“I know, Evan. This has come as real blow to her. I told her in the beginning she may not walk normally, that there was a chance either way but she chose to believe she was going to walk normally. That’s normal.”
“I think she despises me, Alan. Since our wedding, things have gone downhill. We’ve hardly spoken. Hell, we don’t even sleep together. It’s a damn mess. Instead of helping her, I think I’ve hurt her more in the long run.”
“You’ve got to help her through this, Evan.”
“I know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s so much easier when you’re a physician in this type of situation. You can maintain a professional distance. You can look at the situation objectively. But when you’re personally involved all the confusing emotions, all the despair, all the heartache about drive you crazy. I feel like I’ve been climbing up a steep cliff with the top nowhere in sight. I can’t stop. I can’t go back down. I have to keep going, and I can’t let go for fear I’ll plunge to my death.” Evan stood and went to stand in front of Alan’s’ office window. “I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. I don’t know how to proceed.”
“When you love someone, that’s when it hurts the most. You get so mixed up and twisted, you don’t know which way is up.”
Evan looked over his shoulder at his friend. “I do love her,” he said softly, admitting it for the first time.
“Well, then do something about it before it’s too late.”
“Could you give us a few minutes alone when she comes out?”
“It’d be suffice to say she will be in no mood to talk to you. Let me speak with her first.”
“I’ll be right outside the door.”
****
Charlie saw Evan was gone when she finally came out of the bathroom. To be honest, she was glad he wasn’t there. She was extremely angry with him, but she was also enormously embarrassed about how she acted. She hadn’t been fair to Evan and she carelessly put Alan in a very uncomfortable situation.
Alan looked up at her and leaned back in his chair. “Are you feeling better?”
She nodded. “Alan, I’m sorry for being so rude and overemotional. I apologize.”
“You’re human, Charlie. I would think something was wrong if you weren’t upset, but I would urge you not to blame Evan. He’s having a difficult time dealing with this as well.”
Charlie walked with aid of her cane to a chair in front of Alan’s desk. Slowly, she sat down. “You don’t need to involve yourself with our problems.”
“Evan’s my very dear friend. I want to see him happy, happy with you.”
“I don’t think it’s at all possible. Too much has happened to go back and try to salvage anything.”
“Since when has Charlie Johnson become a quitter? Anything worth a damn takes hard work. Relationships are no exception. Do you want this bad enough? You have to decide.”
“It’s not that simple.” Feeling uncomfortable talking about her personal life with Alan, she said stiffly, “I’m sorry for being unfair to you, Alan. I know you said that I may limp, but I chose to ignore that. Do you really believe I may limp for the rest of my life?”
“There’s a possibility you may not. I’ve seen patients who limped. I’ve seen patients who, with the right circumstances, cease to limp. There’s nothing I’d like to see more than you proving me wrong.”
***
Evan wondered how Charlie and Amy ever became friends. Looking at them, they had very little in common. Whereas Charlie was a conservative dresser, very polite, and sensitive to other peoples feelings, Amy was her opposite. To prove his point, he gazed back at Amy. A green low-cut blouse accentuated the creamy swells of her breasts. Amy’s blue jeans were skintight and black leather boots with three-inch heels went almost up to her knees. Amy was tart and crass and he was none too pleased to see her. The only reason he did was out of deference for her friendship with Charlie.
He gave her a cool smile. “What brings you by, Amy?”
“Certainly not because of any eagerness to see you.”
Even leaned back in his chair and studied her for a moment. He was certainly glad he didn’t have to live with that razor sharp tongue.
“I’m sure you didn’t drive all the way here to merely insult me. My time is valuable…” He stood, dismissing her.
“You are such a pompous ass. I swear I don’t know what Charlie sees in you.”
Glaring down at her, he replied, “I wonder the same about you.”
Amy’s eye’s narrowed, and she opened her mouth to reply. Evan, however, cut her off before she spoke.
“What do you want, Amy? We both have much better things to do than trade insults.”
A cool smile graced her lips. “You’re right about that. I wouldn’t walk across a room to say hello to you. The only reason I’m here is because of Charlie.”
“Charlie?”
“Have you seen her lately?”
“Of course I have. She’s my wife. I see her every morning and every evening.”
Amy shook her head. “Have you really seen her? Watched her? Taken notice of her? Taken an interest in her?”
Evan glared at her, her probing questions stinging his conscience.
“From your lack of an answer, I take the answer is no. Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but something needs to be done. We’re loosing her, Evan.”
“Loosing her?”
“Yes, loosing her. I’m sure you even noticed that she always had the brightest smile and sunniest disposition of anyone else around. She was always positive. Upbeat. Sweet. But it’s all changed. She’s had so much happen to her in the past year: her father’s death, getting involved with you, and then the accident. It’s been too much on her. Now, being married to you has about taken her over the edge. She’s stuck at home by herself day in and day out. She wants to work again, but no one will hire her. She’s convinced this marriage to you was a huge mistake, that you don’t care anything for her, that you both are going to live in misery together for the rest of you lives.”
The muscle in Evan’s jaw worked, as he tried to control his rising anger. He didn’t know what made him angrier – Amy butting into their business or the fact that Amy was pointing out his failures as a husband and she was right!
Evan sat on the corner of his desk, his left leg dangling. He was man enough to admit Amy was right. But was he as awful as Amy made him sound? Did Charlie really believe their marriage was a mistake?
“And she told you this?”
“Not in so many words, but I know it to be true.”
“Amy, I’m not about to discuss my personal life with you. But I do appreciate your concern and admit you are right. And I am deeply concerned about her as well,” he said tightly.
He stood from his desk and turned his back towards her.
“Jesus, Evan. I’m not here to accuse you of not taking care of Charlie or neglecting her. She hasn’t outright come out and told me her feelings. I can see it through her façade. Men are inherently inept at reading feelings. That’s the way it is. For some crazy reason, she’s in love with you and despite that, I want to see her happy.”
Evan slowly turned around and searched Amy’s eyes. “Do you think she really loves me after all that has happened between us?”
“Charlie’s crazy about you. Women don’t have any sense when it comes to men.”
“Is that why you’re still with Rich?”
Amy thoughtfully gazed at Evan for several moments. “I keep him around because he keeps me company.”
“That’s not a very good reason to stay with someone.”
“It is if you’re lonely.” Amy sighed. “Don’t let Charlie end up like me. Don’t let her staying with you boil down to it’s better than being lonely. It’s really no way to live.”
“I won’t Amy. Uh, Amy?”
“Yes?”
“You have a good heart. You could find someone better.”
Amy smiled. “You h
ave a good heart, too, though it kills me to admit it. Now make Charlie smile again.”
After Amy left, Evan stood thoughtfully staring out his office window thinking about Charlie and what Amy had said. This past week, since her office visit with Alan, he had tried to reach out to her, but invariably something always interfered – whether having to leave for work early while she was still asleep or coming home late with her already in bed. One time he’d managed to get home early only to find Mrs. Turner there cooking dinner. She ended up eating with them. And by the time everything was cleaned up, Charlie was ready for bed. In her room.
This can’t go on, he thought vehemently. Life was too precious to be spent wallowing in uncertainty and turmoil. It was time he resolved the situation.
Chapter 19
An overwhelming sense of trepidation enveloped Charlie as the taxi she was in slowly made its way along the snow-covered streets of Beacon Hill in Boston. Gas lights and large trees dotted the narrow sidewalks along the cobblestone streets. In the faint glow of the lights, Charlie could see that the row houses were not that of average middle class families. The homes spoke of quiet elegance and screamed wealth.
She felt like she was going to throw up. She should never have let Evan talk her into coming. But this trip was so important to him. He had wanted to spend Christmas with his family. How could she say no? How could she not at least try to make an effort and please him, make him happy? Something had to be done.
Feeling Evan’s leg shift against hers, she looked up at him, glad that the darkness hid the deep misgivings that she knew was apparent in her eyes. He grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “We’re going to have a great Christmas with my family. Christmas has always been special here.” Misunderstanding her wooden response, he added, “And don’t worry. We’ll have plenty of time to shop for gifts. We have two weeks to go before Christmas.”
Charlie nodded and did her best to give an adequate smile. She wished Christmas presents were all she had to worry about. However, they were not the culprit for her anxiety. The thought of three weeks with Evan and his family had her tied in knots. How could they possibly live in his parent’s home for three weeks? Three weeks of putting on false smiles, acting as if nothing was wrong, trying to hide the troubles in their relationship? She had to have been insane to even think she could do this. She was no actress.
But it was too late to back out now. She had told Evan she would do this, get to know his family, have a good time. That was laughable. How was one supposed to have a good time when their personal life was in shreds? No doubt, it was going to be tough and emotionally trying, but she was determined to make the best of the situation. It would do her good to be out of the house, to see people, she told herself. But most of all, she reasoned, this trip was very important to Evan, and she wanted to do what she could to make him happy.
She looked out the opposite window and wondered how much farther they had to go. As if reading her mind, Evan said, “The house is up here on the right.”
Charlie peered past the driver’s shoulder, eyeing the white federal style townhouse adorned with green shutters. Green flower boxes filled with colorful pansies adorned the bottom floor windows. A second story window was lit. As they pulled to a stop, Charlie was awed by the home’s simple beauty and elegance. A gas light in front of the house illuminated the front door. A black ornamental fence surrounded a postage stamped size front yard.
“Is this where you grew up? The house is beautiful.”
Smiling, he looked at the house with pride. “This is where I spent my unruly teenage years. We moved in here after my grandmother died. My father inherited it from her.”
When they stepped out of the car, Evan’s mother hurried out the front door. She gave them both a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “I was so worried your flight had been cancelled because of the snow.”
“Mother you need to get back inside. It’s freezing out here and all you have on is a thin sweater.”
“A little cold air for a few minutes won’t hurt me,” she replied, brushing him off.
His mother grabbed Charlie’s hand when Evan turned to help the taxi driver with their luggage. “Come on. Let’s go in and get some hot cocoa. I had some prepared in anticipation of your arrival.”
Carefully navigating the icy steps into the house with her cane, Charlie followed Evan’s mother into a large foyer, then through a doorway that led into a large, bright kitchen.
“Your home is lovely. I apologize for tracking in on your hardwood floors.”
“Don’t worry. Elise will be in tomorrow. She does the floors every day. She can’t wait to see Evan and finally meet you. She’s been with us since we moved here twenty years ago. She’s like family.”
“Where did you live before moving here?”
“We lived in the Boston suburbs. But when Sutton’s mother died, he decided that we should move here. This house has been in the family for so long, he couldn’t bare to let it sit empty or sell it. The only alternative was to move in.”
“The homes in this neighborhood are pretty old, aren’t they?”
“Dating back to Paul Revere or before. This particular home is over two hundred years old.”
“It must be wonderful to live around so much history.”
“I suppose, though I think after you live around it for a while, you tend to take it for granted. You need to have Evan take you to the Commons and State House and down to the Charles River. It’s beautiful there any time of the year.”
At the sound of squeaking wet shoes on the hardwood floor, Charlie turned to see Evan. He gave her a reassuring smile.
“Where’s father?”
“He had to stay late at the hospital tonight. He said he probably won’t be here until late.” She patted Charlie’s hand. “I suppose you’ve already experienced that first hand. But you get used to it. And after you have children you won’t ever have time to think about it.”
“Mother, what room do you want us in?” Evan interrupted.
“The guest room.” She looked at Charlie and then to Evan. “You know that’s the very room where you and you brother were conceived. Both times we were here for the holidays.”
“Mother!”
“Evan, we’re adults here. We all know what happens between a husband and wife. Besides I am in hope that room will work its holiday magic on you two as it did for your father and I.”
Though she was thoroughly embarrassed, Charlie said lightly, “Well, that’s an interesting piece of family history we can pass down to our own children.”
“You’re right about that,” Evan said dryly.
After they made it up to their bedroom and Evan closed the door behind them, he said, “Will you be okay going up the stairs? There are no bedrooms on the first floor and my parent’s room is on the second. We could always get a room at a hotel.”
“Going up and down the stairs will be good exercise though I’ll have to go slow. Besides, I think your mother would be heartbroken if we didn’t stay in this room.”
“I think you’re right. I’m sorry for what she said. Sometimes she says the most embarrassing things. She doesn’t mean any harm.”
“If my father were alive, I have no doubt that he would be constantly mentioning that we need to have children. Though, I suspect he would not have divulged where I was conceived.” Charlie laughed.
A slight blush rose in Evan’s cheeks. “Sex is something you don’t want to think about your parents having.”
“I know what you mean. After my mom died, my dad saw women but I could never, ever think about his having sex with any of them. It wasn’t a loyalty issue. Sex is a natural thing between a man and woman, but your parents having it is another thing.”
They both smiled, then Charlie said suddenly, “Does your family know why we married?”
“No. And I have no intention in telling them either.”
“I’m glad. I think they would come to resent me.”
“Why
?”
“Because we won’t be giving them any grandchildren.”
Evan took two steps toward her and lightly clasped her hands with his. He searched her eyes. “Charlie, we can have children together. It’s not as if we can’t. We’re both healthy adults.”
She pulled her hands from his and stepped back to put some very needed distance between them. She had to think clearly.
“I don’t think it would be a good idea.”
“Why?”
Because you don’t love me. She wanted to shout it at him, but her pride wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t going to beg for something he wasn’t capable of giving her. She didn’t want his pity.
“I just don’t think it would be a very good idea.”
“What does that mean?”
Charlie sighed. “I’m tired Evan. I don’t feel like arguing.”
He was clearly angry, but she wasn’t going to bring a child into a loveless marriage.
“Very well,” he said stiffly. “I’m going to go downstairs and wait for father to come in. You can go ahead and get to sleep. You’ve had a long day.”
***
The situation between Evan and Charlie didn’t improve after their argument. Over the next few days, they barely spoke to each other and at night Evan slept on his side of the bed, Charlie on hers, as if an invisible wall had been erected between them. In the company of his family, they were perfectly civil with each other, perhaps all most too civil, but in the privacy of their room, they hardly acknowledged each other’s presence.
What About Charlie? Page 21
