by Beth Rinyu
“Oh, really?” I raised my eyebrows and shook my head at Dailan. My parents began to laugh and I couldn’t hold mine back any longer.
“Ryan, from now on, please consult me before taking any girl advice from your Uncle Dailan,” I said, lightly smacking Dailan on the back of the head.
My sister entered the kitchen and the lighthearted mood from just seconds ago again suddenly turned to tense.
“I’m going to get going,” she said.
“Are you going back to our house?” my mother asked.
“No, actually, I’m going to see Tommy. I have something I need to tell him,” she said as she locked eyes with Dailan. “I’m following my heart.” She turned her attention to me.
I smiled. “You won’t regret it for one second,” I said as I gave Ryan a tight squeeze and a kiss on the head. I rested my cheek on Ryan’s head as I watched my sister walk out the door.
Chapter 63
Nicole
Forty-eight hours later, and I still hadn’t heard back from my doctor about the test results. I kept telling myself that no news was good news. I had one official week left of summer and then I had to start getting back into school mode by getting my classroom back together. I was heading to Ryan’s football practice but had to stop off at the pediatrician’s office to grab his medical forms that the doctor needed to sign off on for football. I gave the receptionist my name as she fumbled through her paperwork to find the form. “Hold on, one sec; I think they may have put it back in his chart.” I held on to Ella, tightly. I didn’t want her getting down and putting everything in the germy waiting room in her mouth.
“Nicole?” I turned around to find Jason walking towards me, handing off a chart to one of the girls behind the reception desk.
“Oh, hey,” I said as I pushed my hair behind my ear, feeling a little uncomfortable. He had been texting me like crazy and I had hardly responded. I had been putting off calling him to tell him what I needed to, face to face. I couldn’t put it off any longer.
“How did everything go?”
“I think it went well. I’m still waiting to hear.”
“You got a minute?” he asked.
“Um, yeah.” We walked back into his office and I took a seat. Ella was squirming around, doing her best to get down.
“Okay, why are you avoiding me?” he asked as he leaned up against the edge of his desk.
I smiled. “Wow, was I really that obvious?” He nodded. “Look, Jason, I value our friendship, but my husband was getting a little funny over the whole thing and, well-”
He put his hand up to stop me. “Say no more. I completely understand.”
“Why do you have to be such an awesome guy?” I asked.
“I ask myself that same question every time I look in the mirror,” he joked. “Does this mean that I don’t get to go out with you and Donna on your girls’ nights out?”
“Oh, heck, no! You are definitely invited to those.”
“I’ll take it,” he said. We both stood up. Ella had just about enough. He walked me out the door. “Hey, will you at least shoot me a quick text to let me know the outcome of the results?”
“Will do!” I smiled as I walked out the door.
***
I arrived at the football field and spread out a blanket in a nice shady spot under a tree, where Ella and I sat and watched Ryan during his practice. I hadn’t heard from Dailan all day. He was in court, awaiting the results of his case today. Ryan finally finished up and came running over to us. He gulped down the bottle of water that I handed him and burped loudly. I shook my head at him. “Man, I wish Uncle D coulda heard that one!” he said.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yup!” He picked up Ella while I folded up the blanket. We got into the car and I checked my phone one last time to see if there was anything from Dailan or my doctor. I did a double take when I looked at the date. How could I have forgotten? I never forget! “I just need to make a couple of stops before we head home.”
“Okay,” Ryan said.
I stopped off at the florist’s and quickly grabbed a dozen pink carnations, her favorite flower.
We pulled into the cemetery and, instead of going my normal route to Justin’s grave, I went in the other direction. “I think you went the wrong way,” Ryan said from the back seat. I pulled my car off to the side and removed Ella from her car seat. I took Ryan’s hand. We walked up the hill and finally came to a stop. “Who’s Tisha Jones?”
“She’s a very special lady, Ryan. She knew you when you were inside my belly. In fact, she’s the one who found your mommy and daddy to take care of you for me.”
A smile stretched across his face. “Wow, really?”
“Yup, she was a very special lady.”
He ran his fingers over the letters on her headstone. “Today was her birthday.” He looked up at me, squinting into the sunlight.
“Yeah, I know. I come here every year on her birthday and bring her favorite flowers to her.” I bent down and placed the carnations down on the ground by her headstone.
“When did she die?” Ryan asked.
“Three years ago.”
“How?”
“She had cancer. She was very sick.” I heard my voice cracking with emotion, remembering the day I said my final goodbye to her:
Her son had called me and told me that it was almost time. I rushed to his house as fast as I could. He led me up the stairs and into the bedroom in which she was staying. He closed the door behind me and walked out. I tried my best to keep my tears at bay and be strong for her, the way she always was for me, but I couldn’t. Seeing the woman who had been my rock lying in that bed, looking so frail, was too much for me to take.
She opened up her eyes and smiled at me, motioning for me to come closer. I sat down on the bed as she took my hand in hers. “Nicole, you came.”
“Well, of course I came.” The tears rolled down my face.
“Oh, baby girl, don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. I don’t want to suffer anymore. Please be happy for me.”
“I can’t be happy when I know I’ll never be able to talk to you again. You are my touchstone, Tisha. I don’t know what I would have done –”
I began to break down in tears. She pulled me to her and hugged me tightly. “Nicole, I will always be around. But, instead of picking up the phone or driving over to visit me, all you have to do is talk and I will be there, listening. Just promise me one thing.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes and nodded. “Promise me that you will let yourself be happy, Nicole. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. You’re a beautiful girl, inside and out. Please promise me that you will share all that love that you have inside of your heart with someone. Don’t keep punishing yourself for something that you shouldn’t be punishing yourself for. You gave that baby boy a beautiful life seven years ago. Now, please give yourself one. Free yourself from the guilt.” She took my hand and squeezed it as tightly as her frail little body would allow.
“I love you, Tisha, and I will never forget you.”
“I love you too, baby girl.”
She died the very next morning.
I wiped away my tears as I thought back to that day. I rearranged the flowers at Tisha’s grave one last time. Ryan took a squirming Ella from my arms and headed back to the car. “Happy birthday, Tisha, I finally freed myself from that guilt. I hope I made you proud - I love you.” I kissed my hand and touched her headstone.
I pulled myself together before turning around and heading to the car. My phone began to ring from my purse.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Nicole, this is Dr. Rueben.”
My heart leaped from my chest. “Oh, hello.” My voice quivered.
“I was calling to let you know that that everything came back normal.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. “Thank you, Dr. Rueben.”
I hung up the phone and couldn’t contain my smile. My smile became even wider when I read the
text that had just come through from Dailan: Think of how you’re going to congratulate me tonight.
“Somehow, I think you played a little part in both of those things. Thank you. Thank you so much, Tisha,” I said as I looked up at the sky and smiled. It was good to free old ghosts, but some were better off sticking around; those were the ones that I called angels.
Chapter 64
Dailan
I walked out of court, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Nicole’s text back to me, telling me that her test had come back normal just ended the day perfectly. I was just getting into my car to head home when Tommy texted me, asking me to meet him for a drink. I knew why, exactly. I hadn’t talked to him in a few days. I was waiting until Nicole’s sister delivered the news. I called Nicole and told her I where I was going and that I would be home in an hour.
Tommy was standing at the bar with a nervous look on his face when I walked in.
“So, I guess you know already?” he said.
I nodded and smiled. “Congratulations, you’re finally a man!” I joked.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I mean, I really want it. I see you with Ryan and Ella and how happy you are. I just hope that I can be the same way. I’m really nervous; I never thought of myself as being a dad.”
I laughed. “Yeah, well, you have no choice. You should have thought about that before you had sex without using anything.”
“My whole life is going to change, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is. But in a good way.” He looked at me like he was waiting for more of an explanation. “When my brother died and I found out that he had given me custody of Ryan, I couldn’t imagine what the hell he was thinking. You knew the person I was before that, Tommy. I was selfish, I liked to party, and I liked my women. My first thoughts were, ‘What the fuck? My life is over.’ But that kid needed me and, in a weird way, I needed him to bring me out of that world that I was living in and help me grow up. I was scared as hell. I didn’t know the first thing about kids or how to raise them, but I couldn’t let Ryan or my brother down. Then I met Nicole – the best thing that ever happened to me, all because of Ryan, and she changed me completely. I’m telling you, Tommy; there is nothing better than watching your child being born. The day Ella was born was the happiest day of my life.”
He looked at me and nodded, like he was finally getting it. “I want to do the right thing and ask her to marry me, after her divorce is final, of course.”
“Yeah, well, that would help.”
“So you’re happy with this whole husband and dad thing?” he asked.
“Never been happier.” I was brought back in an instant to the day my life changed forever.
It was the day of my brother’s and sister-in-law’s funerals. Ryan was understandably a complete mess. He hadn’t really eaten in days and had completely shut down. He never let go of my hand throughout the whole service. Even through his silence, I tried my best to be there for him. Everyone had gone to my brother’s house after the burial. I could see the look of worry on my mother and father’s faces when they looked at Ryan and it was only adding to their sorrow. My heart was torn to shreds as well. Not only was I grieving the loss of my brother and sister-in-law, but I was also battling with the guilt of feeling somewhat responsible for their deaths. It was the secret that I had kept from him, that I was the source of their ultimate demise. My brother’s last words that he had spoken to me had haunted my every thought for the past four days: “'I can't believe my own brother would have kept this from me.” I was a horrible person. He had always been there for me ever since I could remember; whether it was getting me out trouble with my parents when we were younger, teaching me a thing a thing or two about girls during my teenage years, or encouraging me through law school when I felt like I wanted give up on myself. And this was how I repaid him, by keeping an ugly secret from him. I would never be able to apologize or explain my reasoning to him. He was gone. And because of me, Ryan had lost both his parents and was now stuck with a poor excuse for a human being to take care of him. I stared out the window at Ryan, sitting all alone in the backyard, looking like he was a million miles away. I knew I had to pull it together for him. If there was some small way that I could redeem myself with my brother even after his death, I had to do it. I had to make him proud of me and, most of all, I had to be there for Ryan. I loved that kid with all my heart. I took a deep breath and walked outside. Ryan was sitting down on a bench, kicking up the dirt underneath him.
“Hey, Buddy. Are you okay?”
He didn’t answer me. He just stared down at the ground and continued to dig his foot into the dirt.
I sat down next to him. “You don’t have to talk. But if you want to, I’ll be here to listen.”
We sat there silently for some time before Ryan looked up at me and began to speak. “My daddy was supposed to take me to the monster truck show on my last day of school. We were going to go out for ice cream first and then go.”
I bit my lip, trying my best to remain unaffected by his tear-filled eyes. “Well, when is your last day of school?”
“Wednesday.”
“Well, how about if me and you go together?”
He looked at me and nodded as the tears gushed from his eyes. I pulled him closer and hugged him tightly. I didn’t want him to see the tears that were burning in my own eyes. “I want my mommy and daddy back so bad, Uncle D,” he said, having a complete meltdown in my arms.
“I know, Ryan. I want them back too,” I whispered as I kissed him on the head. I rubbed his back until his sobs subsided. “Listen to me. I promise you that I will be here for you no matter what. I may not be as good at this as your mom and dad; in fact, I know I won’t be. I’m gonna screw up a lot, but maybe we can teach each other along the way. What do you think? Do you think we can do this together?”
He nodded and formed the tiniest of smiles. “I love you, Uncle D.”
“I love you too, Ryan.”
Chapter 65
Nicole
I was just taking dinner from the oven when Dailan walked through the door. “Perfect timing!” I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly, feeling very happy for the first time in a long time. “So, is this case really over?” I asked.
“Yeah, unless he decides to appeal it. Apparently, that douche bag now has control over the company. His father passed away two weeks ago.”
“Oh, he did?” I didn’t know why, but a very small part of me actually felt a little bad for Jonathan and the fact that I hadn’t even acknowledged his father’s death when I had seen him the other day.
“Yeah, so I’m sure he will be appealing.”
“Well, you never know. Maybe he’s changed for the better.”
“Yeah, right,” Dailan said sarcastically.
“Well, I’m just glad to have my husband back.”
“So what did the doctor say?” Dailan asked.
“Everything is fine. So you can cancel that big life insurance policy that you took out on me.”
“What did I tell you about joking around about that?” he said as he kissed me on the forehead. He eyed up the pork chops that I had just taken from the oven, strangely.
“What?” I asked.
“Are you sure you’re not the one that took a life insurance policy on me for after I eat that?”
I slapped him on the arm. “They came out good!”
“Why’s it so quiet in here?” he asked.
I took him by the hand and led him into the living room. Ryan and Ella were sound asleep together on the big blanket that Ryan had spread across the floor.
“Rough day?” Dailan asked.
“Apparently. They’re going to be so close, just like me and my brother were,” I said.
“As long as Ryan keeps the boys away from her, that’s all that matters,” Dailan joked.
“Oh, Dailan, I think your dad is right; that’s going to be your payback.”
“Hey, they�
�re both asleep, so you know what that means?”
“No, what?”
“You and me in the bedroom.”
“Dailan, dinner is ready and they’re going to be up in a few minutes.”
“I only need a few minutes.” He picked me up just as Ella lifted her head and a huge smile stretched across her face. She screeched in delight at the sight of Dailan. Ryan began to stir as well at the sound of Ella’s voice. I laughed at the look on Dailan’s face. He put me down and I whispered in his ear. “Don’t be upset; you still have my delicious pork chops to look forward to.”
I went out to the mailbox after dinner. I hadn’t checked the mail all day and was on the lookout for a package that Dailan’s mother had said that she sent. I quickly scoured through the mail to find nothing of interest, until I came across a letter with just my first name written on it; no address and no postage. Clearly, it had just been placed in the mailbox by the sender. I sat down on the front porch and tore it open.
Dear Nicole,
I’m sending you this letter as a long overdue apology for what I did to you years ago and how I handled the situation. I know that you probably don’t want to hear it, but I feel like it needs to be said so I can somehow absolve my own guilt.
When I looked into Ryan’s eyes that day at Berks Pond, something happened to me. I was looking at this little boy who was my own flesh and blood, yet he was a total stranger to me. Just seeing him for that very brief time made me realize what a selfish person I have been my whole life. I always put myself and my own feelings before others. When I looked at him, I realized that maybe once in my life I actually did something good.
I’m going back to Denver and I promise that I will not have any contact with him, but please know that I will be here for him if he ever needs anything. You can also tell your husband that I have no intentions of appealing the case. That was my dad’s fight, which he had taken on, and now that he’s gone, I want to put his battles to rest. You are a good person, Nicole. You are beautiful, inside and out. Thank you for allowing me that moment with him; it’s one that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
