Pursue (Portland Street Kings Book 4)
Page 14
“You have her eyes,” I say, my voice breaking. Fuck. I can’t escape my emotions. Hurting Ivy this way, taking away the only parent she has left, is a line I can’t cross. I hate her, but I love her more. It feels as if my insides are tearing in two; one part of me is desperate for revenge, but the other abhors hurting the woman I love.
The ashen and bleeding man in front of me tilts his head, a mixture of shock and relief across his face.
I straighten as it suddenly hits me. He’s not worth it. This small-minded, sad, and lonely old man isn’t worth my freedom. He’s not worth me becoming the man Ivy will always remember as the person who killed her father.
Pushing myself up, I wipe his blood off my face and turn around, heading for the side of the cabin, toward my car.
“Don’t you want to know why she told me about your past, about your fears?” I still and tense at his shaken and ragged words, fighting the urge to turn around and finish what I started. “She begged me to keep it a secret. My innocent daughter thought she was doing the right thing. Protecting both sides. That innocence, that purity is what I’m trying to save in my daughter. If you truly loved her, you would have left her alone.”
I spin around, and the sheriff jolts back. “Your daughter is a strong and capable woman who needs nothing from either of us, but she chose me.” I jab at my chest. “Ivy chose to be with me, knowing all of me, and she was happy. Why does it not matter to you? Why do my past and gossip override that I would have gone to the ends of the earth to make your daughter happy, and I’d kill to keep her safe?”
“Because you’re a criminal. People like you don’t change your stripes. Ivy needs someone with morals, a man with stability and security. Someone she can depend on.”
A bitter laugh escapes from me. “You’re wrong, about so much. You don’t know me, or even your own daughter. Ivy lives for passion, she exudes light, and the moment you’re in her presence life becomes exciting, life becomes more. You want her with a boring, stuffy businessman who will come home and tell her she’s pretty and ask when dinner will be on the table. She’d die sooner in that life than she would with me. I cared about her wants, her dreams.” Frustrated, I throw my up arms up into the air, and Sheriff Johnson jumps again in fright. A small amount of joy unfurls in my stomach at making this man fear for his life. “In the end, what either of us want means nothing. How you missed your daughter’s strength and courage is beyond me, because whether you’re alive or dead, she will live her own life, her own way. It will be great, and you will not be part of it.”
Stepping off the back porch and looking up at my car, seeing my brothers standing together, waiting for me, I realize how lucky I am.
Turning to face the sheriff, I land my last blow. “That will be your real punishment, when weeks turn into months and months turn into years, and you realize what you lost. Then you’ll know true heartache.”
18
Another Way
Two Days Later
Ivy
Packing would be a lot easier if my best friend would stop taking out what I’ve thrown into the box. “Damn it, Becca, stop.”
“No, I will not,” she replies, picking up the box of clothes and tipping it upside down, leaving them strewn all over the living room floor. She moves on to the next box and does the same. “You’re not leaving me, not over a boy. We promised each other in sixth grade, besties before buttheads. You’re breaking a promise!” She ends on a shout.
Seeing the hurt in her glassy eyes, I melt to the floor. My chin wobbles as I look up at my best friend.
Becca sinks down beside me and wraps her arms around me.
“I’m drowning, Bec. Remorse and regret are eating me alive. And every day I don’t hear from Kelso, knowing how badly I hurt him, I slip further down, and it’s so fucking painful.” My voice comes out achingly sad. I can’t hide even a hint of the heartbreak.
“Shh,” she coos. “You made a mistake, neither of us will deny that, but at the center of it you had good intentions.” Becca pauses for a moment. “I saw your dad yesterday.” I still in her arms. “He looks beat-up, but he’s alive.”
My lungs expand to their fullest and I breathe in deeply. I’d wondered when news would come, however, I thought it would be the police showing up at my door. The same numbness I’ve felt for my father since leaving the cabin settles over me like a warm blanket. I’m at peace with the decisions I made. However, knowing Kelso didn’t ruin his life makes my heart lighter.
I nod, letting Becca know I heard her but that he is not someone I want to talk about again.
Becca understands and continues on a different topic. “Running away will not change the way you feel, Ives, and if it hurts this much, then fight for him.”
Shaking my head, I pull back. “I made a promise to Kelso. I can’t see him. I will not break another.”
“So don’t see him then.” Becca shakes my shoulders. “The Ivy I know wouldn’t give up like this. The Ivy I know would fight and find another way to show Kelso how much he’s loved by her. And how sorry she is.”
I blink, my vision clearing, and the constant ache in my chest eases. “Another way?” I whisper.
“You love him?” Becca asks.
“Yes,” I breathe, the one word full of longing and sincerity.
“He was good to you?”
“Of course,” I reply.
“Good enough for me. Today we brainstorm. Operation Get Kelso Back starts right now.”
Another way. How can I fight for Kelso without seeing him? How do I tell him everything I want to say without being in his presence? Deep in thought, I unconsciously scan the room, and when my gaze lands on a stack of CDs, a brilliant idea comes to mind.
“No brainstorming needed. I know exactly what to do. I need to strip myself bare. Be as vulnerable as my broken promise left Kel.”
“And how exactly are you going to do that?” Becca tilts her head, raising an eyebrow.
I smile, air bottling up in my chest as a flutter in my belly blooms. “Speed Wars,” I whisper. ”Kelso told me his family races at Bullitt County Fairgrounds and I know when he’ll be there. That’s my opportunity and you will be my messenger.”
19
Fire In Your Eyes
Two Days Later
Kelso
“Wrench.” Head in the engine, I throw back my arm and wait for my little apprentice to hand me a tool. When cold metal hits my hand, I pull back my arm and see a pair of pliers. Chuckling, I straighten and look down at the seven-year-old as she sits on the cold cement in a red dress, black tights, and a pair of Chucks. She’s the cutest little tomboy I’ve ever seen, but maybe I’m biased because she reminds me so much of my brother, especially since they share the same hazel eyes. Ava’s face tips up in question, probably wondering why I’ve stopped.
“That’s pliers, cutie. The wrench is the one to your right,” Sophie instructs her daughter. “The one that looks like a square smiley face.” Ava scans the toolbox and when she spots the tool, she lets out a tiny gasp. She grabs it and extends her arm out to me with a quirky smile on her face.
I take the wrench and give Ava back the pliers. “Thank you, my little apprentice. Hang on to those pliers, I’ll need them soon.”
She beams up at me, and then we hear the garage glass sliding door open. Ava and I turn our heads at the same time and see Mack walking toward us.
“Guess what, Ava, I walked past Pacer in the kitchen and he’s got the chocolate ice cream out,” Mack announces.
Ava’s eyes light with excitement. She can’t get up fast enough, and the pliers are forgotten as she drops them back into the toolbox, and then she’s gone, racing out of the garage and up toward the house.
Sophie sighs and slams closed the book she’s been reading while sitting out here with Ava and me. “Thank you so much, Mackson, because being in the same room with that Neanderthal is high on my list of things I’d like to do today.”
Sophie goes where Ava does. If Ava is outside
, Sophie is close by. Same with inside. Sophie is cautious around us all, and so she should be, but she’ll get to know us soon enough, and know Ava will always be safe with us.
Keeping my lips closed as a laugh threatens to spill is something I haven’t had to do in a while. Mack winks at Sophie, and when she’s left the garage, we both chuckle.
Sophie and Ava have been staying with us for the last five days. First Pacer demanded it, especially since Krazy’s still out there and planning God knows what. From what Sophie has told us, Krazy is possessive of her and sickly obsessed.
We all understood; Ava is Pacer’s niece, and in being so, she’s also family to us all. Sophie wanted to leave, pack their car and be on the road the same day we met them. That day was Pacer’s and Sophie’s first fight, which I only vaguely heard because I was too far gone in my own head to take notice of the storm brewing in my house.
I didn’t need to worry about missing anything, because the fight was only the first of many. Those two butt heads more than a woodpecker hits a damn tree. Last night at dinner, they argued over who would pass the salt to Lana, which ended with Slater being hit in the forehead with the salt shaker.
After we all picked ourselves up off the floor laughing—except for Slater, Pacer, and Sophie—Pacer stormed off with Ava on his heels, his shadow. She hasn’t called him Daddy since the day they met, and she doesn’t look up at him the same way either. The day they met she had a gleam in her eyes, one of true love, and I haven’t seen it since. She is clinging to him though. I guess he’s a part of her dad she’s trying to hold on to. I imagine as a child it’s all she has for her mind to make sense of everything that has happened.
Pacer is great with her; he makes her laugh and plays games with her. They climb the big tree behind our house together, and he lets her sit in his car while he revs the engine. The way her giggles shake from the vibration is hilarious and heartwarming.
We’re all worried for Pacer. He’s grown attached to Ava in such a short time. Another big fight with Sophie was Pacer flat-out refusing her request to contact Abi and Jared, his parents. Sophie wants to tell them he’s alive, and Pacer insisted she can’t ever tell them. Sophie advised him if she doesn’t, Ava will, because she’ll not ask her daughter to keep a secret from her grandparents. Pacer stormed out. We all know he won’t ask the same of Ava either; she’s too young to understand the consequences. Pacer knows what will inevitably happen, so now he needs to figure out if he’ll see his parents or refuse contact from them and move on with his life.
For now Pacer has time up his sleeve. Sophie opened up to Della last night, and even though each day she declares she and Ava will be leaving—and then the same argument between her and Pacer ensues, and Pacer wins—Sophie has nowhere else to go and only a small amount of money saved in the bank from her old teaching job in Marion, which Sophie was forced to leave when she first went on the run from Krazy. Except he found her. She doesn’t want to take her troubles to Abi and Jared, and her sister lives in Marion, where Sophie became involved in the Motorcycle Gang. We all see her attempts to leave for what they are—pride. So each day Pacer refutes her with common sense and sometimes an asshole tone, and he knows she will cave because she’s a good mom. She may not like being here, but she knows we can help her protect Ava and why we all—except maybe Pacer—like Sophie even though we barely know her.
“I thought you finished the McClarys job?” Mack asks.
“I’m checking a few things, and then Della can call him to pick it up,” I reply, resuming my position under the hood.
“And are we charging him for this work, or does this come out of the ‘Kel not dealing with shit’ fund?”
Sighing, I pick up a rag and wipe the grease from my fingers. Throwing it down, I walk over to the work bench and lean against it. “What the fuck do you want, Mack? I’m not interested in playing games right now.”
Mack takes a seat on an old leather couch we have in the back of the garage for breaks. “I’m worried about you. You’re living down here, working on cars that are already fixed. You aren’t even cooking. It’s eerie. Della is threatening a family intervention if you don’t at least make her favorite buttermilk pancakes this weekend.”
I stare at the ground, my lips tipping up into a small smile.
“Hell, you’re handling things better than I would have, than I did with Lana. I was rotten drunk for a solid week. But I’d feel better if you at least talked about it, or talked at all. Trust me, and take advice from the smartest of your older brothers, pushing those feelings away won’t work for long. Sooner or later those emotions are gonna come bursting up when you least expect it.”
Taking a seat next to my brother, I fall back, exhausted, against the leather. I feel as if I’m walking outside my body, screaming at myself to stop pretending I’m okay. Begging myself to let go of the anger and forgive the woman I love. The memories hurt and they torment me when I try to imagine a life without my Red.
“Ivy betrayed me, and I loved her. I don’t know how to feel or act. My fucking chest hurts all the damn time, like someone died.”
“That’s love, little bro. Hurts like a bitch, but in the end it’s everything.”
“Yeah, but Lana always has your back. How can I be with someone I can’t trust?”
Exhaling heavily, Mack runs a hand over his face. “A long time ago, with a lot of miscommunication and deep insecurities, Lana did hurt me. More than I could ever describe in words. I’m very familiar with the pain in your chest.”
A heaviness hits my gut. “It’s what happened years ago, when you changed.”
“Yeah.” Mack breaths out. “It’s a miserable life when you decide hate is better than love.”
“How did you forgive her?”
“When I realized everyone has their own flaws, not only me or our family. We’re not the only fucked-up people in this world, Kel. We don’t get to excuse our faults and then make everyone else live to higher standards because they had a family and we didn’t.” Twisting his body toward mine, Mack looks me right in the eyes. “Ivy fucked up, but can you honestly say to yourself she did it out of spite or hate?”
Deep down, I know the answer. Ivy would never purposely hurt me or her father. She cares too much for the people in her life.
“Whether she meant to hurt me or not isn’t the question. Ivy told her father. She chose her relationship with him over me.” Sitting forward and leaning on my knees, I run a hand through my hair. “She took something I held valuable and sold it.”
“And one day, to save our family, or even Ivy, you may have to make the same hard decision. If you make the wrong one, wouldn’t you want forgiveness?”
I rub my chest as a tightness unlike any other spreads through my body. “But how, how do I forgive her?”
“By accepting Ivy for who she is, flaws and all. True forgiveness will come with time, when she proves herself to you time and time again, and vice versa.”
A sinking feeling hits my stomach as my heart and mind battle for supremacy, each as conflicted as the other. I’d need reassurances, guards up this time. I can’t get hurt again.
“I know you want to protect yourself, but love doesn’t allow for strategic moves, Kel. You move with it or you miss out.”
My eyes snap to my brother’s.
“Yeah, I’ve been where you are, and I don’t want you to lose years like I did. I’ve never seen you look at a woman like you did Ivy. I saw fire in your eyes.”
Grasping my greasy shirt in a tight fist at my chest, I reply, “I felt it in my soul when I was close to her.”
“Then forgive her, Kel. When you find fire, take it and never let it go.”
20
I’m Fighting For Us
The Next Day
Kelso
Driving toward the deserted airstrip that hosts Speed Wars, the first thing you see is a long, tall, wire fence that can be seen for miles. Trailers, tents, and trucks are parked all the way along the fence line.
To qualify, teams first race in their own zones. Mickey runs the Kentucky Speed Wars, but there are others all over the United States and South America. Teams that registered for death race and who held the best times for twelve months rank in order from first to tenth throughout all the zones.
My brothers and I held firm in the top three spots for eleven months. The top three teams have an advantage come the day of death race, a seven-minute lead on all the other teams.
Today Pacer and I will do everything in our power to keep our position or better it. We have to make it happen. Slater called a family meeting last night and finally let everyone in on his big plans for the future. A plan that has changed everything, a dream we’re now desperate to see come to fruition.
Mack and I walk into the kitchen from the backyard after Slater calls us up for a family meeting.
Mack pats me on my back and heads into the living room. I follow, my heart aching in my chest after our conversation. I love Ivy Johnson. No lie or deceit has changed the way I feel about her. I doubt anything in this world could take away the devotion that lies deep inside me for my redheaded angel, the only woman who looked deeper than my well-built surface. She peeked into my soul and found fear and weakness wrapped up in ugly darkness. And yet she didn’t run, instead Ivy dug deeper, harder, and more furiously than I ever thought possible of another human being. She didn’t run. I did. I allowed Ivy to get close, and in doing so I opened myself up for love, and in turn pain. I’ve learned one cannot live without the other, and while my broken heart screams the pain is too much, it’s no match for how I felt when I looked into Ivy’s eyes as she came underneath me, my cock throbbing with pleasure. When I heard her laugh, even if I was a room away, my heart would lighten and my body felt as if it was floating. She’d race to me after time apart, her embrace expressing desire and adoration. Her arms would tighten until she’d used all her strength, and then she’d fall into a loose, warm hug, one we fitted into like puzzle pieces.