by Delisa Lynn
“Hey, are you okay?” I hear a voice say.
Without looking to see whom it was, “No, I’m not,” I say, I just assume it’s Seth’s mom. Fucking bitch.
“Is there anything I can get you?”
“Yeah… Bring Seth back,” I say, sarcastically.
“I wish I could. I’m Josie, a friend of Aaron’s.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, turning around. Aaron is Seth’s twin.
“No worries, I understand. Come on let me get you a coffee. The rest of the family is with the Chaplin, I told your dad I wanted to spend some time with you.”
“Do you know when they are going to do it?” I ask her.
“Soon, they wanted everyone to have their final goodbyes,” she says, reaching for my hand.
Standing next to the dirt that will be the door to Seth’s final resting place, I drop to my knees. His funeral is in a few hours, they brought his body back to Rhode Island yesterday. I’ve been home three days and it’s been the worst three days ever. The days and nights seem to be continuous. It’s like a never-ending circle. I know I’m, walking but my legs feel like I’m floating. Everyone’s words all seem the same. I can’t sleep or eat. I know my life needs to continue, but it’s so hard.
“Hey, I thought I would find you here. The funeral is soon so don’t you think you should be getting ready?” I look up to see Seth’s brother.
“Nope, I’m wearing this. I would like to be alone with my thoughts if you wouldn’t mind,” I bite out.
“Alyssa, look, I know you’re hurting, but my brother loved you more than anything. He wouldn’t want you to be hurting like this.”
“When the love of your life dies. Then you can tell me how I should feel.” I point my finger in his face. “Until then, don’t tell me what it’s going to be like. Got it?”
“Got it, loud and clear. Let me give you a ride back to the church. Josie is in the car.”
“Fine, but please don’t smile at me.” His smile looks so much like Seth’s. I can’t look at him. I walk toward the car and see that Josie has climbed in the back, she smiles sympathetically at me. I like her and she is nice.
“Do you want to talk at the service?” he asks.
As I chew on my bottom lip, I close my eyes. Taking a deep breath I say, “Yep, already told the witch I would.”
“You can call her the bitch that she is.” He laughs. I assume he isn’t too happy with his mother either.
“Well, just so you know. I hate your mother,” I state.
“It’s okay, I don’t like her either,” Josie says, placing her hand on my shoulder.
“Thank you both for agreeing with me. Seth was never fond of her. But after all this, I can understand why.”
“Alyssa, things will get better give it time,” he says. Pulling into the parking lot of the church, I see a million cars. I don’t know if I can do this. Taking a deep breath, I open the door and walk towards the back of the church. Once inside, I see the casket and all the pictures, I completely lose it. Everything gets dark, and all I can hear is music and voices. . “I got you, wake up,” I hear him say. Opening my eyes, I see that I’m cradled in the arms of Aaron.
“What happened?” I question.
“You fainted, but I have you know it’ll be okay. You’re going to sit with me through the service.”
“Not sure I can sit through it,” I say honestly.
“I’m here for you. Let’s take our seats.”
New York University
“Mal, I can’t believe we are in college. I wish we had some classes together. You’ll have to meet up with me for lunch.”
“This is going to be your year love. You’re going to have fun. By the way, those jeans look great on you. I better go, see you later.”
Pulling her in for a hug, “I hope you’re right. I need some luck.” I give her a weak smile.
“Text me later,” she says, skipping out the door.
Today I’m starting at NYU, my plans changed after last fall. I have moved from Providence, Rhode Island to New York City instead of going to Georgia. My friend, Mal, came with me. We’ve been friends for years, and my parents only agreed for me to come here as long as I wasn’t alone. Our dorm is super small. Mal and our other friend, Cara, are planning to get an apartment together. My daddy is going to pay for it for us.
Walking into class, I see a very handsome guy. Sitting next to him, I smile. He winks and turns the other way. I haven’t even really talked to another guy since Seth. I’d never had a boyfriend, other than him, so this is all new to me.
Swallowing my pride, “Hey…I’m Alyssa,” I say.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Blake Black. Just so you know, I’m not looking for a girlfriend. Now if you want to fuck, I’m all down for that.” He laughs.
“Oh, I wasn’t…”
“Chill, babe. You’re a freshie, aren’t ya?”
“Umm, yeah, I guess so.”
“Yeah, I can tell. Look, if you want to hang out after class, I’m down for that. But no love shit. Got it?”
“First of all, why the hell would you assume that I want to be with you? Jesus, I just introduced myself to be nice. So maybe you should move on to your next prey,” I say, quickly switching seats.
I can’t believe him and here I was trying to be nice. I’m so mad I know my face is blood red. As I sit there, and wait for class to start, I can feel him staring at me. Looking back at him, I flip him off. Fucker, take that.
He starts laughing and walks to where I’m sitting. I pretend not to see or hear his pleas then he sits next to me. Leaning in close to my ear, he whispers, “I’m sorry… I owe you a coffee, how about after class?” His breath heats my neck and has me breaking out in goose pimples.
“Yeah, okay,” I say. Something about him makes me want to know more. Although he seems like an ass.
“Meet me after your last class. There is a café around the corner.”
“Yep,” I say, popping my p. I know exactly what café it is, I’ve applied to work there.
Today has been one long ass day, and I’m ready for that coffee. I wasn’t sure how it would play out with mister full of himself, but it was worth a shot. I need to make friends here anyways, so now is a great time.
Walking into the café, I see him sitting in the corner. He’s smiling and has already ordered me a drink. Sitting down in front of him, I say, “What’s up, douchetwat?”
“Ha, yeah, I was being a douche wasn’t I?”
“Pretty much. I don’t know anyone here yet besides my roommate, so I was just looking to make some friends,” I say honestly.
“Yeah, I get that. I’ve been here for a few years. Pre-med by the way.”
“Jesus, you’re going to be someone’s doctor? Glad it won’t be mine,” I snort.
“Shit, was I that bad?” he asks.
“Yes, a complete jerk.”
“I apologize, I was honest about the sex part, so if you’re up for it just let me know.
“Dude, I’m seriously not sleeping with you.” I laugh and throw a napkin at him.
“Damn, am I that ugly?” he says, pretending to look through the napkin dispenser.
“No, I’m just not a whore.”
“Well, I tried. So where you from?”
“Not here.” I laugh.
“Yeah, I got that much” He smiles “I like you.”
“Rhode Island and you seem okay, but you’re just so dang conceded I don’t see how you see straight.”
“I’m going to let you in on a secret… It’s a front.” He places his finger to his lips. “Shh…you will ruin me if you tell anyone.” He smiles.
“Do you normally get girls with these lines?”
“Most of the time I do, but sometimes, I run into snobs from Rhode Island.”
“Whatevs.” I roll my eyes. “I’ve gotta run, thanks for the latte.”
“Anytime,” he says, throwing cash on the table. “Here’s my number. Call me sometime. Later, freshie.”
/>
“Yeah, see ya!” I say as I walk toward the door. I think he is an arrogant ass.
The day has been going by pretty fast—I had four classes this morning. I’m working a double shift tonight. I got the café job a few weeks ago. I don’t need the money I just need to keep my mind off of some things. I’m actually training a new employee today and she seems nice. Walking over to a corner booth, I see Blake with a girl. It doesn’t bother me, because he and I are just friends. But I did sense a little jealousy rising through my veins.
“Hey, what can I get for the two of you?” I ask as I pull my pen from my ponytail.
Blake scoots closer to the blonde. Then he smiles before saying, “I’ll take a small coke and cheeseburger with no lettuce and extra pickle.”
Looking at the said blonde, drooling all over Blake’s arms, I ask, “And for you, sweets?”
“Oh,” she looks over the menu, “just water and a side salad.” She smiles.
“Okay, sounds good. What kind of dressing?” I ask.
“No dressing…that shit is fattening. Maybe you should lay off of it yourself.” She laughs. I see Blake tense a little.
“I’ll be right back with you order.” What a cunt, I’ll show her fattening. I place the order and grab the new girl.
“What’s up Alyssa?” she asks.
“Can you do me a huge favor, when we walk over to that table? Can you flirt with the guy? Just pretend that you know him. Please.” I ask.
“Game on. His name is?” She smiles.
“Blake…Blake Black,” I say as we walk back over. I sit the drinks in front of the two of them, then Sydney smiles very big.
“Blake, baby. Why haven’t you called me? I’ve been missing you.” She winks.
“Um, I’m not sure we’ve met,” he says confused.
“Come on, you can’t say you don’t remember our night together.”
“Sorry, doll, I don’t,” he states.
“I’m not dealing with this,” the blonde says as she walks out of the café. I couldn’t hold back the laughter. Looking at Sydney and Blake, I bust out again.
“Bravo, freshie! I gotta give it to you, I knew you were jealous.” He smiles as he places his hand in the small of my back. I instantly get chills.
“Please, you wish. She called me fat. Karma’s a bitch.” I laugh. “Thanks, Sydney.”
“No problem, and Blake, nice to meet you,” she says, walking away.
“What time do you get off?”
“In about an hour.”
“You should go out with me,” he says, rubbing my hand.
“Can’t, I have things to do,” I lie. I really just want to go back to my dorm and cry. I start to think about what todays date is. Thinking back to this date a year ago, brings tears to my eyes.
“Hey, look at me,” he says, placing his finger under my chin.
“I have to get back to work, don’t worry about the bill. I got it,” I say as I walk toward the counter.
“Alyssa…wait,” he says, walking towards me. “I’ll figure you out, if it’s the last thing I do,” he says, before kissing my cheek.
“Wow, looks like someone is intense,” Sydney says.
“Today is a bad day. It’s the anniversary of one of the worst days of my life.” I can’t believe I just said that aloud.
“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry. Anything you would like to discuss?”
“Thank you, but not really. I just want to go home and cry,” I say, wiping a stray tear from my nose.
“Come here,” she says, hugging me. “Whatever it is, I’m so sorry that it happened to you.”
“Thanks that means a lot. I’m going to go—will you be okay with Jane?”
“Of course. You go and I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says as she hugs me again.
Walking into the break room, I grab my bag and clock out. Then I walk out the back door. It’s a nice fall night. So I decide to walk to the dorms, it’s only a few blocks. I used to love this time, of year. The leaves changing, it starts getting just a little breezy and the aroma in the air is amazing. But that all changed last year, I changed.
My mind starts going back to that windy September day, last year.
I hadn’t talked to Seth since that morning and we were both going out with friends. The only thing was we were miles apart. I can still hear the last words he spoke to me.
“Angel, I love you so fucking much. I can’t wait till I can look at your beautiful face every day.”
“I can’t wait. I miss you and your touch so much. I would do anything to be in your arms right now,” I say as I hug myself.
“That sounds so good. Look, I had better go. I’ll call you tonight okay.”
“Okay, have a good day. Miss you,” I say as I smile.
“Miss you more, love you even more,” he says.
Giggling, feeling a little to giddy. I say, “Me too.”
I’ve regretted ‘the me too’ part, all this fucking time. Walking into my room, I kick my shoes off and watch them fly into the wall, I pull my shirt off, and then my pants down. I grab Seth’s football jersey and put it on. Lying on my bed, I cover up head to toe. I cry myself to sleep, holding the only thing I have left of Seth and his memory.
Looking at my phone, I see I have a text from Blake. I read it and burst out laughing.
Blake: Freshie, I’m sorry that you were jelly of blondie. Please let me make it up to you and bring you a Twinkie.
Me: You’re seriously too damn vain! I wasn’t jelly… She called me a fatty… Is that why you want to buy me a Twinkie?
Blake: You’re not fat, you know that. I want to see you. Please, look outside your dorm door.
Me: Are you stalking me?
Blake: Open the damn door.
Walking to the door, I open it and see a single rose with a card. Looking at the card, it reads…
Me: OMG…You’re so strange. But that made me smile.
Blake: Good, now get ready. I’ll pick you up in an hour.
Me: Fine… I’m still not having sex with you, so you better get some before you pick me up.
Blake: Not yet anyways… How do you know I haven’t already?
Me: Ugh…I’m getting in the shower.
Blake: Perfect picture.
Me: Shit…I walked into that one. Phone is going off. C-ya!
Walking into the shower, I feel myself smiling, which I haven’t done in months. Not that I want a relationship with this arrogant bastard but he makes me laugh, but hell, my father would like that he’s in medical school. I laugh shaking that thought from my mind.
“Hey, where are you going?” Mal asks.
“Out with the Double B.” I laugh.
“Oh God, he has you calling him that now?” She knows how he is.
“No, read this,” I say, shoving the note in her face.
“He is too much.”
“I agree, I tell him that all the time.”
“Just don’t get hurt, okay?”
“Never… I know what I’m doing,” I say as I walk out the door.
Blake is standing next to his car. I’m not sure the model, but it’s fairly old. He has his arms crossed over his chest, and he is wearing tight black jeans and a green button down shirt.
“Hey, thanks for the rose,” I say as I kiss his cheek.
“You’re very welcome. So…what’s your story?”
Sighing, I take a deep breath. “I was in love last year, but my boyfriend Seth left me,” I say.
“Well, that sucks. Let’s grab a bite to eat and you can feel me in on everything. Sound good?”
“Yep, what about you. I know nothing about you.” I laugh.
“I grew up here, I work nights as a janitor to pay for classes.”
“How long have you wanted to be a doctor?” His grip on the steering wheel gets tighter. He sighs before speaking.
“All my life.” He winks. “So is this us getting to know each other?”
I laugh, clearing my throat, I say, “Yes, y
es it is.”
“Good… Look, I’m sorry about the entire sex thing. Most girls want me and with you, it seems that you aren’t interested. Sorry for coming on so strong.”
“It’s all good. I’m still not giving in.” I smile.
I’ve been working at the café going on six months. Time has flown. I’ve been working and studying, I really don’t go out much. Tonight that changes and I’m going to my first party with a few friends I’ve made. Blake and I have a love, hate relationship, and I haven’t slept with him, although he has tried numerous times.
Looking at myself, I see a woman I don’t want to be. I look boring; my auburn hair is long and stringy. I have no make-up on and my jeans and shirt are baggy.
Deciding to go shopping, I call my mom and warn her about the purchases I’m going to make. Taking a cab to the local mall, I decide to get my nails and hair done. I’ve not done this all year. After a much needed make over, I get an entire new wardrobe, including lingerie. I look at my phone and realize the time and I rush back to my dorm to get ready.
Using a three-fourth barrel curling iron, I place huge curls in my hair. Spraying it down with a half of a can of Aussie hairspray, I apply my make-up. I picked a very specific outfit for tonight. Sliding the red dress over my head, I pull on my black stockings and black stilettos. Looking in the mirror, I see the new me. I’m not going to give a fuck about what anyone thinks.
Mal hasn’t seen anything I purchased or me. I haven’t worn make-up since Seth. I walk out of the bathroom, waiting for her to tell me I look ridiculous, but she does just the opposite.
“Holy smokes, you’re hot.” She whistles.
