Love, Cass

by St. Klaire, Stephanie

  “City?” Mortification washed over Reagan’s face as what was already an awkward conversation just became even more awkward.

  “Liam. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one. I have it taken care of, okay? Just…trust me before you embarrass yourself and Reagan.”

  “That’s just it, Felicity. I don’t trust you. You’re sneaking around, and now you have secrets with my kid. What the hell is going on around here?” Liam didn’t get mad, nor did he raise his voice. If anything, he grew more silent as things heated up. Tonight was the exception.

  “Jesus, dad. Why are you being so mean to City? She’s helping me.”

  Liam’s expression was etched in surprise by his daughter’s directness. “Excuse me. Watch how you speak to me. If your Nana Collie heard you speak that way…”

  Nana Collie was none other than the family matriarch, Liam’s mom, Colleen O’Reilly. Loved by all, and feared by all, she was a force who, not even her towering sons, who faced danger on a daily basis, would cross. Not even on a good day.

  “Nana isn’t here. What happened to your face?” Her face rumpled in disgust as she examined the swelling and bruising settling on Liam’s cheek, leaving his appearance as roughed up and battered as he was.

  Without hesitation, both Felicity and Liam responded at the same time – each had opposing ideas on how to address the proverbial elephant in the room.

  “He fell,” City quickly said, only to be contradicted by Mr. Direct-and-To-the-Point himself. “I got in a fight.”

  It didn’t strike Liam as odd that Reagan would question his appearance, and he didn’t see any reason to hide it because his job occasionally crossed dangerous lines. And Reagan had seen all of the O’Reillys banged up before; it was simply their life – the only life she knew. With that thought in mind, he didn’t hesitate to drop truths, even if they might upset her. As smart as he was – bordering genius, depending on who you asked – he wasn’t all that bright when it came to sensitive subjects and his daughter.

  Reagan looked between the two, arms crossed, trying to decide who was telling her the truth and who was telling her anything but. She was an O’Reilly, and even at eleven, it was hard to pass something over on her, especially the challenging staredown between City and her dad.

  Making her decision, she questioned, “A fight with who?”Again, in perfect sync, Felicity and Liam fired off answers simultaneously, albeit different answers.

  “A drunken vagrant,” City said, only to be challenged by Liam’s unforgiving honesty.

  “Felicity,” he said with a grin.

  Reagan’s jaw dropped, “City kicked your…”

  Liam’s challenging stare was quick to turn on his daughter. “Watch your mouth. Don’t even think about saying…”

  “Butt?” Reagan finished with a sassy grin.

  “No…well, yes,” he said

  “It was…a misunderstanding. A really big misunderstanding,” Felicity defended. “I thought he was…someone else.”

  “And who exactly is this someone else that you felt the need to…”

  Felicity cut him off before he could finish. “Are we back to this, really? I already told you.”

  Reagan began to giggle. “I wouldn’t get her mad again, dad.”

  “You stay out of this, kiddo,” he warned.

  “Geez, lighten up,” Reagan said before turning to Felicity. “City? I, uh, need to take care of…this. Then, the book?”

  Her choice of words hit Liam like a stone wall he didn’t see coming. The book. As heated as he had become, fixated on both Felicity’s gallivanting and Reagan’s secret, those two simple words were enough to shut him down so he could retreat back into himself. The book. Just the idea was haunting - mention of it was paralyzing.

  “City has this one, dad. Please be nice to her. It’s not a dad thing. Nothing is a dad thing anymore,” Reagan said, as she left the room.

  Crushed, Liam’s head tilted as his shoulders fell in defeat. “Rea… C’mon. You know if you…need me…I’m here.”

  Pausing, she looked over her shoulder. “You want to read the book with me?”

  Liam just stared, his mouth moving and head shaking, but words escaped him. What could he say? She was right. He still couldn’t read those entries in her book. It was too painful.

  “That’s what I thought.” Reagan left the room, her voice lacking disappointment, which wasn’t lost on him. You couldn’t be disappointed if there was no expectation to begin with. He had a habit of disappointing his daughter. He hated that, but he still couldn’t be who she needed him to be.

  “Why the book?” Liam asked Felicity, his view still aimed in the direction Reagan retreated. “What has happened? What milestone?”

  “You really want to know?” she questioned. “She started her period. Not exactly a dad talk, Liam.”

  “Her what? She’s only…she’s not…already?” Flustered, Liam tried to wrap his mind around the very simple fact that his little girl was growing up – fast. She wasn’t so little anymore, and that pained him even more. He was missing so much of her life, despite being with her almost every day.

  “She’s almost twelve. It’s normal. What did you expect?”

  “I don’t know. I figured by the time she was twenty-five or something?” Liam ran his hands through his hair, unsure how he really felt as his emotions were warring with one another.

  “Stick to computers, Liam.” Felicity shook her head and trailed off in the direction Reagan had disappeared.

  CHAPTER 4

  Felicity sat on Reagan’s bed and waited for her to finish up in the bathroom. She knew this day was coming and had been prepared for it as she had for every other Reagan milestone. Just like the book left behind for Reagan, one was left for Felicity for as long as she was in Reagan’s life. Cassidy had thought of everything – before she died.

  Liam and Cassidy were high school sweethearts. She could have had any guy in school, but she chose the super-hot nerd in all of the tech and robotics clubs over the jocks. Though Liam was as big and handsome as his brothers, he was all about the smarts – his twin, Luke, was his polar opposite, who handled the locker room jock thing.

  Right out of high school, Liam found himself a comfortable job with the Feds and a full ride scholarship to pretty much any tech school he wanted. Landing the job with the Feds was purely by accident, and the exchange he made for a term in prison when caught hacking the shit out of Washington DC on a dare.

  It was while she was pregnant with Reagan that Cassidy was diagnosed with cancer. Against all odds and the recommendation of her doctors, she pursued the pregnancy and fought her battle after Reagan was born – and won because that’s who Cassidy was. It was a handful of years later when the cancer returned with a vengeance, and she knew her time was nearly up. She had already been afforded extra time to raise and get to know her daughter, and she had been grateful for that.

  Felicity was there for all of it, the second time around, and became the caretaker Liam couldn’t. Sure, he was supportive and did what he could, but it was like he was dying alongside her. That’s why she made the book. It was a slow and painful ending to a beautiful life, a beautiful soul.

  The book was something of a handcrafted scrapbook, full of memories and milestone letters, written for Reagan from her mom. Since Cassidy wouldn’t be there physically for what are known to be a young girl’s most impressionable years – good and bad – when she needs her mother most…she found a way to be there anyway.

  For all of her firsts – her first days of school, first kiss, first broken heart, first Christmas without her, and everything imaginable through and long into adulthood – there was a letter. Each page was carefully crafted with Felicity’s help, decorated with things that reminded Cassidy of Reagan or would remind Reagan of her mom. A special picture of the two of them dressed every page with an attached envelope that hugged the letter until it was time to read it.

  Felicity promised to watch over both Liam and R
eagan. Cassidy knew her passing would devastate them and they would need City. What City didn’t know was that Cassidy had made a book for her too, to help her understand what she couldn’t possibly have seen coming, but Cassidy did. Upon her passing, the first thing Felicity read was a thank you for completing a task she had yet to carry out – delivering a letter to each member of their family – and yet another book of letters…for Liam. His letters had yet to be read. It was too much for him.

  “Well, that was…weird,” Reagan said, pulling Felicity from her thoughts when she entered her bedroom.

  “Oh, it’s all going to be weird for a while. Just remember it’s all normal, and the weird only lasts for a little while. It’ll feel like a quick minute by the time you get to my age,” Felicity said with a smile. “C’mon over here. Cozy into your blankets, and get mom’s take on this whole growing up stuff.”

  Reagan giggled. “She’s going to tell us she has tears in her eyes and can’t believe how big I have gotten. Bet’cha a candy bar.”

  “I’m not taking that bet because I know you’re right. She loves you so much, kiddo!”

  “I know. I love her too.” Reagan wove her fingers together while a sullen mood settled in. She loved reading her mother’s words and feeling close to her, but it was like saying goodbye again and again once they reached the end.

  “You okay?” Felicity asked. “I can read it to you if you’d like?”

  “Would you, City?”

  “Of course, sweet girl. It’s late, I know you’re tired. Mama’s words are the perfect thing to fall asleep to.”

  Felicity began to read…

  My dear sweet Reagan,

  Today is a big day for you! My have you grown – you’re not a little girl anymore but becoming a young lady. I know it may seem awkward, and even embarrassing, to deal with this part of growing up, but remember it’s such a short time. It won’t last forever, and when you look back, it’ll be nothing but a brief memory. It might even make you giggle.

  Please forgive daddy. I’m sure he acted funny when he found out. Boys are weird that way, even when they are men. It’s hard for him to watch you grow so fast. He’s always going to see you as his little girl, even when you’re a grown woman with a family of your own. Let him have that, sweet girl – it’s what makes him such a good man and father.

  I miss you, baby, and I’m sure you miss me too. Remember I’m always there for every smile and every tear, the good and the bad. Always find the joy, Reagan. Let it wash over you in everything, everywhere. And when you can’t find it…be the joy.

  Love you always,

  Mommy

  Reagan smiled as she swiped a lone tear from her cheek. “She always says the right things.”

  “That she does, kiddo,” Felicity said, wrapping her arm around the little girl and pulling her in for a hug. “You feel better now?”

  “A little bit. I miss her though. City?” A long pause stood between them. “Sometimes I think I’m forgetting her. Like her voice and her smell. That scares me.”

  “Oh, honey, you won’t forget her. All of the important things are stuck with you forever – like how much she loves you.”

  “That’s why I love the letters.”

  “Me too, kiddo.” Felicity slipped out of Reagan’s bed and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Now get some sleep, runt. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Felicity reached the door before Reagan called out, “City?”

  “Yes?” she replied.

  “I love you.”

  Felicity smiled. “I love you too, Reagan.”

  She flipped the light switch and closed the door behind her before she saw Liam’s shadowy silhouette leaning against the wall just outside the room. Felicity’s heart pinched. He had been standing there the whole time, listening. Opening his mouth to speak, he finally dropped his chin to chest and shook his head before walking away without a word.

  “Wow! What the hell happened to your face?” Wylie asked with a chuckle. “Who do we thank for that one? Wait, lemme guess – City is finally sick of your shit.”

  Wylie was the youngest O’Reilly but, by far, the biggest. He was also the smartass and liked a good prank. A laugh at others’ expense always worked for him because rarely was he challenged, compliments of his intimidating, oversized nature.

  Liam tossed a go to hell look his brother’s way, earning a round of laughs from the rest of the O’Reillys surrounding the table. Though they all lived in the same building, they tended to get together at O’Reilly’s Pub, which was owned by their parents. It was a convenient drinking spot because they had the best Irish whiskey around, and it was only a couple blocks from home. Win-win.

  Liam sent the standard text they all did from time to time, requesting their presence for a shot of something warm and smooth to go with the bullshit they were sure to toss on the table. This particular night was going to be more than a single shot kind of shoot-the-shit session, especially since Wylie nailed it. Felicity was sick of his shit.

  “It’s been a heavy day. It’s mostly…Reagan,” Liam admitted, tossing his first round back, appreciating the slow burn sliding down his throat.

  “Rage? She okay?” Dace replied, using Reagan’s nickname as all of the brother sat a little taller and puffed out their chests.

  The O’Reilly brothers were as rough and tough as they came. They’d each taken their hits and given plenty in return. They loved hard and fought hard, but there was one thing that could take those larger than life men, full of macho grunts and groin scratching to their knees. Reagan. That little girl, also dubbed Ragin’ Reagan for her hot, redheaded temper and stubbornness, had each of those men’s men wrapped around her little finger.

  “No, she’s fine. I guess,” Liam offered, swirling the amber liquid around the glass he held. “I don’t know. She’s just…growing up.”

  “Okay? So, she went a little sassy and gave you attitude?” Declan, the oldest of the clan questioned.

  “Worse,” Liam fired back with a shake of his head.

  Luke, Liam’s twin brother, who was also his polar opposite, turned red in the face. “Boys? It’s boys, isn’t it? I told you school was a bad idea. There’s boys all over that place.”

  “School isn’t an option, Luke. He can’t not let her go. Besides, she’s already smarter than all of us. Thank God she only got her dad’s smarts and not his ugly mug,” Wylie teased.

  “Yeah, she looks like Carigan. Acts like her too, especially the Ragin’ part,” Dace added with a laugh, referring to their sister Carigan, who lived in McKenzie Ridge. Reagan was the spitting image of her aunt Cari.

  Liam crossed his arms and leaned into the table, propping himself on his elbows while he stared off. “She has her ma’s heart though. Everything good about her is her ma.”

  A somber moment of silence filled the space as they each took a moment and remembered Cassidy. She had been like a sister to all of them, each of them deeply wounded by her loss. All eyes skirted to Liam, who took it worst of all and still struggled daily with her absence. He was given a lot of grace over the years, his brothers picking up the pieces, time and time again, for him.

  “Rage,” Liam said, “she’s not a little one anymore. She uh…you know. Had a…girl issue tonight.”

  “Girl issue? What, like her nail broke?” Declan asked.

  “No, like…growing up girl stuff.” Liam reeled his hand in front of him as if that would lead them to what he was eluding to.

  Wylie shook his head and furrowed his brow, tilting his chair to balance on the rear legs with his arms crossed. “Growing up? I don’t follow…”

  Each of the brothers sat scratching their heads, trying to figure out what he could possibly be talking about and not saying.

  “Like…shaving her legs or something? Girls do that,” Declan chided.

  “I-I don’t know if she does that. Do you think she does? Is she old enough?” Liam hadn’t even thought of that. Why would he. There were some things that he just did
n’t need to know and that he was certain Felicity took care of.

  “Are we seriously talking about this?” Luke chimed in. “One of you is about to pop an ovary from thinking too hard over this. Just spit it out, Liam. Jesus!”

  “She started her period!” Liam said, louder than he intended.

  “Oh man,” Wylie said, nodding behind Liam where Colleen O’Reilly stood after serving a round of dark brews, eyes wide with giddiness dancing in her expression.

  “Shit. She’s going to want to talk about it. Look away, and maybe she won’t come over here,” Liam said, ducking his head.

  Because Colleen was…Colleen, she did just as expected and practically leaped over tables of people to get to her boys.

  Clapping her hands with joy, Colleen asked in what was a failed attempt at whispering, “Did I just hear you say…”

  “Yes, Ma. You heard me right, and we aren’t talking about this because…it’s weird!” Liam scolded.

  “Well, boyo,” Colleen said with Irish flare and her hands firmly placed on her hips, “you’ll be watchin’ how ya speak to me. There’s nothin’ weird about it. She’s a young lady now. We’ll see what your Da has to say ‘bout it.”

  “Sorry, Ma. You’re right. I’m sure Da would like to discuss this with you. He likes to keep tabs and all,” Liam replied.

  Colleen huffed her way to the kitchen where her husband, Magnus, was and filled him in. It wasn’t their best idea because like them, Magnus wasn’t likely to discuss Reagan’s news. It was probably the last thing he wanted to know too, but he worshipped the ground his wife walked on and would let her have her say. When he sent a threatening look to their table through the kitchen pass-through window while Colleen’s head bobbed as fast as her arms flailed, they couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Nice save, bro. You know Da gets even, right?” Declan laughed. “So, the face. Spill.”

  Liam ran his hands through his hair, creating a disheveled look that wasn’t common for him, “Felicity.”

  “I knew it!” Wylie clapped his hands in satisfaction as he leaned forward, no longer tilting backward on the chair’s hind legs. “What did it finally take? Were you just a little too asshole for her? She finally got tired of you looking right through her all the time?”