You Belong With Me

by M. R. Joseph

  A nurse came out to tell Casey that Lyla was asking for her and to come right away. She turned and pointed to Carter. A slow burn was felt by him in the way her eyes bore into his.

  "Jane, do me a favor and keep him away from me. This is done. We are done. Anything that you could have done to bring some sort of peace here tonight, you shattered it. I will let you know when the baby is born but that will be the last words you will ever hear me say to you, you bastard." Casey stormed through the swinging doors that led to the labor rooms.

  Carter stood there and watched Casey walk away from him. He did it again. He let her go.

  Lyla began pushing and Casey stood beside her holding her hand.

  "Holy fuck this hurts, Case," Lyla said exhausted.

  "I know, honey. It's almost over. I promise and soon that little baby will be in your arms." The doctor told them from below her stomach that one more push should do it.

  She bared down as hard as she could and he held up the baby from his seat at her feet.

  "It's a beautiful baby girl!"

  Casey and Lyla started crying and laughing.

  "A girl! It's a girl! Oh God, Casey, look!" The doctor placed the tiny little baby on Lyla's chest. She was so tiny and let out her first cry.

  "Oh my goodness, that is the sweetest sound in the world." She kissed the baby's forehead and looked at her tiny hands. The nurses took the baby to get her weighed and measured. Casey wrapped her arms around Lyla and they cried into each others shoulders. They watched her get cleaned up and waited for the nurse to tell them how much she weighed. She was six pounds, eight ounces and nineteen inches long. The nurses swaddled her and placed her back on Lyla's chest. The baby opened her eyes slowly and looked at Lyla.

  "Oh God Case, she has Tommy's eyes. Look at her."

  Casey wiped her nose and said between her tears, "She sure does. Let's look under her hat and see if she has purple hair." They both laughed and Casey kissed the sweet baby's head.

  "I'm so proud of you Lyla. You were so brave."

  "So were you to put up with me for the last nine months. Do you want to hold her?"

  Casey smiled and nodded yes. Lyla placed her in Casey's arms.

  "Hi, sweet baby. You are so beautiful. Let's ask Mommy if you have a name. How about it Mommy?"

  "Her name is Alexandra after Alexander which was Tommy's middle name and her middle name is Casey after her Godmother."

  Casey closed her eyes and shed a few more tears before rocking little Alexandra back and forth. This had been a true miracle. A piece of Tommy would always be here. She was a product of their love, there turmoil, their faults and their lives.

  "Alexandra, you have to have the sweetest face I have ever seen. Little sweetface. Sweetface." Casey stopped rocking her and handed her back to Lyla. The name that Carter used for Casey came back to her. She was his sweetface once, but now he was just a stranger. Someone who she didn't recognize.

  After some time Casey knew she had to go into the waiting room to tell Carter and Jane that the baby was here. She told Lyla that they were here and she looked up at Casey and waited for her to say something.

  "We will save this story for another time. This is your big day and nothing or no one is going to ruin it. I'll go tell them that she is here and then I'm going to grab some coffee. I'll be back in a bit."

  When she walked into the waiting room she couldn't even look at the eyes that once brought her to her knees. Instead she spoke in Jane's direction, quickly, and to the point.

  "It's a girl. She's perfect. Lyla wants to see you. I'm going to grab coffee. I'll be back soon. Don't be here when I get back. Sorry Jane. I don't mean you." She stormed away quickly.

  Carter stood there with no words and no expression. He clicked his jaw and bit the inside of his mouth. He watched Casey get on the elevator. She never looked up until the final second before the doors closed. Her sea blue eyes were full of affliction and Carter knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had lost Casey forever.

  When the elevator doors closed Casey let out a sob and had to place her hands on the wall to hold herself up. The anguish and torment consumed her soul and she knew she needed to let Carter go. She screamed and fell to the floor. She hit it as though smacking it would release some kind of unanswered prayer. He broke her, she broke him. It was a game of cat and mouse and she could not let her mind, body, and spirit be destroyed anymore. She needed to rebuild herself. To think about Casey for a change. She needed to wipe the slate clean of all the bad, her mistakes, his mistakes. All of it. She needed a new beginning.

  CHAPTER 16

  Tea, Crumpets, and Bloody Hell

  Three months had passed since Alexandra was born. She brought so much joy into Casey's home. Lyla had settled into a good routine with her and Casey helped with midnight feedings and diaper changes. They took her for a walk everyday and cooed and awed at her when she made the cutest baby noises. Casey babysat when Lyla had errands to run or wanted to go for a mani/pedi. Carter had come over on the days Casey had to work. He didn't stay long for fear that if Casey saw him at her house, she would kick him out flat on his ass. He would stay with the baby and let Lyla take a nap or he would bring lunch for them and they would chat about Tommy and what Carter's next steps would be in his life. Carter had made some contacts with record producers about a possible solo career. He wasn't sure what route he wanted to take so he laid low for a while. Carter didn't say much about Casey on his visits with Lyla and the baby. It was mostly about the house that Lyla just bought which was closer to her parents in Sarasota. Casey had wanted Lyla and Alexandra to live with her, but Lyla had taken a part time job near her new home and her parents were going to take care of the baby while she worked.

  Carter came over to visit one day after he saw Casey leave for work. He often would sit in his newly purchased Audi down the street from her house. He watched her come out onto her front porch dressed in her scrubs and Converse. Her hair always pulled up in a ponytail and he watched it swing back and forth as she went to her car. He always felt a pang in his chest when he saw her. It would always be there no matter what. God he thought how much he had loved her. He loved her deeply, passionately, fiercely and it back fired on him. She pulled away and took off for work. Carter slowly pulled down the street and into Casey's driveway, got out of the car, and knocked on the door.

  Carter was holding Alexandra and Lyla was fixing them some breakfast. "Ly, she is so adorable. I could just eat her up." He nuzzled his nose to the baby's and she rewarded him with a baby coo.

  "She is something else, isn't she? She's such a good baby too." Lyla said smiling down at her precious girl.

  "So when is settlement on the new house?"

  She let out a sigh. "Two weeks! I'm so excited. I can't believe it. It has three bedrooms and a beautiful back yard for Alex to play in when she gets a little older."

  "That's so great, Lyla, and the job you were telling me about sounds fantastic too. So are you going to need help moving stuff?" He snuggled the baby a little closer to his big, firm chest.

  "I'm good. I bought new furniture since I sold all my old stuff with the townhouse. It will be delivered the day I move in. My dad has a big truck. It's mostly clothes and paperwork and Alex's things. Between my car, daddy's truck, and Casey's car we should be fine."

  He stood up and handed the baby back to Lyla. He pushed his fingers through his newly overgrown hair. He looked out Casey's front window then his eyes led him to the stairs. He thought about where they were a year ago. They were in love and he wanted a future with her. He first kissed her in this living room. He carried her up those stairs and made love to her on the bed that was just a few steps away. Suddenly he felt like a thousand elephants were sitting on his chest. He tried his best to control the way he felt. Being in this house was going to kill him. The memory of the love they shared was prominent in every space he looked at. The way they danced in the kitchen, the wrestling on the floor, eating Thai food on the coffee table, fighting,
the first time their lips met, the first time he touched her flesh and had claimed her as his forever. It all went to shit and he was to blame.

  "So how is she, Ly?" He felt nervous asking her because their conversations usually revolved around baby Alex.

  "She's good. I've been keeping her busy with Alex. She picked up an extra shift at work for some extra money."

  "Does she... is she... never mind." He couldn't get the questions out. He appeared flustered.

  "What do you want to know Car? If she's seeing Jordan? He took her to dinner a few times and they will occasionally talk on the phone, but that's all I know. She really isn't saying much and I'm not about to ask." She started feeding Alex a bottle and sat down on the kitchen chair.

  "Can I ask you a question, Carter?" He nodded.

  "You still love her?"

  He laughed a bit and crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the wall of the dining area.

  "That's the question of the century, isn't it? First my mother, my brother, Jake, now you."

  "So, what's the answer?" She asked while burping Alex.

  "You know, I could never see myself with anyone else. Not after I told her I loved her and she loved me back. I waited so long to hear her say it. To feel it, Lyla."

  "Carter, love is not who you can see yourself with, it's who you can't see yourself without."

  "I know that. I feel it everyday. Do you know how I prayed that she would choose me, that she would see through all the ugly shit I had going on. She would see past my faults and love me for whatever it was worth."

  They both remained silent for a few moments.

  "You still haven't answered my question, Lond. Do.You.Still.Love.Her?" She paused after every word so the question would seep in a little better.

  "Till the day I die."

  "Then I suggest you quit being a pussy and try and slowly win her back."

  He rubbed his stubbly face into his hands and pulled at his dark waves slightly as to be in some kind of agony.

  "OK, so you know that I've been playing acoustic down at Beach Bums for the past month or so right?"

  "Yes. Sorry I haven't been down there. I've been a little busy." She smiled and pointed to the sleeping baby on her shoulder. He smiled at her.

  "I had a producer friend of mine meet me for drinks about two weeks ago. He wound up bringing a friend of his with him who works for a record label overseas. They think I have what it takes to be a solo artist, so I signed a deal with them last week."

  "Carter!" She yelled in a whisper for fear of waking up the baby. "You have known about this for a week and didn't tell me. You asshole!"

  He laughed as she whispered the cuss at him.

  "I'm sorry but I needed to get all my affairs in order. There's a lot to do before I go. I have to sell my car and make sure mom was ok."

  Lyla looked at him confused. "Wait. What are you saying? Are you moving away? Overseas?"

  "Yep. For at least a year."

  It was Casey's day off and she decided to help Lyla pack some stuff. Lyla's mom had taken the baby over night so she could finish packing for her new house. They sat on the floor of Casey's spare room and each took an empty box and started packing them with clothes.

  "You are very quiet today," Lyla said.

  "I'm ok."

  Lyla snickered at her. "No, you're not. Spill it bitch." That made Casey laugh.

  "OK. Fine. There is something I have to tell you and promise me you won't be upset."

  "I can't promise something like that. I'm damaged goods, Case. Who knows how I'll react. Quit beating around the bush and just tell me already!"

  "I'm moving to London."

  Lyla dropped the article of clothing she was getting ready to pack and looked at Casey with her jaw agape.

  "Say that again? Maybe there's something wrong with my hearing. Did you say London as in England, as in British, tea, crumpets, Royals, and all that shit?"

  "That's the one." She peered up at Lyla afraid of what she was going to say next.

  "But how? And why?"

  "We had a seminar at work last week and there were a group of doctors from England who are recruiting American nurses to come and share their skills with other nurses in London. There will also be English nurses who will come here to work as well. They asked who was interested and I..."

  Casey paused and looked down at the box she was packing.

  "You what Case?" Lyla said in a sad tone.

  "I needed a change. A big change. So I jumped at the chance. They pay to fly all my stuff there. They give you a flat and pay for some of your utilities including the first months rent. I got a pretty big sign on bonus too."

  Lyla didn't say much. She just continued to pack.

  "You know how I love all things British and when am I ever going to have another opportunity to do this?" The room was silent and Casey felt sick in the pit of her stomach.

  "Ly? Are you ok?" Casey asked quietly.

  She shed silent tears and wiped them with the back of her hand. Casey inched closer and grabbed her hands.

  "Listen to me Lyla. I was a girl who came from a broken home. I have a mother who could give to shits about me, I worked hard, got good grades, got a fantastic job, and bought a home. I made something of myself. Unfortunately, over the past year I am not the same person."

  "Because of Carter?" Lyla asked.

  "You are seriously asking me that question. You have to understand Lyla, he broke me. He called me a fucking whore and then acted like a jealous lunatic when you were giving birth. You don't treat people whom you claim to love like that. It's not fair."

  "So, are you taking this job because you have always wanted to live in London or are you running away from him?"

  "No, I'm not running. I'm just trying to erase things from the past, start over. I have to start with what Carter and I had."

  "Case, erasing yourself from somebody’s life is not as simple as walking out the door."

  Casey got up from the floor and paced around the room. She pulled back one of the sheers to look out the window. She fought tears but in the end, they won.

  "I just... I just didn't expect to fall in love with him. It hurts. It hurts everyday of my damn life. I haven't gone more than two days without talking to him in nine years until recently. Not hearing his voice has been the hardest. It's getting a little easier over time but I wish it was different. It's not and I need to move on. I just need to find my way back to me cause I'm pretty sure I don't know who I am supposed to be." Lyla got up and walked over to her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

  "You are Casey Colbert. I'm damn proud of who you are. You are a wonderful friend, nurse, and Godmother to Alexandra. I just don't understand why you need to go. I'm going to miss you so much and it will be hard without you here."

  Casey pulled her in for a hug. They rocked back and forth.

  "Listen, you and Alex can come visit me anytime. Nikki and Noel won't be too far from where I'll be living. It will be like a mini reunion when you come and I'll drag their asses back with me when I visit. I'll be home for as many holidays as I can and I'll come home for vacations. We can video chat all the time so I can see how big Alex is getting. It will be fine."

  Lyla broke the hug.

  "When are you leaving?" She asked.

  "You move Saturday, I leave Monday."

  "Wow, that's fast."

  "I have to go to formal training and stuff before I start work. My passport just came in so I'm all set. I'm leaving all the furniture and having most of my other things shipped."

  "Well, can we at least go out for a couple of drinks tonight then? I'm baby-less and I need to have a good time."

  "Sure. I'm good with that."

  The girls got ready and Lyla suggested they have one last night at Beach Bums. The air was warm and the humidity clung to their skin but the stars were out in full effect. The smell of the salty air was something Casey would miss. The warmth, the weather, the sunsets, walking along
the beach. Especially sand dollar beach. She thought about walking it one last time, but the memories that her and Carter shared there would be too painful. A reminder of how things went terribly wrong. If she did walk it, she knew in her heart that it would just be another set back. When they got to Beach Bums, they had seen a few people that they knew. Beach Bums was packed to capacity. Casey hadn't seen it that way in a long time. There were wall to wall people. They went to the outdoor bar and strolled up and ordered beers. They spent time talking with each other about Casey's new job and what exactly she would be doing. They discussed Alex and all of the new things she was doing. Lyla had spotted a guy who she used to date after she and Tommy had broken up, so she told Casey to grab her another beer and to meet her over in the spot where she had seen the guy. Casey walked to the bar and knew the bartender.

  "Hey Ed. How are you?" Casey asked.

  "Casey! Great to see you. It's been a while. You here to see Carter?" She looked at him puzzled.

  "Carter? No, Ed. We haven't spoken in months. It's a long story. Why would he be here?"

  She then heard the roar of the crowd instantly freezing as her mind raced to it's only conclusion. She was afraid to turn around to see why the people were cheering. Casey closed her eyes tightly and took several long, cleansing breaths. Then she heard his voice. Carter.

  "Hey everybody. Thanks so much for coming out tonight as I begin my new solo career. It's been a long road but the show must go on." He grabbed his Corona and lifted it to the sky.

  "I miss ya, Tommy. Cheers, buddy." The crowd lifted whatever they were drinking and followed Carter's actions. He began to play The Lumineers Ho Hey and as soon as she heard his voice, she spun around. It was like she had never heard him before. His voice rang into her ears and straight to her heart. She tried her best not to look at him but it was a pointless battle. The guitar was strung around the front of him and he sang into the microphone with the same intensity she had seen so many times before. But this time was different. He was alone. There was no Jake, no Tommy. Just Carter. He looked different to her now. His hair was longer and his black, thick hair was spread around his head in curls. His body looked more thin but there was still a broadness to his shoulders and chest.