by J. H. Croix
The outside of the café had been spruced up with a mural painted along one corner of the brick and brightly-colored accents of pink and purple on the window frames. Entering through the bright purple door, the old garage space had been transformed into a seating area with the open kitchen and deli to the side, and a bakery area through a swinging door in the back.
Janet James’ family had moved here back in the days of homesteading. She and her husband had established Firehouse Café and a few other businesses years back. Her husband had since died in a car accident on an icy highway up north. Janet had stayed strong and still ran Firehouse Café. She was a mainstay in Willow Brook, and I couldn’t imagine her not being here.
Warmth enveloped me when I stepped through the door, along with the hum of voices and the scent of fresh coffee and baked goods. The space was open and airy with a pressed tin ceiling and the old fire pole still in the center of the room. The concrete floor had been stained a soft blue. The café was cheerful with fireweed flowers, Alaska’s spectacularly beautiful weed, decorating the fire pole, and artwork mounted on the walls with brightly painted windowsills and cheerful curtains. Small square tables were scattered about the space.
I aimed straight for the line at the deli counter. A chalkboard with the regular menu and daily specials hung above. As I contemplated whether to get the house coffee or one of Janet’s double chocolate coffees, I heard my name. Glancing over my shoulder, I smiled when I saw my twin brother, Alex. We shared the same blond hair and brown eyes, but the resemblance ended there. There was the obvious distinction that Alex was a man, and I wasn’t. He stood a good foot taller than me and had a lanky build. Somehow, he had lucked out in the twin lottery and could eat whatever he wanted and stay thin.
Meanwhile, all I had to do was think about that double chocolate coffee, and I probably gained a pound in the process. I’d learned to accept my curves and fought to remind myself that women didn’t need to meet society standards. But still, when it came to curves, I had more than enough to go around.
“Hey, Holl,” Alex said, nudging me with his elbow when he reached my side. As usual, he looked as if he’d rolled right out of bed before he showed up here. His hair was mussed, and he wore an unzipped fleece jacket over a gray jersey shirt. Battered jeans topped off his look, with leather boots competing for the most worn item of the day.
“Hey, what brings you here this morning?”
“The coffee, what else?” he replied with a chuckle. “You already headed into the hospital?”
“In a bit. I meant to have a lazy morning this morning, but I was out of coffee at home.”
“I’ll get yours this morning,” he said as we stepped to the front of the line. “I think I owe you one.”
Janet beamed at us. As usual, her dark hair streaked with silver was twisted into a braid, which she flicked off her shoulder, and her brown eyes twinkled with her smile. Janet was the kind of person who made you feel better just for existing. She gave off a warm, motherly air with her round build and wide smile, only reinforcing the impression.
“Good morning, you two. I don’t get to see you together enough. I forget how much you look alike.”
Alex chuckled. “We are twins after all.”
Janet rolled her eyes. “As if I needed you to remind me. Anyway, what can I get for you two?”
“I’ll take the double chocolate coffee,” Alex replied, glancing to me.
“I’ll take a straight Americano with just a dash of cream.”
“Coming right up,” Janet said as she spun away and began prepping our coffees.
Daniel, who worked there, paused beside her, quickly filling her in on an issue with one of the baking ovens in the back. She managed to get our coffees and ring us up while walking him through what to do to fix it.
Alex and I stepped away together. “Wanna sit for a few?” Alex asked.
“Of course. I’m sitting anyway. I’ve got an hour to kill. Oh crap, I need food.”
Alex grinned. “I’ll get a table, you get your food.”
As I turned back and moved to get to the back of the line, Janet called over, “Bagel?”
“Please. And salmon cream cheese,” I added.
My hips could take it, or at least that’s what I told myself as I turned away.
“Just pay me later,” Janet said. “Daniel will bring it over once it’s ready.”
“Awesome, thanks!” I returned, blowing her a kiss.
Threading my way through the tables, I slipped into a chair across from Alex at a table by the windows. Just as I was about to say something, I heard Alex’s name in a distinct voice that lately, I couldn’t get out of my head. Specifically, I couldn’t get Nate’s gruff whisper in the elevator out of my head. “I need to touch you.”
Things had gone from bad to worse as far as the state of my body and Nate. Now, it appeared all he had to do was speak, and my pulse lunged and heat spun in my core, radiating outward.
“Hey, man,” Alex called.
I spent an inordinate amount of attention adjusting the lid on my coffee and taking a sip. I even opened it to add a bit more cream. Nate reached our table, hooking his hand over a chair and sitting down on the side between us. His knee bumped mine, sending a little zing of electricity through me, my skin tingling at the point of contact.
This was beyond ridiculous. I willed my cheeks not to heat as I looked up and tried to keep my expression bland. “Morning, Nate.”
He caught my eyes, a teasing grin kicking up the corners of his mouth. “Morning, Holly.”
This was why the thing with Nate was a mess for me. He was such a tease that he could do it right here in front of my brother, and Alex likely wouldn’t pick up on anything. Because Nate was a flirt and a tease in general. It wasn’t specific to me, something I needed to remember. I hoped like hell Alex couldn’t tell how flustered I was.
Daniel appeared with my bagel. “Anything else?” he asked, setting the small plate down in front of me.
Nate glanced up. “Don’t suppose I can ask you to get me a coffee?” Nate asked. “I’ll pay on my way out.”
“Of course. What do you need?”
“I’ll take the double chocolate.”
With a nod, Daniel turned away, and I promptly took a bite of my bagel. If my mouth was full, then I wouldn’t have to talk. Alex and Nate launched into their usual banter. Alex was a specialized mechanic for planes. As such, he and Nate often crossed paths in their work. Not to mention they were best friends and hung out on the regular.
I was pretty much stuffing my face to keep from talking when Alex spoke. “Damn, Holly. You hungry, or what?”
I finished chewing and swallowed, taking a sip of coffee before looking up. “It so happens I am.”
Alex grinned. Daniel seemed to be in tune with my need for distraction and arrived with Nate’s coffee right then.
After he turned away, Alex stood from the table. “I need to get going, actually. I only had a few minutes. I’ll catch you both later, okay?”
I lifted my hand in a wave, purposefully not taking another bite so I didn’t actually stuff my face too fast. “See ya. Thanks for the coffee.”
Nate took a long swallow of coffee and gave a quick wave in response. He slid into the chair across from me once Alex was out of sight. His dark chocolate gaze meandered over me.
Great, fucking awesome. Just what I need. Nate looking at me like that.
I had to tell him we needed to call this little dance off. There would be no date, and there could be absolutely no more kisses, or anything remotely similar to what happened in the elevator. I figured this location was perfect. We weren’t alone, so I could make my escape if needed.
I took a gulp of my coffee and eyed him. On the heels of a deep breath, I said, “Here’s the deal, I can’t go on that date. I’m not sure why you spent that five grand, but if it’s a big deal, I promise I’ll reimburse you. I know you think it’s funny and for some crazy reason, we keep kissing, but I can’
t do this with you.”
Nate’s intent gaze never broke away from mine, his eyes narrowing as I spoke. My heart was pounding wildly, and my nerves were on high alert.
“Why?”
Of course. He just had to demand to know why. I hadn’t thought this far.
I forged ahead. “Look, we’ve been friends forever. You’re Alex’s best friend. No matter what, it’s going to be awkward. You’re not looking for anything serious, and you never have been. I can’t just be…”
I paused, unsure how to say what I meant. After a fortifying gulp of coffee, I continued. “One of your flings. It’s totally not my style. I don’t want to have things get weird with us. I’m too old for that, and I’d like a shot at finding someone I can get serious with.”
Nate went still and quiet, pausing to take a slow sip of his coffee before setting it down on the table. He stared at me for a few beats more than was comfortable. I looked away, stuffing in another bite of bagel and chewing my frustration out.
I hated this situation. Why, oh why did I have to have the hots for my brother’s best friend? So, so inconvenient.
When I looked back to Nate, he was still quiet, and I didn’t know how to read his expression. After another moment, he cleared his throat and took a gulp of his coffee. With his gaze pinned to mine, he lifted his chin slightly. “Why so serious all of a sudden?”
“Oh my God. This is what I don’t want to have to explain. You’re Mr. Casual. I would just be another in your long list of women. I don’t really feel like it. I’m not so stupid as to pretend like there’s nothing between us. But you and I don’t want the same thing. If it’s a big deal, I’ll find a way to pay you back.”
His eyes narrowed as he leaned across the table. “It’s not about the money. I guess I just didn’t take you for a coward.”
Oh my fucking God, he pissed me off so much. “I’m not a coward! I just don’t want to make things any more complicated than they need to be. You avoided me like the fucking plague after that stupid kiss last year. Then, you show up at the fundraiser and buy a date. What the hell? No thanks. I don’t need any of this. Plus, the absolute last person I want to lose my virginity with is you,” I retorted.
Chapter Eight
Holly
Oh dear God. I just told Nate I was a virgin.
The moment my last sentence went strolling out of my mouth—entirely without my permission, by the way—I wanted to snatch it back and run.
Nate’s mouth actually fell open. With my cheeks flaming hot, I almost burst out laughing. For a split second, I had the upper hand. I’d managed to surprise the hell out of him. Except now, he knew my biggest, most annoying, secret.
After a moment, he shook his head. “What?” He looked genuinely confused.
I was going to have to breeze my way right through this. Whatever. He might annoy the hell out of me sometimes, and I might wish I didn’t want him the way I did, but he wouldn’t run his mouth. I took a big gulp of my coffee, savoring the bitterness and wishing I had that kick of dark chocolate to give me a little more courage.
I shrugged, striving for nonchalance. “You heard me. It’s not a big deal. It’s just…” Pausing, I took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh. “It was kind of an accident.”
“An accident?” Nate countered with another shake of his head, his expression almost dazed.
Fuck it. I let that kind of major detail slip, but whatever. I would just tell him the blunt truth, which would most likely put a screeching halt to whatever the hell he was thinking about us.
“Pretty much. I mean, it’s not like I’ve been saving myself. Anyway, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention that to anyone.”
Nate was still staring at me, his eyes wide. After another beat, he took a giant gulp of coffee, draining what was left in his mug before setting it down. I wished I could climb inside of his brain and see what he was thinking. I’d known him forever, so I could tell the wheels were spinning like mad in his mind.
Janet blessedly paused by the table, winking at me and then looking toward Nate. “Coffee’s on me today,” she said with a grin.
It took a minute for him to kick into gear and focus on her when he finally tore his gaze free from me before he looked up. “You sure?” he asked with a grin.
Janet nodded, opening her mouth as if to say something else right when someone called her name. She patted him on the shoulder and turned away. I took that moment to make my escape. “Well,” I began as I stuffed the last of my bagel in the small pastry bag, “I’ve got to get to work. Bye.”
I hurried away, not even bothering to wait for him to reply. That might’ve been the most mortifying few minutes of my life. I practically ran down the street to my car where it was parked behind my apartment.
Well, that should put a stop to that disaster in the making. I’m pretty sure Nate doesn’t want to be responsible for anybody’s virginity, much less mine.
Not that I thought men were responsible for taking anyone’s virginity. Women were responsible for their own bodies and choices, but that didn’t change the perception around virginity. As for Nate, whose middle name should’ve been Casual, I was pretty damn sure that wasn’t something he wanted any part of.
Part of me was let down. I was so annoyed with the circumstances in my life that had led me to this. I remembered talking to Ella when she finally moved back to Willow Brook. There were some things I had faced head-on after the accident, while she had fled. What I hadn’t counted on was every guy in town giving me a wide berth because they assumed I was devastated and heartbroken over my lost high school love. I was, but Jake and I had been good friends who tried to date. I mean, I never even got around to having sex with him!
Ugh. That was what it all boiled down to. This whole situation had me annoyed beyond belief. Why, why, why did I have to be so attracted to Nate? Of all people.
I wasn’t so stupid as to think that just because the chemistry that flashed to life like a freaking bonfire between us meant it would become something serious. I also wasn’t about to set myself up for nothing more than a fling when I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. It was just all too complicated.
Once I arrived to work, I was relieved for the distraction. The emergency department at Willow Brook Hospital was always quieter in the winter, but it was still busy. As the head nurse for the ED, when it was busy there, I simply spun from one emergency to the next. When it wasn’t insane, I did whatever else needed to be done.
Today, that meant a rotation in the morning on the long-term unit. With Willow Brook being a rural hospital, but in proximity to Anchorage, we had a small collection of patients who needed long-term care. It was essentially a hospice unit.
While some people thought it was depressing, and in some ways, it was sad, I actually enjoyed spending a few hours on the unit. For starters, the patients were often funny as hell and far more philosophical than most. They dispensed life advice freely and without a drop of caution.
When I stepped into Joanna’s room, she looked up from her bed when the door clicked shut behind me, a wide smile stretching across her face. Joanna was in her nineties and her adult children had moved out of state, but often came back to visit. Joanna had been dealing with rheumatoid arthritis for years and had significant mobility issues.
“Oh goody, I get you this morning,” she said. Her thin, reedy voice belied her cheerful spirit. She had been dwindling lately, and we all worried she might be getting close to the end. The hospital social worker had called her children the other day to let them know. I wasn’t sure if Joanna knew they were planning to come visit this weekend.
“Hey, Joanna,” I said as I approached her bed. “How’s it going this morning?”
“As well as can be expected when I’m wearing an adult diaper,” she said with a sly smile, which set off a coughing spree.
“Let me get you something to drink.”
Spinning to the tray beside her bed, I poured her preferred apple juice and waited a
moment until her coughing subsided. She tapped the button on her remote to raise her bed slightly. On the heels of a shallow breath, she took the small paper cup of apple juice from me and took several sips.
“There, that’s better. I’m glad I got you this morning. I didn’t sleep well. You won’t try to sweet talk me into those meds for my cough that just put me to sleep. I hate sleeping all the time. I figure I’m going to die soon enough, I might as well be awake while I’m alive,” she said with a wry grin, just as the door opened and Chris Grant stepped into the room.
Chris was another reason I enjoyed my occasional rotations on this wing . He was another nurse at the hospital, a good friend and funny as hell.
“Well, hello there. Do I get your company during my rotations this morning?” he asked with a wink, looking in my direction.
“If you’re lucky,” Joanna retorted from the bed, pausing to take another sip of apple juice.
Chris grinned, squeezing her foot through the sheets as he stopped at the base of the bed to lift the computer tablet mounted there. “Have you checked her vitals yet?” he asked.
“Not yet, I just got here.”
“And I had a coughing fit to tell her good morning,” Joanna said with a laugh, another shaky cough coming on the heels of that.
Chris rounded the bed to stand beside me, and we both glanced at the tablet screen. Joanna’s vitals were about where they’d been for days now. She was eschewing most medications, and that was her choice. Seeing as she was pushing ninety-four years old now, I figured by the time you reach that age, you got to go however you chose. Joanna had been dealing with complications from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. She was never a smoker, but her late husband had been.
