by Beth Rinyu
Ryan lifted his shirt and rubbed his belly. “I have an iron gut!” he joked.
Dailan acted as if he was going to punch him in his belly. Ryan quickly pulled down his shirt and backed away. “Quicker than you, old man,” Ryan joked. I noticed how Ryan’s personality had completely changed from the last few days, now that Dailan was around. I just wished that Dailan could see how much his absence was affecting Ryan.
“Well, I’m going to get going,” Jack said as he laughed at Dailan and Ryan. “Don’t forget to tell your Uncle Dailan about your football practice on Monday,” Jack said.
“Wow, football is starting already?” Dailan asked.
“Yeah, it’s my first practice. I really wish that you could be there,” Ryan said.
“What time does it start?” Dailan asked.
“It’s from three to five.”
“I’ll be there,” Dailan said without blinking an eye. I took a deep breath and shook my head. Dailan had let Ryan down one too many times over the past month by making promises that he wasn’t able to keep. “I will be there,” he said sharply to me.
“Awesome!” A mile wide smile stretched across Ryan’s face and my heart melted. “Can you please stay and hang out with me?” Ryan asked Dailan after Jack walked out the front door.
Dailan smiled and nodded. I looked at the clock. It was only eight thirty but I was so tired. “Well, I’m going up to bed,” I said as I gave Ryan a kiss good night.
“Already?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah, I’m really tired.” Dailan’s stare was intense. “Good night,” I whispered to him.
“Good night,” he finally responded back, looking a little disappointed.
I walked up the stairs with a heavy heart. There was nothing that I wanted more than to have Dailan joining me in our bed tonight.
Chapter 53
Dailan
Monday morning and I was finally done with the spreadsheet. I was glad that Rachel was off today because I was planning on reaming her out and I had exhausted all of my energy fixing the disaster she had created for me. I had Debbie double check it for me and sent it on its way, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
The day was flying by and I made sure that I kept close track of time. Nicole had texted me several times throughout the day to make sure that I didn’t forget about Ryan’s football practice. I finally had to cut Mr. Allan short from his long-winded conversation with me when I looked down at my phone and saw that it was almost three.
The smile on Ryan’s face when I arrived at the football field was priceless. “Uncle D! You came!” he shouted as he came running over to me.
“I told you that I was coming.”
“Yeah, well, I just thought….oh, never mind. I gotta get going. I’ll talk to you in a few.” I laughed as he ran off. I was feeling pretty shitty, realizing that I hadn’t been there for him these past few months like I should have been. I hadn’t been there for Nicole or Ella either. It would all be over soon, and I would make it up to all of them. I pulled out my phone and responded to Nicole’s text asking me if I remembered to pick Ryan up. No one had much faith in me these days, but it was my own fault.
Ryan finished up and was still all smiles. “I’m tired and starving!” he said.
“Well, let’s go get something to eat.”
“Circus Burger….please!” he pleaded. I hated that place, but it was his favorite, so I agreed.
We arrived at the restaurant and Ryan ordered his favorite: a double chocolate milkshake. He took me by surprise when he ordered the double duty burger. I knew that his eyes were probably bigger than his stomach, but he swore that he was starving.
“So whatchya been up to, Ryan?” He shrugged his shoulders. The waitress brought his burger out and his eyes widened.
"Betcha can't fit that whole thing in your mouth."
"Oh, yeah? Watch!" Ryan opened his mouth like an alligator getting ready to attack its prey, taking a huge bite from his burger. "And that's how it’s done!" he said with his mouth full. I shook my head and laughed. Ryan's demeanor completely changed in an instant. The smile that had just been on his face was now replaced with worry. "Uncle D, if you guys get divorced, will you still see me?"
He caught me completely off guard. "Ryan, we’re not getting divorced, and why would you think that you wouldn't see me?"
"Well, you have to see Ella; she's your kid and I'm just your nephew. So, I just thought that maybe -"
"Ryan, I love you just as much as I love Ella. You are more than just my nephew; you’re my best bud."
He sighed heavily and I could still see doubt in his eyes. "Uncle D?"
"Yeah?"
"I wish you were my dad."
God, this kid knew how to get me and crush my heart into a million pieces. "Me too, Buddy." He was such a great kid and as far as I was concerned, he was my son.
He still had a look of gloom about him as he took a sip of his milkshake. I hated seeing him this way. I looked over at the table next to us. There was a little girl about his age with her mom and dad. "Hey, Ryan, I think that girl is checking you out."
He looked over at her just as she lifted her head and looked back at him. He quickly looked away and turned ten shades of red. He shook his head and threw a French fry at me, trying his best to contain his laughter and failing miserably.
I took a deep breath when I pulled into the driveway, knowing that Nicole and I would be occupying the same space for a short period of time, which usually meant an argument. Ryan ran straight up the steps to his room. I braced myself before I walked into the kitchen; Ella was in her high chair having a complete meltdown, while Nicole was frantically trying to prepare her dinner. I lifted Ella out of her high chair and kissed her.
"Can you please put her back? I need to feed her," Nicole said, turning around, trying to avoid eye contact. Her red, swollen eyes finally met mine. It was so obvious that she had just been crying.
"I got her, Nicole. Go sit down."
"No, I can -"
"Damn it, Nicole, can I just spend some time with my daughter without an argument?” She reluctantly handed me the bowl and walked out of the kitchen. I finished feeding Ella and took her upstairs to change her diaper. I went into Ryan’s room and sat on his bed, waiting for him to finish up with his video game, as Ella desperately tried to get down from my lap. “I’m gonna get going.”
“Aw, don’t leave!” The look on Ryan’s face broke my heart.
“Come here for a second.” He sat down on the bed next to me. “I had a lot of fun tonight.”
“Me, too,” Ryan said.
“We’ll do something fun this weekend, okay?”
“You promise?” he asked sadly.
“Cross my heart.” I wrapped my free arm around him and hugged him. “I love you, Ryan.”
“I love you too.” I kissed him on the top of his head as Ella wrestled to get the game controller from Ryan’s hand. “Ella, NO!” Ryan shouted.
She screeched back at him the way she always did when she didn’t get her way. “I’ll see you in a few days,” I said as I got up.
He sighed heavily. “Okay.”
The look on his face felt like a knife stabbing into my heart.
I brought Ella downstairs to Nicole. She was sitting on the couch, watching television, but I could tell her mind was a million miles away. I finally gave Ella her wish and put her down. She sat down on the floor and began to play with her toys, which were scattered all over the place.
“Are you okay?” I asked Nicole.
She nodded, but I could tell right away that she wasn’t.
I sat down next her and kissed her softly on the cheek. The tears she was trying to hold back came streaming down her face. “What’s wrong?”
“They found a lump in my breast the other day when I went to the doctor. I went for a mammogram today and my doctor called right before you got here to tell me that they want to do a biopsy based on the results of it.”
; “What? Why didn’t you tell when you first found out about it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it. The doctor and Jason both said that it was probably nothing.”
I couldn’t believe what I just heard come out of her mouth. I tried my best to disguise my anger. “You told some guy, who’s basically a stranger, and you didn’t tell me?”
“I’m sorry, Dailan, but Jason is a doctor and I just needed someone to talk to. You’ve been so busy with work and other things that I –”
“Nicole, will you please stop with the other things. There are no other fuckin’ things.”
“I’m sorry, I should have told you. I just thought it would be nothing and I wouldn’t have to worry everyone over it.”
“Nicole, I’m your husband. I’m not ‘everyone.’”
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. “I know and I’m sorry.”
I hated that she felt like she couldn’t talk to me the way that she always had. I hated that we had drifted apart so much over the past few months and most of all I hated that there was some other guy that she felt comfortable confiding in.
“Nicole, please don’t ever keep anything like this from me again.”
“I won’t; I promise.” She explained to me everything that her doctor had said. She was meeting with the doctor this week to schedule her procedure.
“Nicole, I promise, I will be around more for you.”
***
I came back downstairs after checking on Ryan and Ella. “Ella’s sleeping and Ryan’s in bed. Are you going to be okay?” I asked.
She stared off into space and shook her head. Her eyes were filled with tears when they finally met mine. I sat down next to her on the couch and wrapped my arms around her. She rested her head on my chest and began to cry harder. I kissed her on the top of her head and moved her hair from her face. “It’s going to be okay, Nicole. You’re going to be okay.”
She lifted her head and looked up at me sadly. “What about us, Dailan? Are we going to be okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we are.” She put her head back on my chest and hugged me tightly. God, I missed her so much.
She fell asleep on the couch with her arms wrapped around me and, sometime after, I must have fallen asleep as well. I awoke and looked at the clock, realizing it was after midnight. I had to be up early; I had a 6 a.m. meeting. I carried her up the stairs and got her in bed. I kissed her on the forehead and just watched her sleep for a few minutes. I felt so bad about what she had told me tonight and I was still trying to get over the fact that she felt the need to confide in another man about it instead of me. If anything were to happen to her, I didn’t know what I would do. I loved her so much. I just wished that she would realize that she would always be my one and only.
She slowly opened her eyes when my lips touched her forehead. “What time is it?” she whispered.
“Late; go back to sleep.”
"Stay." She looked up at me with her sad, tired eyes; little did she know, but I didn’t have any intention of leaving her tonight.
Chapter 54
Nicole
I awoke the next morning and reached for Dailan, but he was gone already. I grabbed his pillow and hugged it tightly, breathing in his scent. We hadn’t made love, but it was so nice just to have him lying beside me. Just knowing he was there allowed me the best sleep that I'd had in weeks. But now he was gone once again. I knew that he had an early meeting, but I didn't know it was that early. I stretched before getting out of bed, feeling a lot better than I had in a long time. I tried to put my doctor's appointment, tomorrow out of my mind for now and just concentrate on the progress that Dailan and I had made last night. For the first time in a long time, we talked. No screaming, no accusations, no walking out on each other. He was actually there for me when I needed him to be and it meant a lot to me. I poked my head into Ryan’s and Ella's rooms before heading downstairs for coffee. They were both sound asleep.
I fumbled through my purse for my phone and found a text message from Jason: Hope all is well. I was appreciative of Jason's concern. But Dailan's dad was right; I was playing with fire, especially after I had seen Dailan's reaction to Jason's text the other night. I didn’t mean to tell him last night that I had confided in Jason; it slipped out before I could stop myself. That only seemed to add to his frustration. Even though I valued Jason's friendship, my marriage came first. I knew that I would have to break that news to Jason and hope that he understood where I was coming from. I answered back with a quick: Thanks, doing okay.
I was just about to put my phone away when I decided to text Dailan: Thank you.
I went about my business and poured myself a cup of coffee when my phone beeped back with a reply from Dailan: For?
Being there for me last night - it meant a lot.
Well, you mean a lot to me even though you seem to forget that. I will call you later.
My heart fluttered, feeling a lot like it did when we had first started dating. Why was I feeling this way? We were married and had a child together. I didn't question it anymore; I kinda liked it! I decided that I was going to have a stress-free day with Ryan and Ella. If Ella would allow that, of course. I always knew from the moment she woke up if she would be a handful for the day. Luckily, this morning when I went upstairs to get her, she was all smiles and quite pleasant. I was just finishing up with her breakfast when Ryan came walking downstairs, rubbing his eyes.
“Hey, sleepyhead!” I looked at the clock. It was after nine; he usually never slept that late.
“Hey,” he said, not sounding very happy.
I placed some Cheerios on Ella’s high chair tray to keep her quiet for a few minutes so I could tend to Ryan.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked.
Ryan’s eyes began to fill up with tears. “Do you have cancer?”
“What! No, Ryan, why would you even ask that?”
“Because I heard you talking to my Uncle D last night when I was in the kitchen getting a drink before bed and you said something about cancer.”
I shook my head. “No, Ryan, I do not have cancer. I just have to go to the doctor’s tomorrow so they could tell me what I need to do to make sure that I don’t get it.” I had to think quick and was hoping that made more sense to him than it did to me.
“Why is everything bad happening?” He began to cry.
“Nothing bad is happening, Ryan.”
“Yes it is. You and my Uncle D are mad at each other and now you might be sick.”
“Ryan, I am not sick, okay? So, please stop stressing about that.” I rubbed my thumbs underneath his eyes and wiped away the tears.
“Well, what about you and my Uncle D? He said that you guys aren’t getting divorced. Is he lying?”
“No, Ryan, he’s not lying. We’re not getting divorced, I promise you.”
I hugged him tightly. He was much too young to be carrying all this weight on his shoulders. “Listen, it looks like Missy Poo is in a pretty good mood this morning and it’s a beautiful day. Do you want to go to the park and we can walk the trail?”
A smile slowly stretched across his face and he nodded. I took Ella from her high chair and she toddled over to Ryan. She placed her head on his lap and Ryan picked her up. She began to kiss him all over his face. I couldn’t stop smiling. “I love you too, Ella, but please stop drooling on me!” I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of the two of them. They were my life and no matter how down and out I was feeling, I knew that I could always look at them and be reminded of just how blessed I was.
***
We had a great day at the park. Ryan and I went for a nice long walk while pushing Ella in her stroller. We stopped along the way and had a picnic lunch that I had packed for us and just talked. I could see the apprehension that Ryan had been feeling earlier melting from his face. By the time we got back to the car, Ella was passed out in her stroller and Ryan looked like he wasn’t too far behind. I had just gotten Ella into her car seat
and was folding up her stroller when my phone rang. I smiled when I saw that it was Dailan.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey, my dad’s picking Ryan and Ella up at five.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m taking you out to dinner and Ryan and Ella are sleeping over at my dad’s house. Be ready by seven. I gotta go!”
“Dailan –”
Before I could even argue with him, the phone went dead.
Dinner with my incredibly sexy husband whom I missed so much? Yes, that sounded like the perfect end to an already great day.
Chapter 55
Nicole
I jumped when I saw Dailan standing in the bedroom door just as I finished dressing. He was holding a dozen red roses in his hand. I bit my lip to halt my tears. He walked in further and handed them to me. “They’re beautiful,” I said.
I took them down to the kitchen and arranged them in a vase. “Are you ready?” Dailan asked. I nodded. He turned around quickly, pulled his phone from his pocket, and placed it on the kitchen counter. “Let’s go,” he said.
“What was that all about?” I asked.
“I want you to know that you will have my full attention tonight.”
“Well, what if your dad or Annette needs to get in touch with you about Ryan or Ella?”
“You have your phone on you.” I looked up at him and smiled. I had to give him credit; he was trying.
We arrived at the restaurant and placed our orders. “Wow, this place is really nice,” I said, looking around at the upscale décor. He smiled at me and I began to melt.
“So, what time is your appointment tomorrow?”
“Two.”
“Did you need me to go with you?”
I took a deep breath and bit my lip. He had no idea just how much the offer meant to me. “No, I’ll be okay, but thank you.” I missed him so much. I missed being able to talk to him, laugh with him and even having him annoy me. “I miss you.” The words were out before I could even stop them.
He looked at me as if I had caught him off guard with that admission. “I miss you too, Nicole, very much.” He reached over the table and took my hand, lifting it up to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on my knuckles. My insides were screaming for him. He flashed his mischievous little grin and, if I had to guess, I was thinking that he was feeling the same way. I pulled it together when the waitress brought us our food.
