Bitter

by S. L. Romines

  Cass and I continue to stare each other down, sizing up the other even though we both know this will not end in an actual fight.

  “You are absolutely right, Vivian,” Cass says with tears in her eyes. “You are nothing like your mother. Your mother was a very ill woman. She was clinically depressed, Vivian. It wasn’t her fault that she was weak. She just didn’t get the help she needed and you know that.”

  Letting my defenses down, I flop back into the couch and think about Cass’s words when memories of my mother come flooding back. The pain of remembering her sitting on our couch with the blinds drawn in the middle of the day— wearing nothing but a robe as I walked in from school—twisting her finger through her hair over and over again makes my heart ache. There isn’t a memory with her in it where she wasn’t in this fucked up mess.

  Cass kneels down in front of me and takes my hands. “You are a very strong woman. You care about others even when you don’t want to. And my little Kyle loves you to pieces. Do you want her to see you like this because you know if she ever does she will quickly talk you out of this funk. And another thing, you need to quit being so angry at Jax. He didn’t do anything wrong. You also need to admit to yourself that you’re in love with him.”

  “Now that’s a lie,” I say, bringing my knees up to my chest and pulling my hoodie over my head. “He’s a dick.”

  “Okay,” Cass replies as she stands up in front of me. “And just so you know, he leaves Friday. They moved up the date.”

  My heart drops at Cass’s words. Has it already been a week since I’ve seen him? And why the fuck is he leaving early?

  “He misses you too, you know.” I look up at Cass and she smiles meekly at me. “I guess you are both are idiots.”

  “Well, what do you want me to do about it? He…he…”

  “Oh, hell, Viv. He…he didn’t do shit! You overreacted much like you always do. All Jax tried to do was show you that you can be appreciated and possibly loved by a man. A good man at that!”

  “I hate you,” I say, shaking my head.

  “I love you too. Now get your head out of your ass and see him before he leaves.” Cass leans down and kisses the top of my head. “You don’t want to regret not seeing him before he leaves. Because, trust me when I tell you, that shit will hurt more.”

  “Am I really an ass?” I look up at Cass and she shakes her head.

  “Yes. Yes, you are. But you’re my best ass and I will love you forever,” she says, heading to the front door. “I gotta go pick up Kyle before she starts protesting at the sitters. I swear that girl takes after you.”

  “She rocks, that’s why,” I say, looking over at Cass. “Love you.”

  “Love you!”

  As soon as Cass leaves I decide to get up and tackle the mess from hell and take a shower. But not before I type out the most important text I will probably ever send. I pull out my cell, take a deep breath and let my fingers do the work.

  Jax…

  If it’s not too much trouble, can you meet me at my house tonight at 7? Bring some Jägermeister. A big bottle. Two shot glasses and maybe some fucking Twinkies. Thanks.

  Vivian.

  There. Now that that’s done, washing the pussy, pits, and ass are in order.

  Chapter Nine

  At exactly one minute to seven, a knock on my front door causes me to nearly have a heart attack. I jump from the couch and make my way to the door, fluffing out my hair because…I really have no idea why. I stand in front of the door taking a deep breath, and exhaling slowly. I feel like I’m going to pass the hell out. As soon as I open the door, I nearly do just that.

  Jax looks good dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a tight baby blue t-shirt that hugs his chest and his arms deliciously. The cowboy boots are a nice added touch, and is he trying to kill me with that backward baseball cap on? Seriously? And fuck me if he doesn’t smell good enough to lick. And his lips are enough to…

  “Are you going to invite me in?”

  I step aside, giving Jax just enough room to pass. I watch as he places two bags on the coffee table. I sneak a quick peek into the bags and try to reign back my smile.

  “I see ya brought my booze.”

  “Yeah well, the ‘in your face’ text you sent me was less than vague.” Jax scratched the light stubble on his chin. “Should I have expected anything less?”

  “You could.” I snatch up the bags and head to the kitchen to pour myself a shot. “But it probably won’t do you any good.”

  Jax follows behind me and I am all too aware that he’s two inches from breathing on my neck. My body is a traitorous bitch, reacting so damn shamelessly when he’s near. Whatever. I can do this. I can absolutely be around him without getting the urge to naked tackle him and dry hump his leg. I think.

  “So, Vivian, why am I here?”

  My nipples instantly pebble up, stiffening against my thin white tank top as his hot breath tickles the shell of my ear.

  “Thought you were pissed off at me?” Jax brushes up against the bare skin on my arm and damn it if my ovaries just didn’t implode. “Or did you call me over here to tell me to go fuck myself again? Because, and if I’m going to be honest, my palm hurts and I’ve run out of lube.”

  I nearly choke on my drink as it slides and burns down my throat. Bastard.

  I take a deep breath and try to rid my dirty mind of Jax buttering his corn for the last several days.

  As I head to the living room after him my feet stop on and my mouth instantly goes dry. I know I’ve said it before but I will say it again. Never, ever have I seen any man that compares to Jaxon Maddox. Sitting on my couch, legs spread wide open, I watch with a great amount of control as he slowly lifts his glass up to his lips and brings his mouth down around the rim. Breathe bitch!

  I sit down in the recliner across from him and will my legs to stop shaking.

  “So what’s the deal, Vivian?”

  I look down at my hands in my lap and try to come up with something that doesn’t sound like I’m chewing his head off.

  “I guess I need to fucking apologize to…”

  “Scratch that,” Jax says, hopping up from the couch. My heart drops to my stomach as he heads for the front door. Once his hand grips the doorknob, he turns and looks at me. “You coming?”

  “Where?” I ask totally confused.

  Jax smiles that slow, lazy grin that makes my cooter do the jig every damn time he does it. But then I instantly remember our last ‘ride’.

  “Oh, hell no!” I pipe up. “The last damn ride I took with you ended me up in Crazyland with a chubby little kid trying to nose dive right up my corn hole. No, and thank you. Shit, for all I know you’ll have me bungee diving wearing an assless clown suit!”

  “You are a special kind of special, aren’t you? I told you that they make pills for your level of crazy.”

  “Eat me, Jax.”

  “Take a ride with me, Vivian.”

  As much as my uterus is all for taking a ride with Jax, but my head is a stern bitch, waving a red flag with a skull and crossbones as a warning. I breathe heavy through my nose and weigh my options.

  Go.

  Don’t go.

  Go.

  Don’t go.

  I chance a look over at Jax and my guts do that flip-floppy thingy when he’s all dimples and cuteness. So I mentally flip my head the bird and high five my reproductive cheer team.

  “Fine.” I grab my keys, my purse, Ginger, and head to the front door. “Let’s go.”

  Chapter Ten

  I was probably a dog in my past life. I have this thing about hanging my head out the window and letting the wind hit my tongue as I whip down the road. Even on my bike, it never fails.

  “You’re crazy.”

  I smile with my back slightly turned to Jax. If he only knew half of my quirks he’d probably have me committed.

  “You keep saying that and I’m starting to believe you,” I say, dangling my arms out the window and down the
side of the passenger door, letting the wind do a number on my hair.

  The drive takes us all but twenty minutes when we pull off the freeway and turn down a dirt road. Either side is lined with tall oak trees packed snuggly together.

  “Who lives here?” I ask, realizing that in all the time that I’ve lived in this county I’d never ventured off to this part of the country.

  I’d passed by Woodlake umpteen times always failing to take a detour. Epic failure. It’s absolutely beautiful here. And all the evening smells hit all of your senses at once. From night-blooming Jasmine to Japanese wisteria, the smells are intoxicating.

  As a large home comes into view under the full moon, you literally can see nearly every feature of the home, including its full wraparound porch to the white shutters covering the windows.

  “This place is gorgeous.” I cross my arms over the window frame and rest the side of my head against them. “Who lives here?”

  “I dunno,” Jax says. “Some cantankerous old man.”

  I quickly bring myself back through the window and turn my head towards him. “And we’re just going to trespass on some old dude’s property? Can’t you get like shit canned from the military if we get caught? Oh, dude, you’re such the rebel.”

  “You let me worry about that,” Jax says, slowing the truck down as we reach a clearing next to a willow tree. “Come on.”

  I step out, stretching my arms over my head when I hear the sound of streaming water just feet from where we are. I make my way closer to the sound. The narrow stream is beautiful as the moonlight hits it just right, making the rocks and large boulder look enormous against the mountain backdrop.

  “This place is absolutely amazing, Jax.”

  “Wanna go for a dip?” My skin blazes with need as Jax slowly slides his palms up and down my arms. Sneaky ninja bastard. “We could go skinny dipping. No one will see.”

  Reluctantly, I step away from Jax even though my head and my vagina are waging war against one another. There are things that I need to say to him. Things that might ultimately have him fucking searching for his sanity once I’m through. My beef curtains will just have to wait.

  “I need to say a few things,” I tell him as I rest my back against the willow tree. I blow out a ragged breath and close my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to…”

  I hold my palm out as Jax starts to close in on me. I need to say these things. If I don’t, I never will. Breathe, Viv. Just Breathe.

  “Please,” I say, pressing my palm against his chest, hoping that he’ll get the hint. “My life hasn’t been cookie cutter perfect.”

  “C’mon, Vivian.” Jax moves closer, cupping my cheek in his hand. “Nobody’s life is perfect. We’ve all got baggage. Some baggage is just bigger and a lot denser than others. Your life is your own. You are in control.”

  “And that’s where you’re wrong, Jax.” I take a few steps away from him and try to put some breathing distance between us. “My life has never been my own. As a kid, I had to walk on fucking pins and needles just so I didn’t piss off the cocksucker my mom married.”

  “Vivian…” Jax says, tilting his head a fraction, his brows pulled in. “…was he the one that did that to your back?”

  I blow a hard breath through my lips, as my knees begin to shake. My nerves pile on top of one another, and I can feel my heart as it starts to slam against my ribs. I don’t want to tell him everything. It’s not like it’s going to make a bit of difference. But I feel that I owe Jax at least this and then maybe he’ll understand why I need to permanently break things off with him. Besides, he’s leaving soon so this shit right here should be as easy as pie. Right?

  “Yeah. He was the one.”

  Jax takes a few steps towards me. I can tell that he wants to be near me. Close. But I can’t have him there. Anywhere near me. I feel like I’m going to break.

  I walk closer toward the river bank and take in the calming sound of the water as it crashes against the rocks.

  “Vivian?” Jax slides his palm down my arm. “Let me help you with this. Talk to me.”

  I pull my arm away from his grasp and quickly turn to face him. My breath catches when I see a look of concern in his eyes. Why the fuck does he care so fucking much?

  “What do you want me to say, Jax?” I throw my hands out, exasperated, not knowing what the fuck he wants from me. And like that, tears start to slide down my cheeks. “Do you want me to tell you that my stepfather used to whoop me until my ass nearly bled? Or how about the time he shoved me in a closet when my mom was nearly comatose on anti-depression meds? Oh, I know! You want to know about the time he fucking sizzled the skin on my back when I was twelve with a cigarette because I took too long to bring him a beer and the remote! Is that what you wanted to know?

  I look Jax in the eyes as mine continue to flood with scorching hot tears.

  “There! Now you fucking know!”

  Before I can form any coherent thoughts, two strong arms envelop me in an attempt to pull me closer. I pound and pound on hard muscle, trying to inflict even the smallest amount of pain, anything, something to make Jax let me go.

  “Vivian, stop.” Jax’s soothing voice near the shell of my ear sends shivers down my spine but does nothing to calm my grated disposition. “Let me take it away. Let me take it all away.”

  I nearly combust when he peppers small kisses below my ear and down my neck.

  “Let me go.” My voice is small, harsh, and almost unrecognizable to even myself. I lean my forehead against his as I continue to cry. “I’m not good for you. Please, just let me go.”

  It’s fucking soul crushing to even think about walking away from such a kick ass guy but it needs to be done. Like I said before, Jaxon Maddox deserves so much better than my pathetic ass.

  As I make another attempt to put distance between me and Jax, his strong hands grip my forearms and pull me back in. You’re killin’ me here!

  “One more night, Vivian,” he says, again our foreheads pressing together. His chest rises and falls in quick succession, and his breathing is labored. He brings his palms to my waist. “Just stay with me one more night and if you still want to leave in the morning I’ll take you home. No questions asked, and I will never bother you again. Please. Just give me one more night to hold you before I go.”

  For the love of glitter farting unicorns, is this guy serious? Why in the blazing fuck-it-alls did he have to go and pull this sappy, lovey dovey shit on me now?

  As he slides his hand down the small of my back and lightly presses his fingertips against my exposed sensitive skin, I come undone. All bets are completely off the table. I’m his for tonight. I’m owned.

  Our lips slam together with such force that I can feel the nerve crushing sizzle all the way down to my toes. As much as I want, need, to walk away, I know that this is exactly where I’m meant to be, for tonight at least.

  With my head spinning in a cloud of lust and want, Jax, again, lifts me up off of the ground. My legs automatically wrap around his waist, and I go in again for another fuck-hot make out session. It’s as if my body is on fucking autopilot every time he’s near me, acting a fool and an epic whore with every touch and whisper.

  “Fuck you feel good,” Jax says, walking us toward the back of his truck, stopping as his thighs hit the tailgate. My legs start to shake in anticipation when he sits my ass down on the cold piece of steel and brings one of his hands to rest between my legs and presses it up against my pussy. He moves his mouth a breath away from my ear and whispers, “and I need to be right here. I need to taste you on my tongue.”

  We waste no time sliding my sliding my daisies down over my hips, as hands and fingers and sweaty palms are caught up in an entwined mess, as we both fight to get them off. Jax is inches from my face when he looks into my eyes and slowly slides my panties down my legs, exposing my pussy. I feel it down to my toes when he slides his fingertip up the length of my wet slit, and my body shivers at his touch.r />
  “You are so wet,” he breathes out, glancing down at his hand as he continues to slowly drive me into oblivion. “You’re so wet but I want to make your pussy drip for me.”

  Jax grips me behind the knees and slides my ass to the edge of the tailgate, placing my feet to rest at the edge as my knees bend. He brings his hands to the inside of my thighs and slowly spreads them apart, bending his head down and placing a small kiss mere inches from my belly button. His gaze lingers between my legs, and all I want to do is beg. I want to beg and plead for him to put his mouth on me, devour every inch of me. And as if we both are thinking the same thing, Jax drops to his knees to give me exactly what I need.

  “Oh, fuck!”

  My breathing comes out in short spurts as his tongue makes its first pass, hot, long and lingering. My legs begin to tremble as his tongue begins to manipulate my clit, sucking it into his mouth. My knees nearly slam together as his teeth graze the swollen, sensitive skin, and I scream out when his teeth latch on.

  “Harder.”

  And he does just as I beg him to, biting down on my clit, harder and harder. Lust overrides the pain, and I thrust my hips up, slamming them against his mouth, wanting more, needing more.

  I slip into a sexual euphoria when Jax relentlessly flicks his tongue over my clit, slamming his thick fingers inside of me. His actions are unapologetic as his fingers forcefully drive deeper.

  “You like that, baby?” His voice his hoarse, and I lift myself up on my elbows and almost come undone when I see his face glistening with my juices smeared across his mouth. “Tell me.”

  “Fuck yeah. Just like that,” I say breathlessly.

  Jax continues to slam his fingers into my needy pussy, looking up at me and swiping his tongue across his lips. And just like that I’m thrust into fucking oblivion and come with a force that I’ve never experienced before.

  Every one of my nerve endings are in a state of bliss when he gets up on his knees and crawls up the length of my body. As he presses his body against mine, I’m sucked into another bout of excitement as it rolls over my skin. I need so much more of him.