still parked in the drive.

  Out in the hallway, I could hear the sound of Doc’s low voice echoing up the stairwell. The smell of coffee brewing floated along with it. I followed both down to the kitchen and found him leaning against the counter, talking on his cellphone.

  He held his finger to his lips when I entered the room and then pointed at his phone. Cooper, he mouthed.

  “Sure, I’ll let Violet know as soon as I talk to her. She’s going to want to know why, though.”

  He listened, his face giving away nothing, so I went over and poured myself a cup of coffee.

  “Are you double-checking stories or do you think you missed something last time?”

  Nice try, Doc, but I doubted the pissy detective would say anything other than his usual mantra about “police business.”

  “Really?” Doc replied. “Sounds like a good idea to me.”

  What!? I set my mug down and crossed my arms, glaring at Doc’s phone. No fair. I was the one who saw the dead guy, not Doc. How come Cooper wouldn’t share with me?

  “Oh, it’s definitely still on for tonight,” he told Cooper. “It’s Reid’s turn to bring the beer, right?”

  I wrinkled my nose at his phone. I still didn’t like how chummy the detective was getting with my boyfriend. I knew Doc was an ace at keeping secrets, but I didn’t trust Cooper as far as I could kick him. One slip of the tongue from any of us about that damned shotgun and the detective would be chasing me around Aunt Zoe’s front yard with handcuffs at the ready.

  “Sure,” Doc said, “we can move the game to my place.”

  So, there’d be no Doc reading me a bedtime story about smiling big for the TV camera tonight. I wondered if Harvey was joining the poker game, too. I wouldn’t mind sharing some John Wayne and popcorn with the old buzzard.

  “You wish. Plan to be schooled at the poker table, as usual.”

  I sweetened up my coffee as he signed off with Cooper.

  “Morning, Tiger.” Doc came up behind me, looping his arms around my middle. “You smell like peaches and cream.” He brushed my hair aside and nuzzled my neck. “Cooper wants you to call him as soon as you can.”

  “Oh, yeah?” With Doc’s mouth on me, I had trouble holding onto my urge to hiss at anyone at the moment, even Cooper. “What has him all fired up this morning?”

  “He wants to go back out to Harvey’s place.”

  I leaned back into Doc, breathing him in. His aftershave was fresh, his jaw smooth. He must have packed his shaving kit in his overnight bag. “If he’s calling for my permission, he has it.”

  “He wants to take company with him.”

  “He can take a bus full of tourists for all I care.” Especially while Doc’s hands were busy stroking my libido awake. “Where did you sleep last night?” I had no memory of him there after the sandman had paid me a visit.

  “The couch.”

  “Why?”

  “Just in case the kids woke up in the night.” He kissed the nape of my neck, his tongue teasing me.

  That was probably smart, since I had trouble not touching him when he was in bed next to me. While my kids knew Doc was my boyfriend now, they hadn’t seen us having a slumber party under the sheets yet. I figured it was best to wait on that for a while yet, at least until they stopped freaking out about Doc and me running away into the sunset without them.

  “Cooper said to tell you he’d swing by your office at nine-thirty to pick you up.”

  Talk about a bucket of ice being dumped down my pajama pants. “What?” I turned in Doc’s arms, frowning up at him. “Why me?”

  “He’ll have Harvey with him, too.” He snagged my coffee from the counter and took a sip. “Hey, that didn’t turn out so bad. It’s the first time I’ve used your aunt’s coffeemaker.” He held it out for me to try.

  I sipped it, liking the taste but not his news. “What if I’m too busy at work to go play Clue with him? Had he thought of that?”

  “I doubt it. Cooper has a one-track mind, especially with all of the murders happening around Deadwood and Lead lately. He’s even been talking about work during poker.”

  “Speaking of poker, be careful around that law dog.” I explained to Doc about yesterday morning’s interrogation at Cooper’s house before adding, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to ply you for information about that shotgun.”

  “What shotgun?”

  “Harvey’s grandpappy’s,” I said. Hadn’t he been listening to me just now?

  Oh. Duh. He was playing dumb. I took another sip of coffee. “I need more coffee before my brain is conscious enough to keep up with yours.”

  “Who wants your brain right now? I’m more interested in what’s underneath this.” He opened my robe, his gaze soaking up my worn Elvis T-shirt. “I’m jealous of Mr. Presley.” His fingers explored the curves of my breasts. “No bra yet, nice.”

  A thud resounded from overhead.

  Doc’s hands froze. “What was that?”

  “It sounded like a halo hitting the floor.”

  I heard Addy start yelling something about it being her turn in the bathroom.

  “Yep, one of the angels is awake.”

  “Damn.” Doc pulled his hands away, tying my robe shut.

  “I’M BRUSHING MY TEETH!” I heard Layne yell and then a door slammed.

  “Make that two angels. Hey, that reminds me, what kind of voodoo did you use on them last night to stop their fighting and get them into bed without complaining?”

  He w
inked. “I can’t give away my secrets.”

  “I guess I’ll have to seduce it out of you.”

  “You should definitely try.”

  I pulled his mouth down to mine, enjoying a quick kiss before Addy and Layne joined us and the shouting began. “Thanks for staying the night.”

  “You owe me a massage, Boots.”

  “MOM!!!” Addy hollered down the stairwell. “Layne is hogging the bathroom, and I need to wash my hair today!”

  “I’ll deliver when we finish the book.” I patted Doc’s chest. “You should run while you can.”

  “And miss out on all of the excitement? I don’t think so.” He pushed me in the direction of the dining room. “I’ll get some grub ready. You go round up the herd.”

  The rest of the morning went off as usual—filled with accusations, dirty looks, and a lot of teeth grinding. Geez-oh-pete, it were as if my two munchkins were trying to win the award for the worst behaved children on the planet. Doc probably wouldn’t last the year at this rate. I could only imagine what he thought of my parenting skills up to this point in their lives.

  After saying goodbye to Doc, who was heading back down to Spearfish today, I dropped Addy and Layne off at school. Everyone was in the office but Ray when I walked in. I dropped my purse on the floor next to my desk, scanning the room, wondering if Jane were there, too.

  “Violet?” Jerry called from his office. “Can you come here for a moment?”

  I hesitated in his doorway, not sure if he wanted me to step inside, not sure if I wanted to. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I could swear I picked up a hint of the floral and vanilla bouquet of Jane’s perfume along with Jerry’s usual cologne.

  “I got a call from Detective Cooper this morning.”

  I pressed my lips tight. Cooper had been quite a little busybody lately. He must have eaten two bowls of Wheaties for breakfast, the overachiever. “Really?”

  “He was looking for you. Said he has some spare time this morning and would like you to show him some houses outside of town. What’s your schedule look like today?”

  If Cooper had gone so far as to try to clear a path with my boss, I’d better go along with his plan. “It’s open.”

  “Great.” He leaned back in his chair. “Did you get a chance to read the book I left you?”

  “Yes,” I sort of lied. I’d listened to some of it, anyway.

  “Good! I really want Ben and you to knock the viewing public off their feet.”

  “I’m going to give it my best,” I assured him.

  At his nod, I turned to leave. “Oh, one more thing, Violet.” His voice stopped me. I looked back. “Did you happen to notice anything odd before you locked up last night?”

  Besides his dead ex-wife floating here and there? Officially, I hadn’t noticed her; Doc had. “No, why?”

  He pointed at the corner of his office. “When I came in this morning, the stack of papers I had sitting on that file cabinet were strewn all over the place. It was like a mini-tornado had come through.”

  Or a pissed off ghost. Why had Jane messed with the papers? “Hmmm. That’s odd. Maybe a breeze came through the back door when one of us was leaving. Your lights were off when I left, so I didn’t really look in here.”

  “Could be.” He rubbed his square jaw. “All right. Good luck this morning with Detective Cooper. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”

  I left him frowning at the file cabinet, his rock-hewn face sporting an almost funny befuddled look.

  Welcome to the club, Jerry.

  A half hour later, Cooper waited for me out back in a Deadwood police SUV. “So much for being inconspicuous, Detective,” I muttered and climbed into the back seat. “It smells like bacon in here.”

  Harvey let out a howl of laughter. Cooper shot me with a glare. “Keep it up, Parker, and I’ll keep driving south and drop you off at the Nebraska state line.”

  “I’m serious.” I leaned forward and sniffed. “Did you make bacon for breakfast, Harvey?”

  “Sure as shootin’, I did.” Harvey half-turned in his seat, both of his gold teeth showing in his grin. “Who put that rosy color in your cheeks already today?”

  Doc, of course, but I wasn’t going to let that cat out of the bag after Doc had pretended not to be standing next to me when Cooper had called earlier. “It’s called blush.”

  “If you say so.” He checked out my long indigo skirt and dark red velvet tunic. “But you look a lot more like you do now than you did when you was you a while ago.”

  As hard as I tried, I couldn’t make a lick of sense of that. “What does that even mean, Harvey?”

  “He’s complimenting you,” Cooper interpreted and then pulled out onto the main drag. “Where were you this morning, Parker?”

  “In the shower.” I didn’t even try to deny that I knew he’d called. “I figured you’d hunt me down eventually.”

  Harvey snorted in agreement. “Cooper could track a bumblebee while blindfolded in a blizzard.”

  It sounded as if both men had doubled up on their Wheaties. “How much coffee have you had this morning, Harvey?”

  “He woke up this way,” Cooper said. “Like a ray of sunshine,” he added, not sounding too happy about it.

  “Sleepin’ at Coop’s is good for me.” Harvey reached over and tweaked his nephew’s ear, which earned him a scowl. “I’m feelin’ happy as a pig in a peach orchard now that I’m retired.”

  Cooper slipped me a frown in the rearview mirror.

  Harvey may be kicking up his heels now, but a blind mouse could sense that Cooper was wanting to kick something else. That was even more incentive for me to keep a safe distance from the detective.

  As Cooper was starting up Strawberry Hill, I realized that we were missing someone. “Do you want me to call Natalie and have her meet us at Harvey’s?”

  “No!” Cooper’s response was quick and sharp.

  “Your fangs startin’ to itch, boy?”

  “Sorry,” he said to me in the mirror, “but I don’t need Ms. Beals with us today. You two will be enough trouble.”

  Harvey kept us entertained while we rode out to his ranch, telling us about some adventures he’d had years back over in Idaho’s Owyhee County with a rancher’s daughter who liked to ride bareback, “… if you two know what I mean.” Wink, wink.

  Cooper and I groaned in unison.

  Not soon enough, we pulled into Harvey’s driveway. All was quiet on the creepy front, nothing moving about but the wind.

  Cooper led us into the house first, walking us through one room after the next. He asked about the shotgun, that morning’s events upon arrival, what we’d been wearing, what we’d had for breakfast, the last time we’d visited Harvey’s place, how long we’d stood in each room, and on and on. It was his own hellish version of Twenty Questions.

  When we finished in the house, we moved out to the barn and started the game all over again.

  Several times Cooper asked us about the shotgun, each time in a slightly different manner. Every time Harvey and I tiptoed carefully around the truth with our answers.

  The old safe was empty this time, of course, but I still cringed when Cooper opened it. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out something that he held out for Harvey to see.

  “This tin tag look familiar?” he asked his uncle.

  Harvey leaned in close, his bushy eyebrows sewing together. “Sure does.” He poked at the small, rectangular shaped piece of metal. “Must’ve fallen off grandpappy’s gun somehow or t’other.”

  “And it just happened to land in this old bank safe way out here in the barn?”

  “If that’s where you found it, I’m guessin’ so.”

  Cooper glared at Harvey, then me. “You two must think I’m an idiot.”

  “Can’t say I’ve ever used that particular noun when referring to you,” I answered honestly. “Detective Hawke is a whole other case, though.”

  Cooper’s nostrils flared. He led
us over to the barn wall, pointing out some indents in the wood. “Rock salt,” he said to his uncle in particular.

  Harvey did a great job of twiddling with his beard, playing dumb. “Yup, sure looks like it.”

  “Fresh, too. We pulled the crystals out before they dissolved due to the weather.”

  “Well, this sure is one big, head-scratchin’ pickle you got here, Coop.”

  “I’d like to remind you this is your ranch, Uncle Willis,” he said, and then he started to drill me on the indents.

  I raised my hands, giving up before he got his teeth sunk in. “I don’t know anything about rock salt. I’ve only ever shot slugs and pellets.”

  Back outside under the clear, brisk October sky, Cooper led us around the side of the barn.

  “We found the chain and padlock,” he told us as we followed him back to where a couple of smaller buildings stood. “They were in the tall weeds by the corner of the barn.”

  “Did somebody take bolt cutters to the lock?” I asked.

  “No, it was ripped apart.”

  “The lock?”

  “Two of the links. The chain was busted into two pieces. The padlock was still intact.”

  What kind of tool could rip chain links apart? Weren’t those usually welded tight?

  “Why in tarnation are ya draggin’ us back here for, Coop?”

  “Since you two nosey nellies are always showing up at my crime scenes, you’re going to help me for once.” Cooper looked from one building to the next. “We’ll start with searching the outhouse for anything suspect.”

  The outhouse proved fruitless, thankfully. I kept my distance while Harvey and Cooper checked it out.

  “How about you come stick your hand down the hole, Parker,” Cooper suggested, sharing a smirk with his uncle. “See if you can find anything fresh for the evidence room.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “How about I shove my boot up where you have that stick jammed, Detective?”

  Harvey hooted at that one. “You gotta watch Violet, boy. She’s got some real snap in her garters.”

  Next to the outhouse was the old chicken coop where Harvey told us his mom had kept her prized egg-laying hens. He led the way inside.

  Cooper brought up the rear … as in my rear. “Get your ass inside, Parker. I’d like to get back down to Deadwood before lunch.”