by J. H. Croix
“I’d ask if you wanted any medication for that cough, but I think I know the answer,” Chris commented when she coughed again.
I took her paper cup from her and filled it with juice again. After a few shuddering breaths, she nodded. “Of course you know the answer. I don’t like being sleepy.”
“Are you up for breakfast this morning?” I asked.
“Send it up,” she said with a wink.
“Gotcha. Well, I’m just here this morning, but you know how to buzz me if you need me,” I said, as I adjusted the pillows behind her.
Chris tapped a few things on the tablet screen and went to refill her IV bag, as I headed out the door.
Chapter Nine
Holly
After leaving Joanna’s room, I checked on another few patients before stopping at the nurse’s station on this floor. The staff was thin this morning, just myself as supervisor and a few other nurses on this floor. Within another hour or two, more staff would start to filter in.
Chris rounded the circular nurse’s station, coming to lean against the counter behind it. “What’s up?” he asked, crossing his arms and glancing at me
Clicking into the computer system where all of our client records were managed, I tapped a few keys and quickly entered the update for my rounds this morning. Glancing up, I shrugged. “Not much. It’s quiet this morning, which I don’t mind. How are things with you?”
Chris flashed a grin. “Pretty good, actually. Aaron and I finally set a wedding date,” he said, referring to his long-term boyfriend.
“Oh, that’s awesome! So, when is it and am I going to be invited?”
Chris and Aaron had been together since college, over ten years now. He had been ecstatic when same-sex marriage was legalized in Alaska. They promptly got engaged, but that had been a full year ago. Of late, Chris has been complaining about settling on a wedding date.
“Of course you’re invited! The wedding will be next summer. We might have it in Diamond Creek. It’s one of our favorite places to visit for weekends, especially in the summer. I mean, you know Aaron is such a freaking man, Mister Fisher-hunter guy. He loves that outdoor stuff.”
“And you fucking love that about him,” I said with a laugh. Sobering, I reached out to catch his hand and give it a quick squeeze. “I’m seriously happy for you.”
“I know you are. Speaking of love lives, how’s yours?” he asked pointedly.
Chris had been on my case lately to actually do something about the fact that I want a chance at something serious. Like all the rest of my friends, he was blessedly oblivious to my virgin state. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was interfering with everything for me.
I eyed him for a moment, deciding he might be my best bet for some advice. While we were close, he was a little outside the tight bubble of my childhood friends. He moved to Willow Brook after he graduated from nursing school and snagged a position supervising the non-emergency nursing staff. He was certainly friends with many of my friends. Yet, nosy as he was, he was a tad less opinionated about my life.
Steeling myself, I took a deep breath and blurted out the blunt truth. “I’m a virgin, and I think it’s fucking with my head. Oh, and I still haven’t gone on a date with Nate.”
Beyond my friend Megan in Anchorage, Chris was actually the only person I had told about the catastrophic fundraiser last fall that was supposed to be fun. At my announcement, his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. Catching himself, he snapped it shut. “Well, damn. It’s not easy to surprise me.”
I hurried to clarify. “Before you go making assumptions about it, it’s kind of an accident. I haven’t been saving myself. It’s just that when everybody else was busy losing their virginity, Jake died in that car accident and it pretty much threw everything out of whack in my life. It had this weird side effect where everybody assumed I was heartbroken over the love of my life dying. But we weren’t like that. Not like Ella and Caleb,” I explained. Chris knew their whole glorious second chance romance and thought it was amazing. “Honestly, if he hadn’t died, we probably would’ve broken up and stayed friends, and it would’ve been fine. Anyway, all the guys in town wouldn’t even pay attention to me after the accident. It was so weird.” I shook my head and groaned, burying my face in my hands.
When I looked up, Chris leaned over and gave me a quick hug. “It all kind of makes sense. Shit like that fucks with your social life and your sex life.”
“Right,” I muttered. “Since then, it’s not like I haven’t dated and experienced all kinds of foreplay. It’s just that that whole sex thing never happened. I don’t technically think I’m a virgin, by the way.”
Chris burst out laughing and shook his head slowly. “I technically think you are.”
“I don’t think so. I have vibrators,” I offered.
By the time he stopped laughing, tears were rolling down his cheeks. I was relieved it was quiet at the hospital this morning because we hadn’t been interrupted, and it didn’t look like we would be anytime soon. Nobody else was due for a shift in this unit for another half hour. Unless we got buzzed, we were in the clear.
“Great, I’m glad you have vibrators. I’m not a woman, but I still don’t think that counts,” he finally said.
I sighed, standing and striding to the back of the nurse’s station where there was one of those convenient single serve coffee makers. “Coffee?” I called over my shoulder. “I need a cup to get through the rest of this conversation.”
“Sure, I’ll take the chocolate stuff.”
I started his coffee, leaning my hips against the counter while we waited. “I guess this is my long way of explaining where I’m at.”
Chris’s gaze sobered as he sank into the chair I had just vacated, propping his feet up on the counter and spinning to look at me with a push. “I don’t think it should make a difference. If it’s the right guy, well, I guess he should be excited. Like, that’s a thing for straight men, right? You know, being a woman’s first?”
I snorted as I checked the coffee, turning to take his cup out and handing it over with a small container of cream from a bowl beside the machine. “I don’t know. I’m not a guy. You should know better than me.”
“Okay, it’s a thing. I’ll just repeat what I said. I don’t think it should be a big deal. Maybe you should just get it out of the way if you’re worried about it,” he replied as he took the cup of coffee from me.
“With who?” I countered, flinging my hands up and turning back to put in a single shot of dark brew. Hitting the button to start it, I listened to the hum of the machine as I faced Chris again.
He shrugged. “Well, if you think it’s a barrier, then just get rid of it. It’s not like you were saving it for someone special. On another note, you’re telling me you still haven’t made good on that expensive date Nate bought with you? It sounds like the guy did you a freaking favor.”
The following day, I had actually gone back and talked with Ethan and Megan. They confirmed the other bids were definitely from people they didn’t think I would have cared to be pushed into a date with. Megan had told me to get over myself, go on the date with Nate, and have a good time. Little did she know, we’d had a hot, crazy kiss in the dressing room after the fact.
“I know,” I muttered. “Look, I need some serious guy advice. Because I don’t know who else to talk to about this. Anybody I talk to is friends with both of us.”
“And I’m not?” Chris countered, looking affronted.
“You are, but you’re the least likely to be judgmental about it.”
“Okay, so what’s your question?”
“I might’ve left out a few details about me and Nate. We might have almost had sex twice now.”
Chris leaned forward in his chair, slapping his palm on the counter. “Oh my God. What the hell? You are seriously holding out on me.”
My face was on fire, and I turned away as I heard the coffee machine stop humming. Gathering myself, I poured a dash of cream in my
coffee and took a gulp before I turned back to face the music.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said with a sigh, leaning my hips on the counter.
“Okay, I’ll forget about how annoyed I am you haven’t mentioned a thing about this to me. What do you want to do?”
I took a sip of my coffee and shrugged. “I dunno.”
“Well, it sounds like you want to do Nate,” he countered with a sly grin.
I giggled, my cheeks heating again. “Yeah, but you know Nate. He’s all about no strings attached. The last thing I want is to be added to his ‘list,’ so to speak.”
Chris eyed me, cocking his head to the side. “I think Nate likes you. And who cares if he’s usually about no strings? He might be the perfect candidate for you to technically dump your virginity. You don’t even have to tell him about your virginity. “Technically”—he paused, air quotes and all, and dragging out the technically a bit more than I appreciated—“you’re not a virgin. Although, I bet he’s hung and that might give it away.”
I burst out laughing, guessing he was quite right in that regard. Although I hadn’t ever seen the evidence with my own eyes, I had a good sense of just how well-endowed Nate was.
“Maybe you have a point. As far as not telling him though, I already blew that.”
“You told him?” Chris asked, his eyes widening.
“Yes,” I murmured. “It kind of slipped out because I was pissed off at him. It did get him to shut up though.”
Chris threw his head back with a laugh. “Oh my God! I would’ve loved to have been there for that. Look, I don’t know what to tell you, but there’s no way to know in advance if anybody you’re with is going to work out to be the one. You’re not gonna know that. It seems like you and Nate might have a little bit of something to get out of your systems, so why not do something about it? Even though he keeps things casual, he’s not an asshole and he doesn’t really do the local dating thing. He sows his oats in the summer and then lays low in the winter. He’s kind of like a bear in that regard.”
I almost spit out my coffee at that. Nate didn’t look like a bear, but thinking of him like that was too damn funny. At that moment, my pager went off, calling me down to the ED. I straightened, about to hurry away when I felt Chris’s hand on my shoulder.
“What?” I asked, turning back as he stood from the chair.
“Never stop being awesome. That’s one of my favorite things about you. You’re kickass. Stop worrying about being a virgin and stop worrying about planning things out ahead. You’re getting all up in your head and that’s what’s getting in your way.” At that, he tugged me in for a quick hug and then spun me around before I hurried off.
Chapter Ten
Nate
I leaned back in my chair at Wildlands, scanning the room full of people. I wasn’t here with friends tonight. I’d stopped by after a pretty bumpy flight in from a regularly scheduled delivery of mail and groceries to a nearby Alaska Native village. A storm had kicked up almost out of nowhere on my return.
Taking a pull on my beer, I attempted to get interested in a woman sitting at the corner of the bar. She had long dark hair and was tall and willowy. Objectively speaking, she was beautiful, and she wasn’t local. I’d never seen her before and I heard from Mike the bartender that she was passing through to handle a supply delivery for the hospital.
No matter how long I looked at her, I felt nothing. In fact, the idea of trying to flirt with her left a bad taste in my mouth. It had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with Holly. It had been three full days since Holly dropped the little bomb about her virginity, and I’d barely been able to stop thinking about it. I had talked myself into this idea that, maybe, just maybe, I wanted something more than casual with Holly. She was that girl, the one I’d never been able to shake free from my thoughts. Finally, I thought I had a shot, and then she went and dropped that bit of info.
What the hell?
It didn’t change the state of my desire for her, not one bit. Yet, it felt heavy now, weighted with a sense of meaning and depth that gave me pause.
I stood from my chair, threading my way through the clusters of people to the bar. I figured perhaps I just needed to get close enough to the woman there to remind my body that I could want someone other than Holly. Reaching the woman in question, I leaned my elbow on the bar and set my half-empty beer bottle down.
The woman glanced my way. She had beautiful blue eyes. Even though my gaze reflexively flicked down to notice she had generous breasts, there was absolutely no reaction from my body.
Even worse, my brain instantly conjured up an image of Holly, her long blonde hair up in its usual messy bun or slapdash ponytail, her wide brown eyes, and her compact, curvy build. Now that vision was something my body could latch onto, my cock stirring at nothing more than the thought of Holly.
I told myself I just needed to trigger my muscle memory. I just needed to go through the motions of flirting and teasing with this woman and then my body would remember what I wanted and, more importantly, forget Holly.
I was experiencing a definite first. I couldn’t even come up with a quick way to say hello. Even when I wasn’t trying to flirt or pick someone up, I was always fast with a quip with any man, woman, or inanimate object. I smiled blandly at her, turning away when the bartender asked me a question.
“You need another one?” Mike asked, eyeing my beer.
“No thanks. I gotta go.”
I hadn’t even finished my beer, and I left, annoyed, restless, and frustrated as hell with my state of mind. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I turned my truck out of the parking lot in the direction opposite my place. Holly lived a mere block or two down the road from Wildlands.
I knew what I wanted with Holly. I just didn’t quite know how to go about getting it. I figured we could start by throwing a match and a splash of gasoline on the fire burning between us.
To my knowledge, I hadn’t had sex with a virgin before. When I was in high school, the first girl I’d ever been with had already taken care of that. We had simply had fun together. We dated for a few months after her ex-boyfriend, who she adored, had screwed around on her. We were still friends to this day, although she didn’t live in Willow Brook anymore. She lived in Anchorage and was happily married with a few kids.
After that, well, life just kept going. Casual was the name of the game, but that wasn’t what I wanted with Holly. Niggling in the back of my mind was the thought that she was still hung up on Jake. I cut the engine on my truck beside her car in the small parking lot behind the building. I’d been here before, but never alone. Here and there, she would have friends over, but I was almost always with Alex. I looked up to the back window to see the light glowing.
What I wanted — or rather, who I wanted — overrode every ounce of common sense I had. I’d like to chalk it up to being drunk and stupid, but I’d only had maybe half a beer. Before I knew it, I was standing at her kitchen door and raising my hand to knock sharply three times.
The door swung open, and Holly stood there. The second I laid eyes on her, lust bolted through me, hard and fast. Her hair was up in a ponytail with loose tendrils escaping and falling around her face. Her brown eyes widened when she saw me, and a flush crested on her cheeks. She wore a V-neck cotton T-shirt, the fabric worn and thin. My eyes immediately noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her full breasts stretched the T-shirt, her nipples visible in tight little peaks through the fabric. Below that, she wore a pair of swingy cotton pants that rested low on her hips, offering me a glimpse of skin between where her shirt ended and the waistband began. Her feet were bare and her toenails painted bright blue.
We must’ve stood there a few beats too long because I saw her shiver. Only then did it occur to me it was freezing outside. “Mind if I come in?” I asked.
She shook her head and stepped back. “Might as well, it’s freezing out there.” Stepping back, she let me pass, quickly closing the door behind me. “What
the hell are you doing here? It’s almost ten o’clock.”
I took a moment, gathering my thoughts, as my eyes coasted over her small apartment. It was one large room with the kitchen to the side where I had entered, a small island separating it from the living room, which had a high ceiling and windows that looked out over Main Street, currently cast in darkness. A sectional couch faced the windows on one side and the wall on the other where a television was mounted. Aside from a coffee table and two end tables, that was the extent of her furnishings.
Just now, it occurred to me I hadn’t actually ever been in her bedroom. I could see through the open door to a queen-size bed piled high with pillows and a fluffy, navy down quilt.
“Well?” Holly asked.
My eyes made their way back to her. I didn’t have any sensible reason for showing up at her apartment unannounced at this hour. Before any thoughts could form in my brain, I stepped to her, and turned. She retreated slightly, leaning against the wall right beside the door. She opened her mouth, I presumed to argue with me about something.
“I have an idea,” I said quickly.
She looked annoyed. Her cheeks were flushed, and I could see the rapid flutter of her pulse along the side of her neck. I could also feel the tight little points of her nipples pressing against my chest as her breath came in sharp little pants. I knew what it felt like to have her come all over my fingers, now I wanted to feel her come all over my cock and my mouth.
“What?” she countered.
“You said you weren’t saving yourself, and that your virginity was a problem. Let’s take care of it.”
My brain was not functioning. At all. The moment my insane proposal flew out, a gear shifted.
What the hell are you doing?
What I want.
My retort was swift and true. I wanted Holly. Fiercely.
