“Awesome!” Claire exclaimed.
Shopping sounded a like a perfect reprieve from her thoughts. It was the first time she felt really excited about much of anything since Ryan left and Skylar disappeared. Claire had to admit, going to a yoga class for the first time was really cool, but to be there with Rachel and to go shopping for her first yoga outfit with her grandmother was amazing.
Claire had so many questions. She needed to ask Candy more about her connection to Italy. She needed to ask her more about her psychic abilities and what she had said about Ryan. But mostly, Claire was intrigued about all the things she didn’t know outside of her own religious upbringing. Yes, she learned about her own connection to God and she learned about doing onto others… but she never knew about the idea of honoring the sacred space in everyone. The Divine, she started thinking, wasn’t outside of us, but inside. Then she thought maybe this was obvious to everyone but her.
It was embarrassing to think that she never spent any time asking questions about other belief systems, not even Jewish things, and that sat so very close to home. Claire had at least a thousand questions for Rachel. She wondered why she thought Rachel seemed sort of scary or intimidating to her when she was growing up. Zia always seemed so soft and approachable.
Rachel was just different now, Claire thought. She was equally as approachable as Zia, she was just… a New Yorker. Grandma Rachel, it turned out, what really kind of cool. And she could be funny.
“Claire, honey, what’s got you brooding?” Rachel asked as they sat across from one another on the couch, “You were just radiant less than a minute ago about shopping and yoga.”
“Oh, Rachel, I guess I’m just feeling bad about being so one-track minded when it comes to learning about things. I spent so much time learning about Christianity and Catholicism with Zia that I didn’t get to know about your beliefs and Grandma Rose’s beliefs, for that matter… it just seems so ignorant on my part. I feel ignorant about a lot of things and it’s weird and kind of sad because I always thought I was so smart. And on top of it, I’m feeling bad that I don’t really know you… and you’re really awesome.”
Claire was choked up and she let it show. There were no histrionic motivations behind her need to emote. Everything was overwhelming. She asked God to help her grow and evolve, but this isn’t what she had in mind.
Rachel moved to sit next to Claire on the couch and put her arm around her. She had grown more and more touchy-feely as she got older. Superficial kisses on each cheek had morphed into genuine, heartfelt hugs as life moved forward. Rachel’s life in the fast lane had been diminished by sharing in her friends’ bad fortunes, their spousal deaths and garden-variety life humbling experiences that come with age. Rachel had to admit she was a better woman now than when she was a mother to Sarah.
“Well, it’s nice to hear that you think I’m awesome, it really feels good,” Rachel sighed, “I think you’re awesome, too and I can’t wait to watch you grow as a young woman. And as far as contemplating your perceived levels of both ignorance and having a high IQ… well, you’ll acquire skills in college that will make you money hopefully in something you love, but it’s so important to learn about the world around you, people, cultures, history, art, science… be witness to the brilliance of human beings at their best and aspire toward that with passion. Soak it all in. Contemplate why you’re here and how you’ll contribute to the world. God gave you a big brain, a big heart and a wonderful childlike awareness, so the question is, my dear, what are you going to do with it to really become who you were meant to become?”
At least a million more thoughts swirled around in Claire’s head than just seconds before. She had so much to say and think about that she felt like if she didn’t keep track of it all now it would be forever lost in the recesses of her brain. She needed to write some of this down. She needed to write everything down. She thought about her beautiful journals Rachel had given her for her birthday and how she hadn’t adhered to her journaling commitment the way she promised herself she would.
Rachel sat with her arm around Claire for a few minutes and enjoyed being close to her granddaughter.
“Claire, I would really like it if you’d seriously consider coming here for college. I know it’s late in the decision making process, but you need to be in New York. I’ve been telling your mother that for years.”
“It’s weird, all that hype and excitement about going to Tennessee has just slipped away. I feel like I’m supposed to be here, Rachel. How do we tell Mom I want to enroll at NYU?”
“Just tell her, you’re a grown-up. Go where you need to go. Besides, she’s been so wound up about Skylar that you changing colleges will seem like a bump in the road.”
Claire laughed, “Okay, then! I’m going to NYU!”
Rachel hesitated and said, “Claire there are a lot of options in the city for school. I guess I was pushing for NYU because it’s my alma mater, but you know you can do a little research, too, honey.”
“Well, I was planning on putting off starting school until next semester, so I have a little time. But I do like the thought of going to the same college you went to,” Claire said with a smile.
“Perfect,” Rachel said, “I’ll help you in whatever way you want or need.”
Her heart was racing. She was backing out of Vanderbilt once and for all. It was surreal, she thought, that everything she worked so hard for didn’t come to be. And the decision to change the course of her life happened in less than two days. She was excited, and a little scared, beyond belief. But it felt so right. And on top of it, this time with Rachel was magical. Claire felt connected to her in a way she never had before.
Skylar wandered into the living room just as Rachel finished making her offer.
“What do you mean, help in whatever way Claire wants or needs?” She asked.
“I’m moving to Manhattan, Skye!”
“What?!?” That’s crazy. You’re a Vanderbilt girl.”
“Not anymore, thanks to you, actually, and Rachel.”
“This has nothing to do with me.”
“Well,” Claire said, “in a weird, roundabout way I have you to thank.”
Skylar shrugged her shoulders.
Rachel finally spoke, “Why don’t we get in the shower and do some pre-yoga class shopping? Then maybe go to dinner?”
“Sounds good, Skye, are you coming? We’re going to shop for yoga clothes, go to class and then dinner.”
“Yoga? When did you two start doing yoga?”
“Today,” Rachel and Claire said simultaneously.
“Sure, why not?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Claire wasn’t sure what the nature of conversation would be at dinner. Skylar was still a little hung over from the night before and Claire was feeling oddly distant from her. She knew Skylar would talk about it when she was ready, but knowing that didn’t change her hurt feelings. She imagined shedding a single tear and letting it fall so Skylar would take notice. Claire envisioned a scene in which Skylar would take Claire by the hand, look her in the eyes and tell her nothing, not even Felicia, would get in the way of their relationship. They’d embrace….
“Claire,” Skylar asked, “are you going to order?”
Claire shook her head slightly, so neither Skylar nor Rachel would notice she was coming out of her histrionic, dreamlike stake. She pointed out her order to the waiter and fell back into her thoughts while Skylar and Rachel placed their orders. She couldn’t help but wish her relationship with Skylar was like the movies. In many ways, it had always been, she thought. Claire wondered if it was normal for them to grow apart. She would do whatever she could to not let that happen. She knew their connection meant something to Skylar.
In the meantime, Claire let her thoughts wander. She was excited about her latest adventure in deciding to change schools and the only thing she wanted to do was feel happy and grateful. She felt her life opening up in a completely different way. And on top of everything el
se, Claire had gone to her first yoga class.
The yoga instructor, Declan, mentioned Namaste at the beginning and end of class, just like Rachel said he would. The class was amazing—the instructor turned down the lights and filled the ceiling with colored, floating stars that were projected from some kind of a fancy piece of lighting equipment. Claire learned about Ujayi breathing, the health benefits of the poses and finding her ‘scared space’, as Declan called it. She was inspired to find out more about the origins of yoga and the connection to spirit, mind and body. She always felt like she wasn’t a jock or an athletic-type of person, but the idea of using yoga to connect to her body to the Universe made perfect sense.
It turned out the class was called Yoga Gold, designed for women in their golden years, which was fine with Claire. She wondered why she and Skylar were the only two people in the class under the age of sixty-something. Everyone was really nice and welcomed them. They talked about their grandchildren, asked where she and Skylar went to school and wondered if they were enjoying Manhattan. Claire imagined the environment was probably a lot less intimidating than taking a class with younger women, who might be competitive or make fun of her for falling over mid-pose, which she did repeatedly.
The instructor took things slowly, explaining everything as they went. Claire never saw anyone like Declan. He had a ponytail and wore really loose gauze pants, and his shirt was as equally flowing as his bottoms. She noticed cool tattoos scattered on his arms, ankles, and chest. But the main reason why Claire studied his outfit was because it was in stark contrast to her mostly clingy spandex outfit from Macy’s. She felt oddly athletic and didn’t want to give him that kind of an impression—that she was just some jock-girl trying to get a good work out and not paying attention to the other meditative and spiritual parts of the class. And then she wondered why she cared.
Claire chalked up her behavior to sort of check out the yoga guy as normal eighteen year old stuff. But she had to admit outside of her more superficial teenaged thoughts about Declan, she swore she felt her heart open up by the end of class. She felt lighter.
They did a small meditation when they were done and he asked everyone to send out a positive intention for themselves or someone they thought needed it. Claire sent her intention to Skylar. Then she sent a second one to Ryan, a third to Zia and a fourth to Declan. Claire decided Zia was sitting in Heaven, at peace and all-knowing, so she exchanged that intention for one for her parents, Safire, Sadie and Rachel. She sent out a baby positive thought to herself, just because she was feeling the love and she thought she deserved it.
She returned to the conversation she had with Declan in her mind….
“Hey, Declan, thanks,” Claire had said, “that was a great class.”
“Was this your first time?” He asked.
Claire felt herself blush a little, “Was I that obvious?”
“No, not so much, but you’ll notice as you practice more, you’ll become more fluid.”
Claire thought she would melt and she wasn’t sure why. Declan was really nice. There was something very different about him, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.
“Are you visiting? I mean, I know you’re new to yoga, but you wouldn’t start in a Gold Yoga class, right?” Declan asked smiling.
Claire laughed a little nervously. He wasn’t being condescending, just honest, she thought.
“Actually,” Claire said, “I’m visiting my grandmother and I wanted to try yoga. This is the class she’s taken before, so….”
“Oh, okay, that makes sense. Well, sorry to hear you’re from out of town. I thought maybe we could go for tea sometime.”
Claire couldn’t tell if she was getting asked out on a date. Maybe Declan was nice to everyone and asked a lot of people out for tea. Claire really didn’t know what to do. She thought about Ryan. They parted ways with the idea they would stay connected to one another, but they never talked specifically about what that meant. She would talk to Ryan about it, but in the meantime there was no reason why she couldn’t have tea with Declan, her new yoga instructor.
“No, I mean, yes, I’m from upstate, but I’m moving here soon. Like, probably by next week. So, we could go for tea sometime then.”
“That would be great, but can you tell me your name so I know what to call you next week when I see you?”
Declan winked and held Claire’s hands in his. The energy in his touch was mythical. It was pure… simultaneously conjuring up adjectives in Claire’s mind like wholesome and dreamy.
“Claire,” She said with a smile.
“Oh,” Declan said, “like Saint Claire.”
“I’d like to think I might have been named after her, but I think my Dad liked the idea of me being Claire Sinclair,” Claire chuckled as she felt her face get a little flushed.
“Claire Sinclair… it sounds like somebody famous.”
Claire smiled and let out a small giggle. Her reaction took her back a little. Declan had made her giggle, first of all, which she was sure only Ryan was capable of until now. And second of all, the idea of always wanting her name in lights in one way or another sounded completely shallow to her while talking to Declan. Yet, he brought it up. She wondered if she could be spiritual and grandiose at the same time, then she wondered how to respond to his observation.
“Well, I’m sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I always kind of thought that. I’ve been practicing signing my autograph on things since I can remember… you must think that’s so shallow.”
“It’s not shallow if you’re following your path,” Declan smiled.
Claire sighed with relief and smiled, “So, you know about Saint Claire, Declan?”
“Yeah, actually, I spent some time in Italy, you know, traveling around a few years ago. I stayed in Umbria for a while and had to go to Assisi, of course.”
Of course, Declan went to the one place that Claire absolutely had to go sometime in her lifetime—the tomb of St. Claire and, of course, St. Francis. She thought she was going to melt, but she wasn’t sure exactly why.
“Mia Mamma e Italiana,” Claire blurted out, excited to talk about anything Italian.
“Brava,” Declan chuckled and Claire could swear he blushed, “I never really learned to speak too much Italian when I was there. I got by with some key words, used my hands a lot and a few people where I stayed spoke English, so… you speak Italian, huh?”
“Yes, some, my Grandfather and Great Aunt were from Italy.”
“Nice.”
Claire wasn’t sure what she should have said in that moment, but she ended up telling Declan about Zia and how much the class helped her to connect to the other side. She wanted to ask him where he stayed when he was in Italy and ask him all about Assisi. She imagined he lived in a convent or more likely a monastery, but she knew there would be time to get to know him and ask him about his time there. She was excited to meet someone so cool and different. She felt like he knew about things she’d never even heard of. And she couldn’t help but think about what Declan had said, it’s not shallow if you’re following your path. Something about those words resonated with Claire. She had an epiphany.
“I really needed the class today,” Claire said before pausing briefly, “I feel like I was supposed to meet you, is that crazy?”
Declan smiled and said, “I feel the same way.”
“So,” Claire said, “I guess we’ll catch up once I settle in, in the next week or two?”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
~~~~
“Claire, are you even paying attention to the conversation?!? They dropped your dinner off like five minutes ago and you haven’t picked up your fork.”
Skylar seemed irritated and on the verge of being indignant, but Claire decided she had such a good class and conversation with Declan that her newfound serenity had helped her let all of her less-than-positive feelings about Skylar’s recent behavior and current attitude slide.
“Oh, sorry, Skye, sorry, Rachel,”
Claire said apologetically, “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Honey,” Rachel said as she touched Claire’s arm, “I know you do, but I have a feeling it’s not all bad.”
Rachel’s voice rose up toward the end of her sentence in a funny, teasing sort of way. It would have been impossible for anyone to have missed Claire’s obvious admiration for Declan after class.
Claire smiled, “I just felt a connection with him, that’s all. He spent some time in Italy and he asked me if I was named after St. Claire, you know how I get into all that… the history, the language and the Saints sort of stuff. It’s just dreamy.”
“Oh, Claire,” Skylar teased, “you and your whole Catholic Saint thing is so cute. We could see you beaming at Declan from across the room.”
Claire felt her face becoming flush. A month ago, Claire wouldn’t have considered whether Skylar was being kind or condescending referring to Claire’s ‘Catholic Saint thing’ as being cute, but now post-Felicia, Claire wasn’t sure. She decided to ignore it.
“Well, that’s the thing… I’m really interested in learning about other faiths and religions. You know, I started talking to Zia about this on my birthday.”
“And she was okay with that?” Rachel asked.
“I mean, she gave me a beautiful Bible, like she has done every year since forever, but we had a heart to heart about me finding myself. And I think she wanted my heart to be happy with whatever I end up choosing. You know, I really liked the meditative and spiritual part of yoga today. Meditating is different than praying. I feel like I have much to learn. And it wasn’t all about Declan, although I do want to take his class again and see him.”
“Well,” Rachel said, “I’m happy for you honey, just starting to grow in a different way. And anytime you want to talk about your Jewish heritage, you just let me know.”
“I thought, if you have the time, I can ask you about things when I move in. And I really want to talk to Grandma Rose, too, about her beliefs... her religion, if she even has one. I don’t want her to leave the planet without knowing more about her. I mean, it just seems like there’s never enough time to say and do… whatever.”
Twist of Fate Page 19
