How about the fact he is an egocentric, selfish ass? Lindy started to pace. At least he knows how to get what he wants. Good grief! I could justify anything for this man. What is wrong with me? I came here to get away from the heartache. To start a new life and learn to be smarter—make better choices. Leave it to a man to step in and complicate things.
Lindy knew that the letters had affected her judgment. Maybe she just wanted her own sea captain to pine for. Maybe she should just accept the convenience of a friend with benefits and enjoy the passion that they shared. Maybe she should stop trying to find a reason to let love fill her heart and enjoy the way he filled her body with pleasure. But Lindy knew it was too late. She had fallen for Tom hook, line and sinker—and as he disappeared once again she felt the tears pushing at her.
The tears had been waiting there, just out of reach behind the numbness for years. Lord knew she had tried hard enough to cry many times since Stephen. Shoulders heaving, breath pulsing, body racked in sobs as she clutched her chest—but not more than a drop or two of moisture. It seemed to her as though she was constantly crying and yet she never really did. She was afraid once she started she would never stop but damn it she needed this. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she willed them to come—but nothing.
Lindy headed back inside for some coffee and her laptop. She might not be able to cry, might not really have a reason to—but she could write. Like Emmaline and Benjamin she would use her words to sort it out.
The sun setting in the pale sky, she began to type.
My Dearest Tom…
* * * * *
Tom made port early, deftly piloting the sleek ocean cruiser into the harbor at Palma. The officials knew him and his vessel well and the formalities were swiftly concluded, a bottle of ten-year-old malt whiskey easing the way. He informed his passengers they could disembark and then made sure had they found their transports on the dockside before heading back to the yacht.
Securing the vessel and leaving instructions with his first mate, he grabbed his gear and headed into the city. Palma was his favorite port in the Mediterranean. The old town with its castle and magnificent cathedral and the tasteful modern developments were in harmony.
He checked into his usual hotel and showered away the smell of the sea. Pulling his shirt over his head, he caught a faint hint of lavender, perspiration and musk. It was her smell. He breathed deeply and let the memories fill him. How he wished she were here beside him. She would love it here. Why did he just not ask her to come along?
Because it is not how I roll. Because I don’t need any complications. Because I am a selfish ass. It is better this way. Besides, I barely know her. Friends, lovers, confidants—and a girl waiting for me to return from sea. Now I sound like her. Geez—she is making me soft and those damn letters are getting to me too!
Tom crawled into the cool cotton sheets and sighed. Closing his eyes, he waited for the rocking sensation to stop. One of the pitfalls of being at sea so often was that it normally comforted him and was the motion that lulled him to sleep. Now it just reminded him of Lindy’s body rocking against his as they twisted and turned on the bed a few days ago.
Grabbing his cell from the nightstand, he checked his email.
My Dearest Tom,
I am sitting on the porch, the stars twinkling in the dark. In the blackness I can hear the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, their force and power reminding me of our time together. I wake in the morning feeling your warmth against me but when I reach for you, you are not there. Is that the cruelest of fates or the truest of wonders that I can feel you with me, even though you are so far away? Hurry back to me, lover. My aching flesh yearns for your caress…
Affectionately,
Lindy xxoo
Tom couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t think she would really do it but then again this was Lindy. She was becoming somewhat of an enigma. Strong and fiercely independent but at the same time fragile and delicate. A little too romantic maybe but her innocence was refreshing. So many of the women he had met wielded their independence like a sword, fending off the possibilities before they were even offered.
Lindy wanted the fairy tale and wasn’t afraid to admit it or reach for it. Although Tom knew he could never be the one to give it to her, what he had to offer might be just what she needed for now. What that was he hadn’t a clue but he enjoyed being with her and would play her hero for now. He was a loner sure but sometimes he needed a little love just like anyone else. Bah, what am I doing? Palma awaits me and I need a nap.
Grabbing the extra pillow, Tom hugged it to his chest and settled deeper into the mattress. He cocked open an eye and looked at his shirt draped over the chair. He wanted to smell it again but he would not. Punching the pillow, he snuggled in and then threw back the covers and stomped over to the chair. Bunching up the t-shirt, he inhaled deeply and then put it under the pillow before falling into a dreamless sleep.
* * * * *
Tom stopped into his favorite café and had a late lunch and a nice bottle of Rioja. His favorite waitress Selma greeted him warmly with a kiss and an expectant look. He enjoyed her company and he could probably use the distraction.
Tom laughed at the cliché but he did seem to have a woman in every port. Some were just friends, some had been or still were lovers. His life had been just a series of moments connected by one common thread—the sea. It wasn’t that he had intimacy issues really. He just liked to keep things free from complication.
He gave just a little bit at a time to each one of them. He prided himself on listening to their needs so he could give them what they most desired. Women were really pretty simple creatures. A little affection, regular compliments and a pretense of listening. And lots and lots of orgasms. At least he knew he was good at that.
Tom didn’t lead them on. He never hid who he was. He would give what he could, when and if he could, that was all—no attachments, no commitments, no tears. For some it was enough and for those who it wasn’t he wished them well.
A couple of partners had almost made him rethink his selfish ways. But in the end he realized he could not give them what they needed. The call of saltwater was too strong. For some reason it made him think of Lindy again. Pulling his BlackBerry from his pocket, he shook his head and laughed before his thumbs began to move.
My Very Dear Lindy,
It was with great relish that I read your note. To know that you are thinking of me brightens the long, lonely days at sea. I am in Palma sitting in the afternoon sun at my favorite café. The fish is so fresh that you can taste the desire of the ocean. You would like it here. I should like for you to see it someday. As I sip my glass of Rioja I am remembering the sweet taste of your kiss. (Maybe I could be a writer too?) I look forward to our next meeting.
My Deep Desire and Affection,
Tom
Tom chuckled softly before pressing Send. For the first time he was anxious for his return to Cornwall. He kept busy himself, occupied with his business interests but the days seemed longer than normal and he was glad that he would be headed back soon.
He headed over to the marina to check on the report from the mechanics. There had been a slight hitch in the engine on the trip over and he hoped it wouldn’t have to be replaced. It wasn’t so much the cost of a new motor but the disruption to his schedule.
His crew engineer had both good and bad news. The problem could be repaired but the required part had to come from the States and wouldn’t arrive for another two weeks. That’s the price I pay for a Caribbean bargain-buy.
The big boat had been a repossession, one of many in a glut following the banking crash and no one had wanted to sail it across the Atlantic. Tom was anxious to get back to see Lindy, but it was his responsibility as ship’s captain to take care of the vessel so he would have to wait.
After making arrangements for the small group of passengers and his crew to fly back to the UK with a friend’s airline charter business he gave the go-ahead for th
e part order and settled back into his favorite hotel for the wait. Always something to do in sunny Spain.
His heavy lunch and the afternoon sun were making him sleepy and he stretched out on the antique iron bed. His body was relaxed but his brain would not stop spinning. Somewhere between lucidity and dreams Lindy floated into his vision.
He saw her standing on the beach, the early-morning sun shining on her hair. The diaphanous gown clung to her breasts and thighs in the soft breeze. He could see just a hint of her rosy nipples as they peaked against the silky fabric. Reaching out, she beckoned him to her side.
Even in his fantasy Tom waged the war between moving closer and holding back. On one hand he took immense pleasure in just watching her. He wished he could somehow make her believe how beautiful she was. He knew that somewhere inside she was aware of it but it was difficult for her to believe it for more than a brief moment. As confident as she was, he wondered where the insecurity came from.
Just a daydream, Tom? Go to her. Hold her hand for a little while. Walk with her in the sunshine. What could it hurt? Maybe if you’re lucky she pull you down into the warm sand and give you another chance to prove you are a man.
* * * * *
Lindy’s laughter tinkled on the breeze as she read Tom’s letter. He did seem to have a way with words. Maybe writing letters was how to get him to express himself. She had thought about the things he had said when they were together last and wondered what his issue really was. She knew she was thinking about him entirely too much.
She worked on the house and the letters but it was her novel that took most of her time. She knew her motivation lay directly in her feelings for Tom—who wouldn’t want to write about love and romance when they had a handsome sea captain worshipping their body? Well no sense in knocking it. At least she was being productive.
She tried not to count the days until Tom’s return but it was difficult—especially when darkness closed in and she lay in the big brass bed listening to the gentle waves washing up against the shore.
Trying to fight the urge, she picked up the phone once again. She knew he would be home soon but she had not heard a word from him in a couple of days. Sometimes he would text and email several times in one day. Other times there was silence for several days.
She was glad they had the connection when they did. It was helping her to know him even though they couldn’t be together. She tried to hold back from contacting him but it was a struggle. She had sent a brief “checking in” message but nothing that required a response.
He was a man so she hoped for but did not expect a reply. Maybe he had changed his mind about her already. Maybe he found a hot Spanish woman to warm his bed and decided to stay on. Lindy often imagined him in flagrante delicto with one beauty or another. He as much as told her it was true, hadn’t he? And why not? He was young, single and incredibly handsome.
She could only hope she didn’t hear from him again. She was in way over her head. She told herself she could handle it, it was just for fun but she knew she was lying to herself. Well I can do whatever I want if it doesn’t matter. She picked up her phone and began to type.
My Dearest Tom,
I read your lovely response with a smile. You do have the soul of a poet, my darling. Palma sounds magnificent and I too should love to visit one day. To feel the heat of the sun on my skin, taste the piquant spices on your tongue and hold your hand in the darkness as the rhythm of the flamenco guitars beat within my chest would fill me with such delight. I look forward to your return so that you might fill me with tales of faraway lands. Hurry.
Lindy xxoo
Lindy reread the message trying to convince herself it was okay to press
Send. A little thinly disguised innuendo to arouse his curiosity couldn’t hurt, could it? What man didn’t want to think a woman wanted to have sex with him? Pulling the quilt over her shoulders, she snuggled deeper into the bed, trying to remember the feel of his arms around her and the taste of him on her tongue.
Chapter Six
Morning brought a choice—wait and worry or not. Putting her vivid imagination to work instead of letting it drive her crazy with doubt, she made great progress on her book. Occasionally she looked up from her table on the porch and searched the stretch of golden sand to Tom’s house, waiting for movement that might signal his return. She thought about taking a walk by and chancing a meeting with his sister again but thought it might make her look like an obsessed stalker and that just wasn’t her style.
Pulling the box from under her bed, she carefully lifted a stack of letters from the pile. If Emmaline and Benjamin could survive months apart, then a few more days shouldn’t be too much for her to bear.
Buck up, Lindy! You have gone years without anyone in your life and been happy. Don’t let the distance create a false sense of paranoia. Just enjoy the build of the relationship—if there is one.
My Dearest Emmaline,
I can only apologize for the delay in my return. We have made port in India. A storm caused damage to the ship and we needed to make repairs before continuing on. What a strange and beautiful land this is. I know that you too would find it fascinating. The British presence here is strong and there are tastes of home around every corner, but the living conditions of the native heathens are still somewhat primitive. I can see why there is great need here for our sensible British nature. My dearest Emmaline, I ask you to consider making our life together under the crown of our Queen in the British Raj. I will of course bow to your wishes but I do believe you would be happy here.
Yours Forever,
Benjamin
Well, this is interesting. I don’t recall any mention of Emmaline going to India.
My Dearest Benjamin,
It would appear that a new mistress, India, has captured your heart as much as the sea once did. I must wonder though if now I have dropped to third on your list of loves in your life. I am glad you made it safely to port and are able to enjoy the time during your delay. My darling, I would be happy in the very depths of Hades as long as you were by my side. We will have time when you return to discuss the details more carefully. I ask you to be prepared to disclose your full intentions regarding our future. I look forward to your imminent return. So many days have passed since I have felt the warmth of your hand in mine and the softness of your sweet lips against my cheek. I will wait for you but am no longer able to be patient. Please hurry back to me.
Yours forever,
Em
Lindy smiled, remembering her last note to Tom asking him to hurry. Seems she and her aunt might have had more in common than she once thought. Carefully placing the letter back on the stack, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine leaving her own country for the love of a man.
Her romantic nature immediately thought of course, anything to be together—but Emmaline seemed a little more sensible, like Lindy. Now she was beginning to wonder if she ever did go.
Anxious but dreading the answer she already knew, Lindy just stared at the letters, willing them to magically contain different information. Her thoughts drifted to Tom and she wondered what he was doing. Lost in her daydream, the pixie-dust tinkle of her phone alerted her that she had a message.
She stared at the blinking green light trying to convince herself she wouldn’t be disappointed if it wasn’t from him—but she knew she would be. So why wait? As she touched the small envelope icon his message splashed into view.
My Sweet Woman,
I have played your message through my head several times, your words enticing me with their heat and desire. Unfortunately the hurry part is the issue. A problem with the ship’s engine requires me to stay in Palma for at least another two weeks. You have been on my mind a great deal, Lindy. I ask you to consider joining me here. I am free to relax and would love to show you all the beautiful things that make this my favorite place in the world. Please say you will? I look forward to your response.
Tom
Lindy could not believe it. Was
he really inviting her to Spain? She had never been before and to visit his favorite place with him was more than she could have hoped for. Pacing the length of the porch, she questioned herself relentlessly. What did she want? What did he want? Did it really mean anything to a man like Tom?
Should I go? Waving her hands frantically and growling with anxious sounds of delight, she laughed out loud, thinking of the picture she presented to anyone walking down the beach. She already knew she would say yes so this was purely an exercise in time-wasting. She liked it though—it was a chance to let the excitement build. Since she really had no one to share it with and the cost of overseas calls was exorbitant, she continued to talk to herself until she was sure what to say.
I am a writer, after all. How difficult could this be?
She picked up her cell phone, holding it firmly in her grip. Her hand began to tremble.
Hi, Tom,
What a surprise! I would love to visit Palma with you as my tour guide. I will look into the details and let you know my proposed itinerary within the next couple of days.
Lindy xxoo
Lindy held her index finger over the Send button for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go. It was just that she knew if she did, her well-ordered life might never be the same. Lindy pressed Send, hoping her response sounded much more casual than she felt.
Tossing her phone on the pillow, she flopped facedown on the bed. Oh my God I can’t believe I am going to Palma to see Tom! This is insane.
WidowsWalk Page 5
