Twist of Fate

by Sheri L. Brown

  “Holy shit,” Claire wailed, “she was alone, Mom. She died alone….”

  Claire curled up in a ball. There was nothing dramatic or Hollywood-esque about how she felt or acted in the moment. Her aunt, friend and spiritual guide had left the planet. Claire was rendered speechless and growing more nauseous by the minute. She thought maybe purging her body would help purge her overwhelming sadness.

  Sarah curled up in bed next to Claire and laid there without saying a word. She stroked the side of her face and rested her lips on the back of Claire’s head, periodically soothing her with kisses and hugging her tightly when she started to hyperventilate.

  “We have to go find Skylar, Mom, she needs to know about this,” Claire said flatly with her back facing her mother.

  Claire pulled herself out of bed and forced a smile for Sarah’s sake. It felt nice to be snuggled by her mother, but she needed to find her sister. Unanswered questions, unaddressed feelings and very poor word choices, mostly on Claire’s part, had to be put aside for the moment.

  Zia Regina was gone from the earth and Skylar needed to know. Claire could escape her sadness, in some ways, knowing Zia was with Stefano, Giorgio and Jesus. The thought of Zia reuniting with the three men she loved the most choked Claire up with both tears. Zia was Home. She had to make herself stay in that space. She started a mantra of Hail Mary’s to make herself feel better while she grabbed a pair of sweats, some sneakers and an old T-shirt and started getting dressed.

  “How long did I sleep for?” Claire asked.

  “Well, your father told me not to bother you last night after you went up to your room, but I had to check on you at some point. You were passed out and slept through the night, sweetie.”

  “Oh my God, I feel awful about everything.”

  Claire looked at her phone and saw several missed texts from Ryan.

  “Now I feel really awful about everything.”

  “Honey,” Sarah asked, “what is it?”

  “So, I feel like we have a lot to talk about, but I really need to leave and find Skye and at least let her know about Zia, even if she’s still mad at me. Ugh, and on top of screwing up what would have been a really nice evening with you and Dad and Skye, I passed out in my own misery and missed texting Ryan. He probably thinks I forgot about him.”

  “Oh, God, honey, in all the chaos I forgot to ask you how you were doing. I’m so sorry, this explains a lot.”

  Claire really didn’t want to hash anything out with her mother. She knew she could have handled the situation better with Skylar, but deep down she felt like she was right. And now her mother was blaming Claire’s erratic and inappropriate outburst the night before on her emotional instability because Ryan left. Great, Claire thought. She was so much more mature than that. She wondered what her mother was thinking other than the obvious—Skylar was going to walk away scot-free from everything. Claire would take the fall for last night by speaking up making a truthful observation.

  She grabbed her sweatshirt and walked out the door. Finding Skylar was more important than Sarah seeing her point of view.

  “Can we talk about everything later, Mom? I really want to head out.”

  “That’s fine, honey, keep me posted… love you.”

  “Love you.”

  Sarah stayed sitting on Claire’s bed long after she heard the front door slam and breathed in the smell of her daughter’s pillow. She knew Claire would be fine. And she had to believe Skylar would be fine, too.

  She looked around the room and tried to return to recent memories of less challenging times. Sarah shut her eyes and tried to visualize a yoga room, a woman cave or a sewing room… or a combination of all three. Something… anything… to keep her mind off her grief. She thought about the days when the girls were at school, dinner was in the crockpot and all the chores were done and she was able to casually head to the local home store to look at paint samples; feeling chipper over the colors she chose for the eventual redecoration and repurposing of the room. Sarah thought eighteen months would have been a good amount of time to emotionally prepare for her older girls’ room to be vacated, so she was at ease with her thought about interior design.

  Eighteen months, she thought. Sarah wished she had eighteen months. Her shoulders sank thinking about how quickly life can change without notice. She put Claire’s pillow back on her bed and pulled the covers up before straightening them out.

  “Zia, if you can hear me, please watch over the girls,” Sarah said aloud, “and me.”

  Sarah sat and remembered the times Claire had begged to go to church or go to Regina’s for the day. She was a miniature Devotee in a way that Sarah had chosen to never be. Sarah was immediately saddened by the thought. She was sure she couldn’t begin to understand Claire’s potential for despondency in this moment. Sarah realized she was so caught up in keeping Skylar in a good place that she stopped listening to Claire.

  She had blown off asking Claire about Ryan after he left. And she hadn’t taken Claire particularly seriously about her justifiable beef with her parents’ skewed reward system—Skylar was acting out and Sarah and Earl figured out a way to pacify her in order to keep her from running away. Sarah thought if it had been Claire making Skylar-esque choices they would have punished her and she would have complied.

  So on top of everything that was going on in Claire’s life, Zia Regina died—less than a week before Claire was supposed to start school. Sarah had gotten so used to her girls being easy, despite Skylar’s recent behavior. She had admittedly grown accustomed to all the ways her life had come together. Now her girls were leaving and her Aunt suddenly left, too. Sarah realized she may have taken some things for granted. She also realized maybe she wasn’t mothering either Claire or Skylar in a way to help them problem solve and learn from their experiences—either through pacifying Skylar or ignoring Claire when she hit the nail on the head about something.

  She picked up her cell phone a dialed her mother’s number.

  “Hello,” Rachel said in her usual loud voice.

  “Hi, Mom,” Sarah said, as if she were sixteen with a broken heart.

  “What’s going on with you, sweetie? You sound terrible,” Rachel said.

  Sarah felt like the only one she needed in the moment was her mother.

  “Sarah, honey, are you there, I’m on my way to court.”

  “Oh, okay, can we talk later?” Sarah asked.

  “Well, judging by the sound of your voice, I don’t think we can wait until later. I can get someone to cover for me. Just stay on the line….”

  Sarah couldn’t believe her mother had put her on hold. But as she waited and listened to the very bad elevator music playing in her ears, Sarah remembered there was a time Rachel would have rushed off to court without batting an eye. Her mother decided to be there for her today.

  “Honey, are you still there? I’m going to take you and my cigarettes with me to the rooftop. I have a feeling we have some things to catch up on.”

  Sarah told Rachel about the blow-up between Claire and Skylar. She told Rachel about Ryan leaving. And she told her about the recent devastating news of Zia Regina dying.

  “Oh, my God,” Rachel said, “well, the girls will make up, but you need to get your shit together treating them so differently. You can’t have Skylar running the show because you’re afraid and you can’t have Claire seeing things for what they are and not validating her.”

  Rachel wasn’t done so Sarah just listened, “Claire will survive her broken heart over a boy… but I know, honey, since Claire was a tiny little thing, what Regina meant to her. What they meant to each other. My little gentiles. This is truly devastating. I’ll tell you what, send both girls to New York to stay with me for a while. You can catch your breath and it might be good for them, ya know, honey?”

  Sarah sighed to alleviate her immediate frustration. Rachel wouldn’t have remembered or necessarily paid attention to Claire leaving for college in just a few days.

  “I kn
ow, I know, honey, she’s slated to go to University right now, but maybe….” The tone of Rachel’s voice trailed upward.

  “No, Ma, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why, Sarah? It might be what she needs. I’m sure she can defer her fall enrollment based on the circumstances.”

  “Well,” Sarah thought, “I could mention it as an option, but only if you’re serious about taking her in. Short term. My girls need to go to college.”

  “Yes, you should do that, honey. Mention it as an option. The girls need a healthy dose of Rachel to reel them in. And you need a break, right? It’ll give you time with the younger girls and there’s not a better place for them to be than with me.”

  Sarah wasn’t entirely sold on Rachel being the best solution for the girls. She was extraordinary in so many ways, but she didn’t quite master her maternal instincts in this lifetime. Sarah had been born a nurturer or maybe she had become one to compensate for the lack of warmth her mother was able to provide her growing up. Sarah was okay with what she perceived as a role reversal in her household. Rachel was married to her profession and Giorgio, who worked his ass off helping build and maintain a successful business, was always there for her, somehow, making meals and doling out big, warm hugs. It worked out for the best, but Sarah couldn’t help but think how Rachel could possibly pull off keeping an eye out for her two teenaged granddaughters.

  “Look, Sweetie,” Rachel said between puffs, “I know what you’re thinking… I’m not the most nurturing type, but I’m good at a lot of other things. Look at how you turned out, Sarah, give me some credit. Your daughters should be exposed to things… culture, art….”

  Sarah should have known Rachel would be quick enough to read her mind and she knew her mother stopped short of describing the litany of things the girls would be exposed to in the city. She suspected her mother wanted to add sophisticated and educated people to the list of what they’d potentially be exposed to, but didn’t want to insult her own daughter. Sarah knew that’s what Rachel was thinking.

  “I’ll think about it, Mom. Knowing Claire, she probably will want to leave for school early… as soon as the funeral is over, I mean.”

  “Okay, okay, I said my piece and I made you an offer.”

  “So, I want to talk to you about arrangements for Regina. You and I were all she had left, really,” Sarah said with a sigh.

  “Did Regina have any specific requests?”

  “I’m sure she did. Stefano was buried in the Cemetery in town, so… I’ll ask Claire. She’ll know, I’m sure.”

  “Well good, honey, I hope you feel better. Let me know when the wake and funeral are. Although, I’ve gotta say, the Catholic wake is a little much for me. Can we keep the casket closed? Regina won’t know….”

  “We’re going to go by whatever her requests were, Mom.”

  “Alright, alright, anything else? I do have to get to work eventually today.”

  “Well, now that you mention it, we never ironed out where we were enrolling Skylar in school in the city.”

  “Well, I’ll be. She called me last week and told me you gave her permission to attend public high school. I should have checked with you, but why would I? She’s a good kid.”

  “Hm,” Sarah said, “well, I didn’t tell her that, but maybe it’ll work. She taking the train on Monday, so can you pick her up at the train station?”

  “I could, honey, but she knows how to take a cab. She’s almost eighteen, ya know.”

  “Yeah, I know….”

  “Love you, mwah.”

  “Love you, too, Ma.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Claire sat on the bench in the park to calm herself down and to position herself to have a bird’s eye view of Felicia’s parents’ house. She checked her phone to see the time. She had been sitting for more than an hour watching for any sign of life. She looked at her phone again, this time a little more compulsively, to check and see if Ryan had texted her.

  She felt awful about everything. Yet there was a small part of her that could feel Regina around her and certainly could feel her in her heart. The warmth and joy that particular knowingness gave her brought tears to her eyes. She started thinking about all the things she wanted to say at her funeral and she began to wonder who would be doing the eulogy. The closest person to Regina, technically speaking, was Rachel. Or maybe her mother. Claire wondered if a Great-Niece had any weight in speaking from her heart in front of a congregation. Her chiming phone interrupted her thoughts.

  I thought you forgot about me already.

  Claire couldn’t help but grin… and giggle. A text from Ryan was exactly what she needed. She wasn’t sure where to start. So much had happened since he left town twenty-four hours ago.

  How are you? I miss you!

  Claire sat and waited to Ryan to respond. She noticed a car pulling in the driveway. Claire squinted to make the figures out in the fading sunlight. It certainly wasn’t Skylar and Felicia. It must have been Felicia’s parents. Claire had to talk to them and tell them about their family emergency. She heard her phone chime again and looked down as she quickly walked toward the house.

  Great! Dad and I are in Texas. Almost there… miss you, too!

  Claire didn’t have time to respond in the moment. She needed to find Skylar as soon as possible. She climbed the steps to the front door and rang the bell. A woman in her late forties, maybe early fifties, answered the door. Claire noticed she looked younger in person than the woman who got out of the car.

  “Can I help you?” She asked.

  “Yes, well, I hope so. My name is Claire Sinclair and I’m looking for my sister, Skylar.”

  “Hm, well, you’re talking about Felicia’s friend, right?”

  “Yes, that’s right,” Claire said.

  “They’re not here, dear. We just came back from vacation and Felicia evidently took off a little early for the city. She normally waits for us, but….”

  “Well, I just have to find my sister, so… sorry I’m being rude, but we have a family emergency.”

  “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but Felicia and Skylar are definitely not here.”

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  Claire ran down the stairs and raced toward home. She was sure when she got there that Skylar would be home, but she needed to know as quickly as possible. Her heart was racing in anticipation. Surely, Skylar wouldn’t have taken off with Felicia to New York City, she thought. Claire was suddenly feeling winded, overwhelmed and hopeless. Her sprint dwindled to a jog and eventually a walk. She wondered what the hell she was doing. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Skylar’s number.

  “Hey, I’m worried. Pick up your phone. I know you’re really mad at me right now, but I need to talk to you.”

  She walked in the back door of her house to see Sarah sitting in the kitchen alone. It was so strange, Claire thought, how just a few months ago she was celebrating her birthday, bonding with Skylar, connecting with Zia, falling for Ryan and getting ready for college. She could see the ghost of the memory before her. Everything was so vivid, she was sure time was playing tricks on her.

  Ugh, Claire thought, I’m not ready to accept that I’ll never hold Zia’s hand again… or give her giant bear hugs or look into her eyes. Claire began to tear up again. She wondered now if she’d ever be able to do that with Ryan again or Skylar, for that matter. Claire’s enthusiasm for life may have hit an all-time low. Everyone seemed far away.

  “Claire?” Sarah asked.

  Claire looked at her mother and said softly, “Oh, Mom, I’m a mess and it’s kind of not going away. In fact, it’s getting worse.”

  “Honey, I’m so sorry. I feel sorry about everything.”

  “Me, too,” Claire said.

  Sarah got up from the table and wrapped her arms around her daughter. She wanted Claire to feel nothing but unconditional love. They stood in silence, embraced in the kitchen for several minutes. Claire wasn’t sure who needed the hu
g the most, but she decided she did. She needed her mother and she needed her more than she had in a very long time.

  “Please, Claire,” Sarah said as they came out of their hug, “don’t feel bad about anything. You have nothing to feel bad about. I’ve been doing some thinking and I want you to know that I know how you felt about Zia, so whatever you need, just ask. That’s what’s most important right now.”

  “I need you to help me find Skylar.”

  Sarah shook her head in disbelief, “That’s not where I was going with this. What do you mean, help you find Skylar?”

  “Well, I’ve been sitting in front of Felicia’s parents’ house since I left earlier, waiting for someone to be there. When I saw people, I rang the bell. It was her mother, I guess. She said Felicia left before they got home. So, no Felicia and no Skylar. I tried calling her, but she’s not picking up.”

  Sarah sat down, “Jesus, I don’t know what to do.”

  “I mean, I don’t even know how to contact Felicia,” Claire said.

  “We have to go talk to her parents. I mean, we can’t call the police. She’s not missing. Her parents have to help us.”

  Sarah and Claire got in the car to drive to Felicia’s. Sarah rang the doorbell and waited with Claire until Felicia’s mother stuck her head out of the door.

  “Hi,” Sarah spoke first. Claire couldn’t help but notice her mother’s voice quivering.

  “Did you find your sister?” Felicia’s mother looked at Claire as she asked the question.

  “No, I tried calling her, but she didn’t answer. I went home to tell my mom and she thought maybe you could help us.”

  “Well, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. Felicia’s a grown woman. What she does in her private life is none of my business.”

  “Well, Mrs., uh, I’m sorry,” Sarah said, “I don’t know your name. My name is Sarah, by the way. Sarah Sinclair.”

  “Hi, Sarah, I’m Alice Rivers, I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

  Alice started to close the door, but Sarah put her foot down to stop it.