“It’s about time you got up. I was about to come and wake you. It’s almost nine o’clock. Want some coffee? I just made a fresh pot. Toots and Sophie are out on the deck enjoying the view. I thought we could all have breakfast together before Coco and I take our morning jog on the beach.” Coco reclined on a bright pink pillow in the corner of the kitchen.
“Grrr.” Coco growled at her all the time. Ida knew the small dog hated her. She didn’t like her either. All she did was yap, and poop and pee in places she wasn’t allowed. Personally, Ida would rather have a fish if she were to have a pet at all.
“And good morning to you too, Coco.” Ida said in a smart-ass tone. All Ida wanted to do was sleep. She’d spent most of the night having wild sex. At least it had been wild for her. Ida thought Sammy must have a lifetime supply of Viagra to keep up these all-night performances or, for a man in his late sixties, he was extremely virile. She doubted it was the latter. Three times a night at her age did have its repercussions. She was sore in places she had forgotten existed. Ida hadn’t been bold enough to ask Sammy if his pecker felt as though it had been skinned like the fur off a rabbit. No, breakfast was the last thing on her mind, but she had to keep up appearances. A long soak in a hot tub would have been luxurious just then, but it would have to wait.
“That would be great. It seems like it’s been days since we were in the same room together.”
Mavis stopped and looked over her shoulder. “You look tired. Are you getting any rest?” she asked, while arranging sliced fruit on a plate.
“Not really. That mirror on the ceiling above my bed gives me the willies. As a matter of fact, I plan to remove it today no matter what Toots says. See if she can sleep with her own reflection staring down at her,” Ida said as she located a large mug for her morning coffee.
“I’m sure Toots won’t mind. She told me herself the place reminded her of a fun house, I believe her exact words were ‘an ugly fucked-up fun house.’” Mavis giggled.
Ida laughed, too. “I’ve never heard you use the F word before. Losing all that weight and gaining a dirty mouth to boot. I love it,” Ida said, as she poured her coffee.
“We’ve all changed since our move to Los Angeles. I’ve been thinking about renting my house out and living here in LA part-time, maybe even spending a few months a year with Toots when she returns to Charleston. Summers in Maine are always so busy, I’m sure I wouldn’t have any trouble finding vacationers willing to rent my house. Though I’d have to remove all my personal items, Toots assured me she’d help out if I decide to do it. I do love living with you girls. It’s almost like high school again, minus the nuns and curfews.”
If Mavis only knew. Ida was still sneaking in and out to meet “boys” just like she had in high school. “Yes, I like being together, but I still wish Sophie would learn to curb her tongue. If she isn’t careful, one of these days, someone might knock her socks right off her feet because of that smart mouth of hers.”
“If that was going to happen, it would’ve happened years ago. Sophie knows when enough is enough,” Mavis said, her tone instantly serious.
Ida shot Mavis a killer look. “I find that hard to believe. She’s been nothing but mean and hateful to me since we arrived in LA.”
Mavis brought a plate of sliced strawberries, oranges, grapefruit, and bananas to the table. “I’ll admit she was a bit rough on you, but look at where you are now. If it were me, and please don’t take this the wrong way, I would thank Sophie. You’re you again, not some germ-killing fearful old woman who was afraid of her own shadow. You’re better now than you’ve been in years.” Mavis added the extra compliment, knowing Ida needed to hear one.
Ida considered Mavis’s assessment of Sophie’s treatment. Mavis was right. Even though Sophie could be the bitch from hell, she had done Ida a favor when she’d dragged her to Dr. Sameer’s clinic. Never in a zillion years had Ida imagined finding a cure for her obsessive-compulsive disorder, let alone falling in love again with a foreign and somewhat mysterious, handsome doctor, who just so happened to have the sex drive of a horny teenager or an endless supply of those new hard-on drugs.
“I suppose you’re right. I just hate to admit to Sophie when she’s right about anything, she’s such a know-it-all to begin with. Or at least thinks she is. She’d never let me hear the end of it if I did. Her and that big New York mouth of hers.”
“She means no harm, Ida. She’s been boisterous and out-spoken since seventh grade. I wouldn’t take it too personally. Sophie just wants you to be happy like the rest of us.”
In order to change the subject and get Mavis to shut up, Ida lied. “I know, and I’ll try to remember that. Now, how about that breakfast? I’m suddenly famished.”
“I’ll meet you on the deck,” Mavis replied, gathering plates and flatware.
Ida hurried back to her room and took one of the fastest showers she’d ever taken in her life. God forbid if any of the girls caught the slightest scent of sex emanating from her body. When it came to sex, their olfactory senses were equal to that of a record-holding bloodhound, and she was sure that only the aroma of fresh coffee had kept Mavis from catching the lingering scent.
Chapter 5
Cigarette smoke spewed forth from Toots’s and Sophie’s mouths like steam from a matched pair of locomotives as they reclined on the deck. Whirls of the exhaust fumes from inhaled nicotine rose above their heads like evanescent halos.
“God, if I didn’t know better, I’d think this place was on fire. You two need to give up that nasty habit,” Ida said as she pulled up a weathered deck chair beside Sophie.
“I tell you what. When you give up men, I’ll give up smoking. Deal?” Sophie said as she took another drag from her cigarette.
“Kiss my ass,” Ida offered.
In her usual stinging tone, Sophie replied, “I doubt there’s a spot that hasn’t been kissed already. No thanks, I don’t want the germs.”
Mavis stepped onto the deck and placed the platter of fruit on the ledge of the deck with the plates and flatware by its side. “Now, girls, let’s not start this gorgeous day by bickering with one another. Let’s all have a healthy breakfast and catch up on what’s been going on in our lives.”
Coco chose that moment to appear on the deck. “Ruff, ruff.”
“I see the Queen minus her royal court has arrived,” Ida noted sarcastically.
Coco, four pounds of dynamite, growled at her, revealing tiny sharp white teeth.
“Don’t tease her, Ida. It scares her,” Mavis said.
“Bullshit; that dog isn’t afraid of anything except missing her next meal,” Toots said, laughing between puffs on her cigarette. “She is a cutie, though I have to agree with Ida. She really is a bit on the spoiled side.”
Ida and Sophie looked at one another and grinned.
“That’s much better,” Mavis remarked as she dished up plates of fruit, passing them to the three women gathered around the small glass table. “So what’s on the agenda for today, ladies?” Mavis asked between bites of luscious fruit. She’d lost so much weight and so quickly that she barely recognized herself these days. She’d gone from a size twenty-two to a size fourteen in a matter of months.
Toots caught Sophie’s eye. “Sophie is going to help me with a few projects around here. Right, Soph?”
“Yes, I most certainly am. Projects I’ve never attempted before.”
Ida offered, “Please tell me one of them is removing that dreadful mirror from the ceiling in my room. It scares me every morning when I wake up and see myself.”
Sophie cackled like a chicken. “It would me, too, if I looked like you did first thing in the morning!”
“You old bitch! You ought to be ashamed. I’ve seen what you look like in the morning, and it’s not pretty. In fact, if I didn’t know you, I’d be frightened to death confronting such…ugliness,” Ida replied, a big grin spreading over her face.
They all burst out laughing. Yes, Ida was definitely back to her
I-am-queen-of-the-world self once again.
And that was a good thing.
“I’m sick of your whining, but I have to agree with you on the mirror. It needs to go. The construction crew won’t begin demolishing the inside of this place until next week, but I think that between the four of us, we should be able to manage to remove that god-awful thing without too much effort. We’ll do it right after we finish this lovely breakfast Mavis has served us. What in the hell happened to my Froot Loops?” Toots asked. “You know I am not particularly fond of eating this healthy stuff. I think it makes me sick.”
Sophie chimed in, “I was just getting used to the bad stuff when you started feeding us this crap.”
Clapping her hands to gain their attention, Mavis said, “Ladies, stop it right this very minute! I love all three of you and want you to be around for a very long time. Eating healthy gives us some assurance that we’ll all be around a little while longer.”
“Yeah? What if some of the healthy food we eat kills us? Didn’t I just hear on the news where a bunch of people died from eating peanut butter?” Sophie asked.
“That was just a one-shot incident. Peanut butter isn’t all that good for you anyway,” Mavis claimed matter-of-factly.
“I never thought in a million years you would be advising us on what to eat. I’m happy you’re taking charge of your health, Mavis, just don’t run it into the ground. I’ve managed to survive this long eating junk food, and I suspect I’ll be just fine even if I don’t eat whatever it is the FDA is recommending these days,” Toots said.
Sophie jumped in. “I don’t trust them either. I think they’re just another branch of the government that accepts bribes from the highest bidder. Let’s not forget Thomas.” Thomas was Ida’s last husband, who’d passed away from eating poisoned meat, or at least that is where Ida believed that the E.coli infection originated. “They don’t care about tainted meat or rotting peanuts any more than Coco does.” The small dog growled upon hearing her name. Sophie flicked the dog a bird.
“Sophie, that’s not a very nice thing to do.”
“Do you really think she knows what flipping the bird means?” Sophie raised her perfectly sculpted brows, waiting for Mavis’s answer.
Mavis hesitated a minute as though seriously contemplating Sophie’s question. “She may associate it with something negative, I can’t know for sure. She’s a very smart animal. She knows more than you think.”
Toots chimed in, “I agree with Mavis. Not about flipping off the dog, but I think animals are much smarter than we give them credit for. Look at Chester, Abby’s dog. I think he understands much more than we’ll ever know. He certainly looks after her.”
After much chatting about animals and what constituted a healthy diet, the foursome gathered their plates and utensils and took them inside to the kitchen before heading upstairs, intent on removing the mirror from Ida’s ceiling.
The buzzing of Toots’s cell phone stopped them all dead in their tracks. She looked at the caller ID before answering. “Abby! What is my favorite child up to?”
“As far as I know, I’m your only child, unless you’ve been keeping secrets from me,” Abby said playfully.
Toots’s heart raced. If she only knew. “It’s nice to hear your voice, that’s all. Why aren’t you out pounding the pavement?”
“Remember the new owners appointed me editor in chief? I have to send all my little worker bees in search of the next cover story. Though I must admit, I do miss the excitement of the hunt and the deadlines.”
Toots should have known better, but with Abby at the helm, she felt sure The Informer could turn into a much better tabloid, maybe even better than The Enquirer or The Globe. “You can still write stories, can’t you?” Toots questioned, hoping she hadn’t jumped the gun. She knew how much Abby loved her job. Had she taken Abby’s passion for her career away by purchasing the paper just so Abby could hang on to her job? Time would tell.
“Yes, that’s why I’m calling. You’ll never believe in a million years who I’m going to interview.”
Toots thought for a moment and came up blank. “I haven’t a clue, so you’ll just have to spill the beans.”
“Are you sitting down?” Abby asked.
“No, the girls and I are headed upstairs to remove that hideous mirror from Ida’s ceiling.”
“Why don’t you let that construction company you hired take care of that? You don’t need to be climbing on ladders or whatever it is you’re about to do.”
“Abby Simpson, I will have you know that I—along with your godmothers—am quite capable of taking that trashy mirror down. We’re not too old to try something new.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you were. Just be careful.”
“I’m always careful,” Toots retorted, mildly insulted that Abby would think of her as old.
“Now don’t go getting your undies in a twist, Mom. I’m just thinking of your well-being, that’s all.”
“You’re right. I am getting too sensitive about my age and what I can and can’t do. Now tell me who you’re going to interview. I hope it’s not that Britney Spears. She’s old news as far as the tabloids go.”
“I wouldn’t want to interview her at this point. Maybe when she grows up a bit, but this is even better. If all goes as planned, this interview will put The Informer head and shoulders above every other tabloid publication in the country.”
“Okay, you’ve piqued my interest. Now spit it out.”
“The Pitt/Jolie clan.”
Toots’s heart paused for a moment. An interview like that would put The Informer in the number-one spot as far as tabloids go.
Toots inhaled and exhaled, visualized a mountain brook, its water trickling over moss-covered rocks…
“Mom, are you there? Did you hear what I just said?”
Toots took another deep, cleansing breath. “Yes, I heard you. This is fantastic. I want to know every last detail.”
“You sound just like Sophie,” Abby said. “There isn’t much to tell at this point. I received an e-mail from their publicist saying they were offering an interview with pictures. I have no clue about anything else other than what I just told you. I sent them an e-mail letting them know the paper is waiting for further instructions.”
Toots took a few seconds to absorb Abby’s news. Something didn’t feel right about this, but Toots wasn’t going to voice her opinion for fear of dampening Abby’s excitement over the interview. That bastard Rag, who’d tried to rip off her $10 million, better not be behind this, because if Toots found out he was screwing with Abby and the paper, well, to put it in words he would understand, he would get the royal fucking of his life. She crossed her fingers that the authorities would find his ass before she did.
“Tell me what I can do to help out? Anything, and it’s yours.”
“Oh, Mom, I know you will. Right now I don’t even have a date scheduled, much less anything else. I do know security will be tight. The protection they and their kids get is almost equal to what the president gets. Just don’t mention this. I don’t want to take any chances on this getting out before the actual interview takes place. I don’t trust any of the rival papers. They’d try to snatch the interview from The Informer in a heartbeat. So keep this on the QT until you hear otherwise.”
Abby paused, knowing she needed to tell her mother she’d told Ida the exciting news first. Her mother was tough as shoe leather, but sometimes her feelings were as fragile as a butterfly’s wings.
Here goes, she thought. “Mom, I told Ida about this interview before I told you.”
Silence. Abby waited for what seemed like minutes, then she spoke into the phone again. “Mom, are you there?”
“Yes, Abby, where else would I be? I suppose I should ask why you chose to tell her first, but I’m sure you have your reasons. So, tell me, why did you tell her first?”
“This is going to sound crazy. When I read the e-mail from the Pitt/Jolie publicist, I remembered those p
hotographs Ida took that were featured on the cover of Life magazine. I sort of asked her if she would be interested in taking the pictures for the piece.” There, it was out. Now all she had to do was wait for her mother’s response.
Seconds turned into minutes. Abby felt hot, so she fanned herself with last week’s edition of The Informer while she waited for her mother to digest the news. This was quite common between the two of them. Abby had shared many silent phone conversations throughout the years with her mother. She waited patiently, knowing her mother would reply when she had a practical answer, and not a minute sooner.
“I think that’s a fantastic idea, Abby. Ida needs something in her life other than men. I can’t wait to tell the others. Do you mind? Or should I wait and let you deliver the news?”
“Let’s wait a couple of days just to make sure this isn’t some hoax drummed up by our rivals. Don’t even tell Ida I told you about this. Let her bask in a bit of well-earned glory. She needs it after what she’s been through.”
“You’re right. I won’t mention this to a soul. Now the girls are upstairs waiting for me. Ida is having fits about that damned mirror, so we’re taking it down.”
“Promise me you all will be careful? I don’t want to hear about anyone breaking an arm or a leg.”
Toots smiled. “I’m always careful, dear. Call me as soon as you have more news.”
“I will, and, Mom, I know I’ve said this once or twice, but I have to say it again. You’re the best.”
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