The Warrior In Me

by Anita Philmar

  Lily dropped her head and directed the warm air over the back of her neck. Good thing he finally admitted defeat. Though in truth, she considered it the beginning of the end of their marriage.

  Without her with him, other women assumed he was available. She should have understood his displeasure at attending the functions alone and realized it would present a problem. Still, it had hurt when she found him in bed with another woman.

  Flipping off the hairdryer, she set it on the counter and stared into the mirror. So what could she offer Sebastian? Sex? A short-term liaison? Could she handle getting involved and then having to walk away?

  She recalled the depression she’d experienced after Mark’s first affair, the sense of failure and self-doubt. Did she want a repeat of those issues?

  Her vacation ended in a week, and she’d probably never see Sebastian again. Deciding she didn’t need a broken heart, she finished dressing and strolled out of the bathroom with her things in her hand.

  “Hi.” Sebastian’s voice rang from the chair by the bed.

  “What the—” She glanced at the door and noted the closed partition. “What are you doing in here?”

  “I came to check up on you. And seeing as you were up, I stuck around.” He rolled to his feet and stepped forward. “Are you hungry?”

  Ignoring him, she glanced at the window. He’d drawn the curtains open. Light flooded into the room with a welcoming glow. Entranced by the rough terrain, she deposited her things on her suitcase and walked past him to the window.

  Earlier she had resented the primitive landscape and longed only for the lushness of a tropical forest or the view of miles of sandy beaches. Now, she scanned the horizon and appreciated the dark green color of the trees, the wisp of flowers dancing in the breeze, and the rocky path leading deeper into the woods. Bear, moose, bighorn sheep, and wolves shared this land and fought for survival during its harsh winters.

  “I guess this place isn’t so bad once you get used to it.” She turned to Sebastian with a smile. “Though, I’m ill-equipped to handle the colder climate. I brought shorts and sundresses, not jeans and sweaters.”

  His heated gaze ran over her short-sleeved dress and lingered on her bare legs. A wicked grin spread across his lips, as if he were contemplating eating her alive. “I’ll turn on the heat.”

  “That’s terribly inefficient. If you’ll let me borrow a jacket or sweater, I’ll do fine.” She scanned his tall, muscular body and admitted anything he might find for her would probably be four sizes too big. “Or maybe we can take a trip to Juneau, and I’ll go shopping.”

  He shook his head and walked to the door. “I’m sure I can find something for you to wear. I have two sisters who leave clothes here all the time.”

  Slipping on a pair of sandals, she led the way out of her room and paused to study the layout of the upstairs. A short hallway led to another room down from hers while a large open area overlooked the main living section on the ground floor. She caught sight of another hall on the other side of the loft. “How many bedrooms does this house have?”

  “Five.” He strolled by the stairs and pointed to the archway on the opposite wall. “There are two on each side with this area to unwind if you want some physical activity.”

  Following him, she spotted workout equipment. “Wow, why do you need such a big television?”

  He continued to a weight bench and sat on the hard surface. “It makes you feel as if you are part of the action. I work out while watching sports. They help keep me motivated, and I exert more energy.”

  She eyed the universal exercise machine, the rack of weights, and the treadmill. No wonder the man gave the impression of a professional athlete. He must spend hours in here. Ashamed of her own workout routine of Pilates twice a week, she looked past the other objects in the room and caught the view outside the tall picture window.

  Mountains stood in the distance, reminding her of the harsh elements the people who lived here had to endure. Sebastian needed to be fit and ready for whatever might come his way. She bit her lip, feeling inept at dealing with him and the rugged lifestyle of Alaskans.

  Searching for a new topic, she spoke without thinking. “So which bedroom is yours?”

  Tempted to cut out her tongue, she ducked her head and turned toward the rail overlooking the main area below. Closing her hands over the smooth wood, she toiled with the compulsion to be sick. Yet again, she’d failed at the simple art of polite conversation.

  What did he think of her now?

  His hand slid around her waist, startling her. She’d missed the sound of his footsteps behind her. She jumped away from the banister and landed flush against him. The hard wall of his chest met her shoulder, and her butt hit his crotch. She rebounded and rocked forward. The arm, surrounding her, tightened, and he held her steady.

  “Easy there. I didn’t mean to startle you.” His warm breath rushed over her neck, and the seductive tone of his voice lit a fire to her nerves endings.

  Unprepared for her reaction to his touch, she clamped her hands over his. “I, uh, didn’t hear you come up behind me.”

  “The carpet up here keeps the noise down.” He rubbed his cheek against her hair, and his warmth penetrated the thin fabric of her dress.

  She glanced over her shoulder. “What are you doing?”

  His dark eyes glowed with a seductive heat, and he smiled. “I’m simply enjoying holding you and thinking how much I want to show you my bedroom. Then I fell into a fantasy of having you under me on my bed.”

  “Wait, I shouldn’t have asked about your bedroom. It isn’t as if I’m here as your lover. I’m an assignment.” Hit with the depressing truth of the statement, she squirmed and worked to free herself from his arms.

  He used her movement to his advantage and turned her into his embrace so that he held her flush against his body. “Problem is, I’m attracted to you, and I’ve never been very good at denying myself the pleasure of adoring a beautiful woman.”

  “Yes, well, when one shows up, I’ll be sure to introduce you,” Lily retorted and curled her fingers into his flannel shirt. She hoped she’d have the strength to back away once he lessened his grip.

  “Very funny,” he quipped and stared into her face. His hand slid down her spine and gripped her rear. “We both know you’re gorgeous.”

  Shocked by his caress, she sprang forward and encountered the hard evidence of his desire. At a loss as to how to handle this situation, she froze and searched desperately for the correct way to tell him she didn’t sleep around. Hell, she’d had sex with two men and both found her lacking. “Sebastian, I’m—”

  “Not eager to talk about it, right?” He eased back, kept his arm on her waist, and led her to the top of the stairs. “You said you were hungry so let’s head downstairs and eat.”

  One minute he was seducing her, the next he was determined she needed food. What did the man want?

  “I don’t believe I ever answered your question. But you’re right, I haven’t eaten anything since I had a Danish with Bruce in the limo.” She cleared the bottom step and turned to follow him into the kitchen.

  His gaze nailed her with a piercing glare. “You’re not involved with him, are you?”

  She shook her head and chuckled. “No matter what you might think, I’m no golden-haired, blue-eyed beauty queen. Men don’t find me attractive.”

  Sebastian raised an eyebrow and continued to stare, appearing unmoved by her argument.

  “As for Bruce, he called me Mrs. Winslow for almost a week before I convinced him to stop. Even now, he’ll only refer to me as Miss Lily. He must think of me as a school librarian or a first-class nerd.”

  With a smile, Sebastian walked around the counter and stopped in front of the oven. “No, he’s just better than I am at remembering his job as a field agent.”

  Pleased by the possibility, she reconsidered dating Bruce. “If you really think so, I may ask him out after his assignment is over.”

  “Not h
appening,” he grumbled and pulled two hot pads out of a drawer.

  She drew out a stool from under the bar. “Why not? He’s a nice guy.”

  “Because you’re with me now.” He opened the oven and retrieved a roasting pan.

  The savory aroma hit her senses, and her stomach growled with hunger. She stared at the man as he set the roast on a trivet. What did he mean she was with him?

  Yes, they were attracted to each other, but that didn’t mean anything important would come of it. He lived in Alaska. She had a job and life in California. A relationship between them had no chance of working.

  Chapter Five

  “Wow, this is good.” Lily’s enjoyment of the meal thrilled Sebastian. He noted the heartfelt honesty behind her words and found himself appreciating the ability to know when someone spoke the truth.

  Most of the women he cooked for never appreciated his efforts. Over the last several years, he’d given up the chore as a way of pleasing them. Instead, he’d kept his relationships with women short and sweet. A few dates in a strange city. A night in a hotel. He’d come to the unhappy conclusion he didn’t have time for anyone special, not with the amount of travel he had to do. It took energy he didn’t have to find a woman to suit his needs for longer than one night.

  He glanced at Lily, sitting at the table beside him. Why did he feel as if she’d be different? She didn’t have the worldly manner he usually expected from the women he slept with. From what he’d read in her file, she rarely dated in high school and college. Then after her parents’ deaths, she moved in with Mark and, after living with him for a few years, married him.

  Sebastian didn’t see her being in love with Mark because no more than a year into their marriage, she moved into a separate bedroom. Why? Had their age difference played a part in their breakup?

  Determined to get a few answers, he speared a slice of the tender moose roast and debated how to approach the subject. “Thank my mother. She always said I’d make a great husband.”

  “Yes, but there’s a few more requirements to the job other than being a good cook.” Lily saluted him with her wine glass. “Though I must say it is a skill I don’t possess.”

  “Then why did Mark marry you?” Sebastian observed the slight tightening of her fingers on the stem of her glass before she lowered it back to the table.

  “It’s a question I’ve asked him many times. In the beginning, I thought it was because we enjoyed working together. Later, I concluded he hoped I’d be as personable as my mother and share in the social responsibilities of running a research lab.” She wiped her hands on her napkin and retrieved her wine. After a sip, she continued. “Neither of us had a clue as to what we wanted. We simply assumed it would be more convenient if we could make it work.”

  “What’s his association with your mother?” He recalled reading something about them being friends, but not how they’d become acquainted.

  “They met in college. He introduced her to my father. He’s the reason my parents suggested I attend Stanford.” Lily picked up her fork and ate a few more bites.

  Piecing together the facts he’d already uncovered, he understood why Mark had come to Lily’s aid after her parents’ unexpected deaths. Still, Sebastian questioned his motivation. Was it simple friendship or was there more to the story?

  Sebastian shelved that particular line of questioning and refocused on Lily. “So with Mark getting remarried, are you planning to continue working at his lab?”

  “Of course, our professional lives have always been rock solid. We, unfortunately, couldn’t make a marriage work. We admitted our mistake, got a divorce, and have both moved on.”

  His senses tingled, alerting him to the untruth in her statement. He figured she still had a few emotional scars from the unhappy union. “Good, so tell me. Do you like his fiancée, Olivia Hart?”

  Lily glanced up and studied him for several long seconds. She set her silverware on the table and laid her napkin over her plate. She lifted her drink and leaned back in her chair. “Are you truly interested, or are you looking for information on the people involved in your case?”

  He offered a casual shrug. “Just wanted to see if you cared for the lady.”

  She swirled her glass and stared at the golden liquid. “To be honest, I don’t know what to think. When we first met, she was naturally jealous of me. Mark and I were getting a divorce, but having lived in his house for so long, I saw no need to move out right away. She didn’t like me living under the same roof with him.”

  “Did she cause trouble?”

  “No, she ignored me, for the most part. If I walked into a room, she’d turn her back or occasionally offer a snide comment under her breath. I rarely ran into her so her bad manners didn’t bother me, but Mark talked to her. He apologized for her behavior and told me it wouldn’t happen again. It was around the same time as their engagement, so I guess she decided I was no longer a threat to their relationship.” She swallowed the last few drops of her drink and set the glass on the table. “Now, we get along fine. They do their thing, and I do mine.” She shoved back her chair and rose. “So would you like me to help clear the table?”

  “Sure, but you’re right, I want to learn everything I can about the people around you and Mark. One of them might be a killer.” Following her lead, he gathered several items and stood to go into the kitchen.

  The sweep of her blonde hair caught the light and created a golden glow around her head and shoulders as she placed a knife in the center of her plate. “Or it could be a complete stranger who murdered Cain. Someone who wanted to steal something from the lab, and he got in the way.”

  “Statistics show most people are killed by people they know. Cain might not have been a friend of the killer, but odds are they had met.” After deciphering and reading Cain’s notes, Sebastian had the strong feeling his friend had uncovered a major issue between Mark and someone within his inner circle.

  Cain had mentioned several people who were either unhappy with the lab, Mark, or both. Cain had also acquired an uncharacteristic paranoia, a real fear of a stranger accessing his case notes.

  After decoding the first file, Sebastian automatically read the last word in each paragraph. Testing to see if Cain had used the double encryption pattern, they had developed in high school. A veiled warning had emerged that encouraged him to learn as much as possible from Lily before he returned with her to California in a week. He placed his things on the counter and opened the dishwasher. “Why don’t you tell me about the others you and Mark are associated with? Perhaps his assistant or his business partner?”

  She handed him the items from the table. “You can’t honestly imagine Zane or Violet are involved? They’ve known Mark and me for years. They have no reason for wanting to break into the lab. They both have unlimited access. Like my assistant, we go in and out of the place at all times of the day and night.

  “Is that Devin Fleetwood, the grad student who’s currently going through cancer treatment?”

  “What?” Lily grabbed his arm. “Where did you hear he was sick?”

  The pure panic on her face alerted him to her ignorance regarding her assistant’s medical issues. The information had been discovered when he ran a general search for Cain. He’d also confirmed the diagnosis in his notes.

  Sebastian wrongly assumed she was aware of the man’s problems.

  To reassure her, he wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her into his arms. “From what I read in the case notes, he appears to be responding to treatment.”

  She shook her head and backed away. “I don’t believe this. He never said a word. Did Mark know, too?”

  He nodded and released his grip, watching her closely as she processed the information.

  Her gaze dropped between them, and she clutched a hand to her chest. “How could I have been so blind? He’s been pale and unenergetic for a few weeks, constantly claiming he was simply recovering from the flu.” She retreated a few more steps. “Why didn’t he t
ell me?”

  Seeing a spark of hurt in her eyes, he failed at maintaining his distance and crowded her against the counter. He splayed his hands on her face and stared into her velvet brown eyes. An ache formed in his chest. “Maybe he didn’t want to jeopardize his job?”

  “That makes no sense.” She cupped her hands over his wrists, and her gaze fell to his chin. Her expression changed as she struggled to make the proper connections in her head.

  After a few seconds, she frowned and appeared to come to a conclusion before she drifted back. “I guess I won’t find out the answer until I get home.”

  Her sudden withdrawal left him with an uneasy feeling. He lowered his hands and studied her face, expecting her to say more. Then she turned and walked to the table. He grappled with a way to get inside her head. She had information he needed, but he didn’t want to push her too hard and have her clam up completely.

  Returning to the chore of loading the dishwasher, he changed the topic of their conversation. “So now that we’ve eaten dinner, what should we have for dessert?”

  ****

  Fifteen minutes later, Sebastian realized exactly what he wanted to indulge in for the rest of the night—Lily. He stared at the fireplace. The wood cracked and popped with flames darting upward into the chimney. A soft melody floated through the speakers mounted in the corner of the room.

  After Lily selected a CD, she settled onto the sofa beside him. Her choice of classical music didn’t surprise him. In truth, he preferred it because the lack of lyrics meant he wouldn’t have to yell to carry on a conversation.

  He rubbed the silky strands of her hair between his fingertips. “So what do you want to do this week?”

  She shifted and drew a knee up onto the couch, crossing her other leg over her ankle and effectively claiming the space between them. Her hands fluttered with arranging her dress over her knees. Once happy with the results, she smiled. “Don’t know. What’s there to do?”