What About Charlie?

by Haley Michelle Howard

  He suspected marriage was like this if one was with the right person. The thought jolted him. What was he thinking? He couldn’t be saying Charlie was the right person. She was his best friend.

  No. All that was happening to him was a little wonder lust, like a kid wanting to taste a piece of forbidden candy. Soon the temptation would pass and he would be back to thinking of Charlie as his friend and nothing more.

  “Evan?”

  He turned to find Charlie standing in the doorway, her hair all tussled, her eyes still swollen from sleep. He enjoyed seeing her like that. She was as natural and sweet and fresh as a spring wildflower.

  He smiled. “Good morning, Charlie. You sleep ok?”

  She nodded, stifling a yawn. “Pretty good. What time are you leaving today?”

  Her voice held a hint of sadness. Evan didn’t miss it. He gazed into her eyes. Was she feeling the same way he was? She blinked and whatever was there had disappeared as quickly as it was first there.

  “Probably in a couple hours. I just need to take a shower and pack my bags.”

  “Well, let me fix you some breakfast while you’re taking your shower.”

  “Thanks, Charlie. You really look out after me. I appreciate it.”

  “I appreciate your looking after me too, Evan.”

  For several moments, they stood there gazing into each other’s eyes, unspoken words and emotions passing between them. Neither thought they should keep standing there, but neither wanted the moment to end.

  Finally Charlie looked away. “You go take your shower while I get breakfast.”

  Evan, watching her walk away, felt even more melancholy than before.

  After showering and dressing, he found Charlie in the kitchen frying bacon and mixing pancake batter. He smiled. Pancakes were his favorite breakfast. Charlie knew that.

  “It smells great in here, Charlie.”

  She looked up from the skillet and smiled. “Thanks. It will be about 10-15 minutes before breakfast is ready.”

  He nodded. Going to the kitchen cupboards he pulled out plates and silverware, setting the small kitchen table as had become the habit since he’d been staying there with her. After he finished setting the table, the dryer buzzed. So he went to the laundry room off the kitchen and proceeded to fold clothes, pulling them out of the dryer item by item.

  He paused when he pulled out a lacy pair of silk panties. The feel of the warm silkiness on his fingertips was like a caress. He held them up in both hands, feeling slightly embarrassed and voyeuristic to be handling Charlie’s most intimate clothes, yet not so embarrassed as to put it down. At times he’d wondered what type of underclothing Charlie wore. Figuring her for a plain cotton underwear type of woman, this was a nice surprise. A really nice surprise. He could see her wearing it, the lace against her pale, creamy skin. He could envision her slowly pulling them down her legs or even better yet his hand slowly pulling them over her thigh…

  He felt himself harden.

  “Evan…”

  Looking up, Charlie was standing in the doorway looking at him. How long she’d been there he didn’t know. He quickly looked away from her, a blush filling his cheeks. He plopped the underwear in his hands on top of the dryer.

  “I was folding the clothes.”

  He looked back at her and was surprised to see her smiling.

  Charlie’s wide green eyes were searching his face. He waited for her to say something about how he’d been staring at her underwear. Instead she said, “Breakfast is ready.”

  At breakfast nothing was said about the underwear, so Evan decided she must not have been standing there long. After eating and cleaning up the kitchen, he was ready to go home, though he was reluctant to do so.

  He and Charlie stood facing each other on her front porch.

  “When will you be coming back to St. Louis?”

  “Probably within the next few days. I have almost everything done. I have to call the phone company to have the phone shut off and sign a few more papers. That’s it.”

  Charlie looked up into Evan’s eyes, wishing that he wasn’t leaving. Whatever was happening between them was ending and she was sad to see it go.

  “Thanks again for coming, Evan. If you hadn’t, I don’t know what I would have done.”

  Smiling down at her, he cupped her cheek with his strong hand, thinking she was one beautiful lady. Why hadn’t he noticed before? “That’s what friends are for. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. Always.”

  Sadly she shook her head, a dose of reality suddenly hitting her. “You can’t say that, Evan. One day you’ll be married and you’ll have a family. You won’t be able to drop everything and come running to my rescue.”

  ****

  His insides shook. He couldn’t see himself turning his back on Charlie for anyone. Period.

  His eyes hardened. “You have my word, Charlie. You will always be able to depend on me to be there for you, no matter what.”

  Evan’s anger surprised her, then she realized he felt she was questioning his integrity. “I don’t doubt your intentions. But I’m being realistic.” His eyes still hard, she sighed. “Evan you’re a handsome man. You’re kind, considerate, generous – everything a woman could want. One day you’re going to meet someone and fall in love. When that happens, things will change. You won’t be able to stop it.”

  His eyes softened, oddly pleased that she thought he was handsome, everything a woman could want. “Charlie, I will always be there. No matter what. You have my word. You mean more to me than anyone else in the world.”

  Her eyes became clouded with confusion. Then, to her surprise, he bent and lightly touched his lips to hers.

  At first Charlie stiffened, shocked that Evan was actually kissing her. But the feel of his soft lips against hers sent a flash of searing heat through her body. She opened her mouth, welcoming him, greedily wanting more.

  Evan’s heart was pounding like a drum. He could taste the maple syrup from breakfast on her warm lips. He wanted more; he needed more. He darted his tongue in her mouth. Charlie’s tongue met his, and she gave a deep primal moan of need and desire.

  Without thinking, she started caressing the hard muscles in his back, pulling him closer, needing to feel his entire body against her.

  Evan’s hand came up and started kneading her breast, the soft fullness making him hotter than fire. He was hard, and right this minute he wanted Charlie more than anything else in the world. He needed her so much. Alan had been right…

  A flash of reality and reason jolted Evan. What was he doing? If he didn’t stop right now, in only a matter of minutes he’d be making love to her. He couldn’t let that happen.

  He reluctantly lifted his lips.

  He gazed down at her, and she looked up at him, her eyes glazed with passion and desire.

  “Oh, Charlie,” he said softly. “That was wonderful.”

  “Yes.” It was barely a whisper.

  “I…”

  She put a finger to his lips. “Don’t apologize, Evan. Please.”

  Evan searched her eyes, full of wonder that she’d been so receptive, that she wanted no apologies. Had he been crazy to kiss her?

  “Let this moment be for us, Evan.”

  Nodding, he stepped back. Feeling choked with emotion, he said, “I need to get going.”

  “Drive carefully.”

  After he opened his car door, he looked back at the front porch. Charlie was still standing there. In her bathrobe, her hair mussed, her face with not a speck of makeup, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

  “I’ll give you a call.”

  Slowly, a large smile spread across her lips. “I’ll be waiting for it.”

  He smiled in return, feeling like a million dollars to see her wonderful smile, to see it directed at him. Getting in his car he marveled at what had just transpired between them. Charlie’s passion and ardor had left him breathless. There was definitely something between them. Should he ignore it? Could he ig
nore it? He guessed only time would tell.

  Chapter 6

  Charlie stood in front of the restroom mirror at work turning her face from left to right, tilting her chin up, tilting it down. Was her makeup too heavy? Did she have enough on? Was the lipstick too bright for her fair skin?

  She frowned. She was crazy. Since when did she worry about her appearance when seeing Evan? In all the years of knowing him, she hadn’t worried if her hair wasn’t combed or if she didn’t have on lipstick. She’d been content with her looks. Now, she was afraid to walk out the door without looking perfect or at least trying to.

  Evan had literally left her breathless with his kiss. It had awakened a fierce burning heat within her that she never knew existed. All week she’d thought about him - all through her workday and when she went to bed at night.

  The white-hot passion that so suddenly flared between them both excited and scared her at the same time. Her feelings for Evan were deep and strong. Exploring those feelings was her greatest desire. But did he want the same? Of that she couldn’t be sure. He was good at masking his feelings and so very hard to read. The kiss, however, did say something. He felt what was between them too, and he’d acted upon it.

  And if they explored their feelings, what would happen to their friendship? There was no doubt in her mind that their relationship would change and they could never go back to what it once was. Evan was her dearest friend, and she didn’t know if crossing the line was worth the risk of loosing what they already had together.

  Charlie ran a brush through her soft curls. She didn’t know what she was going to do. She felt like she was being torn in half, one part of her wanting to explore what was happening between them, the other half wanting to leave it be for fear of what might happen.

  Looking at her watch, she saw it was time to meet Evan for lunch. Her heart raced with anticipation, and her stomach dipped with fear. This would be the first time they’d seen each other since their kiss.

  ****

  It was a bright and sunny Friday afternoon. Evan, tired beyond belief, sat waiting for Charlie at their regular table in the hospital cafeteria. Since he’d gotten back from Iowa, he’d been working nonstop covering for the physicians who had covered for him while he had been away.

  Though he’d been extremely busy the past week, Charlie frequently entered his thoughts. He’d had only a few brief conversations with her over the telephone and exchanged a handful of e-mails with her since his return. He hadn’t seen her since he left her standing on the farmhouse’s front porch. Purposefully he had stayed at a distance while he tried in earnest to figure out what to do next. If she’d been any other woman, he would have been relentlessly pursuing her, tired or not.

  But she was Charlie, his best friend, his buddy. He couldn’t imagine his life with Charlie not in it. And because of that he was reluctant to do or say anything that would harm their relationship albeit kissing her may already have done so.

  Their kiss still plagued his thoughts – the passion, the intensity, the longing on both their parts. Never in a million years would he have imagined that Charlie would have been capable of such passion or desire. Of course, he had never thought about her in that way. She’d always been “friend” Charlie not “woman” Charlie. The difference between the two was enormous.

  He couldn’t help but wonder if she was reacting that way because of him or because she’d been so long without a man.

  The thought that she was hungry for a man’s touch, any man’s touch, seemed distasteful to him. He preferred to think Charlie’s desire was for him and him alone.

  I could easily find out, he thought.

  Evan felt a heaviness fill his chest. He could never find out. He wouldn’t allow himself. Charlie was a sensitive, kind, and trusting woman. He had no intention of hurting her, ruining their friendship, or breaking the bond of trust between them. The best thing for him to do was talk to her and let her know that it would be best for both of them to remain friends. Charlie would understand.

  “Evan.”

  He looked up to see Alan approaching his table, carrying a tray loaded with food.

  Evan gave a weary smile. “Have a seat.”

  Alan looked around. “No Charlie today?” he asked in surprise.

  “She’s supposed to be coming.”

  “How’s she coping with her father’s death?”

  “She’s doing really well under the circumstances. Both of her parents are gone now, she has no brothers or sisters or close relatives. She’s pretty much alone.”

  Alan took a seat and opened a carton of milk. “Does that worry her?”

  “It weighs heavily on her mind. I assured her that I’d always be there for her, but she wasn’t too convinced.” Hurt flashed in Evan’s eyes.

  “She has a point, Evan,” Alan said after taking a bite of his hamburger. “You’ll find someone you’re totally enamored with and you won’t have the time or the inclination to be there for Charlie whenever she calls. Not to mention the fact that any wife or girlfriend would very quickly get tired of taking a back seat to a best friend, especially a female best friend.”

  Evan gave his friend a sour look. “If whoever I date or marry can’t accept Charlie, then there’s no future for us.”

  “Then you might as well resolve yourself to the bachelor life and a different girlfriend every few months because no woman is going to put up with that.” Alan gave him a searching look. “Why do you feel such loyalty to Charlie to put all your future relationships, your own happiness in jeopardy?”

  Evan shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with Alan’s stare and even more uncomfortable with the question he posed. “It’s hard to explain,” he said, feeling at a loss for words. “She’s so sweet and I enjoy being with her so much. We can talk to each other; we have similar interests. She’s genuine and doesn’t expect anything from me except for me to be me. I suppose you can say she makes me happy.”

  “It sounds like she’s really special to you.”

  “She is.”

  “Do something about it, Evan,” Alan urged. “She means more to you than anyone I’ve ever seen you with. People who are best friends can go on to have wonderful marriages. They have that solid foundation of friendship to build on.”

  “But what if it doesn’t work out? We wouldn’t be able to go back. I would lose her forever. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take, Alan,” Evan replied in a tone that closed the conversation.

  Alan gave his friend a thoughtful look, wishing that if he just took the chance, he could find the happiness he was looking for.

  “Have you seen the new JAMA?”

  Evan nodded, relieved that Alan was dropping the subject. He briefly wondered if Alan was right. Was he being a fool in not pursuing a relationship with Charlie?

  Evan new exactly when Charlie stepped into the cafeteria, how he didn’t know, he just had a feeling, a little voice telling him to look up. And there she was standing in the cafeteria entrance, prettier than he’d ever seen her. Gold earrings, the ones he’d given her for Christmas, dangled from her ears. Her dark blonde hair was swept up, long curly tendrils cascading out of the hair clasp, brushing her shoulders. She wore a denim overall dress with an emerald green blouse, the same green color as her eyes. The only word he could think of to describe her was breathtaking.

  Breathtakingly beautiful.

  A hesitant smile graced her cherry red lips. It was a hesitance Evan had never seen before, like she didn’t know whether he would welcome her or not. He cursed himself. No doubt Charlie had sensed things were beginning to change between them just as he had. He should have talked to her earlier to assure her their relationship would remain as it had been before all this craziness started.

  He smiled and motioned to her.

  Alan turned, spotted Charlie, then turned his attention back to Evan.

  “Charlie’s looking particularly pretty today.”

  Evan nodded. “She is, isn’t she?” He couldn’t seem to take
his eyes off her as she gracefully weaved between people and tables to him. His eyes held hers, unwilling to break the contact, taking in every graceful movement of her body - from the sway of her hips to the small bounce of her breasts.

  Arriving at the table, Charlie took a seat between Evan and Alan.

  She greeted Alan with a smile. “Hi, Alan. How are you?”

  “Very well, thank you. I’m sorry about your father.”

  She nodded. “Thank you.” Her voice was soft and had lost some of its brightness. “It was a shock.”

  Alan looked at his watch. “I have some rounds to make.” He glanced at Evan, whose attention was solely focused on Charlie, his eyes full of tenderness.

  “It was good seeing you, Charlie. I’ll see you later, Evan.”

  After Alan left, Evan turned to Charlie.

  “Are you really doing ok Charlie?”

  She smiled, feeling particularly special that Evan was so concerned about her. “I am. It’s hard to accept he’s gone, though. It’s just going to take time.”

  “I understand. Remember to let me know if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  “As for lunch, I thought we should forgo the usual salad. They’re serving hamburgers today. I know how you like the hamburgers here.”