Meanwhile, Back in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 6)

by Ann Charles

  I lifted my veil, glaring flat out. “Don’t mess with me, Rex. I will hurt you.”

  “Right, you’ll sell my kidneys on the black market. I remember your threat.”

  “Excuse me,” Doc’s voice cut in. He towered over Rex. “How about we go visit the late Mr. Haskell?”

  I dropped my veil. Doc and I weren’t supposed to know each other, had he forgotten? “Do you mean me, sir?” I asked, staring straight forward.

  “No. I’m talking to your seatmate.” He hooked Rex under the arm and lifted him out of his chair, hanging his arm around my ex’s shoulders like they were old pals. “Let’s go pay our respects, Rex.”

  Without giving Rex a chance to disagree, Doc propelled him out to the aisle. He nudged the bastard toward the casket and then stood shoulder-to-shoulder with him over the body, speaking in Rex’s ear. I’d have loved to be a fly on the inside of that casket.

  Hold up, I take that back. I didn’t want to be a fly anywhere near a dead person.

  “Excuse me, Miss,” the pretty blonde in the navy suit handed me a program. Her brown eyes sort of reminded me of Doc’s, so dark it was hard to see the pupil. “I think you dropped this.”

  I checked my purse. “No, mine’s right here.”

  “No, it’s not.” Her smile tightened, like it was freezing onto her face. “This one is yours, trust me.” She took my hand and shoved the program into it.

  “Okay then,” I said, like I was calming a crazed escapee from the nuthouse. “You’re right, this one is mine.” I folded it and tucked it into my purse. “Thank you for returning it to me.”

  Those dark brown eyes rolled ever so slightly. “No problem. Enjoy the rest of the show.”

  I frowned after her and her long wavy tresses. She walked toward the front of the room, consoling an older woman on the way while offering her a tissue.

  Who was that? I needed to ask Natalie about her. She’d probably know. She knew everyone in Deadwood and most in Lead.

  I stared into the one-way glass next to me, wishing I could see through it into the storage room on the other side. The very room where I’d found the bottle of mead Cooper was so curious about stashed in a huge crate. Was there anyone back there tonight? Somebody who was busy watching me, waiting to get me alone? Did he have white hair, bulbous eyes, and want to remove my spine for killing his twin?

  Shivering, I looked back to the front in time to watch Doc lead Rex down the center aisle. Both men avoided making eye contact with me, or rather veil contact.

  I sneaked a sly look behind me to see if Doc was removing Rex from the premises.

  He turned Rex into the last row, shoving him forward toward the seats in the back corner. Nope. It looked more like he’d made a new pal for the night to anyone who might be watching.

  Doc took the seat next to Rex, crossing his arms, staring straight ahead. Rex on the other hand was busy pouting, blotchy cheeks and all. When he looked over at me and wrinkled his nose, Doc planted a quick jab into Rex’s ribs.

  A few people turned at the sound of Rex’s moan. Doc handed him a tissue and patted him on the back, murmuring to the lady in front of him something that had her nodding and dabbing at her eyes, too.

  We sat there through the end of the viewing. I waited for most of the other mourners to leave, expecting someone else to take the seat Doc had made Rex vacate, but nobody joined me. I even walked up front and paid Mr. Haskell a visit for a few minutes, but I was alone in my goodbye to the man I didn’t know from Adam.

  Doc cleared his throat, catching my attention. He nodded toward the door. I took the hint and left, waiting outside in the thick shadows at the side of the building for him to follow.

  He stepped out, sans Rex, a couple of minutes later. “Where’s your pal?” I asked after he’d joined me in the dark, and we’d started back toward his car.

  “He whined about needing to go to the little boys’ room after I accidentally clipped him in the lip with my elbow.”

  “Accidentally, huh?” I took my hat off and scratched around some of the bobby pins that had been tickling my scalp for the last half hour.

  “Yeah. It was sort of a reflex reaction, inspired by his parting comment about my girlfriend.”

  I bumped him with my shoulder. “You’re my hero.”

  “I took a page from your book.” Doc put his arm around me. “He’s lucky I didn’t give him one of those love pinches you like to bestow on me.”

  I chuckled. “You’re such a baby.”

  “Payback, Boots. You just wait.” He reached down and pinched my butt, making me giggle some more. “So, did you talk to anyone while I was up front with your ex paying my respects to Mr. Haskell?”

  “Besides Rex and the lady in the navy suit who might be working for Eddie now, I didn’t talk to anyone tonight.” I shivered in the cool night breeze, slipping my arm under his coat and around his warm back. “Maybe it was Rex who called me, although he seemed oblivious about it when I asked.”

  “I don’t think it was him. He told me that he came because Haskell was on the board of directors for the science lab.” We’d reached Doc’s car, where he held the door for me. “He claimed it was a career move for him, that was it.”

  I waited for Doc to crawl behind the wheel. “So if it wasn’t Rex, who was it?”

  “Maybe Rex sitting next to you messed up the plan.”

  I frowned out the window at Mudder Brothers as we pulled out of the parking lot. “Maybe.”

  We drove the short distance to Aunt Zoe’s in silence, except for a couple of yawns from Doc. He walked me to the door but then paused on the porch.

  “Are you coming in?”

  “I’m whipped. I’m going to go home and crash. Unless you want to have that slumber party tonight.”

  “I wish. It’s a school night and Aunt Zoe’s not home until Sunday.”

  “Okay, but before I go …” He pulled out a few bobby pins. Tendrils of curls cascaded down along my cheek. “There, that’s better.” He kissed me goodnight until my hands clutched his jacket. “Come see me before work.”

  “Are you heading back down to Spearfish?”

  “I don’t think so.” He took my hand and dropped the bobby pins in it. “Night, Tish.”

  “Bonsoir.”

  That earned me one last quick kiss.

  I watched until he’d backed out of the driveway and then slipped inside. Harvey was snoring on the couch, with Addy and Layne sacked out in sleeping bags on the floor below him. The credits to Raiders of the Lost Ark were scrolling up the television screen.

  Kicking off my heels, I limped into the kitchen and tossed my purse on the table. My lip gloss and wallet spilled out, along with the two programs.

  After pouring myself a glass of water, I walked over to the table and picked up the two brochures, unfolding the one the crazy woman had insisted I take. So Mr. Haskell was a muckety-muck up at the lab, huh? Someone high enough up the chain of command that Rex had felt attending his funeral would up his chances for a promotion.

  I opened the program to read about good old Ebenezer again and froze at the sight of some words scrawled along the edge.

  Turning the paper sideways, I read: We were being watched tonight. I’ll be in contact again soon.

  I fell into one of the kitchen chairs.

  Who in the hell was behind this? The blonde in the blue suit who’d insisted I’d dropped my program? If not her, she was at least in on it. And who had been watching us? Had my albino nemesis’s twin brother been hiding behind that one-way glass like I’d wondered?

  I read the writing again and shivered, getting up to make sure the back door was locked and then doing the same with the front door.

  Sliding to the floor, I wrapped my arms around my knees. My heart was busy holding a drum competition in my chest.

  After the night I’d had, I could think of only one thing to do—wait for the next damned phone call.

  Chapter Nine

  Friday, October 26th

/>   Meanwhile, back at a haunted hotel …

  I woke up feeling low down and dirty, like armpit lice.

  I’d spent the night going through the parlor room at Mudder Brothers Funeral Parlor, replaying the scene in slow motion over and over while questions pinballed around in my head.

  Who was my secret messenger? Who’d been the “watcher” that had mucked up the meeting? Was Rex really there for career purposes? What had Doc been saying to Rex up at the casket? Who was the blonde in the navy suit? Why wasn’t Eddie playing his funkadelic organ music like normal? Had there been anyone hiding behind the one-way mirrored glass, and if so, had he recognized me through my disguise?

  No answers came from all the hours of lost sleep. By dawn’s early light, I’d come to the same conclusion as last night. This was going to be a waiting game.

  “Mom?”

  I looked over at Layne, who stood in the doorway rubbing his stomach. “Morning, sweetie. What’s going on?”

  “I don’t feel so good.”

  “Are you sick?”

  “I think I might throw up.”

  That made me leap out of bed. Superheroes had nothing on a parent whose kid was about to spew all over the floor.

  “Into the bathroom, Mr. Parker.” I guided him there, making sure he had a damp washcloth and towel within reach, and closed the door to give him the privacy he preferred in such cases. “I’ll check back with you soon.”

  “Okay, Mom.”

  “What’s wrong with him?” Addy asked from her bedroom doorway.

  “He’s not feeling well.”

  “And you believe him?”

  My jaw unhinged. “Of course I believe him. Just like I’d believe you if you told me you were sick.”

  “Hmmm.” She looked at the bathroom door with narrowed eyes and then backed into her room, shutting the door behind her.

  What the hell? No compassion for her sick sibling? Maybe Addy was possessed. I should ask Doc if he’d ever come across a possessed person in his travels, and if grounding the victim for a week would bore the entity running the puppet strings so much that it would die all over again.

  I grabbed my cellphone on the way downstairs and dialed up Harvey.

  “Ya miss me already, girl?” He’d left last night after I’d put the kids to bed to head home, aka Cooper’s place.

  “Something like that.”

  “First ya wanna get hitched, and now yer pesterin’ me before I’ve had my mornin’ prune juice. I can see I’m gonna have to draw some boundary lines in the sand here.”

  “Sure, leave me all jilted, tease me with remarks about you and prunes, and then pour salt in my wounds with this talk about boundaries.” Oh, the irony. After all of the way too personal comments he’d made to me about sex and his past love life, it should have been me dragging the stick through the sand.

  “If it’s any consolation, you ain’t the first woman whose heart I’ve cracked in two.”

  I snorted at his cock of the walk tone. “Anyway, Mr. Heartbreaker, I called because I’m wondering if you can help me out today. Layne’s sick to his stomach, and I have to be at work this morning to meet with the television people and go over the schedule.”

  “I’ll be there shortly.”

  “If you need to finish making Cooper’s breakfast, don’t rush.” I’d rather not have a hungry law dog biting at my buns for screwing up his breakfast.

  “Coop ain’t here.”

  “Wow, he leaves early.”

  “He never made it home last night.”

  “Really?” The poker game was the night before, so where had Cooper gone last night? Somewhere with Tiffany? Then again, I hadn’t heard from Natalie last night.

  “I think he was plannin’ on meetin’ somebody at the bar, so he musta rode that filly home.” He snickered. “If ya know what I mean.”

  “Ewww.” I made a gagging sound. “Come on, you know the rule—no sex talk before breakfast.”

  “Girl, some days you are one big ol’ fun-sucker.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m going to get dressed. You have a key, so let yourself in when you get here.”

  “Be there in two shakes.”

  True to his word, by the time I’d gotten ready for work, Layne was resting on the couch with some dry toast and a puke bowl by his side, Harvey was in the kitchen frying eggs and bacon, and Addy was sitting at the table chatting away about being a chicken farmer when she grew up. Life was back to normal minus Aunt Zoe, whose clothes I was wearing again today because I loved her collection of beaded velvet skirts.

  I was upstairs making sure the lights were off in the kids’ rooms when Cornelius called.

  “This is Violet!” I said, loud and clear.

  “Why are you yelling at me?” he asked.

  I couldn’t win with the oddball. “Because I didn’t want you to think I was a ghost.”

  “That’s just silly, Violet. Why would I think you of all people are a ghost?”

  “I don’t know. Because you keep saying you’re hearing them in the walls.”

  “Oh, I am hearing them, but I would never confuse you for the dead.”

  He should probably wait to make that judgment until he’d seen me first thing in the morning after a night of running from the Wolf Man. “That’s good.”

  “Especially not after what I’ve heard about you.”

  What had he heard? From whom? Was it Ray? Tiffany? Detective Hawke? Cooper maybe? Surely not Freesia. She and I were hitting it off well. I started to ask him what he’d heard but then decided I should have more caffeine first.

  “Why did you call me this morning, Cornelius?”

  “I got your message from yesterday.”

  Oh, right. The release form. “Are you willing to let the television film crew go through your hotel?”

  “Of course.”

  “They’ll want to interview you as well.”

  “Even better.”

  I didn’t feel nearly as enthusiastic about it as he did. “I’ll need you to sign a release form from them.”

  “Fine, bring it tonight along with a bottle of wine.”

  “What’s tonight?”

  “When you and your tall friend come over and listen to some interesting sound bites I’ve collected over the last two days on my EVP recorder. Be here at seven-thirty-seven, and whatever you do, don’t bring a Merlot wine. They never like Merlot.”

  I didn’t even bother asking about the precise time or the wine. Previous experience had taught me it was best to let some stuff blow on by me when it came to Cornelius. “Remind me what an EVP recorder does so I know we’re on the same page.”

  “It records sounds that humans don’t normally pick up on their own, such as ghost chatter.”

  “So you actually can hear ghosts talking on this thing?”

  “Yes, but only a word or a short phrase usually.”

  “Why do you want Doc and me to come over and listen?”

  Eavesdropping on ghosts was not high on my list of preferences for a Friday night date. If I was going to have to get a babysitter for tonight, I’d prefer to have him sign the release, to discuss things that should not be said on camera, and then to enjoy some one-on-one time with Doc for the first time in way too long.

  “Because I need your tall friend to figure out why the amount of chatter has increased.”

  “Okay.”

  “Also, I think one of the ghosts wants to talk to you.”

  “Me?” I lowered myself onto the bed. “Why? What’s it saying?”

  That was when I realized the grand-stander had hung up on me.

  I hit the redial button and it went straight to his voicemail. “You silly nincompoop!” I left as my parting comment to his abrupt ending before shoving my phone in my purse. I headed downstairs to stuff some bacon and eggs in my mouth while I chewed on my problems.

  After I dropped Addy off at school, I went straight to work. Because my mind was still festering about Cornelius’s call, I forgot to sw
ing by Doc’s office like he’d mentioned last night until I received a text from him an hour later.

  How’d you sleep, Tiger?

  Crap, I needed to talk to him face-to-face, but according to Mona, Jerry was due to arrive with Honey and Dickie any minute now.

  I texted back, Can you meet me outside the back door now?

  As soon as his Yes hit my phone, I pushed back my chair. “I’ll be right back,” I told whoever was listening. “I need to grab something from the pickup.” I took my purse with me for some ‘show and tell’ business with Doc.

  I hurried down the hall and out the door.

  Doc was waiting.

  “Follow me,” I told him and led the way toward the Picklemobile.

  When we got there, I pulled the program from last night out of my purse and handed it to him.

  “What’s this?”

  “The blonde in the blue suit at Mudder Brothers gave it to me.”

  “You mean the one helping Eddie Mudder run the show last night?”

  I nodded. “While you were up at the casket with Rex, she insisted I’d dropped it and pretty much shoved it into my hand and wrapped my fingers around it.”

  He turned it sideways and read the scrawled message. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “I wish I was.”

  “When did you see the note on this?” He held up the program.

  “After I got home.”

  “And you didn’t call me?”

  “You were exhausted.”

  “Violet, I’m never too tired to help you. Next time something like this happens,” he handed the program back to me. “Call me, day or night.”

  “Even if there’s nothing you can do about it?”

  “Even then.”

  “You’re like one of those old time ‘docs’ who made house calls.” I gave him a quick once-over, admiring the way his jeans and black thermal shirt hung on his frame. “You do have a pleasant bedside manner.”

  One of his eyebrows lifted. “Just pleasant, huh?”

  I shrugged and inspected my nails, faking boredom and nonchalance. “I suppose with some practice, it could improve.”

  “How do you propose I go about working on that?”

  “Maybe after Aunt Zoe gets home on Sunday, I can come over and we can play doctor.”