by Cass Sellars
Parker pulled distractedly at her sweater, rearranging the sleeves for no apparent reason. “I don’t know what that means. I’m not sure I know what any of this means. I don’t need you to proclaim your undying love to me but I feel like that’s the elephant in the room, and I have to remind myself that you’re a pretty significant flight risk if I make the wrong move.”
Sydney suddenly found a sliver of light through the wall Parker was desperately trying to build.
“Fair enough. You know I thought the same thing about you not too long ago.” She led Parker to the couch and gently pushed her to sit. She knelt on the rug in front of her.
“I don’t want to do this again, Syd. I don’t want to risk having to dig out of some hole someone else dug for me.” Parker took a deep breath and forced herself to look into Sydney’s face. “And I never want to be accused of coercing you into some relationship when all signs scream that you would rather be holding court at the Pride. Because you miss the chase.”
Parker’s words stung but Sydney fought the flinch and pressed on.
“Not fair, Park, but I hear you. I will be responsible for all my own shit, all day, every day, but I can’t be responsible for Dayne’s.”
“I’m sorry.” She leaned forward and tented her forehead into Syd’s chest. “That really wasn’t fair. I don’t want to constantly wait for the inevitable either.”
“The only thing I need to know is whether you’re willing to try this with me. I will screw it up regularly but not in a catastrophic way, I promise. No matter what, I think we’re worth the risk, don’t you?”
When Parker didn’t respond, Syd continued, “How about we don’t give this a name until you think we’re ready, however long that takes.” Syd was willing to do anything to keep Parker, and if keeping her thoughts and feelings to herself meant Parker wouldn’t run, Syd was willing. The irony was ridiculous.
She hoped Parker would realize she had been so busy being terrified of Sydney leaving that she forgot to be scared of her wanting to stay.
Chapter Nineteen
Parker had finished changing out of her work clothes when she saw Sydney’s car pull into the front lot. She looked forward to their little shopping trip. Actually, she enjoyed every moment she had with her despite the bump she’d put in the road at Thanksgiving. The beginning of their weekend was a long-overdue gift after a busy week.
Parker snatched her purse from the table and left her apartment. She was just sliding the key into her lock when she heard the lobby door close behind her. Before she could turn around, she felt every curve of her body meeting every strong plane she had sought to memorize over the past five months. Regardless of how many times she felt Sydney Hyatt, smelled her, or tasted her, no matter how many times her smoky voice found her ear, she couldn’t stop her resolve from falling away, her thoughts muddling in response to the sensations.
“I crave you.” Strong hands skimmed along her sides and hot breath assaulted her sensitive neck. Parker exhaled shakily as she drank in the sound and feeling that weakened her.
“I’ve told you that we have to stop meeting like this,” Parker warned with a grin. “The woman I’m seeing lives just across the hall and she is very possessive.”
“You don’t say,” Sydney teased, exhaling the words into Parker’s hair. “I’ve heard she’s armed and can be very dangerous. Why would you take such a careless risk?”
“Well, you know you make me weak.” Parker barely achieved a whisper. “You are just so gorgeous and I guess I can’t help myself.”
Syd spun Parker roughly until she faced her. Her hands locked around Parker’s waist pulling her against her body. Syd pushed her lips onto Parker’s, drinking in every taste of her girlfriend. Parker gasped as if taking a final breath before the universe consumed her. Syd stared at her, again overwhelmed by the person she had fallen in love with so completely, the benchmark for what now made her the most happy even though she still shied from the risk of saying it out loud.
“I’m afraid I can’t allow you to get away, Parker Duncan. You’re already stuck with me.”
“Then don’t let go.” The dark angles of Sydney’s face never failed to make Parker stare a heartbeat too long, as if they had just met. “I will have to remain your captive indefinitely.” She leaned into Syd’s chest and closed her eyes. Sydney inhaled her and Parker tightened her arms around her neck. Several moments later they still stood locked together in the hallway.
Parker murmured dreamily, “Aren’t you supposed to be taking me shopping, or is this your way of distracting me?”
“Never, dollface,” Syd declared teasingly, her voice still slightly ragged as it fought through the layers of emotion between them. Sydney moved them toward the door, their arms still tightly wound around one another.
*
As the holiday retail onslaught at the mall enveloped them, Parker searched for Richard’s and Allen’s gifts, arriving at gourmet chocolates and a variety of wines. Jen was getting two prenatal massages at the best spa in town, and Syd handled acquiring the new web holster that Mack had been lusting over for weeks.
“How about a hot chocolate spiked with some sinful liquor and too much whipped cream?” Syd pulled Parker to her.
“My taste buds will love you,” she said grinning up at Syd, “but my ass may hate you in the morning.”
Syd spun her in an exaggerated circle in front of anyone at the crowded mall who might have been watching.
“Nothing could spoil that delicious ass, baby.” Syd offered a lustful grin at Parker.
Parker flushed and pushed against her. “Such a charmer.” Syd laughed and steered her toward the Irish pub at the end of the wide mall. Parker relished every touch, every response her body issued at Sydney’s contact with her flesh.
“Sit, sweetheart. One very adult hot chocolate coming up.” Sydney bent over Parker’s left shoulder to course her lips over Parker’s neck.
“You are not having one?” Parker questioned her.
“You mean you won’t share with me?” Sydney’s tone was playful and relaxed.
“I will share anything with you.” Parker smiled up and into her intense gray eyes before Sydney walked away.
Syd returned with two small mugs anyway. “I got a Main Street Marnier and a Too Irish Coffee.” She presented them to Parker allowing her to choose. They sat bordering the main hall and enjoyed drinks, people-watching, and being lost in each other.
Parker watched as Sydney’s eyes suddenly sharpened into hard, cold daggers. Her neck muscles tensed as she tightened the grip on Parker’s hand and sat up very straight in her chair.
“Shit. Here comes Satan’s Social Secretary.”
Parker barely had time to follow Syd’s gaze before a thinner, older version of Sydney Hyatt glided over on expensive-looking heeled boots and landed at the edge of their table. Long manicured nails spilled off the ends of aged hands as she twisted at a brooch pinned to her high-necked blouse. Her short salt-and-pepper hair was trained into a bob just above her shoulders, framing a heavily lined face. A large pear-shaped diamond sparkled from her left hand which she now steepled with her right on the tabletop near Parker’s mug.
“Victoria.” The word seemed to take on ten syllables given the caustic, drawn-out manner with which she delivered it. “How odd to find you here. Although I could see your unfortunate haircut from yards away.” She batted her eyelashes and adjusted her full-length Burberry coat which was much too warm to wear indoors.
“Yes, Pamela, shockingly, they do let people like me in the mall.”
Parker could almost hear Sydney’s teeth grind against each other and she clenched her jaw. Parker straightened at the confirmation that she was meeting Syd’s mother for the first time. She thought how much she disliked her already simply because she made her girlfriend so uneasy. Nevertheless, Parker shifted in Pamela Hyatt’s direction and rose from her chair.
“Mrs. Hyatt. I’m Parker Duncan.” Parker couldn’t force herself to say
that it was a pleasure to meet her, because somehow, she didn’t think it was. Her offered hand was taken after a pregnant pause and Pamela’s slow appraisal of Parker from head to toe.
“Yes, dear, my only daughter has apparently forgotten her etiquette once again.” Parker had never seen anyone actually look down their nose at another person, but Sydney’s mother was doing just that to her.
Slowly Sydney’s eyes focused and she addressed her mother coldly. “No, Pamela, I was trying to spare her the experience of you, since you won’t be staying.”
Pamela Hyatt pulled out the empty chair and sat with exaggerated defiance, crossing her skirted legs elegantly. She seemed to enjoy overlooking her daughter’s obvious dismissal and pointedly ignored her comment. She looked dour and disapproving at her only daughter…her only child.
“You need to know that I heard from Major Williams regarding several unfortunate incidents at that dreadful building you insist on living in. Three police reports. Three.” She held up her long fingers as if she were addressing recalcitrant preschool children. “Such things do not look good bearing the Hyatt name, Victoria. Your choice of lifestyle has brought shame enough to your father and me. I can’t imagine what possesses you to be involved with such low-class people.” Perhaps involuntarily, she glanced at Parker again. Parker rather thought it was intentional.
Sydney made a fist on the table before she spoke slowly and evenly. “First of all, my father couldn’t give a rat’s ass about what’s going on with his family name since you nagged him into a coffin ten years ago.” The elder Hyatt’s reaction came in the form of a scowl where her narrow, pinched features further emphasized the deep wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. The unpleasant expression was obviously practiced and had carved a legacy into the unkind face.
“Secondly, what happens in my life is none of your business.” Sydney practically growled the words at the woman while maintaining a volume sufficient to not be overheard by the holiday crowds swelling around them. “I am happy to say that you never made it your business and I am even more thrilled to continue that tradition.”
As if Sydney had not spoken at all or certainly hadn’t delivered any pertinent facts to her, Pamela turned to Parker and said, “I’m so dreadfully sorry that you have had to witness such poor manners, my dear. I certainly hope you paid more attention to the way your parents raised you. I hope they can be proud of how their daughter turned out.”
Parker watched waves of hurt, anger, and betrayal flag in Syd’s dark eyes. While Parker would normally refrain from inserting herself into private family disagreements, this woman had certainly made a point to include her. Parker’s further silence felt like tacit sanctioning of the outrageous, reductive words aimed at her lover.
Parker spoke quietly and carefully, leaning across the table to be closer to the drawn, bitter face. Pamela Hyatt looked nothing like Sydney to her now, nothing at all.
“Mrs. Hyatt, apparently your Major Williams neglected to give you all of the facts. Facts that, given his apparent willingness to breach protocol, he should have been prepared to deliver to you. Sydney was forced to deal with an unstable person, a stalker, one who wasn’t welcome who wished to be in her life.” She leaned over to pull Syd’s hand into hers and she watched a disapproving look shadow Mrs. Hyatt’s face. She seemed to scan the crowd to see if anyone noticed. Parker fought to control her rage at the woman that sat before her.
“She then risked her own life to save mine. Before the police could come, on her own.” She aimed a rigid finger at the fading red scar below her right eye and leaned even closer so the callous woman could see where she was pointing. “Because of your daughter, I have this small scar under my eye instead of the legacy of a knife across my throat, as was the stalker’s intention.”
Parker took a deep breath but never broke eye contact with her. “Most parents would be ridiculously proud of the person Sydney is, for that and for so many other wonderful reasons. The fact is, she saved my life. Do you understand how many people in the world can say that?”
Pamela Hyatt looked indignant. Sydney looked amused by her lover’s fierce protectiveness. She visibly relaxed for just a few seconds, apparently enjoying the show.
“Yes, well,” Pamela Hyatt said in a haughty tone, “if she had conducted herself properly, she would have prevented them from being in a position to hurt someone else at all. You would understand if you knew the embarrassment I have suffered at having a daughter who openly sleeps with other women and looks like a man. Then you would understand.” She looked hatefully at Syd and scoffed.
Pamela’s words found Sydney’s Achilles’ heel as her resolve was impaled by the cruel verbal dagger.
“No, Mrs. Hyatt, I wouldn’t understand. You have one chance in this lifetime to be a decent loving parent, a decent loving person, for that matter. You have a gorgeous, successful, brilliant child whose accomplishments you have chosen to ignore. You, instead, take every opportunity to belittle her for who she loves and how she cuts her hair, which simply makes you look petty and small.”
Sydney watched Parker’s hands shake and stood to move behind her chair, ready to sweep her away. She whispered into Parker’s ear, “She isn’t worth it, baby.”
Parker’s lips trembled in fury as she gathered her bags from beneath the table. “If I am ever a parent, I would thank God for a child half as amazing as your daughter. In fact I thank the universe every day that she is in my life. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Hyatt.”
“Well, you’re obviously a deviant, too. You listen to me, you rude girl.”
Parker’s polite façade was shattering quickly. Syd pulled Parker against her as much to steady herself as to calm her.
“No, Pamela, you’re done here.” Sydney found her dangerous voice that vibrated from deep within her. “This is the last time you will invade my life, one you have no right to, nor are you welcome in. Please disavow yourself of the notion that there will ever be anything I need to hear from you or say to you. I am happy, no thanks to you, and I will not have you deposit your ignorant opinions on anyone else in my life. Maybe during Christmas mass this year, you could ask your God for a soul. Perhaps you’ll get lucky…maybe we all will.” A sneer drew across Sydney’s mouth as she finished speaking, nearly nose to nose with the foul woman.
Pamela pointedly addressed Parker, ignoring Syd’s words. “Perhaps when—if—you ever give birth to your own children you will manage to avoid what I have had to endure.”
Syd smiled and leaned over to her again. “Funny, I keep trying to get her pregnant but nothing ever happens. I’ll let you know when we get it right, we practice a lot.” She gestured grandly as she spoke and obviously enjoyed the uncomfortable look shadowing her mother’s face. She tucked Parker’s hand under her arm and then brought it to her lips.
Parker watched rage cross into Mrs. Hyatt’s eyes as she pinched her lips together in response to the public display.
“Disgusting dykes. How dare you speak to me like that? You are nothing but an ungrateful embarrassment.” Sydney responded by kissing Parker soundly, twice, before sliding an arm around her waist and taking the packages from her. They walked away quickly, listening as a chair scraped loudly across the floor.
“Oh my God, Sydney. You were great. You said she was bad but I had no idea. You were amazing. Sweetheart, the fact you’re not a homicidal maniac is a miracle.”
Syd walked faster, almost dragging Parker behind her. Her jaw was set in a hard line, as if she was trying to find the ability to speak calmly. “She has been a hate-driven, ignorant bitch since she was born. Now she is lonely, and miserable to boot. It’s almost criminal she’s allowed to roam free to interact with people outside her own species.”
Parker chuckled and pulled closer to Sydney. She saw no humor in her eyes.
They drove home in absolute silence. Parker watched her steely stare focus at a distant target far beyond the windshield.
“I’m sorry if I made things worse, Sydney,” Parker offere
d quietly. “I just couldn’t listen to her say those things to you.”
“You didn’t make anything worse. In fact, you couldn’t have made seeing her worse. No one has ever stood up to that hateful cow, let alone tried to stand up for me. She’s probably still trying to figure out what happened.” They pulled into the lot. At Parker’s car door Sydney took the shopping bags in one hand and pulled her to her feet with the other.
Parker worried that she didn’t recognize the mood descending over Syd. It was ominous and dark. “Aren’t you staying for a bit?” Parker asked as she entered the loft and her lover remained rigid in the hallway.
“I just need to go out for a while. I’ll call you later.” She kissed Parker quickly and wheeled out the door. Parker hopelessly watched as the Porsche sped down Meridian into the darkness. She couldn’t understand how people could give themselves permission to shred their children, or anyone for that matter, for being different from themselves. She knew it was ignorance and significant personal deficiency but it was so hard to watch it happen to the woman she loved. They had been dating for just five months but she finally felt a stable connection between them. She didn’t want to have to try to reach her again. She sent a text: Please be safe.
The reply came quickly: Don’t worry.
Parker felt neither comforted nor reassured. She got undressed and curled into herself as she surrendered to a fitful sleep.
Chapter Twenty
Syd jerked the sports car to a spot directly in front of TPL. She stormed through the door and threw herself onto the stool at the end of the bar, tossing her phone and keys on the smooth wood surface. Steve walked a double scotch to her without their customary banter and placed it in front of her. He watched her for a few moments before saying a word.
