Pace Laps (Racing on the Edge Book 10)

by Shey Stahl

  Jameson unbuckled his belt and then his jeans, pushing them down just enough to free himself, gliding his hand from base to tip twice. I always loved when he touched himself. Fuck. It got me every damn time.

  There was part of him teasing me. I could feel it. He wanted to make me beg, see how badly I wanted it.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Can you put your leg on my shoulder?”

  I stared down at the position of our bodies and the potential to fall on the uneven ground. “Probably not.” And then I sighed. “Are we getting too old for this?”

  “Fuck no.” Shaking his head, he spread my legs a little further. “Don’t overthink this. We haven’t lost anything.”

  I knew we hadn’t, but still, I wanted to fuck him like I used to, all wild and out of control but there had to be some limitations now. Damn old bodies.

  As he entered me, he whispered against my heated skin, “I love… so much….” With the tenderness behind them, tears welled in my eyes, overcome by this, him, us, what he did for me. His hands moved to my ass while both my legs curled around his waist tighter, my heels into him, feeling him flexing forward.

  I watched the movements in his chest, his stomach, the look on his face, the way he gazed down at me, so in love. Kissing me deeply, sliding in and out as he tried to keep himself steady holding me against the stage with his movements. It wasn’t easy, but the friction was exactly what I needed.

  The fire inside me built quickly up my thighs and into the pit of my stomach as my orgasm hit me. I lay back against the stage, my eyes on the stars as the pleasure raked through my body. Jameson hunched forward in a desperate attempt to hold off his until I was done.

  My knees would have buckled at how good this was, how badly I needed him, but I was captured by the night’s sky. Thousands of stars shined down on me, patterns I couldn’t make out, but I knew then I’d be okay. Something told me I would.

  His pace quickened when I moaned into his ear, shaking around him, frantically clawing at his shoulders to keep him near me. My heart beat against his, thumping wildly in my ears.

  He made just two more movements before his body tensed, his back tight, fingers digging into my ass as he drove into me once more.

  “You have no fucking idea how sexy you are,” he breathed, slumping against me and the stage. His hands and arms still shook as he tried to control his breathing.

  Kissing the side of his face, I cupped his cheeks and made him look at me, the sky lit behind him. He looked at me, flushed skin under the moonlight, swollen lips. “Do you feel dirty now?”

  Giggling, I kissed him. “I do, thank you.”

  Jameson always knew how to make everything right. I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring, but I knew whatever happened, tonight would be with me forever and I had Jameson to thank for that.

  Force Variation – A process to measure differences in tire/wheel consistency. Determines the highest portion of the tread in order to match it up to the lowest portion of the wheel for best performance and minimize tire/wheel assembly vibration.

  “I’ll be here. Always. Until this stops beating… I’ll be here. And when that happens, you’ll be here, with me in my heart until I stop breathing. If you let go, I’ll hold on.”

  Why did I say that? I wasn’t even sure. I even went as far as sending her dirty text messages all morning of all the things I was going to do to her when she was better. I guessed maybe it was my way of distracting the both of us.

  They came and told us she’d be heading to surgery in a little while, and Arie nodded for me to go in.

  I must have looked like a drugged man when I came out of there. I certainly felt like one. If only I had the numbness that followed. The gravity of the situation, the outcome I could be left with had sunk in.

  “Never give up on our life,” she said, her eyes dancing over my face, memorizing every detail.

  Just as the words were whispered to me, it was if they stole my breath in my lungs. I couldn’t do this without her.

  Leaning in, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’ve never known me to give up on anything, have you?”

  She smiled tenderly and adjusted her thick white blanket over her chest. “No. I haven’t. But it’s just a reminder.” And then she flipped the blanket back away. “Would it make you feel better if I showed you my boobs?”

  My chest shook with an emotional chuckle. “I don’t know. Show me and lets find out.”

  Of course she, but it was enough to relax me for a minute at least. That was until the male nurse came back to take her away and saw. Given, he’d probably see a lot more during her surgery, I was still half tempted to whip out a sharpie and sign my name over their markings on her. Just so they knew regardless, she was mine.

  Narrowing my eyes at the poor kid, I leveled him with a glare. “You look at my wife’s chest, and I knock your fucking teeth in.”

  Turning on his heel, he jetted out of the room.

  Sway shook her head. “You’re so mean to people.”

  “He’s got no business seeing that.” Matter of fact, I’d sign my name after all. Taking the marker they had beside the bed for when they’d made their marks earlier, I decided to let them know just who she belonged to.

  She let me do it too, and laughed while I wrote on her chest right below her collarbone.

  “There. They should know now.” I put the cap back on the marker and tossed it back on the tray.

  She rolled her eyes adjusting her gown. “So possessive.” Leaning forward, she kissed my nose. “And adorable.”

  “I love you,” I told her, feeling the emotion creep up, the lump in my throat rising when the doctor rapped his knuckles against the door.

  Sway’s emotion surfaced too, eyes filling with tears. “I love you, too. Now go wait for me. I’ll be out of the garage here soon.”

  My shoulders shook with light laughter as I stood from her bed, her hand slipping from mine as I winked at her.

  As she was being wheeled away, I flashed another glare at the nurse, a warning. A look of pure fright crossed his features, and at once, he darted the other way.

  I KNEW SHE was alive and would pull through, I did, but it didn’t stop the disorientation, the frustration that she was in the hands of someone else.

  I want to be in control. Some would say I was a control freak, and I wouldn’t disagree with them. Most race car drivers were. It was usually the reason they enjoyed it so much because they were controlling the uncontrollable. Speed.

  My mind flooded with memories, ones of us younger, invincible, living on the edge of being out of control.

  …

  “Sway,” my voice was failing me. “Don’t go, please,” I begged. I wanted her to look at me; then she’d see that I didn’t want Chelsea, but she refused, making a vital effort not to see me.

  “Why?” Her shoulders shrugged. “Why should I stay?”

  “I ... don’t want you to go,” I admitted. “Not like this.”

  She let go of my hand and leaned against the counter, her back still to me. “Why, Jameson?”

  I had a temper, that was no lie, but when it came to Sway—and letting her go—I knew no bounds. I lost all bearing and threw the piston toward the wall.

  “Fuck, Sway,” I tried to control my voice and keep from yelling at her, but it was useless. “What do you want me to say? Just fucking tell me what you want to hear and I’ll say it. I’ll say whatever you want me to!”

  …

  “Is she ....” I couldn’t finish, gasping.

  Please tell me she’s still alive! Please tell me my angel is still breathing!

  “Son, they are doing everything they can for her and the baby.” His face was solemn. “I’m sorry.”

  “Dad,” I warned.

  He closed his eyes for a long moment before speaking in a low, strained voice. It was hard for him, too.

  “For now... they are both... stable.” He took a deep breath.

  He didn’t look very fucking convincing. If
there was ever a point in my life where I thought enough was enough, it was right then. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t.

  …

  “Jameson!” Sway growled. “You need to knock that shit off.”

  “It doesn’t fucking matter anyway,” I mumbled inertly.

  “Why not?”

  “It just doesn’t.” I fumbled with the hem of my shirt. “The season has already gone to shit. I want it to be over with.”

  “Jameson Anthony Riley, you need to stop this and pull yourself together!”

  “How?” I shouted back, instantly regretting the tone of my voice.

  “Okay....” Sway paused for a long moment, and I knew she was pissed. “I will put up with a lot of shit from you, Jameson, but I will not sit back and watch you throw your career away because of that douche bag. I’ve been by your side, watching, waiting, and supporting you through it all. So for you to give up now, what does that say about us? What does that say to our son?” Sway’s rant stopped briefly as she sighed. “I can’t watch you do this... I won’t sit back and watch you do this to yourself. I get it... I really do. I feel the pain as well. I know how this has left its mark on us, but I can’t let it destroy me. We can’t let it destroy us. If we do... if we let it destroy us, he’s won. They’ve won.”

  …

  So many times she had brought me back to reality. But I couldn't do the same for her. All I could do was wait for someone else to tell me if she lived or died.

  “Dad, are you okay?” Arie asked, drawing my attention from my thoughts.

  “I’ve….” I took a shaky breath, my chin shaking. Fuck, I couldn’t even keep it together for a few minutes. “She has to come through this. I could never do it without her. I can’t do this without her. I’ll never make it. I don’t care what they take from her as long as they give her back to me.”

  Rubbing my back, she tried to calm my dismay. “The doctors are hopeful everything will be fine. We need to feel the same, Dad.”

  I couldn’t. I just… couldn’t.

  IT WAS THREE hours into the surgery when a doctor came out. Couldn’t tell you what he looked like because all I heard was the word complication.

  Sitting up, my uncertainty made my voice harsh and demanding. “What the fuck do you mean complications?”

  His eyes widened as he stepped back. “She’s fine. It’s just taking a lot longer than we anticipated.”

  “Well say that,” I shot back, a heavy dose of sarcasm in my tone. “Don’t fucking come out here saying there’re complications when it’s just taking longer.”

  What kind of fucking doctor was he?

  “You don’t have to swear, sir,” he balked, clearly offended by my sharp response. “And please keep your voice down.”

  Was he serious? Did he think I would?

  Leaning forward, I stood so I could be eye-level with him when I said, “Fuck. You. Get. Back. In. There. To. My. Wife.”

  Arie pulled me back to her, waving the doctor off. “I’m sorry. Ignore him.”

  Sitting down, I confessed my frustrations for this place and their lack of grace when it came to dealing with families. I mean, who said that? “These doctors are ridiculous,” I complained, my heart pounding as I ripped the words out impatiently. “Who says that shit?”

  “I’m sure they’re trained to say that,” she told me, trying to hand me a sandwich she’d bought for me.

  “Well, fuck them,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes and pushing the sandwich away. “They need better training.”

  I stood to leave, tossing the sandwich aside only to have Casten follow me. “Wait up, old man.”

  “She’s going to be fine, dad,” Casten told me, seeming confident in his answer.

  “You don’t know that,” I mumbled from my place on the floor in the hallway. “Shit goes wrong all the time.”

  “Yeah, but this is Mom we’re talking about.”

  I stared at him, waiting for him to explain, but this was also Casten. Maybe he was trying to get me to understand by his cryptic bullshit he always pulled.

  “Think about it.” He sat down with me. “This is the same woman who at eighteen packed up and traveled an entire summer with you, jumping from town to town, race to race and never even batted an eye. The same woman who was assaulted and pushed down a flight of stairs while pregnant and still managed to not only survive but deliver a healthy baby. I’m not saying Axel isn’t a little different at times, but still healthy.”

  I snorted, shaking my head at his reasoning.

  “Oh, and don’t forget when she sat by your bedside for weeks not knowing if you were going to live or die. And when you did wake up, she was the one who stood by you through all of your recovery and rehab.” Casten laughed once, his head resting against the wall. “And believe me, it was difficult. You were a real asshole then.”

  I glared at his remark but couldn’t help the smile. He had a point.

  “Mom survived the death of both of her parents, lost friends, watches her husband and sons risk their lives every weekend on a track. And hell, let’s face it, being married to you for all these years hasn’t always been a picnic. There’s no way something like cancer is going to beat her now.”

  Casten was right. Sway was the strongest person I knew and if anyone could beat this, it would be her.

  “THE DOCTOR CAME by,” Arie told me as I returned to the waiting room.

  “Which one?” I looked over at her only to stare at the wall beside her. “The one I don’t like?”

  She snorted. “That doesn’t really narrow it down. There’s like a hundred you seem to hate.”

  Rolling my eyes, I slouched in the chair. “What did they say?”

  “That it was taking longer, they took more than planned and now they’re starting the reconstructive surgery.”

  I couldn’t sit down after that. Standing, I paced. I felt trapped. The room seemed to close in on me and I had to escape.

  With my head in my hands, I prayed again. At that point, I wasn’t even sure what I was praying for anymore.

  I couldn’t sit here again.

  Storming back out of the room, I roamed the hallway until I found a vending machine. I didn’t know why but I had my mind set on Skittles. I guessed I just needed something else to focus on if even for five minutes and finding Skittles seemed like a good idea. Unfortunately what I didn’t realize until I found the damn machine was I didn’t have any money on me. Not even a fucking quarter.

  “Damn it!” I yelled as I punched the front of the machine. Stupid soft glass. It broke instantly. But feeling my fist go through the glass brought me a sense of satisfaction I hadn’t had all day. With all the frustration and fear I was carrying around, I needed an outlet and punching that glass gave me it. And Skittles.

  “Shit, Dad.” Casten rushed down the hall. “What did the machine ever to do you?” Casten laughed as I picked up the bag of Skittles.

  “I didn’t have any money.” It was the only explanation I had.

  “Well, all you had to do was ask.” He stared down at the broken glass at his feet. “I would have given you some. You didn’t have to go and kill the damn thing.”

  I shrugged, not caring blood dripped from my knuckles where the glass had cut me.

  Casten took one look at my hand and his eyes widened a bit. “Um.” He nodded behind him. “Maybe we should go downstairs. You might need some stitches.”

  Not waiting for me to answer, he grabbed me by the arm and led me toward the elevators.

  “Hold on one minute. Don’t move.” Casten ran back to the vending machine and grabbed a couple of bags of Skittles and some chocolate bars. “Okay, let’s go.”

  “WHAT DID YOU do?” the barely eighteen-year-old doctor girl asked in the emergency room as I sat there with my knuckles splayed open.

  I stared blankly at the girl stitching up my hand. “Put my hand through a vending machine.”

  “Uh, why?”

  “Have you ever done stitches before?” I grow
led when she dug the needle in and practically hit the bone. “This isn’t home economics class. Pay attention.”

  “I’ve done plenty of stitches.”

  Sure she had.

  “Why did you punch a vending machine?”

  She seemed hell-bent on getting it out of me, so I said, “I wanted Skittles.”

  Her eyes darted from left to right, and then at me. “So put money in it.”

  “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  It took for-fucking-ever to have her stitch my hand up but thankfully, the time passed and the pager in my pocket alerted me Sway was in recovery, and I could see her.

  Though she was groggy, Sway perked up when I came through the curtain in the recovery area. Seeing her smile at me, even though it was obviously a drug-induced goofy smile, I could finally breathe again. She was here and she was going to be okay.

  “Look!” And there went the gown.

  That same nurse—the one I threatened bodily harm to—came back in as Sway was showing me her bandaged chest. You couldn’t see much, and I wasn’t too thrilled about her being so anxious to just whip them out, but damn, Sway seemed in a good mood so I let it go.

  “You gotta stop that. I don’t want everyone knowing what your tits look like,” Jameson said to me once the bandages were removed and I basically showed everyone who came in the room my new funbags.

  Rolling my eyes, I stared at the ice water with those little round ice cubes I loved so much. “I don’t see why it matters. They’re not real.”

  “I don’t fucking care. Stop doing it.” His aggravated tone drew my stare to his. “How would you like it if I showed everyone my dick?”

  “What… are you just gonna start whipping it out?”

  He crossed his arms defiantly over his chest. “Maybe I will.”

  “Show me and let’s see.”

  Yep. I used his line on him.

  He surprised me when his reached for the button of his jeans. “Fine, I’ll start with you.” And then he literally showed me his crankshaft in the middle of the hospital room.