by A. E. Murphy
I raise the bags I’m carrying and step past her, “I come baring gifts.”
“Where’s Amelia?”
“She’s at Helen’s for the night.” I empty the contents of the bags onto the kitchen worktop. Marie bursts out laughing, “Please don’t tell me you’re going to attempt to cook. Especially after last time.” The night Marie, Maya and I decided to make curry and I told them I could do it to prove a point that bad cooking skills did not run in the family. Seeing as James is a terrible cook. Unfortunately I only proved their point rather than my own. The curry tasted awful. And for some reason it looked green when it should have been brown.
“That’s why I need you,” I stick out my lower lip. “Just a couple of steaks and some potatoes. Please? Please? Please? Please?”
“Fine, fine.”
“I also need you to disappear when it’s done until about,” I look at my watch. “Eight thirty?”
“Cheeky bastard. Fine. Alright, but you owe me.”
I grab her, kiss her cheek and skip into Loryn’s room with the other bag.
“What are you doing now?”
“Nothing.”
“You sounded just like Amelia sounds when she’s doing something naughty.”
I smile to myself and get to work. “Just get cooking bitch!”
“I dislike you… very much.”
“The feeling is mutual. Is that food ready yet?”
“Asshole.”
“Slut.”
I ignore her cackling and begin the transformation of Loryn’s bedroom.
Marie left half an hour ago, the food is on plates in the dining room and I’m sat sipping red wine like it’s a normal thing for me to do whilst staring at the flickering candles I’ve spread around the room. The door opens and closes, Loryn’s sweet voice floats through the area, “Hmm, Marie something smells… Lucas?”
Smiling sweetly at her gaping at the candles, the food, the table and myself, I stand and help her remove her coat.
“What’s going on?” she narrows her eyes in suspicion. “What is all this?”
“I told you I wanted to date you.”
“And I told you I was busy.”
“Exactly why I brought the date to you.”
She sighs but allows me to pull her chair out and help her sit. “You cooked this?”
“How was your day?” I sit opposite her and run my foot up the inside of her shin slowly. She shifts away from me, I remain impassive.
“Busy, very busy. Yours?”
“Well I spent the day wondering how I could get my girl,” I ignore the dangerous look she gives me and continue. “To accept a date from me. I came up with this.”
“Okay. The food looks great.” It really does so I have to agree with her. She sips her wine and takes a bite of the steak, “This is perfect. Seriously. Wow. Who’s been giving you cooking classes?”
“Enough about me, what are your plans for tomorrow?”
“Helping out at the shelter again.”
Fucking asshole Greg. “What about afterwards?”
She sips her wine again and swallows the food in her mouth, her throat bobs slightly with the motion. Christ.
“You look radiant,” I eye her face and chest greedily. “I’ve missed looking at you.”
She only smiles in response. “Can I smell fudge cake?”
“Brownies, chocolate fudge brownies to be exact. Close guess though.”
“You’re spoiling me.” She shakes her head and peeks up at me through her thick lashes. “So. How’s Amelia?”
“She’s great. She’s at Helen’s for the night.”
I put the dishes in the kitchen after we finish desert. “Now for the surprise.”
“Another one?” she snorts and follows me into the bedroom. “Wow.”
Her room is littered with candles, rose petals… yellow rose petals to be exact. She gasps when she sees what’s on the TV opposite her bed.
“Season four?”
I nod, “Yep, the entire season. And I’m going to stay up all night, feeding you these.” I point to the candy and chips and variations of fruit on the tray on the bed. “Whilst we watch this together.”
“This is… perfect. It’s a shame you only want to watch these with me now we’ve broken up,” she picks up the Vampire Diaries box set and smiles sweetly at me. “Why are you undressing?”
I hold up my pajamas and smile when she starts laughing. “Pajama party.”
“Just a pajama party?”
“Scouts honor.”
“You were never a scout.”
My mouth falls open in mock insult, “Yes I was. For two whole years. It was awesome.” I quickly get changed and turn around as she does the same. Forever being the gentleman. “You ready?”
“Yep,” I hear the bed squeak as she sits. I follow suit and before she can protest I pull her into my side and press play on the DVD. She doesn’t pull away, she only sighs with contentment. Much like I’m doing right now. This is perfect.
I kiss her hair and squeeze her even tighter to me.
We watch two episodes before I need a bathroom break. When I reenter the bedroom I lay back on the bed and move the remote away so she can’t press play.
“What’s wrong?”
Taking a deep breath I think of the words I want to say. I decide to start out small. “I want you back Loryn.” Her entire body tenses and her mouth opens but I keep talking before she can interrupt. “I know I fucked up.” I sit up on my knees and take her hands in mine. “I know that I fucked up really bad. I want my color back.”
“What?”
“You’re… you’re my color. You’re Amelia’s color. You make everything better.”
“You’re not making sense.”
I growls in frustration, “Man I suck at this.”
“Just say whatever it is you need to say Lucas.”
My eyes roam over her face before settling on her lips, “You’re so damn beautiful. I don’t deserve you.”
“Lucas…”
“Just hear me out okay. I want to deserve you. I want to make you happy… I can make you happy. I fucked up before. Every moment I spent with you just brought me guilt. Remember the other day you asked me what I remember?”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
Yeah. “I know. But I want to.”
“Okay,” her voice is soft, like a gentle caress.
“We’d been fighting, me and Crystal. We always fought. She wanted to go down to the river and take pictures of us all. She was a brilliant photographer and I never took that seriously. It was her passion,” deep breath. “I was moaning, I wanted to go home and go to bed. She pulled over, we got into it, we made up and she pulled out onto the street. Neither of us noticed the car coming up behind us at a hundred kilometers an hour, full of drunk idiots.” Shudder. Loryn’s hands tighten in mine. “It hit us on the back right corner, we span, we flipped a couple of times before landing upside down.”
She gasps, “Lucas…”
“Amelia was fine, she had a broken collarbone from the harness straps of her car seat. Crystal, the umm… a piece of glass from the windshield had sliced through her neck. There was so much blood.”
“Babe…”
“She was still breathing. I remember begging her to be okay. I couldn’t move. Amelia was crying but Annie was completely silent. I’ve never been so scared in my life.” My eyes burn a little so I take another gulp of air to try and relieve the pressure off my chest. “The guys that crashed into us were okay. They got Amelia out but couldn’t get to the rest of us. The fire brigade came and… they cut Annie out first.”
“You don’t have to tell me Lucas.”
“She was already dead Loryn. The back of the car crushed her. The other car smashed into her side and the car landed on the back end when it flipped.” My voice is a murmur, my heart breaks as if I’m back there all over again. “They carried her lifeless body to the road side right in my line of view but the Paramedics couldn�
��t revive her.” I try, I squeeze my eyes shut but the tears come, shit. “Crystal, she tried to talk, tried to cry but there was too much blood. It was just flowing from her mouth like a fucking waterfall. She saw Annie, it was the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes and her heart stopped. My wife dying was the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and woke up fuck knows how many days or weeks later.”
I feel a soft hands caress my face, “I’m so sorry Lucas.”
“That’s not why I told you. Not to make you feel guilty. To sort of explain my actions.”
“Okay baby, I’m listening.”
“The reason I failed you and thought I could never move on was because of how many memories I lost. I had nothing to go on. No sort of clarification of the events. So I couldn’t let it rest because in my mind it was all so…”
“Unfinished?”
“Yeah. I knew she was dead but how can I accept something I don’t recall? I’ve only just gotten to say goodbye to her.”
“I get that.”
My chest rattles when I breathe in and say the words I’ve longed to say since Loryn was rushed to surgery, “I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to live. I don’t want to just exist anymore I want my color Loryn. You are my color. I want to exist with you.”
“Why me?” a good question.
“Because…” knock, knock, knock. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Hold that thought,” Loryn says with a slight frown. “I’ll be right back.”
A male’s voice follows Loryn’s when the door opens. It’s Greg, definitely Greg. The possessive part of me forces me from the bed and into the hall.
“Come on it’ll be fun?” he sounds like a whiny little bitch.
“I’m busy,” Loryn responds on a laugh. “Tomorrow remember?”
So that’s what she’s doing tomorrow. Fuck.
“If this is about yesterday, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have…” I hear him curse. “He’s here isn’t he?”
“What?”
“Those are his shoes.”
“Yeah,” she admits.
“And she lets him in again… are you stupid?” he scoffs. “Are you just asking to be hurt or something?”
I make myself known at this point and scowl at the ass, “Back off.”
“I dare you to hit me again. This time I won’t drop the charges.”
“Stop it,” Loryn snaps but at him. “Greg…”
“You’re defending him? After everything?” The disgust on Greg’s face is almost comical. I’m glad I have such a bad effect on him.
“What Loryn does or doesn’t do has nothing to do with you,” I argue and step closer to her.
He laughs a little maniacally, “Really?”
“Greg…” Loryn warns and glances at me.
“Why are you even here?” he snarls at me.
“We’re on a date,” can’t you tell?
His eyes narrow on Loryn, “You’re dating him?”
“He just showed up…”
“But you didn’t say no.”
What the fuck is he talking about?
“You’ll date him, you’ll be with him… after everything he’s done? I don’t get it.”
Loryn, who is starting to look a little annoyed throws her arms up and snaps, “You don’t have to get it. This is my life. I’ll date who I want.”
“Is there a point to this argument? I’d kind of like to get back to the Vampire Diaries.”
“Fuck you asshole,” Greg almost shouts. “Fuck this. But a little parting gift for you.” A smug smile overcomes his features. “When you slip into her bed tonight. Remember it was mine she was in last night.” My stomach convulses as he leaves making sure to slam the door behind him. Jealousy and irritation take over my thoughts. All I can see is her… wrapped around him. Laid there talking about what an idiot I am.
“Lucas, it’s not what you think.”
She’s single, she’s single and free and can do as she pleases. But she’s mine. She told me she loved me, if that was true wouldn’t she refrain from fucking other men?
“He’s making it sound worse than it is.”
“Did you fuck him?” I bite out and her mouth falls open. “I asked you a question.”
“Not that it’s any of your business but no… I did not ‘fuck him’ or have any sort of contact with him like that.” I watch her clearly irritated frown for a moment, she’s telling the truth. “I stayed in his bed. That’s all.”
“With him?” She hesitates a beat before shaking her head, “No, not with him. He stayed on the couch. What is wrong with you?”
“You’re still mine Loryn, the thought of him… or any man for that matter… touching you makes my skin crawl.”
Her mouth falls open, “I’m not yours. You broke up with me remember.”
“Yes, and I’m rectifying that… remember?”
“You’re such an ass.”
“Have you been with anyone else?” I bite out feeling my anger rise further at her lack of answers. “Have you?”
She laughs once, looking a little insulted. “And how exactly is that your business when you broke up with me?”
“Have you fucked someone?”
“And if I have, what exactly are you going to do?”
My eyes narrow, “do not play with me Loryn. I’m serious. Have you fucked someone?”
“I think you should leave.”
My arms immediately fold across my chest, “Not leaving. Have you or have you not slept with another man?”
“NO!” she almost screams and throws her hands in the air. “I haven’t!”
“Really?”
“Yes!” she sounds exasperated, my anger slowly vanishes when I see the truth in her eyes.
“Thank god,” I smile at her but have to duck when my shoe comes flying at my head. “What are you…?” followed by my other shoe. “Loryn…” I follow her into the bedroom, she scoops up my clothes and slams them into my chest. “Umm… what are you doing?”
“I need you to leave.”
I drop my clothes on the ground and catch the bedroom door before it shuts. My eyes narrowed on my target, “You want me to leave?”
“Yep. And this time don’t come back,” she starts knocking the petals from the bed to the floor. “Get out.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I raise my chin, and state a defiant, “No.”
“I said get out.”
“Nope.”
“Lucas, I’m warning you.”
I smirk and shake my head, “No.”
“Get. Out.” She’s visibly shaking with anger. I step closer so our noses are almost touching, “N… O. No.” The last word is said on a whisper.
She screams and hits me on the chest. “You god damn ass hole. Just leave! I don’t want you here.”
“I’m not fucking leaving.”
“Fine then,” she snarls and grabs her clothes and keys. “Then I’ll leave.”
Before she can take a step out of the door I scoop her up and throw her on the bed ignoring her startled cry.
“I hate you!” Now she’s really trying to hurt me. “Just go. I don’t want you here.”
I pull her pajama bottoms off with one swift yank, “I’m not leaving and neither are you Loryn. You’re staying and we’re going to sort this out.”
“Just stop! STOP!” she demands as I cover her body with mine. “Why are you doing this? Why are you fucking with me like this? Greg’s right…” She pounds my chest with clenched fists and tries to push me away. “You’re only going to hurt me. I’ll never be enough for you.”
“You’ll always be enough for me Loryn,” I try to get her top off but her thrashing doesn’t stop.
“Why do you keep doing this? If you have any respect for me at all you’ll just leave me the fuck alone. You don’t trust me, you don’t care about how I feel,” she shrieks until her voice is hoarse and angry tears are soaking her face. “I hate you.”
“Baby.”
“
Fuck off!”
“NO!”
“Get off me!”
I grab her wrists with each hand and pin them above her head. “I love you, you crazy bitch!” my nose is inches from hers, my temper rising once more. My need for her to understand why I am the way I am with her is overriding my senses. Her face softens. “I love you. And I’m sorry I haven’t said it sooner, but you’re not leaving and I’m not leaving because we’re going to sort our shit out! Okay?” she nods a little in response.
“Are you just saying that?” she murmurs and scans my face. “You love me?”
I don’t respond, I finish what I started by tearing her vest from her body, leaving her nude and stripping myself off. After a few seconds I sink into her warm, wet depths with a groan and collapse on her as I did the last time I did this.
“What about everything you don’t want, kids, marriage…”
Good question. “Anything you want baby. It’s yours. I promise.” And I mean it.
“But…”
“Go to sleep.”
“You love me?”
Peppering kisses along her neck I reach her mouth and hover a centimeter above them. “I love you.” My eyes remain locked on hers, I watch a range of emotions flit through hers before finally settling on one. Love. Love is reflected back at me and the breath I was holding is finally free. “Please tell me it’s not too late.”
“How do I know you’re not just saying this?”
“You don’t. But I’m telling you the truth. I’ve always been honest with you from the beginning.”
“You say three words and you expect me to just fall back into your arms?”
Tears streak her cheeks. “Babe…”
“You can’t just do this. It’s not fair on me. I can’t handle it right now. I’m already broken Lucas.”
“Then let me fix you. Give me that chance. I’m sorry. Please, just tell me it’s not too late.”
She inhales a shaky breath and smiles softly, “It’s not. It’s never too late.”
I bury my face in her neck and laugh a little, thank god for that.
“Lucas?”
“Yeah baby?”
“Fuck me,” groan. “Now.”
“No baby. Not this time.”
“But…”
I press my mouth against hers and thrust my tongue between her teeth until I find hers. Her arms wrap around me as I push my aching dick in to the hilt. “This time I want to make love to you. Properly. The way you deserve.”
