I may not always like the egotistic aspect of my character. However, it does afford me a certain amount of strength to feed it. That feeding of my pride makes me more confident in what I can accomplish to feed it too. It is a self fulfilling cycle. Tend to it and it grows. But in growing it requires more tending.
We gain confidences as we go. That gives us more confidence to go more. The healthier the ego need becomes, the more it wants. The more the ego is fed increases the confidence that it can grow more.
Make the exotic animal’s life too much like nature and it will take over you. Does all this make sense to you? I have actually thought through it at length.
I suppose I could write a book about the care and feeding of my
pride. Feed my pride and it grows to acquire more things to be proud of.
Try denying one of those needs and you will find it consuming your thoughts. Acknowledge it and feed it a balanced diet. You will find that you are busy being consumed with it or you will be busy being consumed without it.
See, I suppose that I do not have all of the answers. It is simply that I believe my answers are good enough for me. My pride will not allow me to accept answers from others.
My pride keeps me somewhat in ignorance. I ignore others so they can hear me. I never claimed to have it all worked out but, I am happy with who I am.
Blake understood me. He accepted that about me. But, he never had such an ego. I think that his lack of pride was his downfall, a chink in the armor if you will.”
Jeremy was astonished listening to Elizabeth talk. The more he asked about Blake Kudrow, the more she talked about herself. She exuded confidence in her own superiority.
His desire was to end the conversation as politely as possible. He intuitively felt that she neither had anything more to tell him about Blake or anything else to teach him.
That realization almost made him feel as if it were a waste of time for him to have come back. His original impressions were reconfirmed. Elizabeth suddenly seemed very shallow to him.
Like a flash of light it occurred to him that she did teach him something. It was not a direct lesson. Instead the lesson was in the form of a bad example.
Her own self confident feeling of superiority and pride made her solidify opinions of others. She had convinced herself that there was nothing left to learn from them. She thought that she knew it all.
But, he realized his own guilt in doing that. By allowing his own ego to believe in itself too much, he almost convinced himself that she had nothing to teach him. Jeremy felt embarrassed when he did the same thing that he found at fault with her.
He relaxed himself, continuing to engage her in conversation. He asked deeper, probing and thought provoking questions. Jeremy could tell at times she hit a comfort zone barrier and fell back on old habits.
Jeremy left her house that day with a little more information about Blake Kudrow. He also left with a feeling that Elizabeth had taught him something about himself that could be considered a weakness.
The trip back to Elizabeth Haught taught him more than he intended. He learned some things about her and gained even more insight into his own nature. It was the natural reaction of his that had been limiting him in the past. Elizabeth taught him that everyone was in some way his superior and could also teach him something. He made a mental note to be more patient with people in the future.
Jeremy stayed in his car writing in the journal trying to capture his thoughts before they were lost. He wanted to capture the concept learned from Elizabeth as best he could. He left with a little more insight into himself than had been intended. That made the trip worthwhile, possibly even valuable. He was proud of the lesson, yet careful not to let it go to his head.
Chapter Twenty
Jeremy felt a desire to probe further into another previous meeting. He thought about Jill Ires again. Without a second thought, he drove to her office. Jill was in a meeting when he arrived.
He sat in the lobby making small talk with the receptionist for twenty minutes before Jill came down to meet with him. She invited him on a tour of the building.
Jill still carried herself with authority. She seemed aggravated as if something had angered her.
“Jeremy, I am glad you stopped by. My day had been a series of fire drills. Each one was an example of poor planning and mismanagement. Trust me on this one. Every organization needs someone to make decisions.
We are implementing a project for our employees that will instill a sense of adventure in their work. You would not think it would be that difficult. But, would you believe people do not want adventure. They want routine.
Adventure provides an exciting fresh perspective. It alleviates a mentality of drudgery. The human spirit was not meant to exist in daily programmed ruts of activity. Our program is meant to inspire.
People are afraid to make decisions although they come up with good ideas. They lack the confidence to implement them without constant validation. All the while certain managers breed that mentality by micro-managing everything.
So between the constant validations, micromanagement and loathing of change, I have to implement a corporate spirit of adventure. Other
than that, my day is fine.” She laughed at herself while Jeremy listened quietly.
“Actually Jeremy, I enjoy the environment. I find adventure in it. The pace gives me confidence to make new changes. Even the constant fire-drill mode was not too bad, once I learned who the fire starters were.”
Jeremy joined the conversation. “Jill, why is it the workers do not want adventurous work days?”
Jill thought pensively for several seconds. “They do not want it. They want stability and routine. Adventure takes them out of their established patterns. Our long time employees are complaining the loudest when it is them who can use it the most.”
He recognized the same to be true in himself. The older he became, the less flexible his mind was. He did not like change either when all he was trying to do was earn a paycheck. Jeremy did not vocalize to Jill how he would have behaved in the same situation.
A realization occurred to Jeremy. It came down to the difference between want and need. People may want adventure but they need security. One need was more basic and fundamental taking priority over other needs and wants. He made a mental note to research this a little more on his own when it was convenient.
Jill’s pager went off. She snapped it out of the holder opening it in such a smooth motion Jeremy was reminded of an old gunfighter movie. She apologized cutting their time short, escorting him back through the office complex to the reception area.
She gave him a business card and wrote her personal number on it, telling him to call if more information on Blake was needed.
Jeremy did not feel as if he actually got any more information at all.
He did get thought provoking insight instead. He watched as she looked at the pager again storming away in a fit of rage. He suspected that she herself might be one of the fire starters. But, she had purpose.
He returned to his car updating the journal dutifully. Jeremy wrote three pages of notes before starting the engine. He thought about others that could be revisited or, about selecting another name from the list.
Instead Jeremy drove to the city library to do a little personal research. He spent three hours looking through books and taking notes. His own sense of adventure had been activated after being dormant for too long. He wanted to know why. He found the answer to be spread across many books. He captured the information as best he could.
Jeremy pondered Jill’s words and actions as he updated the journal. She was caring, yet filled with purpose and adventure. She also contained such wrath.
Chapter Twenty-One
He finished up at the library and then chose the next name on the list. Keith Noble owned a construction company. The company itself was not huge. It did, however, have a reputation for creative designs and quality work.
There were two subdivisions in town
that were built by his company. Keith earned his success at a very young age. He had never received a complaint on any work that did not get immediately resolved.
Keith Noble stood two inches over six feet tall and weighed at least two hundred pounds. His body was fit and he had the face of a cherub, or, at least that is the impression Jeremy had from Keith’s curly Blond hair and blue eyes.
He shook Jeremy’s hand with a firm grip. He almost pulled Jeremy into a clean office after fixing a cup of coffee for each of them. Keith walked with confidence and an air of success. He did not come across as egotistic in the least.
“Blake Kudrow. Let’s see, what can I tell you about him that you do not already know? I built his house. We met several times during the design and construction phases. There were a lot of modifications and we both had some pretty creative ideas. That was a fun one to do.
Blake kept introducing me to people as a modern day knight because of my approach to things. I am an honest guy, I do my best. Each house is a direct representation of myself.
My work is not the cheapest construction around. I can tell you this though, it is the best. The best materials do cost more. But, like my father taught me when I was young, ‘if you want steak, you do not pay for hamburger.’
I think what Blake liked best was my creativity. There was ingenuity and creativity in every aspect of my work from the way I ran my company to each individual design.
You see, there is something about creativity that inspires the best in others. Like, take creative leadership. Creative leadership, it inspires others to contribute ideas and effort. It creates an environment with a creative approach from everyone where each person’s contribution is appreciated and recognized.
Mix that with fortitude of spirit to always rebound when life has hard times. Have honesty and integrity in all of your actions. Live and work so that anything ever written or said about you will be positive. That will make you a success.
That was the topic of conversation Blake used to have with me. My internal belief system is different from most people. I will do the right thing even in the midst of irksome tasks and weighty responsibilities. Blake joked with me once that we were endeavourers.
You see, be honest, and have a strong willpower to never give less than your best, always get back up when life knocks you down, and trust me on this. Life will always knock you down.
Life is hard. It is meant to provide your soul with adversity to strengthen it. You cannot temper metal without heat. Everyone can endeavor the hard times.
Why, as crazy as it sounds, each of us was the most fit and strongest in our desire to live, or we would never have been born. Our innate instinct to compete, put in more effort, and our deep intuitive will to live made us the victor out of thousands just to be born. We were, after all the fastest swimmers.
At birth our tiny bodies, driven by the newborn soul, struggled to breathe just to stay alive. Then we ate. Then we struggled to master muscle control, then speech. All of that happened before we educated ourselves and grew.
There has to be frustration to our little bodies. I mean, can you imagine today if we had to swim a one thousand meter race against a thousand others, climb out having lost all muscle skills and ability to speak, and then have to learn it all over again?
Life’s experiences have made us hurt or doubt ourselves. People become lazy or prideful. They defensively make excuses to get out of trying, but the reality is that they each have already done these things. If it was done once, it could be done again. Persistence pays off. It is in our basic instincts.
These may seem like unusual concepts or even an amazing realization. It is only my creative perspective on things. I think to myself that if I accomplished all of those things, I can face whatever adversity is facing me.
Each one of these adversities that I make it through gives me strength and confidence to draw on at the next one. It is amazing when we look at all of the things in our lives that we have accomplished, completed or conquered.
But people forget that life is to be fully experienced; the good and the bad, the successes and failures. Each is an opportunity to stretch our spirit. It is just that people forget this.
We bury that instinct under negative thoughts, feelings or experiences of every form. We lose our sense of creativity and desire to enjoy playing life. We take things so serious that we would rather cling to the negative in order to define ourselves. Then we actually buy our own story of grief and failures.
The unfortunate reality is that we teach ourselves and each generation of youth not to be creative. We tell them not to daydream or use their imagination. Pretending and using the creative parts of our mind is not something to be outgrown. It is something that I never lost.
I daydream, pretend and use my imagination to the fullest extent in a positive way that improves my work environment, home life, even the work that I do. It inspires others and keeps things fun.”
Jeremy was in awe listening to Keith Noble. The man had such a unique perspective on things that he was inspiring Jeremy to take on the adversities in his life just to overcome them in some creative way.
He wondered what internal limitations he had placed on himself that were used so many times they became habit. There had to be a creative way to recognize those negative things in his mind to then overcome the problems in his life.
Keith was right. Jeremy recognized in himself that at some point he quit trying to be creative. He could not remember when it happened. More accurately, he could not remember when he stopped totally as the use had diminished constantly through his life.
The only imagination Jeremy could think of using now was imagining all of the possible bad outcomes in his life. Each
responsibility became drudgery. It was not a situation where he used his creative mind to find a unique way to overcome problems.
All Jeremy could think about was the times he took things too serious. He wondered how his life would be different if he had used the same approach that Keith or Blake had used in the past. He started to feel remorse.
Jeremy realized that the past did not equal the future. He could start using the creativity in his mind that was allowed to grow dormant over time. He made a mental resolution to use it from now on.
Keith and Jeremy continued to talk for almost an hour. He felt mentally stimulated when he left and was thankful for the time that had been spent.
His stomach was rumbling as he left. Instead of sitting in his car and writing, Jeremy drove to a restaurant to eat. He brought in his journal and papers. He selected menu items that he normally would not have.
Without realizing it, Jeremy had ordered food that had been favorites of his when he was a kid. It occurred to him that his adult mind had kept him from having certain foods mostly for appearances, as to what others would think about his selections.
He wrote in the journal with abandon. Words poured from his mind with unleashed creativity and borderline excitement. Many pages were filled as Jeremy ate his lunch. The words spoken by Keith had been true.
Jeremy felt a renewed lease on life inspired by the creative approach used by Keith Noble. Keith’s integrity as well as his obvious success was testimony to his words. Jeremy made a mental note to talk to Keith again when he needed motivation and inspiration.
Chapter
Twenty-Two
Jeremy had a lot to think about. Some of what he talked over with the people on Blake’s list he already knew but, had either forgotten over time, chosen to ignore, or had an excuse not to use. Other information came in examples of what not to do or as fresh new perspectives.
He thought about Stuart Demure. Stuart’s humble nature was uncommon. There was a comment that was made about Blake Kudrow having empathy. Jeremy flipped through the journal to refresh his own memory.
The things that Jeremy had been shown, discussed, and learned in the past few days was like taking a drink from a fire hose. There were many lessons that were put into his journal in retrospect. T
he combination seemed overwhelming in its totality, however, not so as individual experiences.
No matter the volume of knowledge, Jeremy knew that he was a better person for this project. He could feel it in his character. This eulogy work was changing him like a potter working with clay.
Although, the thoughts about Blake Kudrow’s empathy, there was
something missing. Jeremy always felt as if he cared about other people
and their individual plight. It was simply that he did not feel their plight
to a point as if it were his own. Maybe it was only sympathy after all.
Jeremy worked through different plights of his own. His job loss
came back to him. The ripple effect it was having loomed like a boulder
perched precariously over his head. That familiar negative feeling came
flooding back to him clenching in his gut, but this time it did not fit. He
immediately recognized it as feeling sorry for himself. He knew that he
had been in worse situations before in his life. Even when he left home for the first time he was much less stable than now.
There was a different element in this situation. He was not as young anymore. He was not so eager or excited about change. He neither had the energy nor desire to start over. This was not the result of his decisions or actions.
He made up his mind right then and there to face that situation with the same fortitude as he found in others recently. He chose to be excited and look at the job change as an adventure. It was a true opportunity to be courageous and creative at the same time.
Jeremy recognized many negative traits that he had acquired in his life and how they were hindering him. He knew that it would be critical to his future that those elements be released.
Yet he wanted to cling to them. Those traits however were negative, were somehow part of him ingrained into habits formed over the years. They still defined him. Letting go of those negative aspects in his character would be losing part of himself.
The Legacy Inheritance Page 8
