A Love to Have and to Hold

by Linda Ford

  “Are you back to stay or just to visit?” Flora asked.

  “I’ll let you know after I have a chance to talk to Josie.”

  Her teeth chattered so badly she couldn’t eat another bite. Someone took away her plate and put a dessert dish before her with a wedge of chocolate cake. She pushed it aside. How could she eat when she didn’t know what he would say? Would he remember his promise to settle down and build a home? Had he decided to join his uncle who was his father?

  She had no doubt that their discussion would lead to the need for her to be honest with him about her past. And that frightened her.

  The meal was over. She carried a stack of dishes to the basin of water and grabbed a rag to wash them.

  Victoria pushed her aside. “Walker is waiting. Go with him.”

  Her limbs feeling like warm butter, she stepped outside, into the bright sunlight.

  “Let’s go down by the river,” he said.

  She walked at his side across the dusty road, across the soft grass, through the trees to the bank of the river, and there they stopped.

  Walker took his hat off and twisted it round and round in his fingers.

  “I didn’t know if you’d come back.” The words burst unbidden from her mouth.

  “Sorry I left in such a hurry. I had a lot to think about.” He studied her, his gaze brushing her cheeks, her eyes, her lips.

  Was he thinking of the last picnic they’d shared? The kiss he’d given her?

  The unfinished conversation? Time to say what she’d started to say.

  But before she could speak, he brushed the backs of his fingers across her cheek. “I went to the ranch. Worked out things with Paul.”

  What sort of things had he worked out?

  She drew in a large breath of air. “Walker, you want truth and honesty. You don’t like secrets. Before you say anything more, you need to hear the truth about me.”

  He squeezed her hand. “As you said to me, your past isn’t who you are.”

  “It plays a large part in who I am now.” She met his gaze, found strength in it, and began. “Some of this I have told you, but I have to begin at the start to make sure you understand. My uncle became my guardian when I was young. Too young to know I shouldn’t trust him completely, as I’d trusted my parents.”

  Walker nodded encouragement.

  “It took me a long time to realize that he didn’t have a job. And the way we survived was by stealing and cheating. At first, I thought it was a game. That’s what he said. ‘Go in there and ask the storekeeper about the doll. Be sure and look really sad and mention that you’re an orphan. Or fall down and pretend you have a bellyache. You do a good job and I’ll give you candies.’ He taught me how to sneak things and leave the store. Said he would pay for them when he went in. Then one day I got caught stealing a tin of peaches. The store man shook me hard. I can remember his words like it was yesterday. ‘You’re just a kid so I’m not going to call the sheriff, but I should. You’re a good for nothing thief. A low-down skunk. Where’s your ma?’ I said she was dead. He said, ‘Likely she’d turn over in her grave if she knew this was what you were doing.’”

  Josie shuddered. “That’s when I knew what we were doing was wrong.” She rushed on before Walker could speak. “I have to get it all out.”

  He nodded.

  “I told Uncle I didn’t want to do it anymore. He said if I backed out on him, he’d tell the sheriff what I’d done. I was as guilty as he. He scared me into staying with him.”

  She forced herself to continue. “The worst part was when Uncle woke me in the middle of the night. I remember the first time he did it. I was cold and hungry and angry at him for not taking care of me like he promised Mama. But he clamped a hand over my mouth and told me we had to leave. He didn’t even let me pack my things. He just grabbed my coat and shoes and shoved them at me. My heart hammered so hard I thought it would burst from my chest. Uncle led us away from town. Then he jumped into the saddle, and we raced away into the dark. We camped beside a stream just as the sky began to lighten. I was so hungry that I believed him when he told me that people in this area didn’t mind if we took what we needed to eat. He told me lots of things that I should have known were lies. But after we had to run away in the middle of the night a few times, I learned to keep my things close. I learned how hunger drives a person to steal. I learned not to believe anything my uncle said.”

  Her throat grew tight and she couldn’t go on.

  “How did you end up with the Kinsleys?”

  “Uncle saw how his accomplices started to look at me and told me I was getting to be too much trouble. I think he also saw me trying to get up the nerve to speak to the sheriff.”

  Walker wrapped his arms around her and drew her to his chest.

  She leaned into him, finding strength in his embrace.

  His voice rumbled beneath her ear as he spoke. “I’m sorry all that happened to you. None of it was your fault. You were a child put in a horrible situation.”

  “If people found this out about me, they would judge me. It wouldn’t be good for my parents and my sisters.”

  Walker leaned back, caught her chin with his finger, and tipped her head up.

  She looked into his clear blue eyes and thought it was like the Montana sky had shared a bit of itself with him.

  “Josie, you have no need to carry your past like a heavy load. Tell your parents and your sisters. I think you’ll see that they won’t condemn you.”

  “I’m afraid. I’ve carried this shame so long. I’ve always been afraid of what would happen.”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “You told me, and nothing bad happened.”

  “It doesn’t change how you feel about me?”

  He smiled. “Did learning that Paul is my father change how you felt about me?”

  “Not at all.” At that moment, she understood that she was free of her past, and her shame fell away. She sang softly, “‘Those who trust him wholly find Him wholly true.’ God loves me and washed away my past.” She put her arm through his, and they walked beside the river. “Now tell me what you’ve been doing since I last saw you.”

  “I went to visit my uncle…Paul. He has a nice place and wants me to be his partner.”

  “You’ve made your peace with him?”

  “I have.”

  “I’m glad.” She waited a heartbeat, but he didn’t say if he meant to join Paul. She wouldn’t ask, afraid he would say he was but not invite her to join him. “Oh, you left before you heard the results of the rodeo. There was enough money for two orders of books. The first one was basics and arrived a few days ago. On the same train as the new teacher. Pa and the others decided to let him have some input into the books they would get with the rest of the money.”

  “That’s great.” He paused to study her. “And did you get lots of sewing orders?”

  “I surely did.” She told him of the first orders. “And every week I get a few more.”

  “You’ll soon be an independent business woman.”

  “Yes.” She had enough money to order the sewing machine, but she hadn’t done so. She could not say why, except something held her back. Having almost reached her dream, it no longer felt urgent. She wasn’t even sure it’s what she wanted.

  What did she want?

  The thing she had lost when her parents died. Home and love.

  But that didn’t make sense. Her family loved her, and she had a home with them.

  It wasn’t enough to satisfy the longing in her heart.

  She’d once thought Walker meant to offer her what she wanted.

  Had he changed his mind?

  Walker ached to tell Josie how he felt, but would she be willing to leave her home? Her plans which were so close to reaching fruition?

  Besides, the words of love were pressed back by an anger toward a man who would treat a young girl the way Josie’s uncle had treated her. Used her.

  “Thank God you ended up with the Kinsleys.�
� It was a complete change of topic from talking about the rodeo and her sewing venture.

  “I know.” She looked into the distance, a troubled expression on her face. “I need to be honest with them about my past.” She turned her steps toward home.

  He stayed beside her. He didn’t think she needed his presence in order to talk to her family, but he meant to be there.

  The girls were gathered outside.

  “Where’s Ma and Pa?” Josie asked.

  “Inside.”

  “Would you all come in? There’s something I want to say.”

  Their expressions full of curiosity, they all trooped indoors and gathered round the table.

  Walker sat beside Josie. He found her hand under the table and squeezed it. She sent him a grateful smile then turned toward her parents.

  “First, I want to thank you for adopting me and loving me. If you hadn’t, I don’t know what would have happened to me. You saved me from an awful life, and I still carry the shame of who I was and what I did. I need to tell you.” Her look circled the table. “All of you. I can no longer keep these secrets, and if you change your mind about me, I will certainly understand.” Her voice quivered.

  “Child, we will never change our mind about you,” Ma said. “Unless we are granted the ability to love you more.”

  Josie sniffed back tears. “Better wait until you hear.” Her voice halting, she told her family the same story she’d told Walker.

  When she finished, she hung her head.

  Her mother pushed back from the table and went to Josie’s side. Her pa followed.

  “Child, we have known this from the first. The sheriff told us. That’s when we determined we would ask your uncle to let us adopt you. You deserved to be free of his control. Never have we blamed you for being part of his life.”

  Tears streamed down Josie’s face as she hugged her parents and was hugged by them.

  Her sisters and their husbands crowded around her, insisting they loved her.

  Flora said, “If I ever meet this uncle of yours, I will exact justice for how he treated you.”

  Kade pulled her close. “Let’s leave justice to the authorities.”

  They returned to their seats. Mrs. Kinsley, perhaps seeing that they were reluctant to end the session, made tea and served it with the rest of the cake from dinner.

  Flora pushed her chair back. “Well, shoot. When you said you had something to say, I thought it would be that Walker had asked you to marry him and go with him to his new ranch.” She gave him a look rife with disappointment.

  He pushed his chair back also. “Josie, would you please look at me?”

  She turned.

  “This might not be the right time or place but—” He fell to one knee. “Josie Kinsley, I love you to the depths of my heart. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  Tears silvered her face. “You love me?”

  “You didn’t know?”

  “I wasn’t certain.”

  “Answer the man, and put him out of his misery,” Flora said.

  Josie laughed. “Yes, yes, yes. I’ll marry you and follow you to the ends of the earth.”

  “I’d be happy if you’d just go with me to my ranch.”

  Amidst clapping and shouts of congratulations, he drew her to her feet and out the door. He thought of going to the river but instead went into the addition. He kicked the door closed behind him then pulled her into his arms.

  “Josie, I love you.” He kissed her soundly and thoroughly.

  Finally, she leaned back. “Walker Jones, I love you. Please don’t think it’s because you have a ranch and are no longer a penniless cowboy.”

  He pretended to be shocked. “It doesn’t make a difference?”

  She wrinkled her nose at him.

  He grew serious. “What about your sewing business?”

  The smile she gave him warmed him clear through. “It was my way of being safe, but I’ve learned a very important lesson. It’s this. I am safe in God’s love and care and with the people He sends into my life to love me.”

  “I don’t mind if you want to run a business.”

  “I will continue to sew because I enjoy it, but it’s no longer so important to me. Now tell me about this ranch of yours.”

  “I’d sooner do this.” He kissed her again.

  Epilogue

  With the help of her sisters, Josie donned the gray, silk wedding dress she’d made. She had told Walker she didn’t want to delay long enough to make it, but he had insisted.

  “I don’t want any regrets later. Put your best skills to work and fashion a gown you will cherish the rest of your life.”

  She had kissed him to silence him. “Silly. It isn’t my gown I intend to cherish as long as I live.”

  He widened his eyes. So blue. So full of love and trust. “Really? Then tell me, what is?”

  Laughing at his teasing, she’d hugged him. “It’s a blue-eyed, handsome cowboy.”

  Seeing that he meant to pretend he didn’t know she was talking about him, she hugged him tighter. “You. Only and always you.” She’d learned that his mother’s infidelity had made him a little anxious, so she reassured him over and over that she only meant to give her heart once.

  “There’s only one thing that would make this day more perfect.” She glanced out the window.

  Eve came to her side. “What would that be?”

  “If Tilly and Adele could be here and Josh had been found.”

  The others joined them. “Josh will be found one day,” Victoria said. “If I could be found, anyone can.”

  “Enough of this.” Flora shooed her sisters down the stairs and held Josie’s arm to steady her as they descended.

  Pa was in the church waiting to marry them.

  After some discussion with Walker, they had asked Paul to escort her down the aisle. He’d come at their invitation to meet Josie and the others. In the two weeks he’d visited, Josie had grown to know him and like him. He was a man with deep affections and a noble heart.

  “Me?” he’d said when they asked him. “I’m not family.”

  “Both of us want you to know that you will be a part of our family.”

  Paul had cleared his throat twice before he answered. “In that case, I’d be honored.”

  The girls and Paul crossed to the church.

  Lisa had agreed to play the piano, and the notes filled the air.

  One by one her sisters marched down the aisle.

  “Are you ready?” Paul held out his elbow for her to take.

  She stepped into the doorway. Pa stood at the front. So did her sisters and their husbands as Walker’s attendants. But she saw no one but Walker. His bronzed skin glowing. A white shirt and black jacket making him even more handsome than usual, if that was possible.

  The wedding ceremony was familiar. She’d assisted Pa in many of them. The words were likely the same, but she didn’t hear them. She saw nothing but the love on Walker’s face, heard nothing but the joyful beat of her heart.

  After the ceremony, tea was served to the guests. Josie and Walker talked to everyone, received their congratulations. There was no need to hurry away. They had decided to spend their first night in town so they could make the journey to the ranch in one day.

  “I can’t wait to see my new home,” she whispered to Walker.

  He’d offered to take her to see it before the wedding, but she’d insisted she didn’t care if it was a shack or a palace so long as they shared it.

  She nudged Walker. “The sheriff.” He was talking to Pa, and they looked her direction. “What does he want? Will I ever get over being nervous when a sheriff shows up?”

  He hugged her. “You will. In fact, you might find you like them.”

  Pa and the lawman came toward them. She grabbed Walker’s hand and held on tight.

  “Let’s find a quiet spot.” Pa led them to the kitchen. “I asked the sheriff to do a little investigating, and he has news for you,” Pa said.


  The sheriff nodded. “I would like to inform you that a man by the name of Obadiah Douglas was arrested three months ago in Ohio. He attempted to escape and was shot. He is deceased. I’m sorry.”

  Her legs went out from under her, but Walker kept her from falling.

  Pa and the sheriff slipped away.

  Walker led her to a chair and knelt at her side. “Who is this Douglas man?”

  “He’s my uncle.” She shuddered. “I’ve always been afraid he would track me down and try and make me work for him again.”

  “He will no longer be a threat to you.”

  She smiled though her insides still quivered. “We can start a new life together. The past behind us.”

  He took her hands. “The future before us.” He pulled her to her feet and circled his arms around her. “A life full of endless possibilities.” He bent to kiss her.

  Just before their lips touched, she said, “Walker Jones, I love you forever and always.”

  How grateful she was that God had proven to be more forgiving, more generous, more merciful than she imagined and certainly more than she deserved. Indeed, even the bad things in her life had worked together for her good. Bringing her to this place where she was ready to love a man like Walker. God had blessed her with a love that filled every corner of her heart.

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  The story of the Kinsley family begins long before they take up residence in Glory, Montana Territory. It begins with a young woman, married to a preacher man. Both of them desire to serve God and have a large family. But their lives aren’t the dream they’d imagined. There are disappointments that threaten their hearts. Will their faith endure and their love survive?

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