Jane Vows Vengeance jb-3

by Michael Thomas Ford

  “Oh my,” said Walter as he grabbed a handful of napkins from his seat pocket and handed them to Jane. “I told you I didn’t think those sausage muffins were a good idea.”

  Jane used the napkins to clean off the worst of the mess and deposit it into the airsickness bag handily provided by the airline. But her blouse was damp with dog upchuck, and the smell lingered in her nose. As the Fasten Seatbelt sign was still lit, she couldn’t get up to use the washroom, so she had to remain seated as the airplane continued to climb. Lilith, on the other hand, had curled herself into a tiny ball on Walter’s lap and gone to sleep. He was rubbing her ears.

  “This isn’t the most auspicious way to begin our wedding trip,” Jane said as she kicked the airsickness bag away from her with her foot.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” said Walter. “Getting pooped on by a bird is supposed to bring you good luck. Maybe getting puked on by a Chihuahua is even luckier.”

  “Doubtful,” Jane said. “Anyway, I can’t wait to change out of this shirt.”

  “Did you bring another?” asked Walter.

  Jane groaned. “Yes,” she said. “Quite a few of them. But they’re all in my checked bag.”

  Just then the seatbelt sign went off and a flight attendant announced that it was now safe to move about the cabin. Walter took the opportunity to press the call button on his console, which summoned Trey.

  “How can I be of assistance?” Trey asked.

  Before Walter or Jane could answer, the attendant saw Lilith and let out a little squeal of joy. “Isn’t she the cutest thing!” he exclaimed. “Technically she shouldn’t be out of her carrier, but since she’s so well behaved I don’t see why she can’t stay just where she is.”

  “Thank you,” said Walter. “But you see, she’s not feeling very well and—”

  “Poor baby,” Trey said, looking at Lilith and frowning. “Does she want something for her tummy? I can bring some crackers for her.”

  “No, thank you,” said Walter. “It’s just that she’s thrown up.”

  “On me,” Jane said as the flight attendant looked at the floor around Walter’s feet.

  “Oh,” Trey said. He regarded Jane’s stained blouse with distaste. “She really got you, didn’t she?”

  “She gave her sausage muffins,” said Walter.

  “Why would you do that?” Trey asked, casting a suspicious glance in Jane’s direction.

  “I thought it was odd too,” remarked Walter. “But she said—”

  “I read it somewhere!” Jane interrupted. “Now Trey, the thing is, I want to get cleaned up. But I didn’t anticipate being thrown up on by a Chihuahua when I packed my carry-on bag, and I don’t have another blouse. I don’t suppose you have any kind of shirt I could borrow?”

  Trey looked her up and down, as if taking her measurements. “Just a sec,” he said. “I might have something.”

  “Remember when being a flight attendant was the most glamorous thing a girl could hope to achieve?” Jane mused after he had left. “All of those cute skirts and thigh-high boots.”

  “That was back when you could smoke on planes and they didn’t charge you seven dollars for a soda,” Walter said. “But did you ever really want to be a flight attendant?”

  “Not really,” said Jane. “But it did seem glamorous.”

  Like magic, Trey reappeared and handed Jane a T-shirt wrapped in a plastic bag. “This is all I could find,” he told her. “It’s from a promotion we ran a few months ago.”

  “Thank you,” Jane said as she stood up to head for the washroom. “I’m sure it will be fine.”

  She returned five minutes later, having washed up and changed into the T-shirt. When Walter saw her his face immediately contorted into the pained expression of someone trying very hard not to laugh.

  “It’s not funny,” Jane said as she looked down at the 3XL shirt that on her became something of a cross between a muumuu and a nightshirt. It was bright pink, and across the front was written in white lettering: FLY VIRGIN, LAND HAPPY.

  “Oh, it’s not so bad,” Walter said as Jane took her seat. “Besides, you can change the minute we get our bags at Heathrow.”

  Jane looked at Lilith, who was still sleeping peacefully. Filthy little beast, she thought maliciously.

  “I heard that,” Lilith answered sleepily.

  “Whatever,” Jane muttered. She rooted around in the seat pocket and pulled out a paperback novel. Opening it, she settled into her seat, pressed the button to start the massage function, and began to read.

  But she couldn’t concentrate. Her mind kept straying from the story—which involved a detective attempting to solve the theft of a very large statue from the British Museum—to the matter of her impending marriage. She briefly wondered if perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to reveal to Walter that she was really Jane Austen. And a vampire. After all, he was something of a captive audience, and they would have another seven hours to discuss the situation. And does it really matter where or when I tell him? she asked herself. He’s not going to believe me anyway.

  She turned her head and looked at Walter. Like Lilith, he had fallen asleep. She watched him for a few moments. I love him so much, she thought. Am I being fair to him?

  This was the question she had been asking herself for months. Was it right that she should marry him when he didn’t know the truth about her? When she knew that he would age while she remained forever forty-one? Time and again she’d come to one conclusion, only to change her mind. That Miriam knew the truth only added to the problem. What if she told Walter before Jane told him herself? It was a threat that would hang constantly over Jane’s head as long as she continued to keep her secret.

  Lilith opened one eye and looked at Jane. “Would you stop thinking so hard?” she said. “I’m trying to sleep.”

  “Then just stop listening,” Jane told her.

  “I’m trying,” said Lilith. “But you’re so loud.”

  Jane sighed. “Then if you’re so smart, why don’t you tell me what I should do?” she said.

  Lilith yawned. “That’s easy,” she said. “You should … zzzzzz.”

  “Wake up!” Jane ordered.

  But the little dog only put her single front paw over her nose and went on snoring. Jane thought about shaking her awake, but she knew what Lilith was going to say anyway. It was what Jane had known all along that she had to do. And she would. Soon, she promised herself as she closed her eyes and tried to rest. Or at least soonish.

  Chapter 5

  Monday: London

  “What on earth are you wearing?”

  “Don’t ask,” Jane said to Miriam. She handed over Lilith’s carrying case. “Here’s your dog.”

  “How was your flight, Mom?” asked Walter, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

  Miriam shrugged. “The plane didn’t crash,” she said. “I suppose that makes it good.”

  “That’s one opinion,” Jane said under her breath. It had taken forever to get through customs and find Miriam. Now all she wanted to do was get to the hotel and take a shower. But they had to wait for Ben and Lucy’s flight to arrive.

  Fortunately, they had less than an hour to wait. While Miriam took Lilith outside for a walk and a pee, Jane located a souvenir shop and purchased the least offensive T-shirt she could find, a blue one with LONDON EST. AD 43 stenciled across the front in white. She ducked into the women’s room and exited a few minutes later, having stuffed the offensive pink tent into the trash. When she returned to where Walter was waiting, Lucy and Ben’s flight had landed. Twenty minutes later the two of them emerged from customs.

  “You already went shopping?” Lucy asked, looking at Jane’s shirt.

  “It was either this or the Big Ben pencil case,” Jane joked as she hugged her friend. “And speaking of Big Ben,” she added, giving Ben a squeeze, “I don’t know how you put up with this girl.”

  “She tells me I have no choice,” Ben joked.

  Despite having known Ben for alm
ost a year now, Jane still couldn’t quite imagine the hunky, dark-haired man as a rabbi. It was easier to imagine him chopping down a tree or wrangling a steer than reading the Torah, although she’d heard him do that and he did it beautifully. She was thrilled that he and Lucy had found each other, and hoped that one day soon the two of them would announce their engagement.

  Getting themselves and all of their luggage outside was no small feat, but eventually they managed to secure two taxis and load one of them up with Walter, Miriam, Lilith, and half the bags and the other with Jane, Ben, Lucy, and the other half of the bags. As soon as the door was shut and they were on their way to the hotel, Jane grabbed Lucy’s hand.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said. “That woman is going to drive me mad.”

  “Isn’t that what mothers-in-law are supposed to do?” Ben said.

  “Yes, well, Miriam goes a bit beyond the call of duty,” Jane told him.

  “You know, you’ve never told us where you’re getting married,” said Lucy.

  “Didn’t I?” Jane said. “I guess I keep forgetting. It’s actually very exciting. Walter had to pull some strings, what with it being such a historic site, but one of the advantages of marrying a man like Walter is—”

  “Out with it!” Lucy shrieked. “I’m going crazy here.”

  Jane feigned being wounded. “Now I don’t know if I want to tell you.”

  “You’d better,” said Lucy.

  “No,” Jane told her. “I don’t think I will. I think I’ll let it be a surprise.”

  Lucy gasped. “Horrid cow!” Ben laughed. She turned to him. “Well, she is. Don’t you want to know what this amazing place is?”

  “I already know where it is,” he said. “Walter told—”

  “Shut up!” Jane said forcefully. She narrowed her eyes and pointed at Ben. “Not a word out of you.”

  Lucy grabbed Ben’s arm. “Out with it,” she ordered.

  Ben looked out the window of the cab. “London is really lovely when it’s covered with snow, isn’t it?”

  “Tell me!” Lucy crowed.

  “Is that the statue of Lord Nelson?” he asked.

  “Not a word,” said Jane.

  “I don’t know anything!” Ben bleated. “I swear.”

  “Lies!” Lucy exclaimed. “And you a man of the cloth.”

  “I’m a rabbi,” Ben objected. “Not a priest.”

  “And you a man of the tallit,” said Lucy. “Shame.”

  Ben held up his hands. “I promised not to say anything. I can’t break my word.”

  “You didn’t promise,” Lucy argued. “You’re just afraid of her.” She jerked her head in Jane’s direction.

  “As well he should be,” said Jane. “Ben, not a peep out of you.”

  Lucy fumed. “Oh, I’ll get it out of him,” she promised. “Will you at least tell me when it’s happening?”

  “Yes,” Jane said agreeably. “On Tuesday.”

  “That’s tomorrow!” said Lucy.

  “Smart girl,” Jane said, patting her arm. “Indeed it is. So you don’t have all that long to wait to find out where it is.”

  “I still want to know,” Lucy said.

  Ben turned to her. “Jane’s right,” he said. “Besides, isn’t it kind of fun that it’s a surprise?”

  “No,” said Lucy. “It isn’t fun at all. I mean, if you didn’t know and I did, that would be fun. But I don’t like being the only one who doesn’t know.”

  “Miriam doesn’t know,” Jane informed her.

  “Actually, I think Walter is telling her right now,” said Ben. “He wanted to prepare her so she wouldn’t be shocked.”

  “Why would she be shocked?” asked Lucy.

  “She wouldn’t,” Ben said.

  “You just said she would,” countered Lucy.

  “Did I?” Ben said. “I don’t remember. So Jane, who else is going to be on this trip?”

  “What an excellent question,” Jane said.

  “No it isn’t,” said Lucy. “It’s a stupid question. Now tell me where this wedding is happening.”

  “We’re not entirely sure who our traveling companions will be,” Jane said, speaking across Lucy. “The first get-together is this evening. That’s when all will be revealed.” She waggled her fingers as if casting a spell. “It’s all very secretive.”

  “It will be interesting to see who else is in the group,” said Ben.

  “I’m rather dreading it,” Jane admitted. “I’m all for looking at architecturally significant houses, but honestly, if they go on about flying buttresses this and Ionic that, I’m going to lose my mind.”

  “Don’t worry,” Ben reassured her. “You’ll have us. If the tours get boring, you can leave them to their house business and go sightseeing with Lucy and me.”

  “Maybe with you,” Lucy said darkly. “I haven’t decided if I’m going anywhere.”

  “You and Lucy and Miriam,” said Jane.

  “Why is Miriam with us?” asked Lucy. “I sort of hoped she’d tag along with you and Walter.”

  “You’d rather Walter and I spend our first days as a married couple enduring his mother?” Jane asked.

  “No!” Lucy said. “I mean, well, yes.”

  There was a pause before both Jane and Lucy burst out laughing. “Don’t worry,” Jane said. “I can hardly blame you. The woman is a terror. And I suspect she will stay close to me and Walter, if only to ensure we don’t run off without her. But I’m still not telling you where the wedding is going to be.”

  “Come on!” Lucy pleaded.

  Ben shook his head. “Listen to you two,” he said. “I bet Miriam isn’t nearly as bad as you make her out to be.”

  Lucy and Jane looked at him. “Have you met her?” Lucy asked.

  “I know she can be … bristly,” said Ben. “But I bet underneath it all she’s just lonely. Most unpleasant people usually are.”

  “Or perhaps her heart is made of pitch,” Jane suggested.

  Lucy chuckled. “Tell you what,” she said to Ben. “You can spend some time with Miriam. I’m sure she’d love that, what with you being a rabbi and all. Then we’ll see what you think.”

  Before Ben could answer, the cab pulled up to the front of the Savoy hotel. They got out and began the elaborate ritual of handing the bags over to the bellman, who had appeared as if out of nowhere with a cart. The cab containing the rest of their party pulled up shortly thereafter, adding to the confusion as Miriam began directing the transfer of the luggage.

  Jane escaped both Miriam and the cold March air by entering the hotel lobby through one of the revolving doors. She could still hear Miriam’s voice as she crossed the black and white checkerboard tiled floor to the front desk.

  “This place is gorgeous,” Lucy said, looking around at the grand lobby with its soaring ceiling, polished wood paneling, and Art Deco chandeliers.

  “You should have seen it when it opened,” Jane told her. “It was 1889. No one had ever seen anything like it. Electricity in all the rooms, hot and cold running water—it was a miracle of the age.”

  “Did you stay here?” asked Lucy.

  “Of course,” Jane replied. “Richard Mansfield brought me here for dinner. He was playing Richard III at the time. You know they suspected him of being Jack the Ripper.”

  “Was he?” Lucy asked.

  “I certainly hope so,” said Jane as they reached the desk. “How many women can say they dined with the Ripper and lived to tell about it?”

  “Welcome to the Savoy,” said a pleasant voice.

  Jane turned to find a handsome young man looking at her from behind the check-in counter. “Yes,” she said. “I believe we have a reservation under Fletcher.”

  “Jane?” the man said. “Jane Aus …” He left the word unfinished. “I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s just that you remind me of someone I used to know.”

  Jane stared at the man’s face. The wavy blond hair. The aquiline nose. The clear blue eyes. They all
seemed very familiar. Then she noticed the thin scar running from the corner of the man’s mouth to his chin.

  “Gosebourne?” she whispered. “Is it really you?”

  The young man beamed. “It is you,” he said happily. “I knew it the instant I saw your face.”

  Jane looked at Lucy. “Gosebourne has worked at the Savoy since …” She looked at Gosebourne. “Well, since it opened.”

  “Indeed I have,” Gosebourne said, nodding at Lucy. “I dare say I’ve moved up a bit in rank during that time, but yes, I hold the distinction of being the hotel’s longest-serving employee.”

  Before Jane could ask Gosebourne any of the dozen questions that were buzzing around in her head, Walter and Ben arrived with the bellman and the luggage in tow. Miriam, like some kind of insane border collie, brought up the rear, barking orders at everyone in sight.

  “All checked in?” Walter asked.

  Jane nodded. “We were just getting to that,” she said.

  Gosebourne, now all business, typed furiously on his computer’s keyboard. “Here we are,” he said. “I have you staying for two nights.” He looked at Jane. “Is that all?” he said sadly.

  “I’m afraid so,” Jane answered.

  “We’re here with the International Association of Historic preservationists,” Walter explained.

  “Ah, yes,” said Gosebourne. “Many of your party have already checked in. I believe you’ll be meeting later this evening in the American Bar for cocktails. Nine o’clock, if I’m not mistaken. There will be more information in your room.”

  He handed Walter a small envelope containing their passkeys, then repeated the process for Ben and Lucy. Before Miriam could step forward to take her turn, Jane leaned over the counter and whispered to Gosebourne, “Put her next to an elevator.”

  Once all the rooms were assigned, it was off to the elevators and up to their rooms. Gosebourne, Jane was pleased to see, had indeed placed Miriam in a room right next to the elevator bank. Miriam frowned as she opened her door, and Jane continued down the corridor to her own room with a feeling of satisfaction.

  Jane and Walter’s room was on one side of the hallway, and Lucy and Ben’s was on the other. It was only when Jane was in the room that something occurred to her.