Once and For All: An American Valor Novel

by Cheryl Etchison

  As far as weekends went, this one had been nearly perfect. Sure, it started out a little rocky, but the following day was filled with playful banter and lots of laughter. Even if they hadn’t had sex the weekend would have been great. But with sex? Holy good God. It was like ordering the most decadent brownie sundae only to have it arrive with two cherries on top and extra sprinkles. Then to wake up this morning alongside Danny felt very, very good. And so very right. Like this was how their lives should have been all along.

  As they wandered along downtown, Danny never hesitated to introduce her to the regiment guys they ran into along the way. The older guys were unable to hide their surprise when he referred to her as “my wife,” while the younger ones didn’t appear to find it all that shocking.

  But his mood notably shifted after they saw Michael. Where he was flirty and affectionate before, holding her hand, kissing her neck, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her snug against his body, there was so much distance between them now he might as well have been half a world away.

  The soft glow from cast-iron lampposts guided them directly to the park’s famous fountain where a few others meandered around. For the most part they had the park all to themselves and the revelry along the river seemed so very far away. Danny pulled his hands from his pockets and rested his forearms atop the iron fence circling the fountain.

  Bree stared up at the moon. Heard the call of birds and crickets and whatever else was out there in the dark. Finally, she braved the silence between them. “You’ve gone quiet. Everything okay?”

  Danny shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. From her angle, it was difficult to tell what he was trying to say. Maybe even he didn’t know. “It’s fun that they dye the fountain water green for St. Patty’s Day, but it’s far prettier without it.”

  The swift change in topic nearly gave her conversational whiplash, but he’d said more in that one sentence than he had in the past hour. So she rolled with it.

  “You were right when you told me it’s beautiful here,” she said, keeping the conversation neutral. “So different from Myrtle Beach. I can see why you live here.”

  He huffed a laugh. “Didn’t have much of a choice.”

  “Really?” She turned to face him, but his gaze remained on the fountain in front of them.

  “I requested 2nd Batt. They’re based at Fort Lewis. Washington State. But the army sent me here instead. Guess they didn’t realize or didn’t care that I was trying to run away as far as possible. The idea of one day running into you with someone else, maybe even married and with kids . . .”

  Without warning, their conversation headed the wrong way down a one-way street. He turned to face her, running the palm of his hand from her shoulder to wrist. Any other time she would find the action comforting, soothing even, if it wasn’t for the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong, Bree. I know it sounds cliché to say it wasn’t you, that it was all me, but that’s the truth. I really fucked up when I lost my scholarship. And in my mind, I not only fucked up my future but yours, as well.” He removed his hand and turned back toward the fountain. “You deserved better than to be stuck with a screwup for the rest of your life.”

  For ten years she believed she was the only one to feel the pain of heartbreak and disappointment. That he’d run away to find excitement and adventure because his life in South Carolina, his future with her, was lacking. Not once had she considered he’d left out of embarrassment of losing his scholarship and guilt from ruining their future plans.

  But for him, joining the army had been the right choice. She could see that now. Hell, anyone could see that. There had been times today when he would spot one of the younger guys from his company and would take a moment to give them a bit of advice. “Have fun, but not too much fun. Don’t let all your hard work go to waste because of one stupid mistake. Play it smart. Keep an eye out for each other.” He’d learned a hard lesson all those years ago and he was determined to keep them from doing the same. Proof that he wasn’t the screwup he believed himself to be.

  “How did Mike end up in the same battalion?”

  “Luck mostly. With each school I made it through—Airborne, RIP, then Ranger school, I’d call him up and rub it in. Used to say he was too much of a pussy to pass them.” He laughed. “And I’ll be damned if sometime while he was in med school he changed his paperwork.”

  Bree shook her head in disbelief. “You two were always competitive, but that’s taking it to a whole new level. Did he request Hunter? Is that how he ended up here?”

  “It’s different for officers. Whereas there are a bunch of infantry spots, there’s only one battalion surgeon.” He smiled then. “I’m not sure how many asses he had to kiss to get in here when the other guy left, but I’d imagine he’d say the line was long and distinguished.”

  “Does it bother you he’s here?”

  He shrugged his shoulders, looking so very much like the boy she knew so long ago. “At first it did. But after our first deployment together, he told me he was proud of me, of the job I do. I think that’s what I was looking for the most when I left South Carolina. In Myrtle Beach I’ll forever be known as the screwup. Here I’m respected. Or at least I think so.” He peeled himself from off the fence and offered a hand. “Hate to cut this short, but I’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

  She slipped her palm in his, watched as his fingers tightened around hers. For a split second she thought he’d pull her in close, wrap his arm around her shoulders as they made their way to the car. But he didn’t. The space between them had narrowed, but there was still so much distance between them. And she knew she wasn’t the only one to feel it.

  When they reached the Tahoe he opened the door and held her hand as she climbed in. The nighttime traffic crawled as they headed home and the last of the tourists left town. Laying her head back against the seat, she stared out the side window, the steady stream of headlights and taillights nothing but a blur as they passed. Then, without really thinking, she asked the question that had circled her brain for years.

  “How long before you left Columbia did you enlist?”

  She turned her head toward him, awaiting his answer. At first Danny only shook his head, his reluctance to answer obvious even in the dark. Finally came her answer. “Three weeks.”

  He didn’t elaborate. Didn’t dance around the subject or make excuses. Just answered with straight-up honesty. Instantly, tears burned her eyes so she turned to look out the window once again, not wanting him to see if a tear or two happened to slip free.

  Three weeks. For three long weeks he’d planned to leave her, not once hinting during those twenty-one days their lives would soon change forever.

  Bree took a deep breath and discreetly swiped away a single tear from her cheek, the pain in her chest no different than it was ten years before.

  DANNY SAT ON the edge of the loveseat, elbows on his knees, his head hanging. In less than a matter of hours, his brother’s prediction had come to fruition. He’d hurt Bree. Badly.

  God, how he wanted her to rail on him. To yell and scream, even slam a door or two. Anything that would vent her frustrations and give him his just deserts all at the same time. Instead, she quietly slunk off to the bathroom like a poor abused dog only wanting love.

  “Fucking idiot,” he whispered, his fist meeting his forehead with each word. Before his fist met his skull a third time, the warm touch of her hand stopped its progress.

  Danny opened his eyes, her bare feet appearing in his line of vision first. He raised his head to look at her, all squeaky clean and fresh from the shower. The sun had kissed her cheeks over the past two days, giving her a healthy glow. She was so beautiful. So kind and loving. Far more than he ever deserved. At the very least he could give her the whole truth.

  “I was driving around aimlessly one day,” he beg
an. “Just trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do.”

  Bree dropped hold of his hand and stepped back, placing herself just out of his reach. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, protecting herself as best she could. “Go on,” she whispered.

  He remembered that day just as clearly as if it had been yesterday. The crowds of people wandering campus as finals neared. The bright sun and cloudless sky of an early-arriving summer. Never in his life had he felt so lost. Not even after his mother had died because at least then he had his father and his brother. And Bree. But this time he wasn’t a little kid anymore and was far too old to have others cleaning up his messes.

  “Student loans weren’t an option since I’d flunked out. And no way could I ask my dad to pay for school, not after what I’d done. Partying. Skipping class. I was more concerned with being the life of the party than a student. My first go at adulthood, of making my own decisions, and I royally screwed it all up. I stopped for gas at a corner convenience store and as I stood there pumping gas, I noticed a recruiting office across the street and thought ‘I can do that.’ It wasn’t anything I spent a lot of time thinking about.”

  Her eyes widened in surprise. “You just walked in a recruiting office out of the blue and signed up?”

  “As crazy as it sounds, that’s exactly what I did. I walked in the front door with no plan and walked out a couple hours later with an 11B contract, not really knowing what the hell that meant. I didn’t have an Airborne option or a Ranger option. I just took what they had and by some small miracle lucked out later on with the rest.” Her head tilted to one side, those dark brown eyes studying him closely. She took a step closer to him, but remained just out of reach. “For three weeks I tried to find a way to tell you that I was leaving. And every time I planned to tell you, I chickened out. Part of me believed that if I told you I’d enlisted in the army, you’d ask me to stay. And if you’d asked me to stay, I wouldn’t have been able to say no. And I feared in the long run everything would get to be too much and we’d grow to resent each other.”

  She moved closer now and he placed his hands on her hips, bringing her to stand between his knees so he could rest his forehead upon her belly. He heard her soft sigh and felt her body shift. Then, in his peripheral vision, he saw her hands hover over his shoulders, hesitating. Letting his head fall back, he looked up at her.

  “That’s probably what would have happened.” She chewed on the inside of her lip, then, using her index finger, carefully stroked the furrow between his brows until his face relaxed and his scowl was gone. “We were eighteen and in love. And I was selfish. I just assumed that us being together would always be enough to make you happy. But if there is one thing I’ve learned over the years it’s that you can’t rely on someone else for your happiness.” Her gentle touch drifted from his face to his scalp, where she smoothed her hand over the short stubble on his head. His eyes drifted shut, relishing the feel of her touch. “I don’t want you to think I’m angry at you anymore.”

  He opened his eyes and stared into those dark brown depths. “But you were.”

  “Of course.” The corner of her mouth lifted in a smile that contradicted the sadness in her eyes. “I might have even hated you once.”

  “But now?”

  “Now?” She took a deep breath and exhaled like the weight of the world had lifted off her shoulders. “I can’t hate you. I was never very good at it even when I put all my effort into it. But remembering how things once were between us is still bittersweet. And thinking about what might have been, that’s what hurts.”

  Danny wrapped his arms about her waist and hugged her close to him. He understood exactly what she was saying. Despite the army training him to not second-guess himself, to avoid contemplating what-if, to only act and react, he would forever second-guess his decision to not tell her he was leaving.

  Her palm smoothed from his neck to his shoulder, her fingertips raking the length of his arm until finally reaching his hand. She clutched his fingers with hers and tugged on his hand.

  “It’s time for bed.”

  He opened his eyes and looked at the pillow and blanket he’d retrieved from the closet only moments earlier. With a gentle hand she lifted his chin so his eyes met hers and leaned over to press a tender kiss to his lips. She whispered against his mouth, “No more sleeping on the couch.”

  Danny nodded and rose to his feet, following his wife to their bed.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “OUR PARENTS WERE very much against us dating because I’m Catholic and he’s Jewish.”

  Bree smiled and took another sip of her sweet tea as Marie gave a dramatic retelling of how she and Ben first met.

  “We snuck around. A lot. Climbing out bedroom windows. Climbing in bedroom windows.” Marie smiled wide. “We found out I was pregnant the summer after I graduated high school. So we packed the few belongings we had into his rusted-out Camaro and eloped without telling anyone. It was all very Romeo and Juliet. Without the buzzkill ending, of course.”

  “Of course.”

  Marie shook her head. “God help us if our children break half the rules that Ben and I did.”

  They didn’t hesitate to laugh out loud, since they had the screened porch of the small Savannah café all to themselves. Marie had called only an hour earlier, wanting to take advantage of having a sitter for Hannah and finishing her client meeting earlier than expected. She suggested this place since it was off the beaten path. Meaning, the tourists hadn’t found it yet and they wouldn’t have to wait an hour for soup and a sandwich.

  “When did things change for you and Danny?” Marie asked as the server placed their food in front of them.

  “Which time?”

  Marie stabbed at bits of her salad. “The very first time. You’ve known him your entire life, right? How did you suddenly go from childhood friends to boyfriend and girlfriend? Did he pass you a note in class? Check the box ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”

  Bree smiled at the image Marie painted. And while she remembered her friends receiving similar notes in school, it just wasn’t Danny’s style. “No notes. It all happened in seventh grade, after Brady Miller asked me to the winter dance.”

  “Oooh. Making Danny jealous way back in your middle school days, huh?”

  “It wasn’t like that. He thought dances were stupid, but I wanted to go. About thirty minutes into the dance, I see him standing with a group of his friends and he’s just staring at us. Next thing I know he’s dancing with April Wentworth.”

  “Bitch. I hate her already.” Marie waved her fork. “Continue.”

  “Actually, she was a very sweet girl. I think she works for Doctors Without Borders or something like that now.”

  “Ugh. A do-gooder. Even worse.”

  “I went to the bathroom and when I came back, Brady was dancing with April. I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t face my friends, so I stood far away from everyone else, trying to decide if I should wait to see what happened next or just go ahead and call my mom to come get me. Then Danny found me. He took me by the hand and led me into the middle of the dance floor.”

  She could still remember how he placed his hands tentatively at her waist. How she rested her sweating palms on his shoulders. They swayed in place, unable to look at one another in the eye, much less speak. When the song ended, he took her by the hand and led her off the dance floor to a place far away from where their friends gathered. There, in a darkened corner of the gymnasium, Danny stole her first kiss.

  “And then he kissed me.” Even all these years later, the memory caused Bree’s cheeks to heat. “We never talked about it, but from that point on we were together.”

  Marie giggled softly and went about her lunch. “I gotta hand it to him. I knew Danny was smooth, I just never realized he was that smooth. And at such a young age.”

  “Huh?”

  �
��You said that April girl ended up with your date. Bobby. Billy—”

  “Brady.”

  “That’s it,” she said, flinging her fork from side to side. “Anyway, the do-gooder ends up with Brady. Danny gets you. Everyone goes home happy, right?” Marie raised both hands in the air. “He pulled off the switcheroo!”

  They were still giggling when Marie’s cell phone rang and she excused herself to answer it, leaving Bree alone with her memories of a thirteen-year-old Danny. So hesitant. So sweet. Far different from the take-charge man he’d become. Which segued into thoughts of what he did to her last night. And then again before he left long before dawn this morning. She could still feel the burn of his stubble upon her skin. On her breasts and belly. Between her thighs. Especially between her thighs. He’d taken his sweet time, determined to be very, very thorough.

  “Sorry about that,” Marie said, interrupting her thoughts. “It was Hannah’s sitter reminding me she has to leave in an hour.” She plopped back down into her seat, but instead of digging into her lunch, she watched Bree, studying her. Not unlike the first time they met and she had a million questions she was dying to ask. “I have to say something is different about you today.”

  Bree shook her head. “Nope. Same old me.”

  “There’s something.”

  “Everything’s the same. Nothing has changed.” Bree cleared her throat and took a long drink of her tea. “The humidity must be really high today.” Using the square of linen, she fanned her face just the tiniest bit. She needed air. Desperately. And instead of hot soup for lunch, a big bowl of ice cream. With lots and lots of hot fudge and whipped cream. Which reminded her she needed to stop at the store on the way home since they’d used all of it over the weekend. Only not on ice cream.

  “You slept with Danny!”

  Bree’s head shot up to find Marie narrowing her eyes and pointing with a salad fork.

  “What would make you say that?”

  “You’re smiling at that bowl of tomato soup,” Marie said, laughing. “No one smiles at soup! And now you’re blushing!”