Jaded Hearts (Loaded Replay #1)

by Harper Sloan

  “I wouldn’t,” she argues emphatically.

  “You don’t know that. What happens if weeks, months, or even years down the road something happens and that doubt comes back?”

  She stands, the absence of her hand leaving a burning sensation on my chest. For a second, I almost knife off the bed and bring her back, but she places a knee on the mattress and climbs up until her bottom is resting on my jeans-covered hips. Both hands hit my chest this time, rubbing softly through the cotton. Her eyes never leaving mine.

  “The day I met Garrett, he asked me to introduce him to Dix. The very day. He was the last man I had dated officially, but I had met a few who could have turned into something had they not asked the same thing of me within an hour of meeting. The day that you realized you couldn’t deny the feelings we shared for each other, you did the opposite by quitting the job we hired you to be here for and then you continued as if you hadn’t. You have made it clear from the very beginning that you don’t want to be here for any other reason than what we’ve been building together, Chance. I would never, could never, doubt what we have.”

  “What happens when people all start saying we met because I was being paid to be here?”

  She smiles coyly. “No one knows what brought us together, Chance.”

  “Brighthouse does. I was there when Wes made the call to formally request my presence after we found that bullshit in your contract.”

  “And did he ask if you, Chance Nash, could be hired? Or did he ask if we could hire someone?”

  I think back to that day when Wes had made the call. “He didn’t refer to me by my name.”

  “Then I think it’s safe to say that scenario will never happen. If someone makes the connection with your background in security, then they do. If you ask me, that will make you being in charge of our security team all the more plausible with us being not married and all. Why would I think about hiring someone else to build the best defense team to keeping the people I love safe? After all, the only one who would do the best job of that is already in charge of the heart that does that loving.”

  “I don’t want you to resent me, Wren. Can’t you see I’m trying to give us the best start here since I know how much the past has jaded you to trust other’s motives?”

  “Jesus Christ, Chance. I’m not ever going to look at what we have and think that. Ever! A man who has the type of integrity that you have would never, ever do that to me. Can’t you see? I’m terrified that you’ll leave without a reason to stay!”

  Momentarily taken aback, my jaw slacks, and I look at this beautiful woman on my lap like she’s lost her damn mind. “Wren.” I sigh softly. “Don’t you see that you are my reason to stay?”

  “I am now. What happens when you get bored of traveling with us? When you get sick of being cooped up in this house? I won’t ever have a normal life, Chance, and our relationship will always be different because of that. Not to mention, when we aren’t in the studio, we’re always on the move. Tours keep me away for months. You aren’t the kind of man who can be idle and happy not to contribute. You’ve proven that each day you’ve been here, inserting yourself in our lives to pull your weight. That hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated. You say I’m your reason to stay, but I can’t have you resenting me later when you don’t feel challenged.”

  It’s on the tip of my tongue to remind her that she’s challenge enough for me, but I know now isn’t the time to joke. “I could retire tomorrow and still live a comfortable life, Wren. My dad’s family came from money, lots of money, and I inherited it all from both he and Tracy when they died. I don’t need the money.”

  “It isn’t about the money, Chance! It’s about you being needed for something bigger than whatever misplaced doubts you might think I could grow into. It’s about more than my fear that you’ll grow bored. In five years, we have never felt safe with the security Brighthouse put on us. Not once were we confident that someone wouldn’t slip through the many cracks and hurt us. You popped in two weeks ago, and in all of that time, through three sold-out shows in one of the biggest cities and travel between crazy airports, we have finally breathed a sigh of relief that we don’t have to be on guard. You gave us that gift. We all trust you to ensure that feeling for a long time to come because you’ve earned our trust to confidently do it. So no, it isn’t about the money, Chance; it’s about what’s right for Loaded Replay and what’s right for you.”

  “Wren,” I breathe.

  “No, Chance. Let me make it perfectly clear. I will never doubt your motives for being here. We’re cut from the same cloth, honey. Both of us wear the scars of our jaded past, but if you feel even a little bit like I do for you, then you’ve felt the healing touch of them disappearing since the moment our bodies first touched. I need what you give me more than my next breath. That isn’t something anyone would be able to give up. People fight a lifetime to find this, and I had almost lost faith that I would ever have this.”

  Goddamn, her words hit me, and I feel the sweet sense of being whole for the first time in my life by them. She’s right; some people will never find the kind of connection we have.

  “I felt that two weeks ago when I met you, Chance, but each day that we’re together, it grows into something larger than I will ever understand. You say taking this offer would jump-start our relationship, but that happened the day you walked through the door and put that reporter in her place.”

  I clear my throat. “Actually, for me, it started almost three years ago when I stood in the front row of a Loaded Replay concert and locked eyes with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  “What?” She gasps.

  “I took Dani and her girlfriends to your show while Cohen was overseas and all that shit was going down with her. It was the first time I had ever seen you outside of magazines and the television. I think I felt the kick of us even back then.”

  Her chin wobbles, and for a second, I worry that she might cry. “God, Chance. How can you say that and not get that I’ll never have any doubts?”

  “Because no matter how you slice it, it’s still only been a few weeks.”

  “And in my world, honey, those two weeks might as well mean two years. Our relationship will never move at a speed measured in time. What else can I say other than when you know, you know?” Her hands move as her eyes implore me to understand.

  “We sit down and come to an agreement we can all live with, and I’m on board. Even if that means you agree to donate a salary I might receive to a charity of my picking.”

  A smile brighter than anything I’ve ever seen on her face almost steals the breath from my chest seconds before she jumps forward. Her hands push up from my chest until she’s holding them on either side of my face and her mouth is moving against mine in a deep kiss.

  In the end, I might have given in, but I know that after our talk tonight, there is no way that either of us could look back and regret or doubt our relationship. Not only was this something I knew I needed to do, but I also needed her to tell me that I wasn’t alone in this overwhelming feeling of pure fucking bliss after such a short time. She’s right; our relationship will never be measured by time, not when it feels like I’ve been working my whole life just to make my way to her.

  “So what do we say when they start asking about your marriage?” Dyllan jokes, looking at Wren before giggling.

  “You don’t say anything,” she answers.

  “Well, are you going to say anything?”

  Wren glances over at me and winks. “We talked about it, and I think it’s kind of fun to play the game of not confirming anything to them but also not denying it.”

  Dyllan lets out a boastful laugh. “That’s just going to make them all rabid for more. They won’t stop until they know the truth.”

  “I don’t live my life to feed their bullshit rumor-infested magazines, Dyll.”

  Instantly, her hands go up in surrender, and you can tell she feels bad. “I didn’t say you do, Wren. I was
just pointing out that you will only make them get a little more crazy about it if you don’t just say you guys are dating and call it a day.”

  I feel Wren slouch in her seat next to me, exhaling a long breath. She shifts in her seat, getting more comfortable. “My love life is private, Dyll. They get so much of me already that I’m allowed to decide how much of my private life is exposed.”

  “So you’re just going to continue the marriage ruse?”

  “I’m going to continue enjoying my life with Chance at my side. If they want to assume something without confirmation, that’s on them.”

  “Got it,” Dyllan says. “At least, they’ll put an end to the baby rumor as soon as they realize you aren’t growing a belly,” she adds before turning back in her seat and looking out her window.

  “Until the next time we end up ordering too much room service and all of us are rocking food babies,” Jamison jokes from the backseat.

  “Ha!” Wes laughs. “Wren looked like she was about to birth a real baby after that night.”

  I feel her shift, and then I get the full effect of her attention slamming into me when those blue eyes lock with my own. My heart picks up speed, just like it’s always done, and I feel my face get soft. Something she notices when some of the irritation I had seen on her face clears.

  “Why did we agree to drive to Vegas?” she questions.

  “It was easier to drive since the team I would have had with us during our flight can head on out to Vegas ahead of us and make sure everything is in place before we get there. I can handle it by myself, but since news might break any day now about your split from Brighthouse, I didn’t want to be the only one on you all when it hit the press.”

  She sags against me, and I adjust my arm behind her, pulling her more comfortably to my side. Their normal driver had arrived at the house early this morning, and I had figured after us being up all night, she would crash quickly, but the gang traveling with us made that impossible. I’m guessing since she isn’t used to being so thoroughly worked over, the normal banter between them is just taking more of a toll on her.

  “Why don’t you take a nap?” I ask her the second she falls even further into my embrace, dropping her head until it was on my lap.

  “What are you doing down there?” Jamison pipes up, and I lift my hand to flip him off.

  “How much longer?” I feel her head move as I look at my wrist to check the time, willing my cock not to react to her head being so close. When I glance back down at her, she groans at whatever she sees on my face. “Tell me it’s at least less than an hour?”

  “About two, but we’re headed right to the venue. Get some rest and it will feel like less.”

  She nods, the sensation on my crotch perking my cock back up. Clearly, she notices if the light patting of her hand against my thigh is anything to go by. She sits up, giggling softly, and pulls the hoodie she had put on this morning off, dropping it in my lap, and then laying back down on it.

  I listen to the conversations flowing around me, now lower in volume since Wren dropped down to rest. They might play around, but the bond these guys has makes it easy for them to adjust instantly when one of them needs something. And there was no doubt my girl needed her rest. She’s been snappy since about thirty minutes out of LA.

  “Hey,” Dyllan whispers from her seat in the front next to the driver.

  I look up, dropping the piece of hair I had been playing with; I continue to run my fingers over the soft buzz of the section of hair she has shaved at her temple, running them back to the silky locks that follow until I reach the end of her length and start the process over again.

  I raise one brow, the silent arch an acceptance for her to continue to speak whatever it is she needs.

  “Seriously, though, you started this whole marriage ruse when you were just supposed to be the fake boyfriend, so tell me how the story is going to play out!” she whispers, excitement all over her words as they rush from her mouth.

  “Who said it was a ruse, Dyllan?” I continue to hold her gaze with my stoic mask firmly in place before she looks away, turning in her seat with a frown of confusion.

  I’m not sure why I even said it, but I have a feeling a lot of that is because when I hear Wren call me her hubby and joke about us being not married, I fucking love the way it makes me feel. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since, and while it might have started out as something funny between us, I can’t help myself from wanting it to be true.

  How’s that for lightning speed?

  I know Wren likes that our relationship is private, but I wouldn’t mind if everyone knew that she was mine, especially if they thought we were married. It brings out something almost caveman inside me, thinking about the world assuming I’m the lucky bastard who gets her for the rest of my life.

  No, fuck that. I have no doubts that this woman is it for me. The rest of my life never felt like something I could look forward to until her. I always felt like I lacked something. I didn’t have a mother then lost my father and my aunt. Everyone that I had left in my family was gone, only making that void grow.

  Then Wren walked into my life, and I felt that void start to fill in. She did that. Just like she promised she would. She’s taken every destroyed piece and fixed it. I know because of that, I have my future right here drooling in my lap.

  Not even the betrayal of Jessica hurts anymore.

  That’s probably because I have a relationship now, no matter how new, to compare it to, and I can look back now and see that what I felt for Jessica was nothing but a complacent punk thinking a warm hole for his dick meant he was in love. Hell, I should send her a thank-you note for being such a whore that I never got stuck with her.

  Not once in that whole relationship did I feel like I do now. I didn’t wake up in the morning pissed that I had to even sleep at all because that stupid necessity kept me from Wren.

  How’s that for insane?

  I feel like my heart—the one thing that keeps me alive—doesn’t even beat inside my own chest anymore, not when Wren has taken its place as my most vital organ. Sappy or not, it’s fucking true. If that doesn’t scream love, I don’t know what does.

  It’s almost impossible to hold the thought in, not when I know it’s true deep down into my marrow. Sometimes, Wren gives me a look that tells me it’s on the tip of her tongue too, but she’s afraid to say it first. I had been worried that it would spook her to say it too soon, but after her speech about our relationship moving on a different time scale than normal, I have no doubts that what I feel for her needs to be known.

  The last thought I have before leaning my head against the window is how much of a lucky bastard I am. This might have all started as a fake relationship to keep me close, but it turned into a very real one that never keeps me away.

  Vegas is hot.

  And dry.

  It feels like someone took a blow dryer, pointed it in my face, and cranked that sucker all the way up.

  I forgot how much I loved being in Sin City.

  The stale, over-filtered air of secondhand smoke. A hint of desperation floats heavily through the casino floor, only pausing to mix with the underlying overeager panic to win that follows behind a few poor souls. And let us not forget the enticing sounds of the slots, hypnotizing their next victim closer with the promise of winning a life-changing jackpot.

  “We’re spending time playing the slots,” I demand, looking at Chance with an excitement that can only be compared to a puppy with a brand-new bone.

  He just shakes his head with a smile, pulling me through the lobby. Dyllan had come in to get us checked in so that we could make a quick rush through, but I had made the guys go first so that I could rubberneck right into the casino, needing to see the machines I love playing.

  “We’re doing it.” His smile grows when I don’t give in. “You’re my good luck, Chance. Get it? Good luck Chance?”

  “Ha-ha,” he deadpans, not fooling me in the least.


  “No one has a Chance to win like me,” I continue, not even the slightest bit embarrassed that I’m being so corny.

  I was still congratulating myself on being so witty when he pulled us into the elevator, backed me into the glass wall, and pressed his body close. My head spins with the tingles of excitement I feel at his domination, his thickness pressing into my belly with a thrust of his hips.

  “You want a Chance to fuck?”

  My eyes snap up to him at his words, and it takes me a second to clear the arousal from my brain, but when I see the hilarity dancing in his eyes, I toss my head back and laugh.

  “We should have gotten our own room,” he mumbles against the skin on my neck, pressing a kiss there before his wet tongue gives a swipe, making me shiver.

  “It’s a big suite,” I weakly respond.

  “Not big enough to do what I want to do to you.”

  “Oh, God.” I shiver, clenching my thighs together.

  “When we get to Denver, we’re getting our own room.”

  I nod, but who am I kidding? At this point, I would have said yes to anything he wanted.

  He steps away so quickly in the next breath, I would have fallen to the floor had he not wrapped his arm around my body. I sagged into him the second I realized the elevator had stopped.

  I glanced at the number panel—noting that we were only a few floors up from the casino, on the floor that the pool is also on, and nowhere near where our suite is—just as the doors slide open and a group of college-age kids started filing in, laughing to each other. Chance got stiff the same second that one of them glanced at us. You could tell the second a courtesy glance at a stranger in an elevator turned into recognition.