Toots’s eyes filled with tears. “No, Abby, you’re the best.”
Chapter 6
Balanced on a rickety ladder with Sophie and Mavis acting as spotters, Toots motioned to Ida. “Hand me that damned thingamabob, will you?”
“What?” Ida replied.
“That.” Toots pointed to the tire iron on the floor beside the ladder. “Oh never mind,” she said as she inched her way down the ladder.
“Careful, Toots, you’ll fall on your ass, then we’ll all be crushed,” Sophie cautioned.
“Kiss my burgeoning behind, Sophie,” Toots shot back.
“It’d take all day,” she replied. “And I really don’t want to stare at your ass that long, so what is it you want?”
Frustrated, Toots grabbed the tire iron she’d found in the garage. “This.” She swung the heavy tire iron at the trio like a sword.
She climbed back onto the ladder. When she reached the top rung, she looked down. “Make sure you all have your goggles on. This glass could fly everywhere.” While rummaging through the garage searching for tools to remove the mirror, Toots had found several sets of snorkeling equipment. They were now using the goggles as protective eye gear. If anyone saw them decked out in their PJs, Sophie’s pink-and-purple sweats, and the swimming goggles strapped around their faces, they would surely think they were misfits from a long-lost Jacques Cousteau expedition or four lunatics who’d escaped from the loony bin. Most likely the latter.
Toots wedged the flat end of the tire iron beneath the edge of the mirror, thankful that whoever had installed the darn mirror in the first place had used those cheap stick-on mirrored squares. Maneuvering the tire iron up and down, then side to side, she was able to remove the first square without shattering it. “Someone take these as I break them loose.”
“Give them to me. I want to stomp on them,” Ida said, standing as close to the ladder as possible.
Exasperated, Sophie said, “You can’t do that, silly ass, you’ll hurt yourself. That’s what we’re trying to avoid.”
“I didn’t mean it literally, silly ass,” Ida shot back.
“Both of you shut up and take these before I drop them on your heads.” Toots handed two more squares of the tacky mirror to Ida. After thirty minutes of wedging, tugging, and pulling, Toots had removed all the mirrored squares from the ceiling. Mavis, ever the helping hand, stacked them into a neat pile in the corner. Toots climbed off the ladder and gazed up at her handiwork. The ceiling was stripped of the ugly mirrors, but the tattered drywall was just as ugly. The contractors couldn’t arrive soon enough as far as she was concerned. For a moment, she experienced more doubts about having purchased the place, but the view was so damned gorgeous, she wasn’t that far from Abby, and she had The Informer. She remembered she wasn’t going to live there year-round, as she still had her beautiful home in Charleston. That was where her heart remained, but for a while she would happily adjust to a new and different lifestyle in the land of glitter and glamour. She had to admit to herself, however, that she did not for one second like living in such disorder. Hell, it was a miracle that Ida could stomach such disarray, given her former affliction.
Patience, Toots, patience.
“Looks good, Toots. I think we should draw something for Ida to gaze at until the remodeling is complete, don’t you?” Sophie suggested.
Folding the ladder, then leaning it against the wall, Toots asked, “And what would you suggest?”
Enthusiastically, Mavis replied before Sophie had a chance, “A bright moon with lots of sparkling stars.”
Sophie rolled her eyes. “I was thinking of something more phallic, like a giant—”
“—Don’t even go there!” Toots said, grinning. Leave it to Sophie to turn an ordinary repair into something sexual. She needed a man in her life, one who would appreciate her warped sense of humor and love her for it. Someday, but Toots knew the timing was off. Even though Walter had kicked the bucket several months ago, Sophie had yet to realize she was completely free of his hold on her. Toots had observed her when she didn’t know she was being watched. If glass shattered, Sophie would react more strongly than the average person. At a door’s unexpectedly slamming, her eyes would widen in fear, then relax when Walter didn’t materialize. No, Sophie needed time to be herself. Toots didn’t see a man in her dear friend’s future just yet.
“I think we can leave it as is until the repairs are made. It’s not like I lie in bed at night and stare at the ceiling,” Ida said.
“True. With a man blocking your view, it would be hard,” Sophie added. “Especially if your eyes are closed while in the throes of passion.”
Ida almost choked. “What are you talking about?”
Sophie shook her head. “I don’t need to draw you a picture, Ida. You know—man on top, woman on bottom gazing into the eyes of her lover—the ceiling would be the last thing she would notice.”
“Apparently the former pop tart thought otherwise,” Toots said. “Or maybe she simply enjoyed the view. Either way, it’s gone, and now all we can do is wait for the repairs to be made.”
Ida let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “You’re right, Toots. Have you decided what colors you’re going to use in this room?” Ida wanted to change the subject. Something told her that Sophie’s little comment held more meaning than was immediately obvious, as though she knew about Ida’s midnight trysts, and offhand remarks were Sophie’s way of dropping a hint. No, Ida told herself. It wasn’t possible. She’d been extremely careful, making sure the girls were down for the night. Sophie had a dirty mind, that was all. Besides, if Sophie knew, she would come right out and say so. She wasn’t one to mince words. Ida relaxed. Her secret affair was safe. But for how long, she didn’t know. Soon they would have to make their romance public, because while Ida enjoyed the sex and Sammy’s company, she wasn’t as young as she used to be. Lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll on her.
“I thought I would let you make that decision, since this is officially your room,” Toots replied.
“Thanks, but this is your home, Toots…I’ll have to think about it. Maybe I should call Chloe; she did all my decorating in Manhattan. I’m sure she could come up with something acceptable, something you would feel comfortable calling your own.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Sophie challenged.
Stung, Ida asked, “What do you mean? What am I not getting? I suppose you’re going to tell me how stupid I am.”
“You’re not stupid, Ida, just…” Sophie shrugged. “Toots wants this to be your room. You decide what you want. Not some fancy-ass decorator. Right, Toots?”
“Yes, that’s right. So as long as it’s not purple or pink, I think you might actually enjoy designing a room of your own. With your eye for detail, I think you will surprise yourself. After all, you’re a photographer. You know about light and color, that sort of thing.”
Ida surveyed the room. “Well, you’re right about that. I do know a thing or two about photography.” She smiled. Ida so wanted to tell them about her possible new assignment, but she would wait. “I suppose I would paint the walls a soft buttery yellow. Since the sun doesn’t rise or set on this side of the house, that would add some warmth to the room.” Perusing the room, Ida shook her head. “Yes, I would like to do this, Toots. Thank you for trusting me. This is your home. I do believe I might actually enjoy this little project.”
Smiling, Mavis said, “This is wonderful! Toots, you certainly know how to make people happy. Would it be too brazen of me to ask if you will allow me to do the same in my room?”
“No, it would not, and for Pete’s sake, stop acting so frigging formal, both of you! I bought this house for all of us. Now, when any of us wants to spend time with Abby, we’ll all have a place to stay. I’ll probably be here more than the rest of you since I’ve purchased The Informer. Just for the record, let’s say this house belongs to a mother and a few godmothers. It’ll be our own chick hangout.”
&n
bsp; They all laughed.
“Chicks,” Mavis clucked. “I like the sound of that. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of myself as a chick, but with all the new beginnings in my life, I might as well add one more. I’m a hot, sexy chick!” Mavis laughed, blushing at her own silliness.
“You are, and you always have been. You just didn’t see it through all that…those layers,” Sophie said with a smile, knowing Mavis knew she was referring to the overweight version of her former self. “I don’t see how you’ve stuck to that vegan diet. I would’ve gagged, but for the record we’re all very pleased with you. Right, chicks?” Sophie looked to Toots and Ida for confirmation.
Both women agreed.
Toots spoke first. “Ida and Mavis have both come a long way in these past few months. I am very proud of you both.”
“And me?” Sophie questioned.
“You’re still full of shit, but you already know that. I think we’ve all grown, or rather made some positive changes in our lives. Losing Walter was your positive change, Sophie. Now let’s get this mess cleaned up.” Toots nodded toward the pile of glass squares in the corner. “If no one has anything on their agenda this afternoon, I say we all go out for a late lunch. Plus I’m dying for a cigarette.”
“I do wish you and Sophie would stop that nasty habit, Toots. Sorry, but I promised Coco a run on the beach, then a bath. I plan to spend the rest of the afternoon redesigning some of those outfits you bought me at Catherine’s, but I’ll take a rain check,” Mavis said sweetly.
“I’m going to be on the phone with my financial advisor. The time factor makes it hard to stay in touch. I promised him I would free up my afternoon for him,” Ida lied with a straight face. What she planned was a long soak in the tub, even if she did have to stare at all of those Elvis figures. And then a nice long nap. She might just sleep the afternoon away.
“Then I guess that leaves just you and me,” Toots said to Sophie. “Unless you have something planned.”
“No, but remember you wanted to switch bedrooms? The mattress? Your back?”
“Yes, of course, but that won’t take all afternoon. We’ll do that first, then reward ourselves with a long, leisurely lunch at the Polo Lounge. We haven’t been there lately.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” Sophie scooped up several squares of the mirror. “Let’s get this cleaned up. Come on, ladies, we can have this done in a heartbeat if we all pitch in.”
With each of them taking a stack of the still-intact mirror squares out to the garage and placing them in an empty box Toots found, the job was done after several trips. They all agreed that they’d done just about enough work for one day.
“Let’s switch our rooms and call it a day,” Toots said. “I have visions of a tall, frothy cold drink laced with all sorts of bad stuff just waiting for me. I have to say our tasteless pop tart did leave plenty of booze behind.”
“Yeah, she had to. Remember, she went to that rehab clinic in Mexico? The Informer was the first paper to break the news.”
“Yes, of course I do. That’s how I was able to get this house before it was put on the market. Of course I had to agree to purchase it ‘as is,’ and that is why we’re both huffing and puffing like two old women.”
Sophie grinned. “We are old women.”
“Bullshit. You might be, but I plan to live it up, regardless of my age.”
“Old women but young at heart. How’s that sound?”
“It sounds like the crock of brown crap that it is. Now, let’s get something to drink before we rust.”
Both women laughed like teenagers as they raided the liquor cabinet.
Chapter 7
Toots and Sophie spent the next hour switching rooms. When all was said and done, Toots didn’t feel one bit better about moving into Sophie’s room. “Can a ghost follow you around?” she asked when they were out of Mavis’s and Ida’s earshot.
“Sure, I don’t see why not. Why do you ask?”
“Because I’m not sure if trading rooms is a good idea or not. What if this ghost or whatever the hell it is follows me to your room? Then what? We can play musical rooms all we want. Eventually, Ida and Mavis are bound to get a bit suspicious. Ida might even suggest I make an appointment with Dr. Sameer. I think I’d rather be haunted by a ghost than treated by him.”
Sophie shot her a dirty look. “I feel the same way, but remember, he helped Ida. We have to be thankful for that. Can you imagine her living here in these conditions? We’d have to bury her.”
“I’m not so sure her condition was as bad as she wanted everyone to believe. Oh, I know her hands looked terrible, but that’s just like Ida. She will go to extremes to get her way. I think Dr. Sameer was good for her, but I don’t believe it was his medical skills that cured her.” Toots laughed.
“She’s been acting very strange the past few mornings. Have you noticed? I don’t think she’s sleeping well. Maybe she’s being haunted, too, and doesn’t want us to know,” Sophie suggested.
“Now that you mention it, she has been acting rather odd. Maybe there is a…spirit or something in this house. It is the former home of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. Maybe they’re pissed at that little pop tart for what she did to their home,” Toots said, though she didn’t believe a single word of it.
“Could be. Maybe I can sneak into her room later tonight. I’ll try the shoe trick. It can’t hurt.”
“I thought you had to know what shoes the person would be wearing the next day,” Toots said.
“Yes, but Ida always wears those silly kitten slippers in the morning. I’ll give it a try, see if her behavior changes.”
Toots heard Ida and Mavis bustling about in their rooms, so she whispered, “What about the camera and those voice things you mentioned? I haven’t seen them. Do you really have this stuff, or were you just feeding me a line of bull?”
Sophie gazed around the room, which looked like a low-class brothel. “Now why would I lie about something so serious? Of course I have the equipment. It was the first purchase I made the minute I collected Walter’s life insurance. In case he ever tries to come back, I’ll know about it, but this time I will kick his ass before he gets a chance to kick mine.”
Though Toots wasn’t so sure Sophie was joking, she laughed anyway. “Yeah, that’s one way to get back at the old bastard if he tries to come back and haunt you.”
Sophie shifted around, her eyes downcast. Toots knew what she was going to say before the words came out of her mouth. “None of the faces I saw were Walter. If so, I would’ve socked the son of a bitch right in the kisser.”
“You don’t think I’m crazy for thinking this…?”
“No more than I am. Look at what I saw. It wasn’t my imagination. The cold, the puffy-looking clouds, faces whose mouths moved with no sound coming from them. That sounds crazy. However, I am smart enough, sane enough, to know it was not a figment of my imagination. I suppose Walter could materialize just as easily as those…things, but something tells me he’s burning in hell with all the other bastards who beat up on women just so they could feel superior. Want to know what I really believe?”
“What?” Sophie asked.
“I think there is a special place in hell for men like him. Women, too. Mean people.”
Sophie seemed to consider her words, “Yeah, I suppose that would be nice. Maybe Lucifer himself deals with jerks like Walter. I for one don’t plan on finding out anytime soon.”
“Then you’d better lay off Ida, because the killer looks she gives you could be fatal.”
Again the pair laughed until their eyes were damp with tears, and both had stitches in their sides.
“Don’t ever tell her this, but I do love the old bitch. I just delight in tormenting her. Those looks she gives me are priceless, so I doubt I’ll stop annoying her any time in the near future.”
“I wouldn’t dream of raining on your parade with Ida, but don’t go too far. Cut her some slack now and then. She’s still a bit on the sensitive
side. I can’t believe she hasn’t mentioned Jerry lately. She never misses an opportunity to tell me how it ruined her life when I supposedly took him away from her.” Jerry had been dating Ida when he fell madly in love with Toots. Like a fool, Toots married him. He’d been nothing more than a cheapskate and an inadequate lover to boot. She didn’t like to think ill of the dead, but facts were facts. Toots figured her assessment of his qualities was more than generous. “I did her a favor when I married the old schmuck.”
“True, but we all know she would never admit that. What number was he anyway?” Sophie asked.
Toots paused. “Five or six. I can’t remember.”
“Between you and Ida, I’ve never been able to keep up. Good thing Mavis and I stuck with just one marriage each. Though we could have been husband-hoppers like you two. We’d have a hell of a lot more men to bash, that’s for sure.” Sophie grinned as she placed a stack of panties in the top drawer.
“Yes, not that it matters now. We can’t remember mine and Ida’s as it is,” Toots said. “Husband-hoppers, huh?”
“Yeah, I gave you two that nickname way back in the day. I think I even told Mavis about it. She said that you and Ida were just having a tough time finding the perfect match. It sure sounds better than ‘sluts’ or ‘tramps.’”
Toots raised her hand high in the air. “I ought to smack you for that. I was never a tramp. Or a slut. That was Ida, who screwed anything and everything outside her marriage. My feelings are hurt that you would think of me that way.”
“Oh can it! I didn’t come out and say you were a slut. Some did, back in the day, but I think they were just jealous because they didn’t have dates or couldn’t get laid.”
Toots sat down on the bed. “Please, let’s not talk about sex. It’s too early in the day. I want to get this ghost business taken care of and soon. Let’s get cleaned up and go to the Polo Lounge.” Toots pounced off the bed like a cat with one remaining life. Suddenly, the room felt eerie, almost alive. Shivers ran down her back, causing the hair on her arms to rise. “I don’t want to discuss anything else about anyone or anything until we’re seated at our favorite table with an alcoholic beverage.”
Exclusive Page 6
