What About Charlie?

by Haley Michelle Howard

  Saturday morning, their fourth day there, started with promise. Charlie had arranged to go Christmas shopping with Evan’s mother and Evan was going with Michael to meet up with some old college friends. It all began when Charlie awoke curled around Evan. The early morning air in the room was chilly, the fire that had been roaring in the fireplace when she went to bed had extinguished some time during the night.

  Charlie, under the down comforter, was pressed against Evan, who was lying on his side, her was arm draped around his midsection. She was warm and relaxed, drifting in and out of sleep for the next half hour.

  Then she felt him move and roll over onto his back, causing her head to come to rest on his shoulder. She lifted her arm to move it, to disengage herself from the whole awkward situation.

  Grabbing her hand with his, he said in a husky voice, “It’s ok. Stay close to me, Charlie. This feels good.”

  Holding her hand, he guided her arm back to rest on his stomach. To Charlie’s surprise, he kept her hand clasped in his.

  After a moment, Charlie said, “This does feel good.”

  “Much better than sleeping on the edge of the bed.”

  “And freezing to death!” Charlie added.

  They both laughed. How long had it been since they had last laughed together? Months. Too many months too long.

  They fell into a comfortable silence, content with the feel of each other.

  “Do you remember the last time we laid like this?”

  Evan looked at her and grinned. “Of course I do.”

  Charlie’s eyes widened. “You do?”

  “After your father died, at the farm in Iowa.”

  “I can’t believe you remembered.”

  He searched her eyes. “Why?”

  Her eyes slipped from his, focusing on his chin. “I just thought that was something that you’ve done with a lot of women, something you wouldn’t remember.”

  His fingers touched her chin. Charlie’s eyes darted to his. “Charlie, I never did that before. Whenever I was in bed with a woman, I had much baser things on my mind. Lying in bed with her holding her in my arms and not doing anything else was something I did not care to do.”

  “Why?”

  He stared up at the ceiling for several seconds before speaking. “It would have been too personal, to intimate.” Then his eyes shot to hers. “But with you it felt right, Charlie. It felt as if we were supposed to be lying there like that.”

  “I felt that way too.”

  “I didn’t want to have those feelings.”

  “Me neither.”

  “We were friends.”

  “Exactly. And we’re still friends.”

  He rolled on his side to look at her.

  “Charlie, I want us to be more than friends.”

  “Yes,” she said huskily, her defense weakening, giving into her longing and desire. It was too damn lonely being noble. “I want it to be more, too.”

  Lightly, his fingers traced the line of her jaw. His mouth inched toward hers until their lips were almost touching.

  “Charlie, I…”

  She watched his lips come to hers. He was going to kiss her, she thought, closing her eyes in eager anticipation.

  “Charlie? Evan?” A voice called, then came a loud knock on their door.

  Evan’s lips lightly brushed hers before he reluctantly pulled away. The kiss had been so brief, so light that it was as if it had not happened at all.

  Her eyes found Evan’s. Upon seeing the passion and desire along with a regret that they had been interrupted in their green depths, Charlie knew it had been real. He had felt it too.

  Resting his forehead on hers, he said, “I wanted to kiss you. But damn it, I can’t concentrate when my mother is standing outside my bedroom door calling my name.”

  “Are you up?” she called. “Charlie and I are supposed to be leaving in 15 minutes.”

  Evan laid his head back on his pillow and gathered Charlie to him. “Yes, we’re up, mother. Charlie is getting dressed.”

  “Ok.”

  He heard the click clack of her shoes on the wood floors fade down the hall.

  “I need to get dressed, Evan. I don’t want to keep your mother waiting.”

  He smiled. “Please don’t. She’s a stickler for being punctual.”

  Charlie moved to get out of the bed. Evan grabbed her hand.

  “We’ll continue this tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  They both smiled.

  ****

  After breakfast, with Charlie gone on her shopping trip, Evan sat at the breakfast table with his father drinking coffee. The kitchen was quiet, Elise was in some other part of the house.

  “What do you have planned for today?”

  “Michael and I are going to meet up with some old college friends this afternoon.”

  Sutton took another sip of coffee. He looked contemplatively at Evan.

  “How’s Charlie been doing? She seems somewhat withdrawn.”

  “She’s been having difficulty adjusting to life with a cane and to the possibility that she may have to use it the rest of her life. Understandably, she’s been very disheartened.”

  His father gave him a long, steady stare, one that told Evan he knew the problem was much more than that.

  “Perhaps it’s none of my business…”

  “Perhaps it isn’t…”

  Sutton continued as if Evan never spoke, “…but it seems to me there’s a lot more to it than that,”

  “I don’t recall soliciting your advice.”

  “You never ask me for my advice.”

  “Maybe it’s because I want to handle my problems without interference from anyone else.”

  Sutton nodded. “You know, Evan, I have very rarely butted into your personal affairs, and I have refrained from doing so because you’re a grown man more than capable enough to handle his own problems. But sometimes, no matter how educated or ‘grown up’ we are, we come across situations that we are at a loss in which to deal. And for you this is one of those times.”

  Evan shifted in his chair, letting his back come to fully rest on its back. “So now, all of a sudden, you’re an expert in the ways of love.”

  “Expert – no. More experienced than you? Hell yes. I want to see you and Charlie happy. I want to see the light in both your eyes that was so evident on your wedding day. I want to hear the pitter-patter of my grandchildren’s feet on these hardwood floors.”

  “Father, I wish things were as black and white as you make them out to be. Unfortunately, life is never that clear.”

  “There must be a root cause.”

  “It’s not one single thing. I think it’s one unresolved issue on top of another and another. It’s tumbled out of control.”

  Sutton nodded. “I’m not going to ask for specifics. You’re a grown man and so very much like me. Private. Reserved. Reluctant to share your true feelings with anyone, especially with those closest to you. Be open with her, be honest, tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her. Believe me, that will go a long way.”

  Evan studied his father for a moment, a rush of love for the older man enveloping him.

  “I wish it were that easy.”

  “Have you tried doing what I said? Really tried?”

  “No,” Evan admitted.

  “Then for God’s sake, put you cards on the table, take a chance, lower you armor and let her know how you truly feel.”

  Evan searched his father’s eyes. “Is it really that easy?” Perhaps they could start anew. This morning may have been the first step.

  “Simple, yes. Easy, no. Sometimes the simplest things in life are the hardest to do, like saying I’m sorry or saying yes or no to a question. It’s not the actual answering you fear, but the reaction you may receive. That’s what makes a person a successful adult, the willingness to face such reactions for a greater purpose. It’s hard as hell, but it shows you have character and that you have guts. That’s the type of man I raised
you to be. That’s the type of man you are.”

  Long after Sutton had retreated to his study, Evan remained seated at the table, nursing his now cold cup of coffee. As much as he resented his father’s intrusion into his life at times, this particular occasion had been welcome. He’d been at a loss, but his father gave him much food for thought. And he had a lot to digest before he did anything. He had decisions to make, carefully thought out decisions that literally had their happiness hanging in the balance. He sure as hell didn’t want to throw in the towel. He was many things, but one thing he wasn’t was a quitter. He couldn’t give up on her. He loved her, and he didn’t want to lose what they could have. He was going to have to work harder on this than anything else in his whole life. It was a heavy burden, but a burden he would nonetheless accept. For himself. For Charlie. For them.

  ****

  Charlie was disappointed to come back from shopping to find Evan gone from the house. He’d gone with Michael to see some old friends. She wished her were here! She had so much to share with him. She wanted to tell him about her day with his mother, how well they got along. She wanted to show him the presents she’d purchased for his family. And yes, she wanted to see him.

  Their morning had started out so wonderfully, and she was anxious for it to continue.

  By eight o’clock, Charlie had given up watching the clock. By nine, she was beginning to worry, though she knew she shouldn’t. Evan was with Michael, visiting old friends. He’d told her he might be late. But she’d hoped in light of their morning together and what was to come tonight that he would have been home early, as eager for it as she.

  She stepped out the glass veranda doors into the private garden. The air was chilly, though not as chilly as it had been the night before. She’d hoped the fresh air, the sight of stars and the moon would settle her. But the city lights were far too bright to see the stars and the moon was too low on the horizon, blocked by the high walls that surrounded the garden, to see.

  Suddenly, a deep, sharp pang of homesickness struck her – the wide-open spaces, the quiet, the bright moon and stars. She wished she were on the farm this very moment.

  “Charlie?”

  She whipped around.

  “Michael.” She smiled. “You startled me.” She looked past him. “Where’s Evan?”

  “I was paged a few hours back and had to go check on a patient. I had to leave him.”

  “Oh.”

  “He’ll be coming pretty soon. They’re probably talking medicine. You know how it is when you meet up with old friends.”

  Nodding, she turned back towards the garden, dismissing him. She needed to be alone.

  “He’s not seeing other women.”

  Charlie turned back towards him. She searched his eyes for a moment. “I’m not worried about that.”

  “But you’re worried about your relationship just the same.”

  She looked away, her eyes turning up to the night sky in a vain search for her favorite star.

  “I was just thinking how much I miss Iowa.”

  “Is that where you’re from?”

  A smile spread across her lips. “A genuine Iowa farm girl. The farm is so quiet and beautiful. On warm summer nights you can sit on the front porch of the house, look up into the sky and see every star. You can hear the crickets chirping, lightning bugs flying all around. And when a breeze kicks up, the leaves on the cornstalks rustle, making such an incredible sound. Sitting there you feel safe and content, like you’re the only person in the world and no harm will come to you.”

  “You’re safe here.”

  “I know Michael.”

  “But you’re not content.”

  She gave a wry smile. “Let’s say there’s a lot of uncertainty in my life.”

  “Ah. He loves you Charlie. He cares deeply for you.” He studied her for a moment. “From the expression on your face, you don’t believe that.”

  She shook her head mutely. She wanted to believe him, but she couldn’t. She wanted to tell him so but the words wouldn’t come.

  “I know Evan seems taciturn at times, unapproachable even. He’s a lot like father in that way. He doesn’t wear his feelings on his sleeve and he sure as hell doesn’t bare his soul to anyone. He keeps his feelings to himself. But I know my brother. He’s in love with you, Charlie. The fact that he married you tells me that.”

  “He married me because he felt sorry for me. I had nowhere to recover except a nursing home. I had no insurance. He married me so I’d have some security.”

  Michael shook his head. He grabbed Charlie’s hand and squeezed it. “Charlie, you’re missing the whole point. He married you because he loves you. I know him. If he felt sorry for you, he would have done what was necessary for you to get the appropriate care. He wouldn’t have married you. He would have given you money, paid for someone to care for you. Believe me.

  “Give him a chance, Charlie. Take the initiative. My big brother is smart, but he’s pretty dense when it comes to women and saying the right things. Hold on tight and don’t let go.”

  Michael’s admonition ran through Charlie’s mind long after he left her in the garden. Of course, he was right. As long as she’d known Evan, he had always been one to keep his feelings to himself. That’s the way he was and she fell in love with him because of that. Beneath that hard exterior was a wonderful, loving man. The man whom she loved. The man to whom she was married. She wanted this marriage to work. She vowed to herself it would.

  ****

  Charlie was asleep when Evan finally arrived home. He felt a pang of disappointment. He had intended to make his excuses to his friends and get back early. But when Michael left early, he was left dependant on a ride home. So, he’d been stuck there until his ride had been ready to leave. He supposed he could have called a cab, but that would have seemed exceedingly rude. So, he spent the evening watching the clock slowly tick off the minutes and hours, his mind filled with thoughts of Charlie the whole time.

  This morning had been incredible. He’d felt so close to her. At that moment, he’d felt anything was possible for them. As he thought more about it, the more convinced he’d become that anything was possible for them. They’d let things go too far. He was willing to try and work things out.

  Was she?

  That he didn’t know. They desperately needed to talk, to clear the air between them for once and for all. Suddenly, he was very glad he’d come home late. Making love to Charlie, however wonderful it would have been, would have solved nothing. In fact, it only would have complicated matters between them. Their physical relationship should only come to fruition after they’ve repaired the emotional one.

  Evan stripped out of his clothes, slipping on a pair of pajama bottoms. Crawling into bed, he snuggled close to Charlie, pressing his chest against her back. He draped his arm around her waist. He closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.

  Once again Charlie awoke snuggled close to Evan, but this time he was curled around her. She felt no compulsion to move away. Indeed she felt wonderfully content to lie there and be held in his strong arms.

  Feeling him stir, she rolled over on her back to look at him. His eyes were open and he smiled at her. Charlie smiled in return.

  “Good morning.”

  “I tried to wait up for you last night, but couldn’t stay awake. You know I’m not much of a night owl.”

  “I meant to get home much earlier last night, but Michael got called out leaving me stranded and relying on Dennis for a ride home. I thought we’d never leave!”

  “Michael told me he had to leave early. I understand.”

  “How about we do some sightseeing today? It’s supposed to be a nice sunny day.”

  Charlie’s hear leapt at the thought. “That would be wonderful. Where do you have in mind?”

  “I thought we’d walk down to the Commons, see the Charles River, browse the shops, and tour the State House.”

  “The cane really slows me down. It would take forever to see ever
ything.”

  “Charlie, we have all day. I don’t care how slow we go, as long as we’re together.”

  “Really?”

  He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “It makes no difference to me if you walk with a cane. That doesn’t change the person you are inside. You’re still Charlie. So are you game?”

  She flashed a smile that reached her eyes. “You bet.”

  ****

  The sun was shining bright when they finally stepped out the front door. It was late morning. Evan had told her he wanted to wait a few hours before leaving to make sure the ice on the sidewalks had melted. He didn’t want her to slip. His concern warmed her heart.