by Cass Sellars
“Is it safe to speak?”
“Probably not.” She took a long pull from the glass of scotch; the burn felt good.
“Want to share?” He spoke cautiously and from a safe distance.
“Parker and I ran into the woman supposedly responsible for my birth at the mall.”
“Ah. And how was the charming Pamela this evening? Did any serpents crawl out of her hair?” Steve rolled his eyes.
“We weren’t there long enough to stir the nest. Parker actually told her off.” Syd downed the last of the drink and slid the empty glass back to Steve.
“I knew I loved something about that girl. Do tell—and don’t leave out any details.” Steve free poured another scotch into Sydney’s waiting glass. She drank quickly as she recounted each unpleasant detail.
Steve hung on every word. Syd had succeeded in finishing three double scotches before the story was over. Now he left the glass empty, pushing a tumbler filled with soda water at her.
At Steve’s reluctance to serve her another drink, she threw her credit card on the bar and grabbed the bottle from the rack. She helped herself to number four.
“I hate that self-righteous, unevolved, gold-digging bottom-feeder.” Steve seemed impressed that she was able to string the words together after her rapid ingestion of liquor.
“I get it. I’ve met her, remember?” He reached to cover her keys with his left hand and quietly slid them off the bar and into his pocket. She didn’t argue.
She stared at the crowd, dancing and drinking, trying to remember what it felt like—no attachments, no guilt or responsibility for the feelings of anyone else. Her mother had been right about one thing. She should have protected Parker. The incident was her fault and she would never deny it. She idly wondered how long Parker would continue to sign on for this insanity. It was bad enough that Parker was faced with defending her and her past chronic womanizing behavior to her friends; now Parker was defending Syd to the crazy person who’d given birth to her. Stalkers, kidnapping, and home invasions: Sydney shook her head at the collection of obstacles that had distorted their chances. She didn’t want to fight to make this last. She wondered, even if she did manage to make it permanent, if she deserved it. It was no coincidence that Parker shied from any chance to further cement their relationship.
Sydney walked heavily toward the bathroom, high-fiving old acquaintances as she went. Then she returned to the bar and sat again heavily on her bar stool, sucking on the watery remains of her scotch while chatting with an equally drunk twentysomething in garish orange spandex.
*
Parker stared at her phone waiting for her eyes to adjust to the now very bright light. Finally, a text from Sydney. Parker, it’s Steve from TPL. Okay, not Sydney. Just her phone. Your girl is having a tough night, I think she needs you.
She replied quickly: On the way.
She pushed out of bed and grabbed the clothes she had worn to the mall. Pulling on flat boots and her jacket, she walked quickly to her car, jamming her phone into her pocket as she went. She marveled at the amount of traffic still clogging the roads and slowing her progress at midnight but she needed to be with Sydney, to somehow separate her from her broken places.
A blue pickup was just pulling away from the curb behind Syd’s car. Snagging the spot, Parker bailed out and locked her doors.
Loud voices and bad lighting made the appeal of the bar at this hour questionable at best. Steve got her attention and nodded behind him, where Parker saw her very drunk girlfriend. She silently accepted the palmed Porsche keys from Steve and shoved them into her pocket as she walked near the end of the bar.
Stopping about five feet from Sydney, Parker watched as she engaged in deep conversation with a too young and too dumb woman who clearly had designs on her. She observed as Sydney was apparently being dazzled by the swaying girl with a bad dye job and an even worse outfit of a tangerine polyester tank top and matching jeans.
“I’ll take you home, honey. I’ve driven a Porsche before,” the drunken girl slurred. Parker thought it unlikely.
“Thanks, but I’ve only ever let one other person drive my car.”
Parker continued to listen to the philosophical exchange between the two drunks negotiating the rest of their evening together. She didn’t believe for a moment that Sydney was actually entertaining the idea, even in her present state.
“You can come home with me, then,” the girl offered. “I’ll make you forget anyone else ever existed, sweetheart.” She held up her hand in a wobbly Boy Scout oath.
Parker leaned on the bar and stood still for Syd’s reply. She was almost certain it would be a declination but part of her still needed the reassurance.
“Can’t do that,” Syd mumbled. Parker was amused at how relieved she felt.
“Why not, honey, don’t you need something to take your mind off whatshername?”
“Nope, I’m good.” Syd rattled the ice in the bottom of the glass and drained the last of the amber liquid.
“But if there’s trouble in paradise, why do you want to go home?” She was apparently intent on arguing every angle.
Parker had seen enough. She stepped between the drunken duo, directing her focus to the eager potential hookup. “I’ve got this, you can go now.” Parker was no longer amused.
“Who do you think you are?”
“I’m whatshername.” Parker glared at her while Sydney leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. The poster child for bad taste rolled her eyes at Parker and stumbled away. Parker turned to face Sydney.
“Let’s go, Sydney. Let’s go home.” Her emotions were waffling between anger, relief, and sadness at the effect Sydney’s mother had had on their evening. She took a deep breath and slid a stool between Sydney’s knees when she didn’t respond. Steve quietly pushed two ice waters near the women and retreated to the other end of the bar.
“Look at me.” She slid her hands over Syd’s thighs while she stared, unfocused, past Parker. “Please Sydney, just look at me,” Parker said wearily.
Syd’s eyes focused. Sad resignation had replaced the customary fire she normally saw in the woman she loved desperately.
Parker leaned into her lover’s neck, silently begging to feel her respond as she always did. Sydney’s hands glided around Parker’s waist. Parker knew that Sydney felt embarrassed by her reaction to her mother. She knew she had been the convenient target for her too many times and Parker was angry that she couldn’t have stopped Syd’s heart from breaking just a little bit under Pamela Hyatt’s expensively heeled feet. Parker was sure her witnessing the display only made it more humiliating. Adding all that to Syd’s guilt about Becky was the last straw.
Parker whispered in Sydney’s ear, “Your mother is a moron. I give her opinion no weight and you shouldn’t either. My parents are only marginally more tolerable because they are nine hours away and have no intention of visiting me.
“We could have come out here together, you know. You could have spared the hopeful women of Silver Lake some disappointment, you stubborn idiot,” Parker teased her. She felt Sydney pull her body against her own. “We rally together when crap like this comes up, Hyatt. Don’t make me remind you again.” Parker held her lover firmly against her. “Dance with me?”
Sydney tilted her head against Parker’s chest. “It’s okay. You go home. I’m good right here. Steve and I need to catch up anyway.” Syd obviously wasn’t quite ready to admit how much of a fool she had made of herself.
Parker turned away, annoyed that they were fighting demons from Sydney’s past. Parker had no patience and no intention of indulging her lover in this latest obstacle of Sydney’s psyche. She certainly wouldn’t be dismissed, nor would she leave her, drunk and alone.
Parker spotted Paula Tucker presiding over the opposite edge of the dance floor and invited her over with a nod, hoping she’d recognize her from last time. She then looked at Sydney who held up her glass for Steve to fill, a request Parker knew he wouldn’t honor.
<
br /> Paula came over, heading first to Syd while Parker watched. “You sure you won’t dance with me Syd?”
“Good right here.” Sydney continued to sulk, sipping from the water and avoiding looking at Parker.
Paula then turned her attention to a willing Parker, inviting her to the floor, pulling her in a little closer than the tempo called for. Parker focused loosely on their feet, allowing herself to be moved back and forth by her. The hands on her body were sweaty and soft and foreign; most importantly, they were not Sydney’s, but she would not indulge Sydney and she wanted her to know that. She fought not to look past her dance partner to search for her lover who she was childishly punishing for her immature behavior.
*
Sydney straightened when she watched Parker step into the arms of Paula Tucker. She was clearly goading her out of her sulky, drunken tantrum despite Sydney’s resolution to not be manipulated by a woman ever again. She lost the battle quickly when Paula’s hands dropped around and then below her lover’s waist. She stood and caught Paula’s eye as she moved toward her. Paula stepped back as Sydney’s hand slid around Parker’s waist.
Parker felt new fingers close around her wrist and pull her back toward the floor. She relaxed into the hard, lean frame, the smell of scotch and expensive cologne. She dissolved happily and quietly into Sydney Hyatt’s figure. Syd crushed Parker into her core to reassure them both.
After a few still moments, Sydney whispered, “I don’t share, Duncan. Certainly not with Paula.”
“Well, well, well. Is my protective girlfriend back from being the guest of honor at her own pity party?” Parker smiled up at her and shook her head.
Syd clutched handfuls of Parker’s hair and pushed her mouth against her. Parker gathered Sydney’s shirt in her fists, returning the kiss harder until they had to break to breathe.
“Don’t shut me out, Sydney. It’s not what we do. It’s not fair.” A bit of the humor fell away and Parker looked at her seriously. She pushed her forehead against Sydney, tenting herself in her arms and pushing out the sea of people surrounding them, needing to find solitude in the swarming crowd.
“I know. I’m not. I mean, I won’t. I’m sorry.”
“I won’t chase after you if it means my heart gets broken one day, Syd.” Parker poked her finger into Sydney’s shoulder as she warred the demons of her psyche once again. “I told you I wouldn’t dig out of a hole someone else made for me and I meant it.”
“I am a complete fucking idiot. I know that.” She squeezed against Parker again.
“Let’s go home, love,” Parker begged when the song ended, as she led them to collect their things from the bar.
Parker’s mind was exhausted and she was anxious to find her link to Sydney again. Syd held Parker’s jacket out and wrapped her inside. Parker still felt some raw space between them as she drew Sydney’s keys from her pocket and dangled them in the air when Syd started to search her pockets.
“I don’t usually let people drive my car, you know.” She tucked her Amex into her wallet before sliding it home in her back pocket. Steve made quick eye contact with each of them and nodded as they headed out the door.
“Shut up, Hyatt. You should be very grateful I’m letting you ride inside the car.” She figured they’d leave her car and take Syd’s, since the Porsche was a riper target for criminals than hers, and besides, it had the newest paint job. Sydney sat quiet and guilty in the passenger seat until Parker pulled into the deserted gravel parking strip in front of the warehouse.
Syd watched Parker set the alarm and march away from the car, and followed quickly behind. She walked deliberately toward the front door. Parker was unlocking the slider when Syd stepped behind her, attempting to gauge Parker’s mood.
“I’m going to bed. Are you coming?” Parker tossed the words over her shoulder at Sydney.
She walked upstairs determinedly, pulling her clothes off as she went, deliberately not looking at Syd who followed after her. Parker fell into the now-cold space where she’d slept just two hours ago. She lay facing the edge of the bed as Sydney slid carefully onto the mattress behind her.
“I hope you know I’m nothing like her.” Syd’s voice was serious now. “But she was right when she said I should have protected you from what happened.”
Parker rolled to face her. “Is that what you think? That any one of the things that happened with Becky was your fault?” Parker’s tone was incredulous. She placed a soft hand against Sydney’s cheek. “Did you not hear what I told that crazy old woman today? You saved my life, and you couldn’t have done more for me that night. You aren’t your mother. I have leaned on you for everything and you have been there for me. How many times have you seen me fall apart in less than half a year?”
“That’s what I’m supposed to do. And I know I’m not my mother, but sometimes it terrifies me to think that I could become her. She terrifies me, not because of what she could do but what I could.” Syd was completely sober now.
“Stop being afraid of what you can’t control. Stop pushing people away when it gets uncomfortable. You are part of me and I would die if I lost you.” An involuntary heave of air caught in Parker’s chest as she revealed the depth of her feelings.
“I won’t.” Syd smiled when she felt Parker relax by inches into her skin, allowing Sydney to once again pull her in. “I promise.”
“Make love to me, I need to feel you.” Parker tensed as she waited for Sydney to react, as if she would ever turn her down or push her away.
Sydney responded immediately. “I never want anything more than you. I would do anything for you—I hope you know that.”
“Then show me.”
Parker offered her mouth as Syd’s tongue rushed over and against hers, thirsty to exorcise the unpleasant encounters from their night. Syd pushed against her as she surged her long body onto Parker’s. She sensed her relax beneath her as she guided her hands across her lover’s soft skin, exploring her again like it was the first time.
Syd stroked down her body as if she might have to redraw every line from memory. She guided Parker’s hands above her head gently.
“Don’t move,” Syd whispered in her ear while biting gently at the rim. Parker nodded, watching her carefully, readily granting Syd her complete surrender. Parker became intoxicated by the experience and overwhelmed by the exchange of energy. She saw Syd’s intense drive to consume her, matched only by her willingness to be consumed by her.
Sydney again lowered her skin onto Parker’s, the resulting heat and pressure threatening to unravel Parker much too soon. She arched against her involuntarily when Syd’s mouth found her nipple and teased it into a pulsing peak while her insistent fingers attended to the other.
When Parker protested at her thwarted desire to touch Sydney, Sydney snaked up to issue new warnings.
“Move again and I’ll stop.” Her gaze was penetrating and blatant as she dared Parker to interrupt the game she was so obviously enjoying. She nodded and welcomed the aggressive kiss, willing Sydney’s mouth to remain on hers indefinitely. She was distressed at the chill left by the separation when Syd shifted away.
Parker followed her as she moved deliberately down Parker’s neck and across her collarbone, tasting her skin and intentionally branding her with her teeth. Parker felt her flesh react following each stroke, nip, or lick, a willing passenger on the painfully slow trip to her breaking point.
Sydney’s dominance multiplied when Parker groaned for her again, deep and feral. She was deferring more to Sydney, willing to give her power over her body.
Sydney worshipped the skin along Parker’s hips before pulling each thigh to lock over her shoulders. Parker tilted her pelvis at the sensation, as if to meet more of Sydney when she threatened to devour her. Her powerful manipulations encouraged Parker’s uninhibited movement and she begged again.
Parker succumbed willingly, increasingly compliant until her heated flesh burned in answer to Syd’s tortuous manipulations. Sydney drew lon
g strokes over Parker’s inner thighs, cupping her hand against her blazing center, where Parker pleaded for her again.
The liquid heat multiplied when Sydney’s mouth sealed around her and asserted her possession. Her lover’s fingertips pressed into her scorched flesh as Parker ground against Sydney’s expert tongue, losing any vestige of polite or mannered response.
Sydney’s hand pressed over her chest at Parker’s attempt to reach her again, and her finger slid over Parker’s tongue when she sucked the length of it in enthusiastically. The dueling sensations were powerful and Parker could no longer remain still.
“Damn it, Syd, I can’t…” The words were adamant, their delivery staccato.
“You can’t last?” Sydney’s eyes danced, and her fingers replaced her tongue inside Parker.
“I have to…God, please.” Parker squeezed her eyes closed when Syd succeeded in amplifying her erotic responses.
“Now.” Syd continued her punishing rhythms. Syd crushed her mouth hard over Parker’s and demanded acquiescence from her aroused core. Parker’s muffled groans transformed into guttural demands.
Syd fed the splintering torture until Parker’s strangled breaths steadied slightly. Seconds before Sydney brought her to the edge for a second time, Parker broke free of the verbal cuffs binding her wrists and sought to find Sydney’s sensual weakness. Parker’s erotic persuasions shattered Syd’s determination to concentrate solely on Parker. Sydney’s pulse pounded as the battering contractions dismantled her control. Parker stroked against Syd, burying her face in her neck.
“Now,” Parker demanded, the ache so much more than physical as Syd came, rolling against Parker, grasping for the command that was no longer hers.
“For me, love. Show me,” Parker instructed.
The stern captor became the willing captive as she held to her lifeline and the final proclamation as it consumed them both.
