by Lily Graison
Leaning back, Laurel looked up, wanting to see Holden's face. "Two weeks before our wedding, I stopped by Ethan's office in town to invite him to lunch. No one was in the outer offices so I let myself in to his personal space and I saw him with his receptionist. They didn't see me and they were talking so I didn't want to interrupt. When Ethan kissed her, I was so shocked, I couldn’t move."
Holden kissed her forehead, his hand moving to caress her cheek. "What happened after that?"
"I only caught snatches of the conversation. My ears were ringing by that point. It felt as if I was standing outside my body watching everything unfold and I was just a bystander. Ethan and his receptionist were laughing and kissing, they looked more intimate than he and I ever did, and I felt like such a fool. After giving myself to him, ruining myself for him... I knew Ethan didn't love me as I watched them together. He loved my father's bank account and I was the easiest way to get to it."
Rolling onto her back, Laurel sighed again. "I left and went straight home, told my father what I'd seen and he looked me in the face and told me to never repeat what I'd told him. That it was a man's right to do as he pleased. That if Ethan wanted a mistress, or a whole host of them, it was his privilege to have one. I thought of my mother then, of how unhappy she looked when I saw her sitting alone in the garden before she died and knew then that my father had his own indiscretions. My father had a mistress and my mother died feeling as betrayed as I did. I refused to live the rest of my life in such a manner."
Holden shifted and leaned up on one elbow, looking down at her. "Did you not call off the wedding?"
"I tried. My father refused to let me. He said he'd already paid for everything and if I wanted to remain in his will, I'd do exactly as he said." She laughed bitterly and shook her head. "I think there was some sort of business arrangement between the two of them. Something they were both getting out of our marriage and I saw no way out. I discreetly sold everything of value I had and tucked it all away into a purse I kept pinned to the inside of my chemise and waited for the first opportunity I had to leave. As luck would have it, I was never alone until the day of the wedding. I told my attendants I needed to use the privy before dressing and the moment they left the room, I snuck out the window and ran. I've been running for the last twelve months."
"Are you going to run again?"
Looking up at him, Laurel could see he was scared she'd do just that. She also knew she wouldn't make it very far. He'd come after her. She knew he would without being told. The thought thrilled, and terrified, her. "How far would you let me get?"
He grinned, his eyes lighting up. "About as far as the end of town." He leaned down and kissed her, his tongue dipping into her mouth to taste her. "If you never offer me anything but clandestine meetings, then that's all I'll ever take from you, but I want more. I want you to be my wife. To share my life with you and to help me raise Alex. To fill my house with kids and laughter and to grow old with you. If you can't give me either, then just say so and I'll leave you alone. It'll kill me to do it but I will."
He kissed her again, softly, and so slow it was agonizing. Her heart screamed out to say yes. That she'd marry him come morning but that part of her that was still scared of being hurt refused to budge.
"You don't trust me not to hurt you, do you?"
She sighed and met his gaze. "I trust you, Holden. I just don't trust myself not to always wonder when you'll betray me. I can't live like that. It isn't fair to either of us."
"Then how can I convince you?"
"I don't know."
* * * *
Holden was gone when she woke, regardless of his promise not to leave until she accepted his marriage proposal. Sunlight was streaming in the window through her curtain and Laurel laid there for another half an hour watching shadows dance across the walls.
Her body still tingled in places. Holden had made love to her half the night. He hadn't brought up the subject of marriage again after their talk and she was grateful. As much as it hurt to tell him no, hearing him ask it and not answer, yes, was torture. It would solve most of her problems by saying yes but she couldn't. A small part of her still didn't trust men. Even though she told Holden she trusted him, she knew she didn't. Not truly. She would have said yes if she did. All men had the ability to hurt her and after being treated so badly by Ethan, it would take more than pretty words and stolen kisses in the night to change that.
Climbing from the bed, she washed and dressed, taking stock of her small food pantry. She'd have to go to the mercantile today to replenish her food stuff. She grabbed a small basket from under the bed, grabbed her reticule and ventured across town.
Mrs. Jenkins smiled at her as she entered the store. Two other women were near the back of the store and their hushed whispers died the moment they saw her. They both smiled but Laurel knew they were just being polite. Apparently the scene from last night was today's hottest gossip.
She returned the ladies' smile and browsed the isles, keeping her eyes downcast. The whispers started again and Laurel ignored them best she could. The bell above the door clinked as someone entered and warm welcomes were issued to the newcomer. Laurel looked up and saw Holden's sister-in-law, Sarah, and his twin brother, Colt, walking her way.
"Good morning," Sarah said, smiling. "I stopped by the school for a visit and was disappointed when you didn't answer your door. I knew there was only a few places you could be and here you are."
Laurel looked up at Colt, amazed to see a man who looked just like Holden standing there with his arm around another woman. Sarah was obviously pleased to have her husband's undivided attention and she smiled at them both before securing her basket at the crook of her arm. "Good morning."
Sarah gave Colt a brief look. "We wanted to invite you to supper. We don't have many guests out at the ranch and we've not had time enough to sit and talk. I was hoping you'd join us so we could get better acquainted."
Laurel wasn't sure why Sarah had a sudden urge to be better acquainted but something in Colt's eyes told her it had everything to do with Holden. Just thinking of him sent her heart fluttering and it must have shown on her face. Sarah's smile widened and with a simple nod of her head, Colt leaned down, kissed Sarah on the cheek, said, "I'll see you soon, Laurel," and left.
When the bell above the door chimed again, Sarah, who was still standing there smiling at her said, "So, is six this evening good for you?"
"Today?" Laurel swallowed the trepidation she felt. "I'm not sure today is such a good time."
"Why not?"
Why? Had Sarah not heard the latest gossip? Did she not know Ethan, her ex-fiancé, was in town and trying to get her to go home with him?
Sarah took a step closer and leaned down so no one else would hear her. "Don't worry about the gossips. They'd all shrivel up and die if they didn't have anything to talk about but don't let that keep you from enjoying your life. It's much too short to just let it pass you by." She straightened, smiled again and laid one hand on her rounded belly. "I must go. If I don't get food into me every two hours, I end up so sick I can barely stand but please say you'll come tonight."
Laurel wanted to refuse but Sarah looked genuinely happy to extend the invitation, she hated to refuse. "Where do you live?"
The smile Sarah graced her with would have lit a starless night. "I've already made arrangements for you to be brought to the house. Just be ready to leave by five this evening. It'll take a while to reach the ranch."
Sarah said her goodbyes and as Laurel watched her leave, wondered who would be taking her out to Sarah and Colt's home. One person came to mind and as much as she wanted to see Holden again, she dreaded it just the same. He'd ask her to marry him again and telling him no was getting hard to do. She hoped he'd tire of asking her soon because her heart broke just a little bit more every time she told him no.
She made quick work of her shopping, the things that wouldn't fit into her basket were to be delivered around noon and she was on her way back
to the school when she heard her name being called. The voice shouting it sent a tremor up her spine.
Stopping, and turning to look behind her, Laurel saw Ethan running up the sidewalk toward her, a bouquet of flowers clasped in one hand. As much as she didn't want to talk to him, she was through running.
When he reached her, he smiled, wiped sweat from his brow and looked up into the early morning sunlight. "Pretty day we're having." His smile widened. "Not nearly as fetching as you are, though. You look like a ray of sunshine."
"Stop trying to flatter me. It no longer works."
He looked taken aback. "I wasn't trying to flatter you. I was just stating the obvious. You look beautiful. You always do."
Laurel exhaled a deep breath. "What do you want?"
"A chance to talk to you about what you think you saw back in Seattle."
"There's nothing to talk about," Laurel said. "I know what I saw. I know what I heard. I know how I feel. I'll not be used and betrayed by anyone, Ethan, least of all you, so if you'll excuse me, I have things to do today." She turned and left him standing there gaping at her. She'd only taken half a dozen steps when he said, "Holden Avery. That's the man you were with last night."
Laurel stopped and turned back to face him. He was smiling.
"I hear he's been chasing after you since the moment you got into town." Ethan laughed and shook his head. "Heard he's been seen sneaking away from the school, where you live, in the pre-dawn hours as well." Leaning his head to one side, he narrowed his eyes. "It's a bit silly to accuse me of sleeping around when you're sneaking around yourself. Funny, I thought for sure I was the only man you'd ever been with but seeing how you've taken up with this Avery character, I have to wonder just what kind of woman you are."
Laurel's temper flared so hot, she thought for sure she'd catch fire. She closed the distance between them, stood nose to nose with him and stared him in the eye. "What I do is my own business and I'll invite anyone I feel like to my bed. You lost that privilege when you slept with half the town behind my back. Do you honestly think I was stupid enough to think your receptionist was the only one? My father isn't the only person who has resources. I know of your indiscretions, Ethan, all of them, and believe me, I look like a saint compared to you."
He said nothing but the smile that curved his mouth said enough. He wasn't even going to deny it. Laurel took three steps back, gaining some distance between them and narrowed her eyes at him. "I want you to leave, Ethan. I'll not be returning to Seattle. This is my home now and I'll not be leaving. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do."
She left without another word and thankfully he didn't try to stop her. His laughter followed her down the street and when he yelled, "This isn't over, Laurel," she quickened her steps. She made it all the way back to the school before tears of frustration burnt her eyes and spilled over her lashes. She bolted the door to her room, dropped her basket to the floor and cried until she thought she'd be sick.
All she'd ever wanted was someone to love her. To adore her like she thought her father adored her mother but even that had been a lie. She wasn't even sure true love was possible anymore. Not the kind she'd read about in books. The kind that lasted forever and was soul-deep. Maybe her expectations were just too high. That she should be happy with what life offered her and be satisfied with it.
Her thoughts went to Holden then. Fate had presented him to her on a warm fall evening in Missoula and then again when she reached Willow Creek. Maybe what she'd been looking for was right in front of her and all she had to do was reach out and take it. The fear in her heart was still there but closing her eyes and seeing Holden's face in her mind's eye, she smiled. He wouldn’t hurt her, just as he'd said, so what was holding her back?
Wiping her face with the back of her hand, she sniffled, picked her basket up and blew out an exhausted breath. She had a lot to think about and the next time she saw Holden, she'd give him an answer, one way or the other.
Chapter Ten
Holden heard the wagon before he saw it and his pulse leaped the moment he looked out toward the road leading to Colt and Sarah's place. Morgan and Abigail, along with their daughter Elizabeth, were heading toward his brother's and even though the distance was too great to make her out clearly, he could see Laurel on the seat beside Abigail.
He watched them pass the house. Colt had invited them to supper as well and Alex had run to their house hours ago to help watch Emma so Sarah could prepare things. He still hadn't made the slightest attempt to wash and change his clothes. Watching that wagon pass the house, he wasn't sure he should.
After weeks of trying to get through to Laurel, he now knew what was holding her back. Why she wouldn't commit to any sort of relationship and as much as he wanted her for his wife, he wasn't sure she'd ever accept his proposal. Now with Ethan in town, he feared she'd leave Willow Creek with her ex-fiancé. He wasn't sure what he'd do if she did.
The idea of losing her had invaded his thoughts since the night before. Ever since Ethan showed up at the dance and said Laurel was his wife. He could still hear the smug tone in the man's voice and thoughts of violence caused his fists to clench. He'd waited too long to find Laurel to let her go but if she didn't want him…
He sighed. They were good together. The sex alone was enough to leave him feeling dazed but it wasn't even the prospect of having a willing woman in his bed night after night that made him crave her. It was her. The way her face turned pink when she was embarrassed. The smiles he knew she only offered him. That soft, tinkling laughter that worked its way into his soul and made him feel ten years younger. The way she looked at him, her whiskey colored eyes drinking him in and making him feel like there wasn't another man around for miles.
He'd been imagining a life with her since leaving Missoula, even more so when she turned up in Willow Creek and he knew if she refused to marry him, he'd spend the rest of his life wanting her. He may marry someone else someday in the future but it would only be to give Alex a mother.
Pete, one of the ranch hands, called his name and he turned back to the barn. He still had work to do, regardless of his supper plans. Walking back toward the barn, something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He stopped, looked toward the tree line to the left of the barn and squinted into the dying sun. Nothing but the tree branches moved and he shrugged off the feeling of being watched before walking into the barn. He nodded to the men already there and grabbed the bail of hay he'd dropped when he saw the wagon.
Tossing it to Pete, he turned to grab another and tried to put Laurel out of his mind. Maybe if he just gave her some space, stopped badgering her about marrying him, she'd come to a decision about them.
* * * *
The Avery clan had been pleasant supper companions, even Alexandra, but Holden's absence had been felt to degrees Laurel wasn't sure how to process. She missed him and knowing she was probably the reason he hadn't shown up left her feeling dejected.
The ladies had moved to the parlor, a spacious room with a warm fire burning, lace curtains at the windows and rich fabrics covering the furniture.
Alexandra was in the play room with Abigail and Sarah's daughters and the men were on the porch discussing things no woman cared to hear about, she was sure.
The chatter was lighthearted and Laurel listened as she sipped her tea. Emmaline seemed to open up and talk more since the topic of conversation was the new house being built at the edge of the property. Laurel had seen it when they rode under the arched entryway leading to the Avery Ranch. Colt and Sarah's house, a two-story structure almost the size of the main house, was nestled behind the creek in a thicket of trees that was sure to be protected from the summer sun by acres of shade.
The conversation had stopped and Laurel glanced up, startling a little when she noticed everyone was staring at her. "I'm sorry. Did you say something?"
Sarah smiled. "I said Holden will be here soon."
Abigail nodded, confirming Sarah's statement. "He's p
robably just tied up with work. He doesn't make the ranch hands do anything he isn't willing to help with himself. They're probably knee deep mucking out stalls or storing hay."
