WidowsWalk

by Genevieve Ash

  “Sit,” Tom said, motioning to the bench. Lindy noted the change in his tone. So demanding. Her nipples puckered instantly, aching as they rubbed against the fabric of her dress. She tried to not annoy him by asking why again. Tom sat in a chair off to the side and the music changed. The heavy bass began beating in Lindy’s stomach. She was nervous, excited, anticipating…what?

  Sheila stepped through the curtains.

  Lindy began to tremble as Sheila swayed her hips exaggeratedly and moved toward the bench. The tempo of the music increased but Sheila’s movements remained slow and sensuous. Lindy glanced at Tom out of the corner of her eye, expecting to see his humorous grin but instead she saw pleasure lighting his eyes. The dim lights, the sultry music and the alcohol were joining forces to send Lindy to another place and she could not resist going along for the ride.

  Sheila stood before her, slipping her leg between Lindy’s slightly parted thighs and opening them wide. She stepped between them, her barely covered breasts practically in Lindy’s mouth. Lindy tried to lean back but Sheila just laughed and kneeled on the bench. Lindy could feel Sheila’s soft legs between her own and her generous breasts against her face. They actually feel real.

  Lindy breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet scent of sweat, desire and patchouli. Just one taste, she thought as she licked at the soft flesh between Sheila’s breasts. Sheila stepped back and started to dance. Her sensuous movements were half a beat slower than the music, only adding to Lindy’s distortion.

  The moisture inside Lindy’s core begin to pool. Her panties were already damp and she squeezed her legs together to try to stop the ache in her clit.

  Sheila turned her back to Lindy and untied her top, tossing it to Tom. Lindy wanted to look at his reaction but she couldn’t take her eyes of the beautiful woman dancing just for her. She had never touched a woman intimately before the incident with Sheila in the bar and now she couldn’t help but wonder why not. The soft heat of the dancer’s sex and wet warmth when she had come in her hand had been so arousing.

  Sheila inched the G-string over her hips with excruciating slowness, dragging it between her closed thighs and then letting it slide down her legs to the floor. She could see a faint, shiny trail of moisture running down Sheila’s thigh and it made her jerk with need. This is crazy. I have the hottest guy in the world with me and…

  Sheila turned slowly and then stood perfectly still. Lindy was sure her mouth was gaping but she had never seen a more perfect body on a woman. She was exquisite. Firm, lean and glistening, her skin rubbed with oil. One long, unending stretch of perfect flesh—not even a tan line to ruin the goddess named Sheila.

  Lindy closed her mouth and swallowed hard as she moved toward her again. She took Lindy’s hands and placed them on her breasts. Lindy panicked, not knowing what to do, so she just held them. Sheila smiled at her warmly and lifted Lindy to her feet. She pulled Lindy’s sundress over her head and once again tossed it to Tom.

  Lindy began to tremble. She was standing in a public place in nothing but a pair of panties and high-heeled sandals. At least when the three of them had sex there it had been in a darkened corner and she had kept her dress on. Now a nude woman stood before her while her lover looked on. It all seemed so surreal but she could not resist Sheila’s power.

  Sheila pulled her body close and wrapped her arms around Lindy’s back as they swayed slowly to the music. Sheila’s warm skin and soft breasts were making Lindy weak in the knees. Sheila’s hands were on her back, moving up and down, each time her fingers dipping lower into the band of Lindy’s panties.

  Sheila drew back and Lindy searched her eyes for a reason to stop this. Sheila bent and kissed her, her tongue slipping into her mouth. It was so naughty, so crazy and so hot. Lindy let it all go. She and Tom had experienced so much passion in the last week and tried so many new things. Things Lindy had never even known about. She felt wide-open for this experience.

  Lindy lost herself in Sheila’s kiss and gentle touch. She couldn’t remember how she had become naked or when Sheila had pushed her down onto the bench and begun to writhe against her but she knew she was going to come.

  She turned her head and saw Tom watching them. His eyes were glassy with lust and his smile was reassuring—encouraging. Lindy reached up and pulled Sheila down to her once more. Sheila was moaning wildly, her pace increasing as Lindy kissed her hard.

  The distraction was enough to make them both stop thinking about it. Sheila broke away to let out a scream as she climaxed and Lindy followed suit, her wet release saturating the thick velvet.

  Sheila kissed her warmly and told her next time she was in town to be sure and call. She hugged Tom and Lindy couldn’t help but smile as she watched Tom reach down and squeeze Sheila’s delicious bottom.

  They left the club and headed back to the hotel.

  “Tom, that was nice. Thank you.” Lindy was staring at the ground, suddenly unsure of what to say.

  “Nice? You’re kidding right?”

  “I don’t know what to say.” So many thoughts were running through her head she could not focus.

  “How about the truth?”

  Lindy paused and thought about the way the experience made her feel. She felt the dampness between her thighs and shivered in the warm evening air. Her nipples grew hard again as she remembered her time with Sheila.

  “Okay, it was fucking hot!”

  “Much better. And?”

  “And I enjoyed it?”

  They stopped walking and Tom rested his hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes.” Lindy, I know you. There is more to it than that.”

  Of course, once again the opportunity to discuss her feelings did not go unnoticed—and she was not going to pass it up this time. Time was racing by and soon she might not have the chance.

  “I just wondered why tonight, our last night. I was hoping—to spend the night with you.” She tried to lift her voice to keep the whine out but it just came out like that of a boy going through puberty.

  “Lindy, it is not our last night—is it?” He looked unsure.

  “Well no. I mean I hope not.” Lindy kicked at the pavement, swinging her leg like a child kept after school by the principal. Suddenly she did not know what to say.

  “I know we haven’t really talked about what will happen when we get home but I am trying to sift through it all,” Tom said. “Come up with a plan.”

  “Oh, well a plan is always good. Do let me know when you’ve decided.” Her sarcasm was evident in her tone. She walked toward the edge of the dock and stared into the blackness. Her heart was racing as the anger and pain swelled inside her.

  “Look, Lindy, I do love you. I do. You know that, right?”

  “So you say…”

  “Jeez, could you cut me a little slack? It takes two, you know. It is not only about how it affects Lindy!” Lindy turned and saw the consternation in his gaze. He was right. All the excitement, the endorphins, the intimacy—the week had been so incredible. Perhaps it made her too sure of him. He was trying and she knew for Tom this was a huge step.

  “I am sorry, you are right. I am acting like a spoiled brat and I deserve a spanking.”

  “Mmm, why I didn’t think of that? Next time.” He squeezed her hand and smiled warmly.

  They stopped and sat on a bench. The night air was not much cooler than the day and Lindy could feel the humidity clinging to her. She wanted a shower, she wanted to go home—she wanted to not be afraid. Fake it ’til you make it. Don’t spoil it now. Just stay calm.

  “Lindy, what we have is really good. But I am used to being on my own. I have been most all of my life and I am comfortable.” Tom took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the tip of each finger.

  She watched him intently, thinking the romantic gesture would have been perfect if not for his words.

  “I see. Please don’t go to any trouble.” She pulled her hand from his grasp.

  “Damn it, Lindy! You want too much. You need too much. I
want to give it to you, I do but I just don’t know if I can.”

  “Then obviously you don’t want it enough.” Lindy stood and crossed her arms across her chest.

  “It’s not that simple and you know it.”

  “It’s not like I am asking you to marry me, Tom. I am just looking to spend some time with you when you’re home.” She turned and faced him once more, spitting the words at him in anger.

  “Lindy, it won’t be enough. You know it and I know it. And you deserve better than that. You deserve to have someone who worships and adores you.” His tone was heated but his posture was relaxed, his open palms facing up.

  “Well perhaps. But the problem is I want you.”

  Lindy wasn’t sure when the conversation went sideways but Tom was like a scared rabbit ready to flee. She had no intention of hemming him in. Maybe he was just too selfish to give even an inch. Jeez, from “I love you” to “I can’t” in less than sixty seconds.

  “So, what—you are going to give up your life like Emmaline, waiting for your captain’s ship to return? You saw how that worked out for her.”

  “That was unkind.” The truth of his words brought the pain too close to the surface and tears pushed close.

  “I’m sorry, Lindy. I do care for you a great deal and I want you to be happy. I am afraid that I will only cause you pain. Perhaps it is better if we’re just grateful for the wonderful memories we have and part friends.”

  “So that’s it then?” Her tone was flat, almost as though she was shell-shocked. She felt nothing.

  “Yes, no—I don’t know! I need more time. This all happened so fast. I’m just not ready.”

  “Tom, if you figure it out let me know. I guess you are right. It’s not enough to give myself to someone who won’t let love in.”

  Lindy rose from the bench and walked back to the hotel. She showered and crawled into bed, determined to be a “big girl” as Tom would say and walk away while her dignity was still intact.

  She listened to the ocean moving, constant and sure outside the patio door. She heard Tom come into the room and undress, tossing his clothes on the floor. He slid in beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him.

  Lindy bit her lip hard to stifle the sob rising in her throat. I love him so much. What will I ever do without him? She didn’t know how she had let this happen but she needed him now and she snuggled into the safety of his lap.

  “I’m sorry, Lindy.”

  “I‘m sorry too, Tom.” She was sorry, sorry that it just wasn’t going to work. Very sorry.

  “I owe you an explanation.”

  “No, Tom, you don’t owe me anything.” She clutched at his arm, pulling him closer in an offer of comfort.

  “Lindy, please let me…”

  Lindy turned and faced Tom. She saw the fear and the need to tell her in his eyes. His voice barely more than a whisper, he began to speak.

  “I came home from school one day and my mother was making dinner. Like any other day, my father came home from work, my sister set the table and the four of sat down to eat. My mom cleared the dishes and told us she was going to the store to get us some ice cream for dessert. She never came back.”

  Lindy could hear the tremor in his voice. She wanted to say something but for the first time she managed to keep her mouth shut when it was important to.

  “My dad tried. He never said anything bad about her. He told us that she had gone to Ireland to care for a sick uncle but the gossip in town was that she’d run off with a much younger man. He did the best he could to raise us but he was lost in the pain. He started drinking pretty heavily. Some nights he didn’t come home at all. He loved us but he just couldn’t be a parent alone. Sarah and I managed by sticking together.”

  “Tom, I don’t know what to say.” Tom stroked her cheek and rested his thumb over her lips.

  “Lindy, I know it was a long time ago but I just can’t take the risk of that kind of pain again. To have you walk away—and you would eventually—would be more than I could bear. I am sorry.”

  Lindy wanted to reassure him, to tell him it would never be like that. That she would give him the time he needed, the space he needed. But she knew he would not believe it. He wasn’t ready. If only he would give her a chance.

  She pulled him close and pressed his head against the soft pillow of her breasts. Holding him, she tried to ingrain the memory of his skin against hers into her mind.

  * * * * *

  Morning came way too early and Lindy struggled to keep her tears—albeit dry ones—at bay. Tom pulled her luggage from the Jeep with an exaggerated groan and wheeled it to the steps of the small charter plane.

  They had barely spoken all morning—there was nothing left to say. Lindy stood quietly, holding the skirt of her dress. She no longer wanted to give him a peep show. She no longer wanted to tease him or seduce him.

  She would get on this plane back to Cornwall and close up Emmaline’s house for the winter then go back to New England where she belonged. She wanted to go home and forget about England, forget about Tom. She wanted the pain that was crushing her chest and the empty ache in her core to go away.

  Chapter Eleven

  When Lindy arrived back in the States, she realized that she no longer had a home to go to. She wasn’t quite sure where she would settle. She could write from anywhere and perhaps her hometown held too many memories anyway.

  Maybe she needed to move someplace that was warmer or just different enough for her to forget her past. But hadn’t she thought that about Cornwall? You had better stop getting involved with the wrong guys. It’s costing too much in moving expenses!

  She knew Emmaline’s house would have been the perfect spot but the memory of Tom was still painfully fresh. She had not seen him again during the month before she’d left Cornwall and even though she had hoped for a miracle, she knew that leaving was probably for the best.

  The extended-stay suite was like any other American hotel, positively gigantic compared to Europe’s and neat and tidy—if not a little dull. The standard layout of pressed-wood furniture and the geometric-patterned carpeting would have to do until she found a place of her own. She would make arrangements to sell the house in Cornwall but not yet. She still felt as though somehow she was letting Emmaline, Benjamin and herself down.

  Opening the closet, she saw the two bent wire hangers dangling from the rack and sighed. She wished she’d packed the ones Tom had bought her. Tom—the tears threatened but she pushed them back. No sense in thinking about it. She had walked away and he would not take her back.

  And what if he did? Nothing would change. They were like oil and water with very different ideas about life and love. It just seemed that when they were together they balanced each other out, giving them what they needed to be a perfect fit.

  Lindy! Forget about it. It’s over and done.

  She put what she could in the drawers, the smell of Tom still clinging to her clothes. She found his old t-shirt and held it to her nose. As she scooped the pile of wash into her arms, a folded slip of paper dropped to the floor.

  She recognized the brittle vellum and the smell of lavender drifted to her nose. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she took a deep breath. Could it be a happy ending after all? One more letter. Her hands were shaking as she carefully unfolded the fragile offering.

  My Dearest Lindy,

  Your mother hates that I call you that. She thinks that a proper young lady should never have a nickname but I say life is too short for giving up on the silliness, the passion, the joy in simple pleasures.

  You are but a young girl as I write this but if you have found it, I will assume that you are now an adult and your mother has passed the house to you. She tells me how you like to live in an imaginary world and daydream about fantastical things. I think you probably inherited that trait from me.

  I can only imagine what your life will be like but I caution you to not let what is expected of you rule your heart. Do not w
ish for impossible things—instead take the moments you are given and live them as they happen. Do not give up a single chance for happiness. I know your parents will raise you to become a fine young lady but do not let them take away your dreams.

  Sometimes life does not work out as we plan but you must never stop believing that you will find happiness. It is in every sunset, every cry of the seabirds, every soft breeze. Do not let fear or disappointment steal your faith.

  Regrets are such a terrible waste of time. We have been given such a short time on this Earth. Seize every opportunity and make it the best it can be. “To thine own self be true.”

  I loved Benjamin with every breath I took and as my time on Earth draws to a close I lie in my bed gazing out the broad row of windows, looking to the horizon. Waiting—hoping that someday we will be together again.

  Yes, we saw each other again after many, many years. He had returned by sea, his antiquated ship sailing into the harbor flags flying, a siren masthead—in my likeness—leading the way. It still to this day hangs from the front of his family home, just down the beach from this very house.

  He had married, raised a family and lived his life in India helping those who could not help themselves. I was proud of whom he had become and grateful that he had a good life but when he was widowed and his children had grown, he came back to me.

  We sat on the porch side by side and he took my hand. He told me that although he’d had a wonderful life he had always felt as though something was missing. I knew exactly how he felt. It was too late for us but we remained friends until his passing years later.

  I cherish every moment we shared but an eternity with Benjamin would not have been enough. So, my dear sweet girl, I beg of you—risk it all. Be a fool for love. The journey will not always be easy but if he is the one, just take his hand and together you will find your way through anything.