God, I love this kid.
"Wuncle Jagga!" Mia squeals as I lift her up over my head and gently toss her up. "Again! Again!"
"Maybe later, little lady. I don't want you tossing your cookies all over me." I don't know if she understands what I mean, but the kid is happy, and she's a good excuse for the big smile I'm wearing as well.
Mia's hands clasp together behind my neck. "Luv you," she says, planting about twenty kisses on my cheek with loud, smooching sounds.
"I love you too, angel."
There's something about holding this little-bit-of-a-thing with Allie standing beside me that feels right. That makes me long for roots and a family.
I almost lose my hold on Mia as she half-leans, half-dives over, stretching her arms out to Allie.
"Allee!" Mia says, wrapping her arms around Allie's neck.
I step in closer so I can pass the wriggling Mia over to her safely. I'm so close, the top of my thigh touches Allie's hip and her body heat warms me. Close enough to breathe in the sweet scent of Allie's strawberry shampoo and to notice she's breathing deeper with my proximity. But apparently not close enough for Allie to acknowledge me.
What's better is that Mia doesn't want to leave my arms. Instead she reaches one arm back to me and wraps it around my neck while keeping the other around Allie's. I follow Mia's lead and tilt my head towards Allie.
"Kiss," Mia says with a smile. This is perfect. I couldn't have planned it better.
I lock my gaze onto Allie. There's nothing I'd like more than to lean in just a little closer and press my lips against hers. I would if I knew she wouldn't turn away, but I have no idea how she'll react.
"I think she's trying to tell us something," I say, keeping my eyes glued on Allie's, looking for a clue as to what is in her heart. "What say you?" I whisper.
Allie doesn't answer. At least not with words. Her cheeks turn a blistering shade of red as her eyes avert mine. I reach one hand out, tempted to stroke her face, tempted to take her chin between my fingers while I brush my lips against hers. Instead, I push a golden lock of hair back behind her ear.
Her eyes jump back up and lock on mine.
Don't fight it, baby.
Her lips part, and I hear a change in her breathing.
She feels it, too. The electric thrill or whatever the hell this is when I touch her that causes my chest to swell and my heart to race, she feels it. I'm sure of it.
That's the opening I needed. Just a hint, a clue of how she might react. I lean in, bringing my lips toward hers. This move definitely gets her attention. Her mouth and those steely grey eyes open wide as she sucks in a long breath. She's so beautiful, and so embarrassed. The look in her eyes, the vulnerability is sweet. Priceless.
I don't make it to her lips. My mouth makes a sudden turn and lands on her cheek instead. I see the letdown in her eyes as I pull away with a smile and look at her again.
"Hey, beautiful," I whisper so only she can hear. "I missed you."
Seconds, minutes, hours possibly pass before she gathers her wits about her. "Hi," is all she says before the trance is broken and she looks away.
Mia starts wriggling and pressing down on my arms. Guess she's been in one place for too long. "Okay Angel, here you go." I say, setting her down on the deck.
"When Noah invited us over, he didn't mention you were coming too," Troy says, invading our personal space.
"Yeah, well, there was something I needed to talk to Noah about."
"Really? Want to share?"
"Not so much."
"You're a dick," he says, shoving my shoulder playfully.
"Love you too, big brother."
The sliding glass door leading back to the kitchen opens. Selene walks out first, with Cooper holding Jaxson in his arms close behind.
"We're here, the party can start," Cooper announces in his usual I'm the most-important-person-here way.
"So, Allie," Troy starts, pulling our attention back to our little threesome and away from the larger group. "Whatever happened with that guy? He come on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness yet?"
My heart shrieks. It screams its head off in silence, dying with each breath.
"Guy?" What fucking guy?
I know in my gut who the "guy" is. I know it's Bailey, that fucking loser. I've had eyes on him for the last five days too, so I know they haven't seen each other. But it doesn't mean they haven't spoken.
Is that why I haven't heard from her? She's listening to what he has to say, he's in and I'm out? I bite the inside of my cheek as I drown out everything around me and Allie becomes my sole focus. I wonder if she can feel the sharpness of my stare because right about now, I'm so angry that she'd give him another opportunity to hurt her, I can't see clearly.
Allie doesn't say anything as her eyes drop to the ground and she wrings her hands together.
"I'm sorry. Did I let the cat out of the bag?" Troy asks, leaning in to her. He's as close to her as I am. That's too close. A lot too close. I want to shove my brother the hell away. "You can trust Jagger. He's a good guy, protective too." Gee thanks, bro. I didn't realize I needed your fucking endorsement. "We never had a sister before, I'm sure he'll love looking out for you as much as I do."
"She's not our sister," I snap, my cold hard stare still glued to Allie.
"Fine, stepsister. You happy?"
"No," I answer as Allie glares back at me. "It's not like our parents got married when we were kids, or like we ever lived in the same house. Something you should both get straight, I don't think of Allie as any sort of sister, and I never will."
"Shit, what the hell is wrong with you? I'm just trying to make her feel like part of the family." Troy criticizes. I don't answer. "Sorry about him," my brother apologizes. "He's not usually such a jackass."
I don't bother hanging around to defend or explain myself. I turn away from them and storm back in the house and straight to the front door. I stop and lean my forehead against the wall, weighing my options. If I leave now, there's no going back.
No one else will know why I left or what bothered me so much I couldn't stand to be near her a minute longer, but she'll know. And I don't know if Allie will forgive me. What the hell does it matter? She didn't even acknowledge me out there.
Do I walk away, or turn around and stake a claim on her?
Either way, I look like an ass. Especially if I kiss her and she pushes me away out of some sort of misplaced loyalty to Bailey, or because Troy made a big deal out of the fact that she's our stepsister. I'm trapped because either choice will most likely end with her hating me. What the hell is the difference? She's always hated me. Why should I think one night changed that? That it changed anything?
This isn't like me, to be unsure and insecure. To base important decisions on the type of tilt-a-whirl night we had together. One extraordinary night where the planets aligned and the ground beneath my feet shifted and pushed me in Allie's direction.
One momentous night of flirtatious touches and come-hither looks. A night of shared secrets and lust-tinged kisses. One drunken night of frenzied emotions and a yearning that erupted throughout my body like a rocket screaming into space.
Yeah, she wanted to kiss me, but what if she hadn't been drinking, would that still have been so important to her?
Fuck. I don't know what to do. What's the right thing here? Walking away? I know that's what I should do, but then why does that feel like the absolute wrong thing? I scrub my hands over my face, debating.
I know what I need to do. I don't like it, but it's the right thing. I've always been about doing what's right over doing what's easy. Pursuing her, while not exactly easy, is nowhere near as difficult as the other option.
I force myself to step away from the wall and reach for the doorknob. It's turning the knob I'm not sure I can manage. Holding this damn lever is gutting me. I'm walking away.
Fuck, that's what I'm doing, I'm walking away from the girl that's clawed her way into my heart.
That's why I'm doing this. Because she matters. More than anyone ever has. Why do I have to do this? Why is it the reasonable choice?
Troy's right. Allie's our stepsister. She's part of the family. If I fuck things up with her, I'll hurt Allie, who's already been through enough, and I'll destroy my mother and the new life she's created for herself. I can't be responsible for that.
I can't blow everyone's lives to hell. Not again.
I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing back all conscious thought. It's not working. I can't get the image of Allie sleeping in my bed out of my mind. Her head resting on my pillow, blonde hair fanning out behind her. She's the most beautiful woman in my universe.
Allie.
My Allie. I take one last deep breath, gathering my courage.
"Jagger, wait!"
The urgency in Allie's voice stops me. She's here to tell me to fuck off or to go to hell. Fine. I'll take my medicine like a man, apologize, and move on. Move on somewhere else. With someone who isn't Allie. Someone who isn't my stepsister. I turn and face her, arms folded across my chest.
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
I narrow my eyes. I heard wrong. I had to have heard wrong. "What?" I ask, needing confirmation. Needing to hear it again.
"I said I'm sorry. And," there's a slight pause as she swallows hard. "I don't want you to go."
The intensity of those gray eyes captures me, puts me in a trance. I'm transfixed and unable to look away. Her eyes are vibrant, full of life, and I'm afraid if I allow them to look deep enough they'll see that I'm really an empty vessel inside.
Allie closes her eyes. I've been shut out in the cold in the middle of a snowstorm. I want to lift her chin, urge her to open her lids, and look at me again. As much as I'm aching to touch her, I don't. I keep my hands stuck to me like glue.
"Why?" I ask. "Why don't you want me to go?" I don't recognize the rough texture of my voice. Her eyes open and fuck, I'm lost. I don't know why I'm not pulling her into my arms right now.
"Because I miss you," she whispers. "I made a mistake." She places her hand over my wrist and pulls it down as she takes a step closer. Her fingers travel to my hand where she entwines our fingers. Damn, I feel her touch deep in my core.
The rest of our bodies aren't touching, but I feel her body heat. Her warmth. Her damn life force feels like it's a part of me, and I'm unhinged. I’ve never felt this for anyone before.
"Please, Jagger. Say something."
"What do you want me to say?" I ask softly, cupping her face with my free hand, stroking her cheek with my thumb.
"That you miss me too," she whispers. "That you forgive me."
"I miss you too, sunshine. I miss you like crazy," I say as I lean in and brush my lips ever so gently over hers.
There it is again. That powerful current of energy and electricity I get when we touch like this. And now Allie is leaning against my chest, fisting my shirt in her hands.
"There's nothing to forgive, Allie."
"It was you," she whispers.
"Me?"
"You were the guy Troy was talking about. Your mother asked him to check on me, and we got to talking. He asked if I'd been on any dates recently and it all just spilled out of my mouth. I told him about this guy I really like and explained that it would never work because minutes after our ‘date,’ he was on to another woman."
My hands slip around her waist as my mouth caresses the crook of her neck. She's my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I can't walk away from this woman. This is the way Allie and I are meant to be. In each other's arms.
"Told you, sunshine, you're my first choice. Always."
"Mmm," Allie moans.
"And if I have you in my bed, I'll never look any further."
Her body tenses. Shit. I hit a nerve. I should've known better. Allie pulls back to look at me with scrutiny in her eyes. The spell between us is broken.
"You sure about that? I heard you on the phone with Lexi."
"I wish you asked me about it then and there," I answer, leaning in and kissing the corner of her mouth. "Because I would've been happy to tell you it was just sarcastic bullshit," I whisper into her ear. "You're the one I want, Aleena. Just you. Under me. Over me. Next to me. I'll take you any way I can have you."
Allie takes the tiniest step back. Fuck, she's retreating.
"Why'd you leave me?" Her eyes narrow on me. "Even if it was a completely innocent call, you had me in your bed," she emphasizes the last word. "You had me where you claim you want me and you turned me down flat, then sought out another woman. My best friend. And you never even bothered to come back."
"I don't sleep well, and I didn't want to wake you. Clearly I failed at that. And I didn't turn you down," I snap, pissed that she's twisting what happened. "What I did was not take advantage of you. And I called your friend because you were being so pig-headed you wouldn't even consider the fact that Bailey might be dangerous."
"So what? I'm stupid? Too stupid know what he's capable of? I know who he is!"
I pinch the bridge of my nose and bite my tongue to stop me from snapping back and reminding her that she knew him so well he cheated on her and knocked the chick up. None of that will make this any better. Allie's already on the defensive and this conversation just went in the wrong direction.
"I should go."
"That's right. Run away. That's what you do when shit gets hard, isn't it? That's your MO. You turn and haul ass."
"I'm out of here." I turn and reach for the door handle again.
I'm surprised when she pulls my hand off and moves to block me.
"What's the matter? Truth too much to handle?"
I don't answer. I cross my arms over my chest again.
"See? You're doing it right now."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm standing right here in front of you."
"Emotionally, jackass. You think I don't feel the difference in you?"
"Get out of the way, Allie," I say in a stern voice.
"Make me," she digs her heels in and crosses her arms over her chest, and the somber look on her face mirrors my own.
"You really want to do this?"
"There you are!" Lexi interrupts us. "Everything okay?" she asks, looking from me to Allie and back
"Fine. Wonderful," Allie answers with sarcasm dripping from her words. "Just calling out my stepbrother for being the coward he is."
Lexi's eyes open wide as they fall on me, and I let out a slow, measured breath. No fucking way I'm going to let either of them see how deep Allie cut me.
Explosions fire in my head. Memories I struggle to keep at bay surface. Gunfire. Bombs. Limbs flying in the air. Blood splattering on my clothes, my hands, my face.
My heart races.
I ball my hands into fists, itching to beat the ever-loving shit out of someone or something. Not here. Breathe. I take in long, deep breaths and squeeze my eyes closed, fighting to stay here in the present.
"We need you both outside," Lexi explains.
"I really should..."
"Go?" Allie taunts me with a sarcastic smile.
"Yeah. Go." I echo, seeing the challenge in Allie's eyes. I won't let her win. "But I guess I can stay for a little bit longer."
"Great!" Lexi squeals with excitement as she pulls Allie by the hand.
Allie lets Lexi lead her but turns around and offers me a smug grin. Once we're outside, I head straight for the cooler and pull out another beer before heading to the guys. I look at the bottle in my hand, knowing I need something a hell of a lot stronger to settle me down. I'll start with this then when I get home I'll turn to tequila or vodka.
Allie's on the other side of the deck, with Lexi, Marlena, and Selene. The whole scene reminds me of middle school, where the girls gather on one side and the boys convene on the other. That's fine, because right about now, with the rage and adrenaline I have shooting through my veins, that side of the deck is the last place I want to be.
Chapter
8
Allie
"I'm so happy for you," I say, squeezing Lexi tight. And I am. Honestly. Truly. Completely thrilled for her and Noah.
And just the tiniest bit jealous.
I'm also the slightest bit sad. For me. Not that I'm ready for kids yet, but I'm ready to start thinking about them as a realistic option in the not too distant future, like within the next five years.
The way things are going, I'm starting to think I'll never be in a position to have kids. Not with a man I love by my side. I guess I can do it on my own. Go to a sperm bank or pick up some random hot guy and lie about birth control. But that wouldn't be fair to the baby or the guy if he's decent and wants to be part of his kid’s life.
I hate Bailey.
He ruined everything. So why the fuck do I keep defending him to Jagger? It's not that I think Jagger's wrong for suspecting Bailey given the circumstances, but I feel it in my gut, it's not him. I know he acted like a jealous shit at the pizzeria, but that's only because he saw me with Jagger. If Bailey cared, really cared and wanted to try and work things out, he would've shown up at my father's house with his heart in his hand months ago. He never did.
"Earth to Allie." Lexi's voice breaks through my thoughts.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?"
"When are you going to stop pretending nothing's going on and tell me the truth?"
I screw my eyes up at her. I have no idea what she's talking about.
"You and Jagger," she clarifies with a look of expectation.
"Nothing's going on," I lie, hoping Lexi's too focused on her announcement to notice how my face just heated up ten degrees and the fact that I haven't been able to go more than a minute without glancing in his direction. "Jagger and I are..." Why am I lying to Lexi? "Look, I don't know what he told you, but I was drinking. Hell, we were both drinking."
"Shut up!" Lexi whisper yells as her face lights with excitement. "Holy shit, I had no idea the fireworks between you two are those kind of fireworks. When you disappeared and I found you together, neither of you looked happy. I thought you were just pissed at each other. I had no idea you hooked up."
I cover my open mouth as I pull together a denial that sounds somewhat plausible, at least until I speak.
Man Up Stepbrother Page 8
