Hacker's Diary

by Adam Smith

  This is certain that today the store would make enough money to cover at least 2 months of salaries for all employees.

  I went through the security check without any fear and without spotting any of my friends. It may be that they are there already or haven't arrived yet. I don't question the possibility too much, I simply went through the corridor just at a fast pace to make it on time to the dining room, in order, to scan my finger and put my bag at the hive.

  I ended up being one of the last cashiers who approached the money landing deputy manager.

  As I mentioned before, we had a special room where the money for the shift was given.

  And the density of that room was resilient every time a shift was about to start.

  Truly, I can say that I don't fancy overpopulated spaces. I doubt if anyone with a sane mind does.

  Once I've got my envelope and I've finished spreading it through the plastic box. I went to my number. So long so good. The girl that was holding the position at my number was my friend and I liked her very much. I even felt sexual attraction but she seemed to be a little too much in the air. To be honest, I liked even that, but then I had a plan to stick to. Uber Alles.

  I placed my box and entered my code into the cash box to get my account activated. The customers did not make themselves wait. The flow began with such a speed that even after all of the cash boxes been serving someone, there was a line of at least 30 people waiting in the queue for instructions from the directors.

  I made my best to do a good job. After all, these people deserved a good service. There was no time for chit-chat and yet I did my best, in order, to serve my customers gracefully. You know, proper questions, a smile and a swift scan of the products.

  Sometimes, you may think of salespeople to be hypocrites. But the truth is that it's a natural state of evolution. You rather lie and pretend than brutally kill and insult. After all, Buddha died after eating a poisoned mushroom from a poor farmer that didn't know they were poisoned. He took and received them because he did not want to offend the poor farmer. And that is a huge lesson to humanity that yes, you may be lying and cheating but every room with no door always had a window. And, if you are stuck in an elevator there are, at least, three ways out.

  Christians might recall their own doctrine and say that you choose the smaller evil between the two.

  The rest of the day was absolutely a blast, you know people get around and stick around. Nah, just kidding, they simply came in and asked for service and at times bought the discounts and went away.

  However, I do consider that kind of day here as a blast. You know the routine, even zombie could handle it. Besides, you get paid, hang around in a suit and also among young and cunning peers.

  The fact that I even might go ahead and rob the place made it even sweeter.

  The truth I didn't like myself for most of my life and here I had a purpose that gave me hope is that there might be something better ahead. I'm not talking about Heaven or Nirvana or something like that. I simply imply that there might be something that is worth living for after all, in that madness that goes around the world, the money, the murder, the envy...

  Anyhow, the day was proceeding and the flow of the clients was steady, if I could build a supercomputer to figure out the possible relations between all of the people who boarded the same plane, just for gags, I suppose I would.

  There was one remarkable lady that day that actually do remember. You could kill me and I still wouldn't remember her name. Although, I do remember her face and our short interaction. As usual, I've asked for a boarding pass and passport. And she gave me the Irish passport. I said "Oh, Ireland! Great country!" "Thanks" she said. "Going home, back to Ireland?" I asked and started to pass through the scanner with the little that she took. "Not exactly. I live in London" "Oh, Great city!" "Thanks" she said once again and smiled. She was an elderly Irish lady living in London. I bet that story of her life is quite fascinating, it's a shame we couldn't talk too much. Before taking her credit card, I've mentioned that property prices at Ireland are way more affordable than in Israel.

  She replied with a serious face "My husband wanted to move there, but I insisted for us to stay at London" I did not know what to say because I realized that both cases scenarios are Okay, and simply just said that "You know you still have the citizenship, so you can go back home anytime." She smiled. She was holding a credit card in her hands, so I asked "May I have your card please?"

  She gave it to me happily. I swapped it and asked her to sign the paper. She was about to scribble her phone number but it was unnecessary, so I said "No need for a number" She looked puzzled when this words reached her eardrums and inquired "No number?" "Yeah, no need for a number. It's Okay." I spared myself from thoughts about her intentions, I usually do so when I don't fully understand the intentions of people. There is no point in trying to figure each and every mental condition there is out here, especially when you are not getting paid for it.

  I've continued with my work. The day was coming to an end. I can say that it's never easy for people to take flights. From personal experience, when you arrive, you find yourself among places you might only have seen on the screen of your computer before or on the photos in a magazine.

  The food is not the same. Even if you try to eat the same thing you eat at home, it has a different taste. I'm not a big fan of change, however, I prefer a routine. Although, creative thinking is something I truly admire.

  Some people also fear flight in itself. Thank Gods, I'm not among them.

  Anyhow, the people might want to make you think what they want you to think, but it is up to you to decide if you want to listen to them.

  The day was coming to an end. And my duty was technically over. You have to realize when you work that there is always another day, but it shouldn't prevent you from trying to do your best every given day. Someday, you will die. And that day might be today. You have to accept the fact that you walk on the edge of a blade. But, it is up to you to decide whether to make it exceptional or not.

  The dining room was crowded, as always. I just had to make my way patiently to the scanner. And slip in between the people to scan my finger and finally retreat from the store to the corridor and from there to the Gate.

  The airport is not a small place and not a small business. However, I never got lost in it.

  I made my way swiftly to the pickup point because it was necessary to get some peace and be quite from interactions with all the people.

  The mad driver was sitting there, waiting for us to gather around and load ourselves into the minibus. I call him mad because he always speaks on the phone while driving, even though, it's against the law in Israel. Also, he puts a loud Middle Eastern music, when all people are tired and want to go home. I was among the first employees to arrive at the pickup point. Fortunately, there are benches placed by the entrance to the airport, and there was a place for me to sit.

  I wouldn't take a nap at that place, even If I was paid. The dirt and the heat made it unbearable. So, I simply let my attention slip and concentrate on that little amount of air that was blowing between the concrete walls.

  At 7:45 PM, and finally everybody is here, at the place and we are about to be on our way home.

  Finite or infinite time is still relative, but hell, it does feel eons had passed when you feel so tired that even the color of the seat makes you angry. I did what I usually do, took a deep breathe.

  The ride was mainly deep breathing and closed eyes session. I wasn't mentally capable of nothing else after that shift and the pressure my inner self-experienced through the ride thanks to the music and the people talking on the phones or just to themselves made me so angry.

  When I got to the street, that was the main street leading to my home, I asked the driver to stop. Fuck it, I thought. I would walk home on my two feet and make it faster and calmer to the shower and then to the bed than I would through waiting for the driver to come to my plac
e. Sometimes the hardest choice is the easiest to make.

  At 8:15 PM, I got home. Unlocking the doors never brought me so much joy before. I took my clothes off ruthlessly and stepped into the shower. The water was cold and I thanked the great Gaya for that! Yes, Mother Earth.

  After the body was cleansed of the sweat, I put on my boxers and went straight to bed. The sleep hit me instantly. It was a brilliant sensation of a pure relaxation. I can say that evening gradually turned into night and night into morning. I couldn't even notice my consciousness was drifting somewhere far in another world. It was beautiful.

  The alarm clock rang right at 8:00 AM. Master of time would say that there are no coincidences in this realm. Chronos and the 8:00 AM. They've governed my life during this period. I've stepped out of the bed and made my way to the bathroom to have my face washed and teeth brushed.

  When you grow older, if it wasn't for the man you see in the mirror you wouldn't be here now, and most likely the mirror wouldn't have anyone to reflect.

  I fixed myself a bowl of oatmeal. I was too lazy and it was too late to cook anything else, besides, it is still healthy and nutritious.

  Some things are slow and somethings are fast. Food consumption is one of them. It's up to you to decide how you perceive it though. Slow or fast.

  After I finished the meal and washed the bowl, I had to dress up. The suit was waiting but the driver wouldn't. Once dressed and having my launch box stuffed with white rice and carrots, I've had about 20 minutes more left, before 9:00 AM

  I decided I want to browse the news a bit. You know, to catch up with what was going on in the world. I found out that there was nothing huge that would catch my interest that much. But the part of an entire western world laughing at Trump for misspelling a word that instantly became part of twitter vocabulary, turned to be a very entertaining pun. I mean, like isn't he human as any of us? So, what was that he made up, covfefe? I mean he still does the job. You people chose him.

  I had to head to the pickup point if I did not want to be late. You know what's good about rush and youth? The speed of making a decision. It's rare to be a good one, but the fact that you make one already counts.

  I made a decision and I had to stick to it. When I was at the pickup point, I thought about how morning gives you energy and how at different places on the planet the morning is at different times. The minibus came over 5 minutes past 9. I stepped in and the driver lifted his hand in a way to show that he intended to scan the chip only by the arrival to the airport.

  For my convenience, Shahar was there, chatting through an app with someone on his phone. It could be either Facebook messenger or Whatsapp.

  I landed a seat next to him and said "Hi Shahar! What's going on?" "Oh, hey! Just appointing a date. She is really cute, take a look" he showed me a photo of a really cute Russian girl. "Is she Russian?" "Yeah, real babe, right?" "Not my type" "I see..." he said and while continuing to chat, he smiled and said "I'm sure you'll find someone sooner or later" "Yes, sooner or later." While he continued to be busy with his phone I took out mine and concentrated on the guides. After when I will have more money, I will be able to help my father, to buy myself a house and eventually, find a decent girl.

  I had to remind myself day in and day out to stay focused. Stay focused Adi, stay focused, one word at a time, one sentence at a time, one line of code at a time. It all builds up. Just stay focused. You'll shine like one of the brightest fucks out there. I smiled to myself and kept reading until I got to the airport.

  Once we had arrived, I turned off my phone and went out of the bus, being last. The scanning of the chip was essential, so I just fished it out of my pocket and handed it to the driver. He took his phone and put the chip next to it, then it made a short blip and I went off my way.

  Sometimes you will understand that the only thing that separates you from the reality you want are the walls in your mind.

  I made my way past the guard and into the building. Then up the escalator. The security check was rigid but necessary, nonetheless. This time there was no queue. It seemed that people still were on their way.

  I went through the metal detector completely calm. It was just another day at the Duty-Free. Another day at the money-making machine.

  Some say that dreams start at the airport. You get on a journey from which you'll return a different man or maybe you won't return at all. Nobody really knows for sure.

  And if they say they do, they are bluntly lying.

  Once at the corridor, I realized that there are not that many people around and it was surprising because usually at days like this and this hour, the place is swarming.

  I made it through the corridor at my regular pace.

  There was no need to rush. The fountain was active and the water went up to the air and down to the ground in a very beautiful manner.

  I made my way to the employee's door into the store and put a magnet card next to the electronic lock. The doors started to open slowly. As they opened wide enough for a person to make it through. When I got into the corridor, it took a while to get to the finger scanner. Apparently, it's always going to be crowded here. So, I just have to push my way through.

  Once the finger was scanned and the bag placed in the hive, I made my way to the deputy manager's room to get the cash necessary for the cash box. It takes time to count everything and to prepare for the job. You do want to do it diligently otherwise, there is no point in doing it.

  It's like having a battle plan that you are going to execute step by step.

  Entertaining? I think so. Demanding? Certainly! The best part of it though is that you get the job done and the reward doesn't make itself wait. Time is our friend and teacher. The greatest teacher of them all.

  I made it to the cash box number six, my favorite number. Why it's favorite is because it's located in the middle of the right side. The right side is always among the good people there. Never got into a brawl with them. It took me about a single moment to load the box and call the manager with the red light so that she would activate my account. When it was done, I was loaded and ready to rock.

  The first customer came precisely at 10:30 AM. It was a blessing and a curse or whatever you might like to call it. She was day-dreaming and happy to get on board soon. I asked her for the boarding pass and her passport. Familiar procedure for me and her too. It wasn't her first flight as I could see that, thanks to the visa stamps in her passport. Not that I turned it all to browse through, I just wanted to find the part where her first and last names were. It's sometimes complicated to find. But you know job is job and you got to do what you had to do.

  You die every day, a little bit. Why not do it an extravagant manner?

  Relationships? Have you ever thought about them? What's the point of them? Well, I don't know.

  They are so hard to figure out... People twist everything, but I'm one of the people. So...?

  Sea and seashores, what's the point of them? People get naked and sit under the sun. Seduce each other and figure out how to socialize. If I can't socialize, I can't play the game. But what's the intent of the game? Buddha says it's Samsara, and there is Nirvana. Nirvana and Samsara are not two. And, if they are not two then life has not to be dualistic but singular... Singular life then... eh? If it is so. And there is nothing to change but to accept the inevitable. Then the personality and personification of god and self possibly are from the same source.

  Source? What is it? The mind? The heart? What about feelings? Where do they come from?

  If they come from the mind or the heart? I'm not sure. But women do believe they come from the heart. I believe they come from the mind. If there would be a reason to do anything at all. I suppose the only reason to do anything would be a hedonism reason.

  The reason to stay alive is perhaps to find the balance between hedonism self and altruistic self.

  If you're a copy of your dad. How do you identify yourself? I guess there is no point to fight
the destiny and the labels that society gives you. People try to bend you to their will. And perhaps, engage you in the play. How funny, isn't it? Civilization and mind resonance to the surrounding are quite questionable, it's idiotic perhaps, I'm an idiot but it doesn't really matter, does it?

  If the eyes do reflect the soul, but they are connected to the brain and reflect the world. And finally, the desire and indulgence and peace are possibly the best things to do. Ugly and Beauty or beauty and the beast effect, well perhaps, there is some nature to it. When I'm an idiot and all I can see is confirmation of that thought, perhaps, that is only a reflection of my own mind.

  Well, what you project inside yourself is what you get outside. But an outside, however, certainly can't exist without the inside. And yes, you are a garbage if you think you are a garbage. But as the bible says everything crooked becomes straight.

  I guess death is a final straightening. Like a perfection of the mind. How can Arab be a non-Arab?

  I don't know the answer to this.

  Finally, the personification of happiness can be of both genders. But the personification of self should be only singular. And if there is no mind. And no label. Well yeah, there is no perfection but why do I cling?

  Reverends? They are also human... but they claim to be the representation of the God.

  How come? The God is supposed to be almighty but even Jim Carey proved that the role of the god among humans cannot be perfected by proving that mighty power cannot be executed without chaos.

  Homelessness though and psychotic diseases are certainly some kind of reflection of chaos within the chaos of the world itself.

  But, order? Isn't it an expression of chaos by itself?