by Delisa Lynn
“Stop… Is it too much,” I ask pulling my dress down. I see that my boobs are spilling out. I automatically feel a little naked.
“Heck’s no, you look amazing. The boys are going to be on you like feathers on a duck.”
“You’re so silly, I got something for you too,” I say, holding a bag. Mal’s family doesn’t have much money so I always try to buy her things when I do myself. She’s been working in the campus bookstore, but she isn’t making much.
“Aww, you didn’t have to do that. But how can I turn down a sexy dress like this?” She giggles.
“Go get dressed, we have some heads to turn,” I say as I smack her butt.
“You’re going to sleep with Blake tonight aren’t you?”
“Huh? Why would you ask that?”
“Because you haven’t been with anyone in over a year, it’s time to move on. I know you have wants.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Well, not about Blake,” I add quickly.
“Okay,” she rolls her eyes. “We’ll see.”
“Want me to do your make-up?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Hell yes,” she yells.
Walking across the room of the party, I see a few familiar faces. Cara is working, and Mal has already ditched me. There’s a guy she’s been seeing. I completely understand. Grabbing a drink from a cooler, I decide to sit down. These shoes are killing my toes. They can’t breathe. Sitting down, watching everyone dance. All I see are couples, I instantly feel sad.
“Jesus, is that freshie?” I hear his laugh.
“Will you stop calling me that?” I smack his arm. “You look pretty hot yourself.” I blush as I feel the alcohol taking affect. I hurry and take another drink. Hoping it will help, letting this night take away my pain.
Leaning into my body, he places his mouth above my ear, “I never said you were hot,” he breathes.
“Oh,” I gulp. “Well then,” I say as I start to walk away.
Placing his arms around my waist bringing me back toward him, he says, “Let’s dance.”
“Okay,” I say.
I hear music, but I have no idea whose singing and what the lyrics are. All I can feel is the heat on my cheeks and the wetness between my legs. I try to keep my distance, but he isn’t doing the same. As he grinds his body against my backside, I could feel my eyes rolling back.
“You, like this don’t you?” he questions as he places a kiss on my neck.
“Mmm…hmm,” I whisper.
“Come on, let me make you feel good.”
“Okay,” I say as I start to feel nervous. My legs feel wobbly, my heart’s racing.
“Don’t be nervous, we’ve been friends for a while. You know I’d never hurt you,” he says as he pulls me into a small room. There is nothing in it except a small couch and a lamp. That’s all. As he closes the door, he turns to me and starts kissing me.
Placing his hands at the hem of my dress, he lifts it over my head. Then tosses it to the floor. Kissing my chest, he works his way down my stomach, which I’m sure is doing some major rumbling. As he slides my panties down, I hear him chuckle. “Someone is excited.”
I feel so embarrassed, because I know that I’m wet. Hey, in my defense, I went from having sex with Seth daily before he left for college, to not having any at all. I place my hands on the back of his head. Once his mouth touches my wetness, I let out a moan.
“Come on, lie down. It’ll be more comfortable,” he says as he pulls his pants down, I see him grab a condom from his wallet. I lie down, and try to cover myself with my hands. “Hey, stop that. You’re beautiful. Never try to cover yourself.”
Placing his arms on either side of my body, he bends down and kisses me. I can taste the saltiness of myself on his lips. Kissing him back, I wrap my arms around his neck. He takes his hand and places his length at my opening. As he pushes in, I can feel a little pain.
“Damn, you’re so tight…you’re not a virgin are you?” he questions.
“No, it’s just been a while,” I honestly say. He pulls out and pushes back in, this time I can feel him go deeper. Then his thrusts get a lot harder and faster.
“You feel so good. So glad you finally gave in,” he breathes as sweat rolls down his face. “Fuck, I’m coming sweetheart,” he groans as he falls on top of me.
As I lie there wondering what the hell I just did, I feel a tear slip down my cheek. I didn’t even think of Seth, while I was fucking someone else. I’d been so afraid that was going to happen. Raising up I see that he is already dressed. I pick my dress up and slide it over my head.
“Alright, I better go. You good?” he asks as he opens the door.
“Yep… All good here.” I place my fake smile on, the fake smile I’ve grown accustom to.
“I hate to leave like this, but I have someplace to be,” he says walking out of the door. I quickly rush over to it and lock it. Placing my hands over my face, I slide to the floor and silently cry. I hear my phone go off, looking it is a text from Mal saying she was going home with her dude. Good. I can cry all night. I gather my thoughts and decide to leave. The party is still going strong, I don’t see anyone I know. I walk outside. The night air is fresh, and chilly. I wrap my arms around myself as I start to walk toward the next block and two guys stop me.
“Hey, don’t you look hot tonight. Alyssa right?” one of the guy’s says. I’ve seen him around, but have never spoken to him.
“Yeah, I have to go,” I say as I start to feel uncomfortable. I can tell they’re pretty drunk.
“Wait, beautiful, no need to rush off, have a drink with us.” He laughs as I see the other guy. Walking towards me with a beer.
“I can’t…I have to get back to my dorm.” I look around, hoping that I would see someone else.
Wrapping his arm around my waist, he laughs before saying, “Don’t be shy. I know you’ve been fucking Blake. He doesn’t mind sharing you with us.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I start getting nervous. Trying to pull away a little quicker, he jerks me back again. With one of his arms wrapped around my waste
“Come on, just walk over here with us. We won’t do anything you don’t want us too.” He laughs as he takes a drawl from his cigarette.
“I’m sorry, but I should go. I’ll see you around.” I try pulling from his grip but it’s too tight. I feel myself starting to panic my head starts spinning and I feel like I was going to hurl.
As I close my eyes, I feel that my back is against the taller guy and the one that smelled like a bar was in front of me. My dress was being pulled up. My panties and stockings are in my purse.
“Please, don’t do this. I really have to go,” I say, with a shaky voice. Tears had formed and where ready to pour at any time.
“Shh…it’ll be over in a minute, just enjoy it. It seems you’re already ready for me. This will be quick,” he says as I hear his zipper. Then I feel a sharp pain shooting through my pelvis.
“No, please. Stop… Help,” I scream. The guy behind me brings his hand around my face covering my mouth.
“Come on, play nice. Don’t make us hurt you. God, you smell so fucking good.” He licks my neck. “Malik, hurry the hell up. I need a piece of this pussy.” He laughs.
“Please,” I cry as Malik, pushes himself further in.
“Damn, I knew you would be good. But not this fucking good,” he says as rubs my breast.
“Please… Just let me go, it hurts. Please stop,” I beg as I feel him pushing in and out of me. It hurts so bad, I’ve never felt a pain like this.
“Mmm… Almost baby. Just enjoy it.” My mind is so blank. I need to yell. I try, but the hand over my mouth is preventing me from doing so. “Ahh… Goddamn, this is the best pussy I’ve had all week.” He laughs.
“Come on, man, take a fucking break give me a turn.” I feel how aroused Conner is behind me. “Fuck this, I’m going in,” he says as I feel him trying to push himself in me from behind. This can’t be fucking happening. God, please make
them stop. Malik pulls out and pushes me to the ground. I look around, trying to see if anyone was around.
Conner sails on top of me, he is much larger that Malik. Grabbing my arms, pinning them to the ground he continues his rhythm. I try to not look at him, I close my eyes, praying that someone will help me. My body’s tense, I can’t do anything except lie there, and while he continues to take what isn’t his.
“So glad, you walked our way tonight. We almost gave up. Then you walked out and, I knew I had to be inside of you,” he groans as the other guy watches. Cheering him on. I feel a sharp pain shoot through my body as he flipped me over and rammed himself into my forbidden area.
“Please, stop, it hurts. I’ll do whatever you want. Please just stop hurting me,” I beg as he rams himself inside of me.
“Princess, you keep talking like that and I’m going to have to shove something in that mouth of yours.” He laughs. “Now be a good girl, I’m going to come soon. Then you can go back to fucking that loser Black.”
I feel my face being pushed into the ground, Conner is finished and Malik is taking another turn. I close my eyes tighter, begging them to stop. I feel a sharp pain across the back of my head…then everything goes black.
Waking up, I’m lying on the ground behind the house the party is at. Looking around, there is still no one around. It’s dark but I can still see that I have dirt all over my body, and I’m lying in my own vomit. Grabbing for my purse, everything is still there. My legs are covered in blood. My entire lower extremity is sore.
Pulling my phone out, I call Blake. I know that he will come and get me. I can’t call my parents. It rings three times, and then he answers.
“Freshie, do you know what time it is?”
“I need help…I don’t know who else to call,” I start to cry.
“Where are you?” he questions.
“Party still, I think behind…out back behind the house. They made me,” I cry.
“I’m on my way. Don’t hang up, talk to me. What happened?”
“Not sure… They…they made me,” I whisper.
“Who? Who made you?”
“Please, just help me,” I cry.
I hear him cussing, “Son of a bitch. Whoever hurt you will pay. I’m almost there, don’t hang up.”
I sit on the cold ground with my arms, wrapped around my legs. My hair is matted to my head. One of my shoes is broken. My dress is ripped and I smell like beer, my head is pounding. I see that there are beer bottles lying next to me. Picking one up, I throw it, it hits a trashcan. I can’t believe I allowed this to happen to me.
I really fucked up. I had sex with three guys in one night. Way to go Alyssa, that’s exactly what Seth would have wanted you to do. Hugging myself tighter, I feel nauseas. I could hear a car then I see lights, and realize that it’s Blake—he came to save me. He puts the car in park and jumps out.
“Sweetie, what happened?” he asks with a shaky voice. I ran into his arm, and molded into his embrace.
“You left and I was going home. They stopped me and wouldn’t let me leave. I tried to get away. It hurt so much,” I cry. “I begged them to stop. No one heard me.”
“Fuck,” he says, running his hands through his hair. Picking me up and carries me to his car.
“My body is so sore, they just wouldn’t stop.”
“I’m so sorry, I had to go into work that’s the only reason I left you. I promise you that. Who the fuck was it?” he yells.
“I…I think it was Conner and Malik. I think that was his name. I must have fainted.”
“I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“No, I can’t…my parents cannot find out about this.”
“Alyssa, they fucking raped you. You need to turn it in.” he yells.
“No, I can’t! I won’t hurt my parents and their name like that.”
“What is wrong with you, why are you like this?”
“Hmm, let’s see. My boyfriend was killed in a motorcycle crash last year. I’d never even kissed anyone other than him until you. Then you fuck me and leave me all alone, and then two of the most popular guys here rape me. Yeah, that’s my fucked up life. According to Malik, I wanted it by the way I was dressed.”
“Fuck,” he roars. “You never told me Seth was dead. You said you weren’t together.” I can see how angry he’s beating the steering wheel with his fist. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. They will pay for this.”
“What am I supposed to say? Hey, I’m Alyssa, and by the way the only man I’ve ever loved is dead. How’s that for an introduction?”
“I’m going to fucking kill the two of them. I saw them earlier, I should have never left you alone, but I had to cover a shift tonight. That’s where I was when you called, I just walked out when I heard you crying. I care about you, babe. I know we could never have anything. But I like you.”
“You like me… Yay, the Double B likes me. Y’all hear that? Well I’m glad, because it would have been odd screaming my name while you were buried balls deep in my pussy if you didn’t.”
“Don’t be a bitch,” he whispers.
“Fuck you, you can’t tell me what to be. Fuck you… Just take me home. I never want to see you again.” The nerve to call me a bitch, he left me. He fucking left me there.
“You’re mad at yourself, not me. I still think you should press charges.”
“I can’t even fucking remember what happened. All I know is I felt a sharp pain and they both kept fucking me over and over. They sure had a good time,” I cry out. “This wasn’t in my plan for the night. I only wanted to be with you,” I whisper.
“I should have taken you home, I’m so fucking stupid,” he yells. Pulling into the parking lot, he walks around and opens the door. Picking me up, he carries me into the dorm.
“You can leave now,” I bark out.
“Not going anywhere. I’m staying with you tonight—fuck all the rules. I’m not leaving you alone.
As we stumble in my dorm, I feel like I’ve had way too much to drink. I walk straight to the bathroom and I step in the shower with my dress and shoes on. I turn the water on as hot as I can stand it, after my entire body is covered in body wash, I pull my dress off and kick my heels off. Pouring body wash all over me again, I wash my body. The entire time Blake is sitting next to the shower. Stepping out he helps me dry off. I put on a t-shirt and sweat pants; still feeling naked, I throw on a sweatshirt.
I brush my teeth and notice that Blake is sitting on the side of the bed. “Come on, I’ll hold you all night. I’m not leaving so, just lay down.”
“Thank you,” I say as I crawl under the cover. Reaching for my picture, I pull it out and hold it in my hand. I have my back to Blake.
“Is that him?” he asks as feel his grip around my waist get tight.
“Yep,” I say, snuggling the picture. It’s worn, because I’ve been sleeping with it for almost two years now. I know that’s very unhealthy, but it’s my comfort.
“Tell me about him,” he says, kissing the back of my head.
Sighing, I wipe a few tears as I squeeze the picture tighter. “We were so in love. We dated about two years. He went off to college and I was still a senior and had another year left. I was going to follow him after I graduated. Then, that night changed everything.”
“I’m sorry, I should have never left you tonight.”
“Well, we did exactly what you’ve wanted me to do since we met. I’m going to sleep now.”
I feel him kiss the back of my head. “You’re too good for me, you deserve so much more,” he says, hugging me tighter.
“Alyssa, wake up.” I hear Mals voice.
“Go away.” I yell. Then I notice that Blake isn’t next to me. Feeling around for him, I find a note. I quickly read it.
“Nope, get the hell up. Look, I have something to show you,” she says. God only knows what she wants to show me, probably a hickey or flowers.
“What…I’m up,” I say as I see the cup of coffee
in her hand, I take it. “Thanks for this.” Taking a sip, I rub my eyes, and I notice there is mascara all of my hand.
“You look like crap, you fucked Blake didn’t you?”
“Yep… That’s exactly what we did… Fuck! Then he left me alone in the room, and I didn’t see him again. Until I called him to come back because I was raped by two fucks that I don’t even know. Then Blake held me all night. Left me with this,” I say, shoving the note in her face.
“Hold up… Are you fucking serious? I’m going to junk punch him. Did you call the cops? Oh my god. Who did that to you? I’m so sorry,” she says, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m so sorry. I know you haven’t been with anyone else since Seth. My God, how could Blake be so insensitive? I’m going to kill him. He should have never left you alone.”
“It’s all good, this is me now. The person I was before died last year,” I say, wiping my face. “I need to shower, I have to work in a few hours. I feel like they’re still on top of me. I’m not sure what happened…I blacked out.”
“Don’t go to work, call in. We should go to the police.”
“Nope, I’ll be okay. I do want to learn some Karate though. Can you check into it for us?”
“I sure will, babe,” she says, hugging me tighter. “I love you.”
“Love you too. Oh, what did you want to show me?”
“The watch that Elliott bought me,” she wrinkles her nose and shows me. “I thought it was something you would like.”
“It is, he has good taste,” I say as I get in the shower and cry all over again. Washing my skin so hard that it turns red, I’ll never get the scent of them off of me.
Going into work was the last thing I wanted to do. I needed too though. I keep seeing their faces over and over, hearing their laughs, the smell…the smell of their breath, cigarettes, and Heineken. I needed to come up with a pay back.
Considering I can’t tell me parents so therefore, I can’t go to the cops. I have to take care of this myself, if Blake doesn’t help me, I’ll take down the two fucks that took something from me. Not only did they rape me, over and over, they took all self-respect I had for myself.
