Flawed

by Pauline C. Harris

  The image of Michael, determined, grabbing my throat and glaring at me, would not leave my mind. It played over and over again, and each time another tear trickled out of my squeezed-shut eyelids.

  I wanted this problem to go away. I wanted Michael back. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. To look at me in a way that let me know that I was different from everyone else; that I was special; that I was Drew, and that it was okay to be just Drew.

  I felt empty. And devastated.

  Alone.

  Chapter Four

  “I brought you some food,” I said, my voice echoing throughout the quiet room. I slid the tray through the slit in the door and watched Michael stare at it, unmoving.

  “And why would I want this?” he asked.

  I frowned. “I know you don’t need it, I just thought you might like it.” I peered through the window on the door to look at him. He stared up at me from his seat on the cot.

  “Why are you here?” he said.

  I tried not to wince. “Because...” My thoughts trailed off. Why was I here? To get Michael to remember me? When I thought the words to myself I realized how foolish they sounded. “I don’t know.” I finally replied.

  “Well if you’re here to try to get me to side with all you flawed, you can just forget it,” he snapped. He said the word ‘flawed’ like it tasted bad on his tongue.

  “And what’s wrong with us flawed?” I snapped back, suddenly angry.

  Michael stood up and slowly walked over to the window. “It’s self-explanatory,” he said. “Flawed: imperfect or defective, having a problem or flaw,” he stated, as if a dictionary were right in front of him. He shook his head with an almost smirk. “You take pride in being a broken, lesser version of the perfected. But you can never compare.”

  I glowered at him, my heart sinking even more than it already had. “There was once a time when you despised everything that had to do with the perfected. When you believed in individuality,” I told him.

  He snorted as if the thought of him believing such a thing was absolutely preposterous. “I must have been stupid then, because now I know better,” he said simply.

  I stared into his eyes for a moment, just looking, and then I turned and left the room.

  I felt a lump in my throat and held back the rush of tears that came to my eyes. I walked across the large clearing, feeling the biting cold nipping at my bare arms. I looked up and just now noticed that the leaves were starting to change color. I stopped and stared for a moment. It seemed strange that the whole world was being overtaken, lives were being broken, and being ripped apart. And although everything seemed to be rushing by at lightning speed, the leaves still seemed to find time to change their color and go on with life even as everything around them was falling apart.

  I sighed and kept walking, heading for the tent where I knew Beatrix would probably be.

  Sure enough, she was in the tent with Cassandra, talking about something Cassandra had recently made. She looked up when I walked in. “Hey, Drew,” she said with a smile.

  “Hi,” I said quietly, coming to sit next to them.

  Her eyebrows knitted together in concern. “Talking to Michael, I presume,” she said.

  I nodded, not even surprised that she had guessed right.

  She reached out and gently touched my arm. “Drew, believe me, we’ve tried. Those other perfected androids down there had gone through countless tests and talks and we’ve never gotten through to them,” she told me. “We’re working on finding a way to fix it, but so far all we’ve come up with is that usually it just happens, like in cases like ours.”

  I nodded, looking at the ground. “I hate them,” I said quietly. I could tell by the silence that neither Beatrix nor Cassandra knew what to say. “I’m tired of them ruining my life.”

  There was a pause.

  “We all are, Drew,” Cassandra said, her voice edged with sympathy. “We all are.”

  Chapter Five

  The next day, I talked to Michael again. He glared at me for awhile, said rude things, glowered some more, and finally resulted to sulking in the corner of his cell, although it was more of an android sulking than a human one. He sat motionless, expressionless, as if made of stone. After about half an hour of trying to talk, I got up and left. I wanted Michael back, but wanting just hurt, so I tried not to.

  When I went in search of Jessica, I found her sitting outside on a small bench, accompanied by none other than Kyle, who seemed thrilled to be sitting and talking with her. I watched them for a moment, and I felt an ache materialize in my chest. I wasn’t sure right away what the feeling was, and I didn’t want to spend time trying to identify it, so I merely walked away.

  Did Jessica like Kyle? I had known from day one that Kyle liked Jessica; there was no mistaking the way his eyes lit up when he saw her and how he seemed to follow her around everywhere. But did Jessica like him back? I snuck one last glance back in their direction just in time to see Jessica laughing about something that appeared to be extremely hilarious. It sure looked like she did. I couldn’t help but notice that small stinging sensation in the pit of my stomach. What was that? Jealousy? I shook my head and kept walking. I’m not ready to face that right now, I told myself.

  I found Beatrix in the main building sitting with Cassandra and Marian. “Hi,” I said with a smile and sat down next to them at the table. Marian was dealing out cards of some kind.

  “You wanna play?” she asked when I sat down. “You’re just in time. We’re starting a new game.”

  I smiled. “Sure. What is it?”

  “Slapjack,” Cassandra replied. “It’s super fun; basically just slap your hand down on the pile when you see a Jack. The person with the most cards at the end wins.”

  I laughed. “Okay.” When the cards were evenly divided we started blindly placing cards face up in the center of the table. Once the game got going it was surprisingly entertaining. A rush of adrenaline pumped through my veins at the sight of a Jack as we all aimed for the pile. It usually ended with a round of giggling and mock anger. Once the game was over and Cassandra thoroughly rubbed in the fact that she, as usual, won the game, we all settled back in our seats and started talking.

  “So ... do you have any idea how we could bring back the people who are perfected?” I couldn’t help but ask. I had asked this quite often, but I needed to know if any changes had occurred.

  “We’re trying our best,” Cassandra answered truthfully. “We’re experimenting with the idea of a medicine or computer programming. You see, we’re not even sure how the creators did this in the first place. That’s the first step.”

  I nodded in understanding. It made sense. How were you supposed to get rid of something if you didn’t know how it came about in the first place?

  * * * *

  “You know Kyle right?” Jessica asked me, her elbows propped up on the table, watching me from her seat. We were sitting in the main room in the building where most of the androids came to play games or just chat. There was a small table in the corner that Jessica and I were currently occupying.

  I nodded. “Yeah, the guy who came and greeted us.”

  She nodded with a smile. “Well, I think he likes me.” Her smile was wide, and her eyes sparkled.

  I tried to feign excitement but at the same time I was surprised I had to fake it. Why wasn’t I genuinely happy for Jessica? What was wrong with me? “That’s great, Jessica,” I said with a smile.

  She giggled a little. “He’s so nice. And he’s really cute.” She laughed again.

  I nodded in agreement. “Yes, he’s pretty cute,” I teased her. “You guys look really good together. I saw you sitting on the bench the other day.”

  She looked at me in surprise. “You really think so? Oh, I’m so glad, I like him a lot.”

  I laughed. “I can tell.”

  Someone entered the room just then and made a beeline to where Beatrix was sitting, curled up in a chair reading a b
ook. I glanced at him for a second and then turned back to Jessica. “So when did you decide you liked him?” I asked her.

  She made a thoughtful look. “Hmmm...” she said. “Probably a few days after we got here.” She laughed again. “He was just so nice to me, and he’s so funny...” Her voice suddenly became unimportant as I heard a word from across the room. They said it in a hushed tone, but that word would turn my head anywhere.

  “...Yvonne...” I swiveled around in my chair to see Beatrix and the boy who had come in talking together.

  “Drew, are you okay?” Jessica asked me.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be right back.” I stood up from my chair and walked across the room. Beatrix saw me and beckoned me closer. “Daniel just gave me some news,” she told me. “And I think you already know that.” She gave a halfhearted smile. “Yvonne’s been appointed co-leader at the Institution,” she told me frankly. “You knew her, didn’t you?” she asked me.

  I nodded. I took a step back. Somehow this news wasn’t surprising to me. I knew Yvonne would get there; the only question had been when. But the news still came as a shock, a shock that now the creators were even more unpredictable, then they already had been. With Yvonne in power—well, I didn’t want to think about the consequences of that. I knew they weren’t good.

  “Drew?” I heard Jessica’s voice call from across the room, and with one last glance at Beatrix, I headed her way. “Is everything alright?” she asked me.

  I shrugged. “Beatrix just told me that Yvonne has been appointed co-leader at the Institution,” I replied.

  Jessica’s eyes widened. “Really?” she asked.

  I nodded. “I can’t say I’m surprised though,” I said.

  Jessica nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” We were quiet for a moment. “It’s so weird, just the two of us,” she barely whispered it, but I didn’t need to hear it again to know what she meant.

  It had always been the three of us: Jessica, Michael and I who would discuss these things. We were always together. We always had each other’s backs. And now, he was gone.

  I watched as a tear escaped out of the corner of Jessica’s eye, though she tried to blink it away. “I miss him,” she said softly.

  I nodded, unable to say anything in fear that I might break down and cry. “We’ll get him back,” I was finally able to say. “I know we will. Eventually,” I said it with meaning, but I wasn’t sure who I was trying harder to convince, Jessica or myself.

  She nodded with a small smile. “Yeah. We gotta keep up our faith.” She smiled a little more.

  I smiled halfheartedly back.

  Jessica’s face suddenly turned into a grin, and I didn’t need to turn around to see what had caused it. I already knew. Kyle had entered the room.

  Chapter Six

  I lay on my cot in the tent, staring up at the moonlight penetrating the fabric. It was such a funny light. Eerie and on the edge of creepy, but beautiful at the same time.

  Images from the day flitted through my mind. Kyle coming in to get Jessica; her musical laugh caused by some goofy joke of his. Beatrix raising her eyebrows and nudging me as they walked out. My forced laugh as we discussed how cute a couple they could be. The image of Kyle’s lips against Jessica’s when I saw them later outside.

  I closed my eyes, trying to hold in the rush of tears. I felt one escape and go sliding down my cheek and onto my neck. The feeling of it moving across my skin sent a shudder through my body.

  Jessica sighed in her sleep across the tent, and I glanced over. Her face was shadowed, and I looked away. Why did it hurt so much to see Jessica and Kyle together? The question was unanswerable, but I wondered it anyway.

  My mind wandered to Michael. I remembered the times he had kissed me. The way nothing in the world seemed to matter except for the sensation of kissing him. The way he used to look at me, as if I was the only person in the world.

  Something inside my chest started to ache, and I stopped the flow of memories. I had been over them dozens of times, trying to relive the moments that were slowly slipping out of my grasp. I missed Michael. I missed him too much.

  * * * *

  I sat alone, once again, in the game room, looking out the window as Jessica and Kyle walked hand in hand. Why I was doing this to myself, I didn’t know. Torturing myself over Jessica’s happiness. It was selfish and I knew it. I needed to stop. A voice startled me, and I turned around to see Beatrix standing in the doorway.

  “Drew, you wanna come with me to town?” she asked. “We’re low on medicine and first aid supplies. You know, aspirin, bandages, antiseptic...”

  I shrugged and smiled. “Sure.” We left the building and headed for one of the cars parked in the clearing. Beatrix pointed to a silver truck, and I jumped in the passenger seat. She turned the key and pulled out onto the long dirt path leading away from the camp. I had a feeling she had only asked me to come along to help brighten my mood.

  “Cameron told me this morning we needed more supplies,” Beatrix told me as we drove. “He’s the head of all the medical stuff,” she reminded me.

  I nodded. “Are injuries common?”

  She shrugged. “Sometimes. We just always want to be prepared. When we went to get you, Jessica, and Michael, we had some minor injuries, and we could have conceivably gotten way worse. We always like to have more than we need, just in case,” she explained.

  I nodded.

  We spent the rest of the car ride listening to music on the radio, Beatrix often singing along to songs she knew. When we finally pulled up to the grocery store, we both hopped out and headed inside.

  “So how long have you been flawed?” I asked Beatrix quietly as we were studying the medicine aisle.

  “A few months or so,” she said. “It’s not like it hit me all of a sudden. It was a slow process,” she admitted. “The flawed found me, and I escaped with them.” She turned to me and shrugged. “Pretty simple.” She reached for a bottle of aspirin.

  “How about the others?” I asked.

  “Cassandra’s been there for quite awhile. At least that’s what I’ve heard,” Beatrix told me. “Marian just got here about a month ago. All of us are fairly new.”

  I nodded.

  Beatrix turned to me. “Hey, why don’t you keep watch outside while I check out?” she asked.

  I nodded, turned, and headed for the door. It was windy outside, and I pulled my sweater tighter around me as I looked around at the street and the buildings surrounding me.

  Nothing looked out of the ordinary. No one seemed to be watching or following us. I tried to let myself relax, but I knew I would never be fully comfortable again out in the open. I rubbed my hands together to keep warm, hoping Beatrix would hurry up.

  For a second I thought of the Institution. I wondered if all the creators had been perfected by now. Probably. Why not? Why not become perfect like their subjects? I just wondered why they hadn’t tried it out on themselves first, before creating us.

  A flash of something tall and dark caught my eye from across the street, and I looked up

  My heart stopped. My breath caught in my throat, and I stared into the dark eyes of the last thing I ever wanted to see.

  Yvonne stopped walking and was staring at me; her eyes were expressionless. I stared back; frozen, unable to do anything else but stand there and watch her. I couldn’t think straight. The only words that swiveled through my mind were ones I didn’t want to hear. Co-leader of the Institution. The phrase repeated itself over and over again. She was so close. So close to being in complete and utter control. Why stop now? Why pass up the perfect opportunity to make the creators love her even more than they already did? I shook my head and shut my eyes for a brief moment, as if to say, Okay Yvonne, you win. What more could I lose?

  It was over.

  She kept staring at me, her eyes boring into mine, and it finally hit me. She was thinking. Rarely did Yvonne ever think. She always acted impulsively. Whatever seemed the best thi
ng at the time, she did it. I widened my eyes in shock. She was deciding whether or not she wanted to save my life or end it.

  She tilted her head and smiled at me. Her eyes seemed to suggest she was laughing at me. But not in a cruel way, just in her way. She shook her head and turned to leave, but looked back one last time. She raised her eyebrows as if in farewell, and then turned and headed down the street.

  In shock, I watched her go until she was out of sight, and then I let a breath of relief escape me. For a moment, I wondered if it had ever happened – if I had really just seen her. And she’d done ... nothing.

  Yvonne had chosen me over power. She had let me go.

  Chapter Seven

  I pulled the bottle of aspirin out of the bag, ready to be put on the shelf in the bathroom. The lights weren’t on, so I leaned closer to the window to read the label. Two pills for the average size adult. Two pills would kill the pain.

  I stared at the label for a minute. I wondered if it actually worked on androids. Well, probably, otherwise Beatrix wouldn’t have gotten it. Rarely did I ever get headaches, so I’d never used a painkiller before. The hospital had probably given me some when I had been shot though, but that would have been the first.

  I had heard of overdosing on pain medications, and I wondered if that applied to androids as well. After all, I had gotten shot in the back, fallen off a roof, and been fine the next day. Could pain killers really hurt me?

  I shrugged and put the bottle away in its place. Nothing would kill the pain I had, anyway. I guess there was just too much of it.

  Just then, Cassandra walked in, a candy cane in her mouth. “Hey Drew.”