A pained look meets my eyes, and I instantly wish I could rewind the vile attack. I might as well have punched him in the stomach without any warning and knocked the wind out of him.
"It's not because I don't trust you. I'm just not ready to talk about it. There are so many things, so many feelings I still need to sort out. You kept your secret locked away for a year and look how difficult it was for you to break that box open. Mine has been locked up tight for much longer. I'm trying to deal with it. I just need time. I gave you space when you needed it, and I let you tell me in your own way. That's all I'm asking for. In return." His voice lowers and becomes childlike, and is eyes plead with me to understand. "You're the only person I want to share this with, and I will. I want to heal, like you are. I'm just not there yet."
He lowers his eyes and clenches the comforter in his hand.
I swallow hard over the lump lodged in my throat and fight to keep the tears at bay. I'm incredibly ashamed of myself. "You're right. You gave me space. I'm sorry I said that, it wasn't fair, and I had no right to lay that on you."
"I meant what I said the other night, Kylie. You awakened a part of me that has been dormant for so long that I didn't think it existed at all. I'm not going anywhere. I want to be right here, with you. I never want to return to life where you were only a dream. You are a reality for me. And I don't plan to let that slip away for any reason." He caresses my face.
"Until you find a reason. John is a major factor in our lives, and it's possible he could make it so difficult for us that you'll want out. It might be something you never considered, but it will make all the difference in the world." I look at my hand in Alex's, and watch his thumb run over my knuckles.
His brilliant blue eyes are a mix of softness and sadness. "I wish I knew what to say to make you believe me, to trust what I'm saying. I want to be with you. Period. No exceptions."
"I do trust that you feel that way—right now. I know better than to think it will last. Everyone eventually leaves, Alex. It's just the way it is, the way it's always been. It's not you or anyone else. It's me. There is something wrong with me. And once you discover it, you'll leave, too."
"That's not true. Ryan and Paul are still around."
"There are reasons for them staying. We helped each other through some pivotal moments in our lives. Besides, we only see each other occasionally now."
Alex rubs the bridge of his nose and sighs heavily. "Please trust me," he says under his breath.
I lift his chin so he's forced to look at me. I have to make him understand the futility of thinking this relationship will endure. "You're right. I don't trust. Anyone. I'm not the person you think I am. One day, you'll wake up and realize you don't need me anymore. And then you won't want me. People change. What you can't possibly live without today, you can easily survive without tomorrow. Or maybe you'll find that it's just too difficult to stay with me, and it's easier to let go. The reason's not important. The outcome is the same. You will leave."
Alex's eyes flame and the muscles in his neck flex. "That's pretty cynical, Kylie." After a deep breath, his voice softens. "I don't need you because I want to save you. I want to save you because I need you to save me. I've been waiting for you for so long. To me, finding you has been a journey. So much of it occurred before you ever offered me your cell phone that morning. Now that I've found you, I'm not going to judge our feelings or depth or level of seriousness—however you want to term it—based on a calculation of time. I have never felt this way, so my time calculation is skewed."
I shake my head. I want to believe his words, but I can't afford to count on him being here for the long haul. He's too good for me to hold on to.
"What have I done to make you not trust me?"
I grab both of his hands in mine and bring them to my lips. "It's not you. I don't even trust myself. I've made horrible decisions in my life that have negatively affected a lot of people. You're dealing with the fallout of one of those disastrous decisions. And that may never change. John will not stop until he destroys us."
Alex opens his mouth to speak, but I put my finger over his lips.
"I'm damaged, Alex. I'm broken. I am not long-term material. If I were a stronger person, I would let you go. I would run away so far and so fast and save us both from the heartache. But I'm so drawn to you. You make me want to believe everything you say, and I do. In this moment, I believe you want me and need me. I just don't believe you will want all those things tomorrow. Things look different in the light of day, Alex. This is all a dream—a wonderful, magical dream. But you will wake up from it, and the reality of me will not hold the same appeal for you."
Alex scoots closer to me until our knees knock against each other. Grabbing my face, he forces me to look only at him. "Please, don't just listen to me. Hear me. I would love nothing more than to give you the world, but I know my limitations. I wish I could erase all the demons from your past. But all I can do is offer a future without demons—well, with more well-managed demons. I don't claim to have all the answers or any degree of expertise in this area. I want you to come with me on this journey. If you step off the ledge with me, we'll learn to fly together. I promise I'll take you on my wing when you falter if you'll do the same for me. I need you to take a leap of faith with me, so we can heal and be happy. Together."
He's right. He could have cut and run on so many occasions during this brief interlude, but he reinforces his promises and takes it a step further. He's the one moving us forward. He's the one attempting to heal me, and he's asking me to help him heal.
Faith. That's what he's requesting of me. I have so little left after a lifetime of people shaking me to the core and draining me of it.
Something about this man sitting in front of me—the one who has bared his soul, offered his heart, risked rejection—forces me to reconsider. Tears break through a crack in the dam I constructed at the beginning of the discussion, and they flow over my cheeks.
"What little faith I have left," I whisper, "I give to you."
He's quiet and just stares at me. Slowly, a smile crosses his face, and he leans over and kisses me. I place my hands on either side of his face and caress him.
Alex pulls his head back, a big grin plastered on his face. "So that makes you all mine."
"Until you get tired of me," I joke, but a part of me wonders if it's more of a prophecy.
Alex groans and throws his hands in the air.
My hands go up in defeat. "Sorry, sorry. Rome was not built in a day, Stone."
Chapter Twenty-One
Alex rolls off the bed and stretches his glorious naked body. I bite my lower lip and soak up his sexy masculine form. He reaches across the bed, pulls my lip from my teeth with his thumb, and gently sucks my lip into his mouth. A slow burn flames until he releases me. He's gorgeous and arousing without even trying.
He stands back up, and the boyish grin reappears on his face. "I'm starving. Let's get a bite to eat in town."
I frown.
"What?" he asks.
I crinkle up my nose. "I don't feel like getting all dressed up tonight."
"I have been known to eat at places other than five-star fine dining establishments, Miss Tate. So, here's the deal—good food, relaxed atmosphere, totally casual. Promise." He raises his eyebrows, a childlike pleading in his eyes. "Come on. I want to show off my girlfriend."
"Fine." I roll my eyes and feign a perturbed attitude, but a smile creeps across my face. Deep down, I love the thought of being Alex Stone's girlfriend. I know it's dangerous, but I need to believe he's mine.
I head into the closet to find something to wear, and Alex comes in behind me and grabs clothes off the shelves.
Staring at my clothes hanging next to his, I have a desperate need to know more information about all the women who came before me. It's a dangerous can of worms to open at this point. We just made it through a relatively exhausting discussion, and I'm leery of heading back down that road. And once I get the informatio
n, I may not like it, and it will be impossible to unring that bell.
But my curious cat gets the best of me, and I open my mouth before my better sense can talk me down. "Where did you...have relations with other women?"
Alex slides his eyes over to mine. "Why do you want to know?"
"Well, you've said that I'm the first woman to come here, spend the night, et cetera, et cetera..."
Alex takes a slow, steady breath. "I own property in town. I have a place at one of the apartment complexes that I used exclusively for that."
"Oh." I know there have been many women before me. It's not surprising that he has a place dedicated to that activity, especially given that he's never had a relationship with a woman past one night.
"And you still have the apartment?" Subtle, Kylie.
"I haven't been there since I met you on the side of the road. In fact, I haven't even thought about it. But yes, I still have it." Alex pulls his pants on. He doesn't look at me, but an uncomfortable tension radiates from him.
"Where is it—the building?" I'm trying my best to sound nonchalant, and I'm sure I’m failing miserably.
"It's not important. I won't be holding it in my portfolio any longer."
I place my hands on my hips, certain he's kidding. "You're going to sell an entire building because we're dating?"
Alex raises his eyebrows.
"Sorry, in a committed long-term relationship," I restate.
He smiles and saunters toward me, full-on sensual seduction. He grabs me around the waist, pulls me against him, and gazes into my eyes. "I'm selling it because I don't want or need memories of when I wasn't with you. That life is over—forever." He kisses me and returns to dressing. "Besides, I don't want you wondering every time we walk into one of my buildings if it's the one."
I consider this for a moment and realize it's useless to disagree. "Good call."
Chapter Twenty-Two
I sit on the bench at the dock where Alex's speedboat is anchored, completely engrossed with two small children. They're throwing pieces of stale bread for the ducks into the marina. Exuberant giggles from the children fill the air as the ducks race each other for their prizes. Their dad is close by, ready to pull them from the edge of the dock if they get too close, while their mom sits on a bench next to mine and keeps a close eye on all of them.
The little boy throws the bread in, watches the ducks swim after it, and then toddles to his mom, squealing, "The ducks, Mommy! The ducks!" He points a pudgy little finger back toward the water and waddles back to his father for more bread.
The louder they shriek, the more it makes me giggle. They mesmerize me.
The night has been perfect, and I smile, reflecting on how much fun I've been having with Alex. From the ride on the four-wheeler to his covered boathouse in a hidden corner of his vast estate to the speedboat ride around the bay and into town, seeing him at play is intoxicating.
Alex opted for the waterway to town rather than the roadways. In the small watercraft, we raced along at top speed across the waves, a wide boyish grin on his face the entire way.
We ate dinner on the outdoor patio of a local pub where we discovered we're both mad about seafood, fork-fighting for the last calamari on the plate. Our laughter filled the air and enlivened the mood.
For an hour after dinner, we wandered through the eclectic mix of boutiques and discovered each other's likes and dislikes. Alex rarely let go of my hand, and he pulled me in for random kisses.
It feels so good to be in a normal relationship, enjoying each other, learning things about on another, and just having fun.
The only potential awkwardness came when we were looking through a novelty shop, and a woman came up to Alex, her eyes gleaming.
She obviously knew him by the way she wrapped her hand around his elbow and said, "Hi, Alex."
He returned the greeting and turned away from her. The look on her face was a mix of shock, embarrassment, and anger.
In an art gallery, the woman who worked there also approached Alex with the same fire in her eyes. Alex caught sight of it and steered us away from the woman. He never said a word to me about either one of them, and I wasn't sure how to ask who they were, or if I even wanted to know.
Alex insisted on ice cream, even after my groans that I was still too full from dinner. We agreed to share a cup, and he left me sitting on the bench while he waited in line for his treat.
He slides next to me on the bench, hands me a plastic spoon, and watches the duck dive on the edge of the dock. I take a spoonful of ice cream without knowing the flavor and am pleasantly surprised when the cool minty cream melts on my tongue, leaving chunks of dark chocolate.
I dig my spoon in for another bite. "Yum!"
Alex smiles and pulls his spoon from his mouth. "See? Always room for ice cream."
"Yeah, right here on my ass."
Alex looks behind me. "Looks okay from here."
I laugh lightly and punch his upper arm. He scoops up the last spoonful of ice cream from the cup and offers it to me.
I shake my head. "You go ahead."
He licks the gooeyness off the spoon and crashes his lips against mine. I lick the remnants of ice cream from his lips and chuckle.
"I will never tire of hearing you laugh like that." His eyes sparkle and melt my heart.
"Who was the woman at the shop that said hello?"
Alex sighs. "Honestly, Kylie, I have no idea. If I were to hazard a guess, I would say I probably took her out one time, but I can't recall." He looks down at the empty ice cream cup in his hands.
"Same for the woman in the art gallery?" A pang of jealousy zaps me. These women probably all had sex with Alex.
"I would suspect so," he says. Finally, he raises his head and looks at me. "I'm not proud of the fact that the women I've been with meant so little to me that I can't even remember what they look like, let alone their names. I know it makes me look like a cad, and up until a few weeks ago, I couldn't have cared less. Now, I do. I care because I can't stand the thought of you thinking poorly of me, that I just used woman for sex and was only interested in seeing how many notches I could put in my belt."
"I'm not judging you, Alex. What you did, how that makes you feel—that's on you. I'm not your moral compass or your conscience. If you wanted beautiful young women and they understood that it was a one-shot deal, who am I to judge any of you?"
"I need for you to know that I didn't collect women. It wasn't about seeing how many I could have sex with. It wasn't like that. I've never trusted women's motives, so I never gave them a chance to get close. All I have ever seen in their eyes have been dollar signs. I didn't want to remember them, because they didn't care about me, only my money. Does that make any sense at all?"
It strikes me that the world has it wrong. I have it wrong. Alex Stone is not a playboy—at least not by the usual definition. Alex isn't a love 'em and leave 'em and move on to the next pretty young thing. He didn't trust them, didn't trust that anyone could want him without his billions. All he sees are women who want financial security and the type of life extreme wealth can provide. But Alex is more than his money and his assets. The things I crave from him are beyond any financial value.
"Yeah, it makes sense. And you know what I see in you has absolutely nothing to do with how many billions you have, right? I know it's easy for me to sit here and proclaim I would want you no matter what your financial status, but it's true. You make me feel so many things, Alex, and not one of them has to do with your wealth." I trace along his jaw with my thumb.
Our eyes lock, and I search them for some evidence he believes me.
"I know that, Kylie," he whispers. "I trust that, and it means so much to me." He leans in, gives me a soft kiss, and places his forehead against mine.
Alex tosses the empty cup in the trash bin and offers me his hand. We walk leisurely down the marina toward his speedboat.
"Alex," calls someone behind us.
A woman walks toward us and
throws her arms around Alex's neck. Jealously tears through my chest, and I'm close to ripping this woman off him and tossing her to the ground.
Alex hugs her with one arm, not releasing his hold on my hand. "Hey, Sis."
Relief and embarrassment wash over me. I take a deep breath and chuckle under my breath, slightly mortified that I wanted to stomp her into the ground.
They separate and look at me.
Alex squeezes my hand, and pulls me against his side. "This is my sister, Patty. Patty, this is my girlfr—"
"Miss Tate!"
I turn in time to see Joshua, Alex's nephew, walking toward me.
"Hi, Joshua."
He awkwardly embraces me and nearly knocks me over. He regains his footing, and steps back, red splotches covering his cheeks and neck. "Mom, this is Miss Tate."
I shake Patty's hand. "Kylie. It's nice to meet you."
Patty flashes a brilliant smile. "It's really nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you from Joshua. Thank you so much for everything you did for him."
Before I can tell her I'm happy to help, a man approaches and stands in between Patty and me.
"Hey, Alex," he says, and the two shake hands.
Patty gestures toward me. "This is Kylie...Alex's girlfriend."
"Oh?" The man eyebrows shoot up.
Alex pipes in, "Kylie, this is Patty's husband, Roger."
"Hi. It's nice to meet you."
Roger stares at me, and I chuckle, which infects Patty. Alex looks perturbed , but he then grins.
"Yeah, yeah, okay. What are you all doing down here tonight?"
"It's Sunday," she says.
Embarrassment flashes across his face. "Right. I forgot."
Roger turns to Patty. "We need to get moving, honey."
After they depart, I turn to Alex. "It's Sunday?"
He snickers. "Family dinner night at the Chart House. Everyone attends—my parents, brother, sisters, kids, significant others. I rarely attend."
Of Demons & Stones: A Tri-Stone Trilogy Page 15
